

Oh, the body count. Before we even get into all of this, let me just put on record that although I know it's the immediate go-to phrase these days, I'm not big on that term when it comes to sex partners.
That's because I tend to be pretty word-literal and the true definition of body count means "number of casualties". Casualties refer to bodily injury or even death. Why we'd want to see sex in that context is beyond me. But since it's the term that basically took the place of "notches on the belt", we'll roll with it—today.
Hmm. Where to begin?
Numbers Do Lie
I think it's pretty safe to say it is common knowledge that many people lie about the amount of people they've been with. As I was doing some online research for surveys and stats to support this point, I saw one that said 41.3 percent of men and 32.6 percent of women lie about their sexual history. Not only that but (surprise, surprise) men tend to increase their number while women tend to decrease theirs (so when guys say whatever number a woman gives you, add three? There might be a bit of truth to that!).
Something else that was interesting about the study is reportedly eight percent of people were willing to end their relationship if they found out their partner had too few sex partners in the past, while (again—surprise, surprise) 30 percent would call it quits if they found out they had too many.
What’s Too Many Sex Partners?
For women, over 15. For guys, I guess I come in right under the cap, because they want a woman who's been with 14 or less. For both genders, numbers greater than that are considered to be folks who are "too promiscuous". Geez.
You can have an unwanted pregnancy, get an incurable STD or have your heart so broken that you set out to ruin folks after just one partner or after 20 of 'em, so the numbers thing is a bit…strange, if you ask me.
Hoe Is Relative
Anyway, all of this data takes me back when my own "count" was 10 (again, it currently stands at 14). I had to speak at Tennessee State University on the topic of sex. Because I was so, uh, forthcoming with my sexual history, someone in the class asked me how many people I had been with. When I said, "10", the reactions were hilarious. For the most part, half of the room was looking at me like "That's it?!" while the other side was like, "Girrrrl, you naaaaaaasty." In fact, someone actually blurted out that I was a hoe. It's fine. Live long enough on this planet and you learn that "hoe" is relative.
Anyway, so why did I find the reactions to be humorous? It's due to a few reasons. One, I just met those students; they aren't a part of my day-to-day life, so their perspective weighs in very lightly in my world. Two, the conflicted responses go to show that perception runs the gamut; you truly can't—and shouldn't want to—please everyone. And three, I'm open about my number because I'm not ashamed of it (clearly, I wrote an entire piece on it here).
The way I see it, if I'm too embarrassed or defensive to discuss the number of people I've had sex with, I should be more introspective about my sexual choices overall.
Ask Yourself Why
Just think about it. How many people know what your so-called body count is? If you're looking at your computer or smartphone screen right now like, "Girl, I would never disclose that!", ask yourself why because, within that answer, a lot can be revealed.
Is it because you're naturally a private individual? That's fair, but I'd venture to say that those kinds of folks is far and few between. I say that because some of those same "I'm private" people will turn around and document their entire day, day after day, on IG. Yeah, I'm thinking for many that "private" has more to do with fear of what people will think and/or shame and/or anxiety—feelings that should never be associated with sex. (Bookmark that.)
Here's another point to consider. How is it that someone who you're, at the very least considering sleeping with, wanting to know how many people you've been with is offending you because they are getting all up in your business but, at the same time, you're cool with letting them literally get…all up in your business? Something doesn't add up there either.
Your Body, Your Choices
The main point I'm trying to make is your so-called body count is a part of who you are. Yes, it's in your past (or maybe a couple of 'em are listed under "active duty"), but it still helped to cultivate your present being. If you love yourself, what should you be ashamed of? If the answer is because you're worried about how a guy will see you once he knows, well, doesn't that also reveal something about his own preconceived notions and maturity level?
To a certain extent, I think a lot of us have become so desensitized to how precious sex is (check out "We Should Really Rethink the Term 'Casual Sex'") that, while we'll let someone know about the mole that's on our inner thigh or how we sound when we orgasm, we think that talking about how many other people have that information is somehow "too intimate".
Again, if a man can't handle knowing about your sexual past, why is he even remotely worthy of being a part of your sexual present?
Deeper than that, if you feel like you have to lie about it, how is that a healthy way to start or continue a relationship? You remember the old school Mormon commercial, don't you? "You tell one lie, it leads to another. Then you tell two lies to cover each other. Then you tell three lies, oh brother." Oh brother, indeed.
So, what am I ultimately saying? That someone who wants to know your sexual history has the automatic right to it? Absolutely not. Personally, even with how open I am about my own sexual past, I don't foresee needing to know my future husband's body count. So long as he's had some time of abstinence (not as long as me, but some months would be good) and he's got an STD clean bill of health, I'm good.
But I will say this—if someone does inquire about your sexual history (numbers included) and you tense up, get all defensive and/or lie, is that really someone you should be having sex with? The body count isn't the issue. The reasons behind why you don't feel comfortable revealing that part of yourself is what I'm getting at.
If you Google the fact that one of the main reasons why 70 percent of women have a hard time having a vaginal orgasm, you'll discover that it's because they've got walls up with their partner; they might be having sex with their body but not their entire being. Moral to the story—the more open, real and vulnerable we are, the better the sex will be.
Bottom line, if he's not worthy of knowing your body count and/or if you're not comfortable enough to share it with him, revisit if he's worthy of you at all.
Do you have to share it? No. But should you fear sharing it? Never. And with the right partner, you won't have to. He'll make you so comfortable with sharing that it won't be that big of a deal—to you or to him.
Featured image by Jon Feingersh Photography Inc / Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Check out these related reads:
Sexual Inventory: Why I Stopped Answering The Body Count Question
Confessions Of A Reformed Sex Addict
The 5 Traits Of The High Value Woman That Drive The Fellas Wild
Women Heal, Men Hoe: A "Love" Story
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Dry January may be over for some, but for others, sobriety is a lifestyle. Non-alcoholic spirits like Ritual and Free AF are becoming more popular and even temperance bars (dry bars, sober bars) are popping up around the world. Resorts are also taking note as many are putting wellness front and center by offering mocktails and incorporating yoga and other mindfulness practices.
The Expedia Group reported that more than 40% of travelers have said they're likely to book a detox trip within the next year. If you're one of the travelers looking for a wellness vacation, check out these 10 spots below.
Bimini, Bahamas
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Resorts World Bimini recently introduced its Wellness Weekends with Shay Williams, a local Pilates Instructor, and Sound Healer. Guests can enjoy a private pilates class and sound healing session for $269 per person.
Aruba
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Aruba Marriott Resort offers soothing aloe-based treatments at the island's largest spa. Their Lobby Bar also has a signature mocktail menu with options like the Strawberry Cooler.
Curaçao
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Curaçao is located near Earth's main vortexes, which are considered the world's chakras and/or portals making the island a strong energetic hub. Speak with one of the local gurus or enjoy a blissful spa day, at the captivating 8, The Experience. The spa features services like chakra-balancing, stress-fixing massages, and more.
Bellevue, Washington
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Bellevue is a quaint and charming city surrounded by nature's beauty. Travelers can kayak on Lake Washington or hike the snow-capped mountains of the North Cascades. It's also home to the iconic Bellevue Club Hotel, which features an athletic club and spa.
Adairsville, Georgia
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Barnsley Resort is the perfect escape from city life. It's located at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains and guests can enjoy horseback riding, hiking trails, golfing, and canoeing with a mocktail in hand.
Cape Cod, MA
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Holistic health lovers may want to visit Ocean Edge Resort & Golf Club, which introduced new year-round wellness retreats, helmed by wellness expert and Retreat Sales Manager Liza Bertini. The retreat offers a range of fitness classes like yoga and pilates as well as programs catered to sober-curious people, grief and other health issues.
Lake Atitlán, Guatemala
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Lake Atitlán is recognized as one of the most spiritual places in the world and Casa Palopó is located right on the edge. The luxury boutique is one of the only two Relais & Chateaux hotels in Guatemala. With only 15 rooms and a 3-bedroom villa, guests can roam the lush grounds and take-in panoramic views of the lake and the surrounding three volcanoes. Some of the resorts' activities include a Maya blessing ceremony, yoga, or volunteering at nearby villages.
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
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The Westin Resort & Spa Puerto Vallarta recently underwent a huge renovation that includes a refreshed treatment menu and facilities like cold pools, steam room, and sauna. Guests can enjoy oceanfront yoga, running and walking paths, tennis, and a flora-inspired mocktail menu at Bar Flora.
Baja California, Mexico
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At Kimpton Mas Olas Resort & Spa in Todos Santos, guests can create their own custom essential oils and scrubs at the resort's apothecary workshops or they can indulge in holistic treatments in the spa. Other wellness-focused activities include daily yoga, meditation, and fitness classes.
Punta Mina, Mexico
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Detox and reset at W Punta de Mita, which is a located on Mexico's most iconic surf breaks. There's holistic remedy-inspired mocktails, ice bath therapy, and spiritual Cacao Ceremonies designed to reconnect mind, body, and spirit. And, of course, surfing is a must.
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Feature image by Thomas Barwick/ Getty Images