Ciara's Prayer Is Cool, But What About A Prayer To Find Your Tribe?
We, as women, pray to God for the type of husband we want, but do we pray for the type of friends we need? Many women often imitate singer Ciara’s prayer, hoping it will, too, lead them to their “Russell Wilson” – an equally yoked partner.
Yes, finding a life partner is a dream many hold close to their hearts, but how often do we put the same energy into asking for the friends that resonate with our souls? As with romantic relationships, our circle of friends can make or break us. Therefore, it is important to pray for our "tribe" with as much intention as we do for a life partner.
Our friends aren't just companions for brunches and spa days. They deeply influence our daily decisions, shape our outlook on life, and play a crucial role in our emotional well-being. True friends can elevate our spirits during life's troughs and cheer us on during its peaks. On the other hand, friendships that harbor negativity or toxicity can sap our energy, hinder our aspirations, and diminish our self-worth. This underscores the imperative of surrounding ourselves with the right tribe, a circle that fosters growth, ensures mental well-being, and champions genuine happiness.
Wouldn’t you want to be seen as a prize by your friends, like you wish to be seen as one by your future man?
Ciara
When Ciara navigated the painful waters of her breakup with rapper Future, the “Level Up” singer didn’t leave her future to chance; she envisioned her ideal partner. She actively, consciously, and spiritually prayed for the type of man she wanted as a partner. This wasn't just about a rebound or a short-term fix. It was about intention, clarity, and knowing her worth. The universe answered in the form of Russell Wilson, a beacon of their love story many now admire.
And after years of women wondering what exactly she said in her prayers, she finally revealed it. The singer recorded her purported prayer on Summer Walker’s sophomore album, “Still Over It,” released in November 2021.
Her words had social media in a chokehold, as women and men alike uttered her words in every relationship video they would post.
Choosing Your Friends Wisely
It is pivotal for us to visualize the friends we desire. Consider: Are they genuinely supportive? Are they the kind of friends who push us forward without pushing us down? Do they offer loyalty without conditions? By detailing these attributes in our prayers or intentions, we offer a roadmap to the universe, directing it to the companions we seek.
While it might be tempting to seek out friends who fit into societal molds of “fun” or “popular,” genuine connection demands more. We should crave friendships that go beyond the superficial, where understanding transcends words, where challenges breed growth, and where loyalty isn't seasonal. It's not merely about someone to share mimosas with but about nurturing connections that understand and amplify our life's journey.
When our tribe aligns with our spirit, the transformation is holistic. With the right friends, our confidence doesn't just grow; it soars. We're exposed to broader perspectives, and our horizons expand beyond the familiar. The positivity emanating from such a tribe influences every corner of our lives, creating ripples of change and growth.
However, you must also ensure you’re ready for what you’re praying for. In my opinion, it is unfair to ask God to deliver friends who pour into you, but you do not pour into them. While prayer sets our intentions, our actions seal the deal. Seeking the right tribe means putting ourselves in environments that reflect our values and interests. Whether attending themed events, volunteering for a cause close to our hearts, or joining groups with shared interests, our actions echo our prayers, resonating with the universe.
Embarking to find the perfect partner holds depth, but equally significant is the odyssey of curating our tribe. The right friends don't just accompany us; they shape our lives in unparalleled ways. When we direct our intentions and actions toward finding our tribe, we aren't merely forming bonds; we're crafting our destiny. The adage goes: "Show me your friends, and I'll unveil your future." Elevate your tribe to a priority, nurture those bonds, and behold the transformative magic unfold.
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Exclusive: Brandee Evans On Faith, Fibroids, And Chosen Family
Do you remember your first time at The Pynk?
We were first introduced to Mercedes at Uncle Clifford’s beloved strip joint, a matrix of secrets and self-discovery nestled deep in the heart of the Mississippi Delta. Brandee Evans, who plays the ambitious single mother and seasoned dancer in the STARZ original P-Valley, quickly won our hearts and has since earned widespread critical acclaim.
Her captivating command of the pole left many of us intrigued, perhaps even tempted, to explore pole dancing ourselves after witnessing the mesmerizing performances at Mercedes Sunday. But it wasn’t just her physical prowess that kept us hooked. Mercedes is a character of depth—empowering, complex, relatable, and deeply human.
These are qualities that Brandee embodies both on and off the screen.
(L-R) Marque Richardson and Brandee Evans on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
A Memphis native, Brandee is no stranger to dance. She boasts an impressive career as a choreographer, having worked with renowned artists like Katy Perry, Monica, Ke$ha, and Ledisi. But while it has been a significant part of her journey, Brandee has her sights set on more—expanding her acting career beyond dance-inclusive roles. This ambition nearly led her to pass on the opportunity to appear alongside Kerry Washington in Hulu’s UnPrisoned, where she plays Ava, Mal's (Marque Richardson) new girlfriend.
“When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no,” Brandee revealed with a laugh. “She mentioned pole dancing, and I told myself and my team that once I was done with Mercedes, I wasn’t going to do that again.” Fortunately, Washington assured her that the role would be vastly different, leading to what Brandee described as an invaluable masterclass in comedy under the guidance of Washington herself.
“Kerry is a force of nature,” Brandee reflected. “She’s everything you’d hope she’d be—strong, compassionate, and incredibly talented. Working with her was like a masterclass in acting.” This opportunity was no mere stroke of luck; it was something Brandee had manifested years earlier. But make no mistake–she credits her faith and praying hands for her success. “I’m praying, you know what I mean? I’m asking God for what I want and working for it too,” she said.
"When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no."
(L-R) Brandee Evans, Kerry Washington, and Marque Richardson on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
This role marked Brandee’s first foray into comedy, and while she was eager to embrace the challenge, she found herself in the hands of an incredible mentor. “Kerry was always so kind in her critiques,” Brandee noted. “She’s not a diva by any means. She knows exactly what she wants, but she’s gentle and encouraging in bringing it out of you. That’s something I’ve taken with me to other sets—I want to lead with the same kindness and openness that Kerry showed me. It’s a lesson I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
Brandee speaks with profound respect and gratitude for her peers and fellow actresses as many have shown her genuine sisterhood and support in an industry often notorious for its competitiveness. “Danielle Brooks sent me a prayer the other day, and I was just so touched. Those are the moments that people don’t see,” she shared. “I call Sheryll Lee Ralph my fairy godmother, and Loretta Devine is like my auntie. Being able to pick up the phone and seek advice from these incredible women is a true blessing.”
And she pays it forward.
Brandee Evans
Courtesy: Hulu
But her commitment to supporting others extends far beyond her career. As an advocate for health and wellness, she empowers women to prioritize their well-being. “Azaria [Carter], who plays my daughter on P-Valley, mentioned wanting to start a weight loss journey and get more fit. I told her, ‘Well, let’s work out together,’” Brandee recounted. But her dedication to healthy living goes beyond physical fitness, encompassing a holistic approach to wellness. “When she came to my house and tried to microwave something in plastic, I said, ‘Let’s use glass instead. At 20, I wasn’t thinking about that, but let me share some tips now so you’re not battling fibroids in your 30s.’”
Because she was.
While filming the first season of P-Valley, Brandee faced enormous stress—not only as a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but also due to the physical demands of the role. Yet the impact on her body was far greater than she expected. “I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal,” Brandee revealed. It was Harriet D. Foy, who plays her mother, who urged her to get checked for fibroids.
"I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal."
Brandee Evans graces the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The statistics are staggering—80% of Black women develop abnormal uterine growths by age 50, making them more likely to suffer from fibroids than any other racial group. But like many, Brandee was initially unaware of these growths and their debilitating effects, and the prospect of surgery was daunting. “I was scheduled to have a myomectomy on my birthday, but I thought about what it would mean for my career. How am I going to climb the pole? The healing process is similar to a C-section.” Determined to avoid surgery, she committed to healing herself naturally.
After a deep dive, she sought treatment at The Herb Shop of Vinings in Atlanta, which ultimately led to a remarkable recovery. “This man saves lives. His name is Jeff, and I call him my doctor.” Brandee shared. “I started detoxing my body with herbs and following his program. During my follow-up with the gynecologist, they said, ‘We don’t know what you’re doing, but your fibroids are shrinking.’”
Emerging on the other side of this journey not only fibroid-free but with a regulated cycle and a renewed outlook on life, Brandee is now focused on sharing her story and advocating for women’s health. “I know y’all want to hear about P-Valley, but I want to talk about regulating your period,” she said with a laugh.
Of course, she didn’t leave fans hanging when it came to what to expect in the upcoming season. “It is worth the wait. The world is about to go crazy. Oh, the world is about to lose it,” Brandee teased. “Y’all might be mad at us right now, but baby, it’s going to be worth it.”
All episodes of Season 2 of UnPrisoned are now streaming on Hulu.
Featured image courtesy of Hulu
TMI Alert (but I mean, considering the topic, it’s kind of whatever, right?): As someone who has a bowel movement once a day (usually in the morning), I used to be envious of an ex-boyfriend who would have one, like clockwork, about an hour after every meal. In fact, it wasn’t until I did some research on the frequency of pooping that I discovered that both of us were rolling as we should be; that it’s actually “normal” to number two anywhere between three times a day (like him) to three times a week (interesting).
For the record, bowel movements should also have the consistency of toothpaste and resemble the shape of your intestines. Something less frequentor harder (or dryer) can be a sign of constipation.
Ah, yes, constipation. What exactly causes this type of health-related issue that affects roughly four million Americans on an annual basis? Dehydration, a poor diet (including low fiber and/or too much fat or sugar), a lack of exercise, certain medications, and a drastic change in one’s lifestyle due to things like pregnancy or aging can all play a role. That’s why it’s important to pay close attention to the consistency of your own bowel movements along with a shift in your daily habits. If you discover that you are constipated, there are some simple things that should be able to bring you some much-needed relief before relying on a laxative or enema.
If, after trying these 10 suggestions, you don’t see a change within a week or so, make an appointment to see your doctor. Sometimes constipation can be connected to an underlying health condition, and either way, toxins filling up your system is only going to make you feel increasingly — pardon the pun — crappy.
Anyway, here are some natural ways to (hopefully) feel better in no time.
Jeffrey Coolidge
1. Leave Dairy Alone
Did you know that the proteins found in cow’s milk have the ability to literally slow down your bowel movements? Not only that, but since dairy can also cause inflammation in many people, that’s another reason why it can make it difficult for you to poop on a consistent basis. If you add to that the fact that more medical professionals are speaking out about the saturated fats and link to heart disease, acne, and even cancer that dairy can trigger in your system, you are far better off either reducing your dairy intake or (at least) going with a milk alternative from time to time. Oat milk is a personal fave of mine. Ironically, one reason why is because it’s a good source of fiber, something that we all need in order to stay regular.
2. Up Your Probiotic Intake
There are so many reasons why it’s a good idea to take a probiotic on a consistent basis. One of them is it keeps your gut in good condition while your body is processing your foods. Another? It helps to shorten the time that it takes for your colon to do its thing. The end result is you having less of a chance of becoming constipated; especially if you are pregnant or you are currently taking medications that have constipation as a side effect. Again, a probiotic supplement is bomb; however, you can also eat foods that are rich in probiotics too. Some of those include fermented foods like yogurt, pickles, fermented olives, cottage cheese, and pickled onions.
3. Take an Omega Supplement
As someone who has a cocktail of vitamins that I consume on a daily basis, I prefer to take them at night. One reason is so I can sleep through any minor discomfort that the combination may potentially cause my stomach (for instance, I take a gentle iron supplement that likes to show out sometimes). Another is because I can always tell the difference between when I take my evening primrose oil supplement and when I don’t.
Most definitely, when there is an oil that lubricates your system for a few hours, that can help having a number two a lot easier for you. The reason why I shouted out an omega supplement, specifically, for this is because it also contains properties that help to decrease bodily inflammation. A win all the way around.
Creative Photography
4. Drink Some Lemon Water
It honestly can’t be said enough that 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated. That’s problematic as hell because your body needs fluids in order to keep your hormones balanced, give your organs the oxygen that they need, lubricate your joints, moisturize your skin and hair, produce saliva and moisture for your eyes, and so much more — including helping your system to properly digest your food and get rid of waste.
The reason why lemon water is a fan fave for many is because not only does water help keep your intestines in good working order, but lemon juice contains the antioxidant vitamin C; thus lemon water has the ability to actually pull more water into your gut. If the lemon water is hot, that’s even better. Hot water has a reputation for making the digestive process easier on your body (drink this before going to bed in order to get the best results).
5. Sip on Some Slippery Elm Tea
If you’re a fan of herbal teas (check out “10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)”), you’ve got to add slippery elm tea to your stash. For one thing, it’s great for soothing a sore throat or healing a cough. It also has a solid reputation for working as a mild diuretic and reducing symptoms related to heartburn as well as ones that are associated with irritable bowel disease (IBD). That’s because it contains antioxidants and other properties that coat your intestines, again, making it easier for you to have bowel movements.
6. Or an Apple and Banana Smoothie
If you’ve always heard that fiber helps to keep you regular yet you’ve never really known why, probably the quickest and easiest way to explain it is fiber has a way of increasing both the weight and size of your bowel movements while making them softer (and therefore, easier to pass) too — and hey, the fewer toxins that are in your system, the less of a chance that you will be diagnosed with colon cancer up the road (because fiber has been proven to be a preventative carbohydrate in that lane).
That’s why it can be a good idea to indulge in a homemade smoothie that’s made from a highly fibrous fruit like apples and/or bananas (or berries, avocados, pears, kiwi, or mango) a couple of times a week. Just make sure to not overdo it as far as fiber is concerned. In this case, too much of a good thing can also result in bloating, gas, and yes, constipation. Twenty-five grams a day for women (and 38 grams a day for men) will get you just what you need.
Daniel de la Hoz/Getty Images
7. Do Some Yoga
Aside from some changes that you can make in your diet, there are some lifestyle tips that can be helpful for you as well. For one thing, if you don’t already do yoga yet constipation is an issue for you, so why not give it a shot? Not only does it help to reduce stress, and all of the twists and turns that your body goes through to get into certain positions, it can also help to “manipulate” (in a good way) your intestines so that you can have bowel movements more easily. Ones like the half-spinal twist and cobra pose (which you can see here) are directly attributed to making going to the bathroom a smoother process for you.
8. Give Yourself a Colonic Massage
There is nothing like a good old-fashioned massage. Well, when constipation is an issue, consider giving yourself an abdominal or colonic massage. When it comes to a colonic one, specifically, it’s beneficial because it can help to relieve gas, reduce intestinal blockages, and get rid of the abdominal fluid that could be the underlying cause of why you’re so constipated.
Another tip? If you apply some fennel oil (along with a carrier oil like rosemary) to your abdominal region and massage your lower tummy in circular motions, two or three times a day, that can help to bring constipation relief within a couple of days. You can watch a video on how to properly perform a colonic massage here.
9. Shift Your Posture (on the Toilet)
As a doula, I’ll never understand why (some) doctors will encourage women to try and push out their babies while being on their backs. My running statement for that is, “Who has a bowel movement while lying on their back?”. And that is the main point here. If what you’re experiencing is an occasional bout of constipation, try shifting your posture a bit while you’re on the toilet.Leaning forward, tilting your hips at a 60-degree angle, orputting your feet on a footstool (so that your knees are higher than your hips) are all positions that can help you to poop faster and easier.
10. Chew Some Sugar-Free Gum
If this is your “something new” for the day — hey, I totally get it.Word on the street is that if you chew on some sugar-free gum, it could help to “get things moving” sooner.The method behind the madness is this type of gum contains the ingredient sorbitol which acts as a mild laxative. The main things to keep in mind with this “hack” is 1) you will probably have to chew more than one piece to get results, and 2) you shouldn’t constantly rely on this because too much sorbitol could also cause diarrhea.
But if you like to chew gum and you also apply a few of these other tips at the same time, there’s a pretty good chance that constipation will be a thing of the past. So, get to — again, pardon the pun — moving on them, sis.
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Featured image by PixelsEffect/Getty Images