

Everything We Learned From Ciara's 'Red Table Talk'
Finding your true love hits a lil' different when you love yourself, first. Once a woman is able to let go of her insecurities, uncover her true potential, and realize the badass that she was born to be, her qualifications in a partner will probably change too. The Me that I was five years ago may have been willing to tolerate jealousy, verbal abuse, disrespect, and infidelity; but the Me I am today sees things in a different light.
True wealth is being able to look in the mirror and love the person you are looking back at you; but the truth is, self-love ain't cheap.
Ciara learned this after a very public breakup with her ex-fiance, Future, that seemingly left her life in shambles. The Beauty Marks singer recently took a seat at the Red Table and got real about what it took to put the pieces back together and define what it means to be loved in a healthy way. Here's what we learned from the episode:
Being Loved By Her Dad Taught Ciara How She Should Be Loved
We love how we are loved, so it's important that our children see us cared for at the highest capacity. They say that a woman's first love is her daddy, and that relationship can play a huge role in what type of partner she seeks in the future. Ciara said that seeing her parents in a loving relationship molded her perception of what commitment should look like, but throughout her chaotic relationship with her former fiance, she grew to see a lot of inconsistencies. She explained:
"I grew up with my mom and my dad being together, the idea of it being mommy and daddy that made baby. And then all of a sudden you're living your life in front of the world, it's a whole other layer."
Ciara eventually decided that enough was enough when she realized that the love of her ex was nothing like what she had witnessed growing up:
"My dad's love is what saved me, because I was like my dad wouldn't do this to my mom."
The Day Ciara Decided To End Her Engagement To Future
Alexa, play "When A Woman's Fed Up", cause whew, chile. Ciara spoke a word right here. On the episode, Ciara also detailed the moment when she decided to ditch her engagement ring in Ibiza and reclaim her identity.
"I remember one time I was working on the elliptical machine and I was not sure about, do I stay, which direction do I go, what is the right thing to do and it's like, it's easy to do this, but is the easy thing the right thing?"
Ciara told the hosts that her biggest motivating factor for ending her relationship with Future at the time was the pair of big brown eyes looking up at her:
"Future was like my teddy bear, so I was like, we gonna go, we gonna do this thing together. His first trip was to Ibiza. I just was like, I'm going to commit. If I chose not to commit, I was going to fall apart. I'm really afraid of losing myself. I don't like crying all the time, I don't like being sad, so I'm like how do I get out of this?"
Ciara's Breakup With Future Almost Led To A Breakdown
Like any breakup, CiCi explained that her split from Future was a hard pill to swallow. Along with the fear of seeming like a failure in front of the world, Ciara was also weighed down by the sadness of becoming a single mother after growing up in a loving, two-parent household. Although it wasn't an ideal situation for the entertainer, she was forced to smile in public while she cried in private:
"I would have moments, I'd be in the shower, crying. I'd be crying because I am not in the happiest place and it hurts what I'm going through."
When it rains, it pours. And even if the sun doesn't shine quite when you want it to, know that a rainbow is on the way, sis. Without the pain of her tumultuous breakup, Ciara explained that she wouldn't know how to recognize true love when she saw it.
"If I wouldn't have gone through those things, I may not have appreciated the man I have in my life, I may not have appreciated when it is really going good and everything's falling in place. You need those roller coaster rides."
Ciara & Russell Chose To Be Friends, First.
Russell and Ciara are the rich auntie and uncle that we all aspire to be, but Ciara revealed that their romance all began with a friendship:
"When Russ came into our lives, Future was ten months old. It was different, I had never had that feeling in my life. It was calm. He's consistent. Whenever he would think of me, he would always think about my son and to love me is to love my son, we come together. It's dope, it's a different level of love."
Ciara shared that as well as being there for Baby Future's first steps, Russell also proved to be the support system she never knew she needed.
"When we talked we connected in every way, his conversation was different, the way he looked at life was different, the energy with my son just felt right, and the consistency. He was consistent. That consistency is so crucial. He was like open arms, I got you. Whenever he would think of me, he would always think about my son. To love me is to love my son. We come together. It's dope. It's a different level of love."
Ciara's Biggest Fear
While some of us fear snakes, spiders, and all things creepy and crawly, Ciara said that the boogeyman that keeps her up at night is much different. She told Jada, Adrienne, and Willow that her biggest fear is losing the one thing we can never get back: time.
"The one thing I fear in life is wasting my life, wasting my time. I really fear that because you realize that time does not stop and it will be the worst scenario to stay in a situation that's just not healthy, not going to get any better. I realized I have to start making different decisions, period. Knowing what you don't want is really important. It creates clarity."
Baby #3...Or Nah?
Russell Wilson participating in his daughter's ballet class is the best thing you've seen all day, and according to Ciara, we can look forward to more of these adorable antics in the future. She explained:
"If you ask Russell, we have five more kids to make. I do look forward to having another baby. I hope I can have at least two more. I love my family. I love my kids, I love being a mom. It's like my why in my life. I feel like I'm really doing something even more because of them. The music and stuff is amazing, but gosh, when I look at those babies I say thank you, god, I love being a mom."
You can watch Ciara's full interview below:
Featured image by Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Here's How To Host Your First Dinner Party, According To TikTok's Viral Dinner Host
If you haven’t scrolled upon Olivia McDowell's TikTok famous dinner parties, you may need to reconfigure your "For You Page."
What began as a passion for hosting aesthetically themed meals for her closest friends has quickly become a viral sensation. With an astonishing 12 million viewers, women describe Olivia’s picturesque dinner parties as the “dream girls' night,” complete with classy cocktails, beautiful table settings, elegant outfits, and, most importantly, food plated to perfection.
Seemingly reigniting the feminine urge to host fancy dinner parties, Olivia has perfected the finer details. Overlooking the skyline in her beautiful NYC apartment, she never fails to make her signature handmade pasta dishes while simultaneously looking effortlessly chic in the wardrobe of dreams while doing so.
@oliviaamcdowell Replying to @nara0630 what should the theme of my next dinner party be? #minivlog #nycliving #dinnerpartyideas #caviarinnewyork
What I love most about hosting intimate dinners for close friends are the connections and relationships that form over food. They don't require a caviar budget with a high-rise apartment, it just takes determination and a little creativity. Watching Olivia’s journey inspires viewers to be a part of a community of positive and uplifting women who share common interests and tastes in food, fashion, and decor. Simply stated, she’s raising the bar of friendship goals.
If you’re aspiring to host a holiday-themed dinner party this season, check out the four tips that will guide you along the way.
Choose Your Theme
@oliviaamcdowell Replying to @emz.life.tsv what was your fav part? 🤍 hope this gives you some inspiration to host a fancy friendsgiving too! #hostingtip #dinnerparty #pastamaking
Set the ambiance with a thoughtful theme, which will indeed be your guiding light for less stress during the planning process. Establishing a theme sets the tone for everything else to fall in place, such as menus, table design, and presentation. For example, a holiday-inspired dinner party is a perfect occasion for elegant all-white decor paired with draped table cloths, pillar candles lit atop luxe holders, floating floral arrangements, and, for a personal touch, handwritten place settings.
Utilizing free resources such as Canva for menu templates and creating a “Dinner Party” moodboard via Pinterest is perfect for gathering dinner inspiration for themes, decor, and recipes for the special occasion.
Simplify the Menu
@oliviaamcdowell How to host your own pasta making dinner party — part 1: pasta making from scratch 🤍 Hosting dinner parties has become my favorite thing to do this year. More goes into it than you expect, the prep, planning, guestlist, tablescape, etc. but it’s always worth it in the end. What do you guys want to see next? #hostingtips #dinnerparty #pastamaking
Don’t overcomplicate the menu. A simple dinner party formula to use as your guide to making sure your guests leave full of food and joy is appetizers, salads, entrees, sides, desserts, and beverages. As a starter, assemble an aesthetic spread that your guest can nibble on while awaiting the main course with starters such as bread, cheese, jam, nuts, and fruit. A simple salad will do, complete with a light dressing right before your entree. For a main dish, pasta recipes always go a long way and also allows your guests to interact with one another, which leads to McDowell's third dinner party hosting tip.
Include an Interactive Element
@oliviaamcdowell Replying to @itstai.tv 🥹🖤 #girlhood
To break the ice and encourage guests to get to know one another, introduce interactive elements to the evening. Moments of interaction allow everyone to connect, like capturing content for social media or memorializing the essence of the night through fun Polaroids. Olivia also encourages her guests to participate in the pasta-making dinner process as a group, or if hosting a brunch, her friends indulge in building their own coffee bar as an opportunity for forming connections and conversation starters. Group board or card games are also great for laughs and healthy competition to help get the vibes flowing.
Don’t Forget the Dress code
@oliviaamcdowell Replying to @samantha_mendiz when all of your friends are the main character 🖤🥂 #dinnerparty #nycfashion
Tis’ the season for glamour and sparkles, so why not go all out with a super chic dress code? You can’t have a picture-perfect holiday dinner party without the coordinating attire to match. When planning, make sure to make the required attire specific yet broad enough for a range of personalities and preferences to comfortably partake while looking stunning doing so.
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Featured image by Justin Lambert/Getty Images