
15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore

While I'm pretty sure that all of us get the gist of what body language is, if you're looking for a way to easily define it, it's when you use your mannerisms and expressions (including one's tone) to communicate with other people. Although it's been said for many years that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, more studies are revealing that it is somewhere around 60-70 percent. Either way, what we do know for sure is, when it comes to how people respond and react to how you engage them, your body language plays a really significant role.
This definitely is the case when it comes to intimate relationships. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to share with you 15 different kinds of body language that might be sending up smoke signals that your connection with your partner isn't quite where it needs to be — whether you (or they) realize you are sending the message or not. Because the reality is, some body language is more subconscious than anything. That doesn't make it any less relevant, though. You ready to see what's up? Let's do this.
1. One of You Is Walking Ahead of the Other
Something that bothers me to no end is when two people who are clearly a couple are walking yet one is way ahead of the other. While no one has to constantly act like they are in a rom-com and hold hands everywhere they go, not walking in sync tends to imply one of two things — either there's a real disconnect between the two or one trying to passive aggressively prove who's in charge; not just to their partner but to the public too. Either way, it ain't a good look and it's definitely not something that should be seen as not that big of a deal.
2. Someone’s Body Is Facing the Other Direction in Conversation
It's pretty much a given that if someone is rolling their eyes or doing a lot of sighing while their partner is talking, it's a sign that they are disinterested in what is being said or that they are triggered on some level. Yet did you know that if your body is facing away from your partner during a conversation, it basically means the same thing? When we feel close and connected to someone, we naturally tend to face towards them — face, legs, chair, everything — because we want to be in their energy. When there is a disconnection of some sort, we will naturally turn away; kind of like a form of "walling up". Hard to reach someone if you've got to "scale their walls" first.
3. The Left Hand Is in Constant Use (When You Aren’t Left-Handed)
If you're one of the 10 percent of people who are left-handed, this doesn't (necessarily) apply to you. For the rest of us, when's the last time you tried to write anything with your left hand? It was uncomfortable, right? Same point applies when you gesture with your left hand a lot. What it signifies is you're uncomfortable with the topic or what is being said; that you'd rather change the subject, if at all possible.
4. Eye Pupils Aren’t Dilated
Wanna know if your boo is still into you, after all this time? Check to see if their eyes are dilated. No joke.
A sign of when someone is sexually aroused by another individual is their pupils will automatically start to expand.
If that's not happening for you, well…yeah.
5. Arms and/or Legs Are Crossed
When someone has their limbs — arms and/or legs — crossed while they're talking to someone else, it's rarely a good sign. Not only is it conveying the message that they want to put some distance between them and another person, it's also a way of letting someone know that they are going on the defensive…and when is that ever a positive thing?
6. Hands Are in Pockets
A couple of years ago, I wrote "This Is How To Tell If Someone's Lying To You". One of the signs that I didn't mention then, that I'm going to now, is oftentimes they will put their hands into their pockets while engaging you. It makes sense when you think about the fact that a lot of us tend to use our hands while expressing ourselves. Hiding them is a sign of holding something back or hiding the truth. Hmph.
7. Someone Is Constantly Checking the Time
Out of all of the body language points that I'm hitting, I'm pretty sure this one is a dead giveaway. When you're trying to share your feelings, is there anything more annoying — and let's be real, disrespectful — than someone who is constantly looking at their watch or phone? It says just what they want to say and that is they don't really wanna hear what you're talking about; that they have much more important things to do. It's the absolute worst.
8. Hands Are on the Hips
Most of us have some woman in our family who would put her hands on her hips when she was about to make some sort of declaration. Along these same lines, when two people are having a serious conversation and one of them places their hands onto their hips, what they are saying with their actions is they want some sort of dominance in the situation. It's a bit of a control play. When's the last time you did that? Hmm.
9. Eye Contact Is Avoided
A body language habit that I know I've personally got to work on more is not always looking people in the eyes when they are talking to me. Sometimes it's because doing so feels mad intense. Other times it's because, like a male friend of mine tells me, I don't have the best "screensaver" (which is basically a poker face) and I figure it's better to do that than to roll my eyes.
However, according to the body language experts, when we avoid eye contact, we're ignoring someone, we're thinking really hard, we're hiding deceit, we're super anxious or we want to remove ourselves from the dialogue as soon as possible.
Definitely something to think about.
10. Physical Touch Is Minimal
Even if you and/or your partner's top love language isn't physical touch, people who feel truly connected to their partner are going to naturally touch each other. Some body part will be on the other's body while watching a movie on the couch. A hug or kiss will randomly happen while both are preparing for a meal in the kitchen. Spooning will take place at nighttime. Physical touch is a physical representation of feeling an emotional bond. That's why something is definitely up if one or both individuals in a relationship act as if they are trying to avoid physical touch as much as possible. It's sending a red flag that something in the dynamic is "off" and needs to be addressed as soon as possible.
11. Somebody Is Touching Their Neck While They’re Talking
Have you ever been in a discussion with your significant other and, without even really thinking about it, you found yourself using your fingers to rub up and down the front of your neck? Guess what that represents? Because words come up through our throat, it's oftentimes a subconscious way of conveying that you've got more to say yet you're not sure if you should share it or not.
12. Brows Are Furrowed
Wanna heads up that your partner is about to criticize TF outta you and then some? Check to see if their eyebrows are furrowed before any words start to come out of their mouth. Furrowed brows are a sign of disagreement or displeasure with what is being heard with a touch of brace-yourself-now for some big-time correcting or even reprimanding.
13. Lips Are Licked
A surefire sign that you or your partner are nervous in each other's space is if one (or both) of you are constantly licking your lips. It basically means that someone is either anxious, uncomfortable or withholding some sort of information; the licking is a jittery reaction.
14. There’s Plenty of "Church Hugging"
C'mon. We all know that the ever famous (or is it infamous?) church hug is, for the most part, pretty disingenuous. While some may do it in public settings to express personal space boundaries, why in the world would that be necessary with your partner?
If you side hug, back pat or put your arms in front of you when they try to embrace you, you are saying (without saying it) that you want to keep some distance between the two of you which is basically an indication of a relational breakdown somewhere.
15. Orgasms Are Fake
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP" (men fake orgasms too, by the way). No matter how much you may try and rationalize it, faking means something isn't real, and nothing should be more honest and pure than the intimacy between two people who are in a relationship. Whether you're faking it to please him or he's faking it to hurry and get things over with you, both are problematic as all get out. It's far better to be upfront with your partner about how you're feeling and what you need — so that you can get to some body language that conveys all good things. If you know what I mean. #wink
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Getty Images
Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
I Tried It: 3 Low-Maintenance Wigs That Will Elevate Your Look This Season
There's nothing like the feeling you get when your hair is done. It can instantly boost your confidence and put you in a great mood. I've never been a stranger to hair trends and I often experiment with the latest braided styles and colors.
But there are moments when I just don't feel like doing my hair. I'm natural and a lot of times I will braid or twist my hair up and cover it with a scarf or turban. However, when I crave a different look without the hassle of styling, I reach for a wig.
I've always had a love-hate relationship with wigs. Sometimes, I struggle to get them to lay flat and don't get me started with the bonding glue process. So when it comes to wearing wigs, I like to keep it nice and breezy around this b--- (word to Katt Williams), especially in the summertime.
That's why I jumped at the chance to try these three versatile wigs from Luvme Hair. Each one offers a unique look and is surprisingly low maintenance, which aligns perfectly with my philosophy that wearing wigs should make life easier. Let’s dive into the three styles below.
Headband Wig
Courtesy
This was the first wig I tried on, and I instantly fell in love with it. So much so that it took me weeks to even consider trying the other two. I’m partial to colored hair, especially blonds, browns, and reds, so I was skeptical about the jet black hair. However, I think the color, combined with the curl pattern, worked surprisingly well for me.
One of the things I really liked about this wig was that I didn’t have to braid my hair down first. I could simply throw it over a low ponytail, which is the epitome of a low-maintenance style. The headband has combs inside and velcro on the ends, ensuring a secure fit.
Half Wig
Courtesy
I had never worn a half wig before, so I faced some challenges. I cornrowed the bottom half of my hair where the wig would sit, but I believe this made it more difficult to use the combs. It might just be me though. I straightened the top part of my hair to blend it with the wig, which looked cute for about five minutes.
Firstly, I have a brown/blonde color mix on the ends of my hair, and the half wig is black. So, I had to hide some of the color (I didn’t have time to dye the wig). Secondly, straightening my hair myself is always a hassle because it never lasts long. Add to that the summer humidity, and you get a hot mess. Despite all this, I managed to get some cute pictures before things got out of control, and that’s all that matters, right?
Would I consider this a low-maintenance hair style? Yes and no. I think it’s unrealistic for me during the summer, especially since I enjoy summer activities. However, when the weather cools down, I’ll definitely rock it, dyed, of course.
Bob
Courtesy
Now, this is the wig I was nervous about. I never had a bob and I didn't think I would like it. But once I put bobiana on, my mind instantly changed. I finally understood why the gworls rave about the bob so much. It was giving boss. It was giving grown woman. It was giving the bob means business. Iykyk. It was the ultimate statement.
I will say when I first put it on, one side of my wig just would not lay flat. It took some trial and error, but I finally managed to get it to look good. With the bob, I highly recommend braiding your hair down first as small as you can so it can lay as flat as possible. I really liked the ash blonde color, which is perfect for summer. The length also makes it a great low-maintenance style for the season, so you don't have to worry about the hair making your neck sweaty.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy