

What good modern-day love story doesn't begin with a slide in the DMs? In the 99's and 2000's, online dating may have been reserved for thrill-seekers and hopeless romantics, but now, dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have made your local dating pool much more accessible to people from all walks of life.
We've come a long way from the days of eharmony and Black Planet, and recently one social media giant stepped into the romance industry and promises to make finding love easier than ever.
Facebook
Last year, Tinder had an estimated 3.8 million users worldwide, which indicates that people from all walks of life are looking for love, but have we been swiping in the wrong places? While in the past, we may have been limited to carefully curated profile images and brief bios that are vastly ineffective in giving us the deets on potential suitors, Facebook's new dating feature wants to change that.
For women who, like me, are tired of pulling up at Applebee's hoping the man you met online isn't a catfishing serial killer who came to kidnap you and harvest your organs, Facebook Dating claims to be the answer to your romantic needs in a more personal way. The social media platform's new dating service, which was announced last year, has already been released in Argentina, Canada, Chile, Mexico, Singapore, Thailand, Vietnam, and as of last Thursday, the United States.
While there is no "swipe left, or right" option, people who use apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge will find some similarities that will make Facebook Dating much easier to navigate, but there are a few key differences that differentiate the app from others on the market.
Facebook Dating, unlike other apps, gives users the opportunity to match with other singles based on location, but Facebook activity, like interests, events, and groups and offers a "Secret Crush" feature where you can select up to nine Facebook friends who you have a crush on without them knowing. The service acts as an app within an app that can be accessed in the tabs in your menu bar and has a number of safety features that will protect your privacy at all costs.
Although looking for romance online may be intimidating, Facebook's new feature may be your chance to dip your toe in the digital dating pool. Computer love isn't for everyone, but a lot of people who say that just aren't doing it right. It's reported that today, almost one-third of marrying couples met online, proving that your soulmate may just be swipe away. I can say without shame that pretty much every date I've been on in the past two years has been a result of online dating.
Some were good and most were bad, but there were a number of tips I picked up along the way. While Facebook Dating hasn't launched in every state just yet, I have a few tips and tricks to get you prepared. As a certified single and dedicated swiper, I've compiled a list of digital dating tips that you'll want to carry with you on this new and exciting journey:
Connect On Social Media
This tip will become less and less necessary thanks to Facebook Dating, but nevertheless, it's never a bad idea to get to know someone before you link up, and what better way to do that than lurking on their social media profiles? In my opinion, a person's social media presence can tell you things about them that they won't always verbalize.
Pro-Tip: Don't be weird about it. Be forthcoming about your lurking and allow him that same courtesy. Try to avoid jumping to conclusions before consulting with him about your findings.
Set Deal Breakers
One of the most horrible bosses I've ever had was also one of the wisest business women I've ever met. She told me to "set my non-negotiables", and this advice has proved to be more than effective in my romantic life. "Nah" is a whole sentence and that also has to be your mentality when choosing a potential suitor. Choosing 3-5 non-negotiable deal-breakers is an amazing way to narrow down your matches when seeking Mr. Right (or Mr. Right For Now).
Slow Down, Sis
I know your biological clock is ticking and you don't have time to waste, but when it comes to online dating, rushing things is a surefire way to create a toxic environment in your newfound relationship. Before you consider meeting up with a match, Facetime, talk on the phone, ask a few hard questions, because there's nothing worse than spending an hour alone with someone you have nothing in common with but mutual physical attraction.
Featured image by Giphy.
- Facebook dating service: How it works ›
- Facebook Dating has launched in the United States - The Verge ›
- Facebook Dating will come to the U.S. in 2019 ›
- Facebook Dating's “Secret Crush” feature will probably be chaos - Vox ›
- Facebook Dating opens to friends with Secret Crush | TechCrunch ›
- It's Facebook Official, Dating Is Here | Facebook Newsroom ›
- Facebook Dating Is Rolling Out. Here's How It Differs From Tinder ... ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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