Yara Shahidi Says The Only Way To Define Beauty Is To UN-Define It
Yara Shahidi is one of the most mutli-faceted, brilliant, and stunning young women that this generation has the opportunity to experience. From top to bottom, Black-ish to Grown-ish, acting to Harvard, Shahidi has remained who she is to the core, exuding the values that her parents instilled in her from birth. She doesn't sway from who she is, she's not into the chaos of Hollywood. And she stands firm to her goals, making her one of this generation's leading vocal ambassadors.
Vogue, who Shahidi has been featured in numerous times, took a trip to her house to learn more about her, via their popular series 73 Questions With..., which has also spotlighted some of our faves like Lizzo, Zendaya, and Michael B. Jordan.
They quizzed her on some of the most pressing questions, such as:
First person you spoke to [today]?
Are you more into lyrics or music?
You've been an actress since 6 weeks old?
Do you believe in 'love at first sight'?
And they even addressed the rumor of whether or not she has a tattoo inspired by Frank Ocean (btw the answer is yes and no, she got some because of him). But what stuck out most, was the question, "How would you define beauty?" She responded with a resounding:
"I try and un-define it, which may sound super broad, but that's the point because everything is to be beautiful."
Which got us to thinking, is she right? I mean, what is beauty really? I couldn't help but to dig in the archives and see how Yara has approached "beauty" with her platform in the past. So here's a list of the ways she has publicly crushed beauty standards throughout her career:
Yara posted a makeup-free selfie where she embraced her blemishes.
Imperfection is beauty and a part of redefining beauty by undefinining it is accepting the skin you're in in all states and all ways. While Yara has been known to stunt on magazine covers and on red carpets with an epic face beat, it doesn't take away from moments where she is makeup-free and experiencing hella blemishes. It might challenge beauty standards, but it's a commitment she is trying to live by.
"I have to actively remind myself to not sweat the details (aka the blemishes) and reframe it as a reminder to make sure I'm taking care of myself."
She made a big 2020 New Year's Resolution.
For the new year, Shahidi posted a picture on her Instagram with the caption:
"We (My hair and I) are taking up more space as we enter 2020."
In the pic, she dons no make up and frizzy hair to match her large golden hoops, making the profound statement that she has arrived as she is, and she's unapologetic AF about it. Siren emojis surrounds her statement, driving the nail in.
Yara partnered with Essie to preach the importance of finding, and being, yourself
In 2018, Shahidi curated a partnership with Essie for National Nail Polish Day. And even then, at a young 18, she used her platform to express the importance of her generation being who they are. She told E! News:
"I've learned to look at beauty as a creative outlet. Use makeup to express yourself rather than to cover yourself. This is why I gravitate towards louder colors — there's that feeling of taking up creative space when you go bold."
Yara removed her mustache on the 'Gram (before the Emmys).
Yara got closer to all of us by uploading a video of her removing her all-too-real lady 'stache for the entire world to see. She hilariously continued to show the actual maintanence it takes to get ready, by following up with a glowing, no-makeup selfie, checking her teeth for food, and rocking braids and a natural look for the virtual show.
Yara posed natural and un-retouched on the cover of 'Harpers Bazaar'.
For the August 2019 cover of Harper's Bazaar, Shahidi opened up about how she's using fashion and beauty to make a difference. She told People:
"True beauty is being unique, experimenting, exploring, sometimes unsettling. True beauty is expansive, is happiness. True beauty is my unibrow! I think we have a tendency to materialize beauty, and connect it with product. You should do whatever makes you feel good, and we're addressing beauty as not something that's even attached to a product, but as something that's attached to this overall feeling of support and confidence which we all get from different things."
Spoken like a true beauty, un-defined.
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Featured image by Yara Shahidi/Instagram
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images