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What?! Only 35 Percent Of Men Go Down? Say It Ain’t So.
Songs are amazin', man. While I was reading an article on Cosmo's site—one that we are gonna get all up into in just a second—it's crazy what came to mind. OK, so here's my music trivia question for the day. How many of y'all remember Novel from back in the day? If you don't, let me trigger your memory a bit. Here's the chorus to his song, "Peach":
I can eat a peach for hours
Especially when it's sweet not sour
I love it when it's juicy; it's doin' something to me
I can eat a peach for hours
Maybe we can talk for hours
Maybe take a raindrop shower
You can be my queen; I can be yo' king
I can eat a peach for hours
I don't know. Chalk it up to being a really lucky gal, I guess, but back in my sexually-active days, these were the kind of men I knew; not figuratively. Personally. Also, most of the sex I had was in my 20s with men who are also in their 20s. That's why it kinda threw me off when, according to a survey that was conducted by the condom manufacturer Skyn—brace yourselves now—only 35 percent of heterosexual millennial men perform oral sex. Then, to add further insult to injury, according to an exclusive poll that was conducted by Skyn and Cosmo, "Fourteen percent of 18 to 22-year-olds said they 'don't think it's necessary.' And nearly 50 percent of 18 to 27-year-olds are more comfortable having sex than they are giving oral (compared to 32 percent of 28 to 32-year-olds)." What in the world is goin' on?
I read all of Cosmo's article and it had some good content in it. But whenever I hear stuff like this, the natural journalist—and Black woman; not necessarily in that order—in me usually likes to do my own investigating.
Why Men Literally NEED to Have Oral Sex
First, the technical stuff. Going down can trigger the production of oxytocin and DHEA in both partners; this can protect them from heart disease and while calming them down so that they can get a good night's rest. I've been knowing for a while now that vaginal fluid is the ultimate probiotic because it contains between 100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells (depending on the woman). This is a good thing because probiotics are what support our digestive tract. Probiotics also build up our immune system, can help us to lose belly fat, decreases allergy and eczema-related symptoms and can even reduce depression, stress and anxiety. So, strictly from a health standpoint, 65 percent of men are truly missing out when they don't "eat the peach".
Then there's a strong relational point. According to scientific research, a woman is less likely to cheat if her man is a cunnilingus partaker (I feel led to add here, a "good cunnilingus partaker". It's one thing to do it; it's another matter entirely to do it well).
Oh, and for any guy who may be reading this, doesn't do "it" and says that a woman is shallow if not getting oral is what will make her step out, to that, I say this—on the surface, you would be correct, sir. But look deeper. First, how would you feel if your partner (especially if you happen to be in a serious relationship) didn't want to go down on you? And secondly, I don't think that not being on the oral sex receiving end is so much the issue as the selfishness—and, from where I'm sitting, immaturity—is.
Just recently, I wrote about sexual deal-breakers. And, you know what? When it comes to this particular sexual issue, if you and your partner start off the relationship with the understanding that oral sex is not your thing—either of y'all's thing—while that personally baffles me (LOL), I respect that. To each their own. But if you're out here thinking that fellatio should be a given, but cunnilingus isn't on the table—or, as the guys in the poll put it "isn't necessary"—that's a whole and entire problem. You not being an oral sex reciprocator means that you care more about your pleasure than your partner's. And that, dear sir, is what could possibly cause a woman to cheat. Hey, I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying I can very easily connect the dots on that.
Still, I'm not gonna be out here patronizing the fellas by assuming that at least some of them are aware of the information I just shared. Especially since I do happen to know a few guys who feel like since they are "packin'", their woman is fully satisfied without cunnilingus (uh, they might want to ask her). That's why, aside from what I just shared, I decided to ask some guys in my world what they thought about the study. The names are changed (because you can be private and freaky, right?) but their responses are verbatim.
Do Guys Like Going Down on Women? 7 Men Have the Answer
*The names have been changed for anonymity
*Perry (35, Married)
"It doesn't surprise me that guys in their 20s and early 30s struggle with giving oral sex. There are so many dumb decisions that are made during that time, including not really getting to know our sexual partners. For a lot of young men, it's not even about fully experiencing sex. They're just out here trying to get a nut. It wasn't until I really started to feel for a woman that I wanted to see all that sex had to offer. I will say this to the guy bucks—you don't know what you're missin'. There is nothing like pleasing a woman. You realize you never really know pleasure until you do."
*Maxwell (24, Single)
"35 percent? That's hilarious, man. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but I was out here, 'peach eatin' as you call it, before I even got head for the first time. If I'm gonna be really real about it, I did that before I had sex. Maybe it was all of the porn I saw. Maybe because the first girl I did that to had never experienced it before. I've never really thought about it. I just know one time was all I needed. A brotha is definitely hooked!"
*Damon (40, Engaged)
"I'll be real with you. A lot of us perform oral sex on a trial-by-trial basis. Some women we're into enough to do it and some we're not. Some ladies might be upset but, some have the right hygiene, some don't. Some landscape in a way that's appealing, some don't. Some, we don't even see as someone we want to get that close to or with. I think the number is higher than 35. I just think that 35 may be the amount of men who do it all of the time. A lot of us are way pickier."
*Allen (29, Single)
"I know we've got a lot going on when we ejaculate, but unless a woman has been with a woman in that way, they don't get that they have a lot going on down there too. Some of us just need to ease into all of that. My first time story is I always thought I would never go down on a girl. But one time, the head that I got was so f—kin' good that I was like, 'I'm a punk ass nigga if I don't try and make her feel the same way.' I haven't looked back since. Damn, where's her phone number?"
*Keith (32, Single)
"I think that if a man likes to kiss, he likes to kiss everywhere. That's all I got to say about it."
*Rashad (45, Married)
"Don't let these lames fool you. If a guy doesn't go down, it's more about him than you. On the emotional tip, it's a vulnerable act. We've got a lot of ego too, so it's scary to think that we might do it and our partner won't be pleased. A lot of men try and project that not going down is about the woman, but it's all about him. Don't @ me on that."
*Shawn (30, Single)
"I don't think you can fully know a woman until you have consumed ever part; her p—y included. I don't just mean the woman you're with at the time. I mean, you have a lot to learn about all women until you do. The smell. The sounds that she makes. The way she touches you when it happens. Even the way that she cums—it's all just…different. It's like she's letting you in on a side to her that is classified information. That alone makes it a hell of a turn on. Hell, addicting. Men do it. Men like it. Those who don't should categorize themselves with the rest of us."
Welp. There you have it. It's not like I didn't try and find "one of the 35 percent". Thankfully, the men I know find oral sex—whether they are giving or receiving it—to be very, very necessary. Not to "cunnilingus shame" those who don't but, maybe this lil' write-up will at least give you something else/more to think about.
After all, in the wise words of some man who I'm sure goes down on a regular basis—"Don't knock it until you've tried it." Peach-eatin' will richly bless you in more ways than one. If you don't believe me, read this all over again. And again...and again (while listening to Novel to totally gas you up!).
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?
Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try This.
Oral Fixation: 6 Ladies Share Their Best Oral Sex Tips and Tricks
Jill Scott Is Proof That Oral Sex Can Be Empowering
Feature image by Giphy
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Love Island USA' Star JaNa Craig On The Reality Of Black Women On Dating Shows
Love Island USA just wrapped up its sixth season, and it has been the talk of the town. According to Nielsen, it's the No. 1 show on streaming, proving it's just as entertaining as the UK version. One of the reasons this season has been successful is due to the authentic relationships formed between the islanders in the villa.
You have the sisterhood between Serena Page, JaNa Craig, and Leah Kateb, aka PPG, and the real relationship moments between couples like Serena Page and Kordell Beckham, who were named the winners of this season. The other finalists include Leah Kateb and Miguel Harichi, Nicole Jacky and Kendall Washington, and JaNa Craig and Kenny Rodriguez.
While JaNa made it to the finale with her boo Kenny, her journey in the villa was far from perfect. Viewers saw the Las Vegas native get her heart stomped on a few times after many of her connections didn't work out.
At one point, it even looked like she was getting kicked off the island. While she had a lot of support from people watching the show, it was clear that she was in a position that many Black women on reality dating shows find themselves in: not being desired.
It has been an ongoing conversation among Black women watching reality dating shows as we see time and time again that non-Black women or racially ambiguous-looking women are often chosen over Black women, especially dark-skinned women. In a discussion with Shadow and Act, JaNa opened up about the support she received from viewers.
@cineaxries i love them 🤧 #janacraig #janaandkenny #loveislandusa #foryou #peacock #loveisland #janaloveisland #xybca #kennyloveisland #janaedit #loveislandedit #janaedits #loveislandusaedit #viral #loveislandusaseason6 #foryoupage #peacocktv
"You know what’s so crazy? I’m so grateful, because when I got my phone, the way they’re making us The Princess and The Frog…I felt honored. I will be that beautiful chocolate queen if I need to be. And the comments like 'beautiful chocolate girl,' I’m like, all Black women are beautiful. There’s the whole light skin versus dark skin, which breaks my heart. I just really don’t understand that, but I will take pride and represent us well," she said.
She also candidly discussed her experience as a dark-skinned Black woman on the show. JaNa and Serena had been in the villa since the first episode, and they were the only dark-skinned Black women there. As new men aka bombshells came into the villa, they found themselves not being wanted by many of them.
"Me and Serena literally had a heart-to-heart before Kenny came in and she’s like, I just don’t think it’s fair that the Black girls don’t get enough fair chance.' Every islander that came in, we were not their top pick. And we just [thought], maybe because we’re Black girls, and the dark-skinned Black girls. It sucked," she said.
"I’m like, 'Serena, we know what we bring to the table. We’re great personalities. A guy’s going to come in for us.' That’s when we manifested what we wanted, and that’s when I manifested Kenny."
@ashleyvera__ We love to see it 🥰 #loveislandusa #loveisland #loveisland2024 #janaandkenny #loveislandseason6 #peacock #realitytv #fypage
After many failed connections, Kenny came in and immediately turned JaNa's experience around. America watched the model get the care and attention that she deserved.
"I’m not going to hold you. When I was in the bottom for a quick second, I’m like, ‘There’s no way America doesn’t [ride for us]. I know Black America had to ride for me, but maybe because I’m a dark-skinned … hmm … maybe … you feel me? And you saw the Casa Amor lineup. Beautiful, beautiful light-skinned [women]," she said.
"We looked at each other like, 'Damn, Love Island did their big one with this. And every single Casa Amor girl was like, 'You girls are gorgeous, you guys are stunning.' They expressed love. You guys are beautiful and it felt good."
Although she and Kenny came in third place, JaNa is happy that she got her man in the end. "I think the thing I’m most grateful about is the fact that this is a beautiful love story like you guys complement each other and there’s no hate toward the skin color. It’s all love and support. I love that more than anything," she said.
"That’s why I was like, 'I won,' even though I didn’t win. And the fact that Serena won, we were like, 'Yeah, run that.' Either way, we won. And I love the support from all communities."