
15 Relational Body Language Cues You Definitely Shouldn't Ignore

While I'm pretty sure that all of us get the gist of what body language is, if you're looking for a way to easily define it, it's when you use your mannerisms and expressions (including one's tone) to communicate with other people. Although it's been said for many years that 90 percent of communication is non-verbal, more studies are revealing that it is somewhere around 60-70 percent. Either way, what we do know for sure is, when it comes to how people respond and react to how you engage them, your body language plays a really significant role.
This definitely is the case when it comes to intimate relationships. That's why I thought it would be a good idea to share with you 15 different kinds of body language that might be sending up smoke signals that your connection with your partner isn't quite where it needs to be — whether you (or they) realize you are sending the message or not. Because the reality is, some body language is more subconscious than anything. That doesn't make it any less relevant, though. You ready to see what's up? Let's do this.
1. One of You Is Walking Ahead of the Other
Something that bothers me to no end is when two people who are clearly a couple are walking yet one is way ahead of the other. While no one has to constantly act like they are in a rom-com and hold hands everywhere they go, not walking in sync tends to imply one of two things — either there's a real disconnect between the two or one trying to passive aggressively prove who's in charge; not just to their partner but to the public too. Either way, it ain't a good look and it's definitely not something that should be seen as not that big of a deal.
2. Someone’s Body Is Facing the Other Direction in Conversation
It's pretty much a given that if someone is rolling their eyes or doing a lot of sighing while their partner is talking, it's a sign that they are disinterested in what is being said or that they are triggered on some level. Yet did you know that if your body is facing away from your partner during a conversation, it basically means the same thing? When we feel close and connected to someone, we naturally tend to face towards them — face, legs, chair, everything — because we want to be in their energy. When there is a disconnection of some sort, we will naturally turn away; kind of like a form of "walling up". Hard to reach someone if you've got to "scale their walls" first.
3. The Left Hand Is in Constant Use (When You Aren’t Left-Handed)
If you're one of the 10 percent of people who are left-handed, this doesn't (necessarily) apply to you. For the rest of us, when's the last time you tried to write anything with your left hand? It was uncomfortable, right? Same point applies when you gesture with your left hand a lot. What it signifies is you're uncomfortable with the topic or what is being said; that you'd rather change the subject, if at all possible.
4. Eye Pupils Aren’t Dilated
Wanna know if your boo is still into you, after all this time? Check to see if their eyes are dilated. No joke.
A sign of when someone is sexually aroused by another individual is their pupils will automatically start to expand.
If that's not happening for you, well…yeah.
5. Arms and/or Legs Are Crossed
When someone has their limbs — arms and/or legs — crossed while they're talking to someone else, it's rarely a good sign. Not only is it conveying the message that they want to put some distance between them and another person, it's also a way of letting someone know that they are going on the defensive…and when is that ever a positive thing?
6. Hands Are in Pockets
A couple of years ago, I wrote "This Is How To Tell If Someone's Lying To You". One of the signs that I didn't mention then, that I'm going to now, is oftentimes they will put their hands into their pockets while engaging you. It makes sense when you think about the fact that a lot of us tend to use our hands while expressing ourselves. Hiding them is a sign of holding something back or hiding the truth. Hmph.
7. Someone Is Constantly Checking the Time
Out of all of the body language points that I'm hitting, I'm pretty sure this one is a dead giveaway. When you're trying to share your feelings, is there anything more annoying — and let's be real, disrespectful — than someone who is constantly looking at their watch or phone? It says just what they want to say and that is they don't really wanna hear what you're talking about; that they have much more important things to do. It's the absolute worst.
8. Hands Are on the Hips
Most of us have some woman in our family who would put her hands on her hips when she was about to make some sort of declaration. Along these same lines, when two people are having a serious conversation and one of them places their hands onto their hips, what they are saying with their actions is they want some sort of dominance in the situation. It's a bit of a control play. When's the last time you did that? Hmm.
9. Eye Contact Is Avoided
A body language habit that I know I've personally got to work on more is not always looking people in the eyes when they are talking to me. Sometimes it's because doing so feels mad intense. Other times it's because, like a male friend of mine tells me, I don't have the best "screensaver" (which is basically a poker face) and I figure it's better to do that than to roll my eyes.
However, according to the body language experts, when we avoid eye contact, we're ignoring someone, we're thinking really hard, we're hiding deceit, we're super anxious or we want to remove ourselves from the dialogue as soon as possible.
Definitely something to think about.
10. Physical Touch Is Minimal
Even if you and/or your partner's top love language isn't physical touch, people who feel truly connected to their partner are going to naturally touch each other. Some body part will be on the other's body while watching a movie on the couch. A hug or kiss will randomly happen while both are preparing for a meal in the kitchen. Spooning will take place at nighttime. Physical touch is a physical representation of feeling an emotional bond. That's why something is definitely up if one or both individuals in a relationship act as if they are trying to avoid physical touch as much as possible. It's sending a red flag that something in the dynamic is "off" and needs to be addressed as soon as possible.
11. Somebody Is Touching Their Neck While They’re Talking
Have you ever been in a discussion with your significant other and, without even really thinking about it, you found yourself using your fingers to rub up and down the front of your neck? Guess what that represents? Because words come up through our throat, it's oftentimes a subconscious way of conveying that you've got more to say yet you're not sure if you should share it or not.
12. Brows Are Furrowed
Wanna heads up that your partner is about to criticize TF outta you and then some? Check to see if their eyebrows are furrowed before any words start to come out of their mouth. Furrowed brows are a sign of disagreement or displeasure with what is being heard with a touch of brace-yourself-now for some big-time correcting or even reprimanding.
13. Lips Are Licked
A surefire sign that you or your partner are nervous in each other's space is if one (or both) of you are constantly licking your lips. It basically means that someone is either anxious, uncomfortable or withholding some sort of information; the licking is a jittery reaction.
14. There’s Plenty of "Church Hugging"
C'mon. We all know that the ever famous (or is it infamous?) church hug is, for the most part, pretty disingenuous. While some may do it in public settings to express personal space boundaries, why in the world would that be necessary with your partner?
If you side hug, back pat or put your arms in front of you when they try to embrace you, you are saying (without saying it) that you want to keep some distance between the two of you which is basically an indication of a relational breakdown somewhere.
15. Orgasms Are Fake
A couple of years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP" (men fake orgasms too, by the way). No matter how much you may try and rationalize it, faking means something isn't real, and nothing should be more honest and pure than the intimacy between two people who are in a relationship. Whether you're faking it to please him or he's faking it to hurry and get things over with you, both are problematic as all get out. It's far better to be upfront with your partner about how you're feeling and what you need — so that you can get to some body language that conveys all good things. If you know what I mean. #wink
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
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Colman Domingo’s Career Advice Is A Reminder That Our Words Shape Our Reality
When it comes to life, we are always here for a good reminder to shift our mindsets, and Colman Domingo just gave us one we didn't know we needed.
In a resurfaced clip from an appearance at NewFest shared as a repost via Micheaux Film Festival, the Emmy award winner dropped a gem on how he has navigated his decades-spanning career in Hollywood. The gem in question? Well, Colman has never identified with "struggle" in his career. Let that sit.
Colman Domingo On Not Claiming Struggle
"I’ve never said that this career was tough. I’ve never said it was difficult. I’ve never said it was hard," Colman said. "Other people would say that—‘oh, you're in a very difficult industry. It's very hard to get work and book work.’ I’m like, I’ve never believed that."
Instead of allowing himself to be defined by other people's projections about their perceptions of what the industry is or was, Colman dared to believe differently even if his reality was playing catch up with his dreams:
"Like Maya Angelou said words are things. And if you believe that, then that's actually what it is. Actually I've just never believed it. Someone told me some years ago, they said, 'I remember you were, you're a struggling actor.' I'm like, 'I don't.'"
"I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living..."
He continued:
"Even when I was bartending and hustling and not having opportunities or anything, I never believed that I was struggling because I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living and creating and being curious."
Colman’s philosophy of attaching to living instead of struggle has blossomed into an enduring career. He first made his mark on stage in acclaimed Broadway productions before transitioning to the screen, where his star began to rise in the 2010s following his role as Victor Strand in Fear The Walking Dead. From there, his presence only grew, landing memorable supporting roles in If Beale Street Could Talk, Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, and the hit series Euphoria.
In more recent years, Colman has stepped fully into the spotlight with standout leading performances in Rustin and Sing Sing, both of which earned him widespread critical acclaim and Academy Award nominations for Best Actor.
With all that said, Colman's advice is no doubt powerful, especially for those who are chasing their dreams, building something from the ground up, or have question marks about what's next in their careers. Words shape our realities, and how we speak about our journeys even in passing matters.
Words Create Our Reality & Colman Is Living Proof
"I tell young people that. To remember the words that you say about yourself and your career are true. So, I choose to make it full of light and love and it's interesting and every day I'm going to learn something new even if it looks like I don't have what I want but it's important to be in the moment... you really build on the moments moment to moment.
"And you're looking back at your career as I've been in it for what 33 years and you're like, 'Wow, that's what I've been doing.' And I've stayed strong to that so I think that is truly my advice."
Let this be your sign to give your path a reframe. When the path you're on feels uncertain, the journey is still unfolding. Like Colman said: "I wasn't attached to a struggle. I was attached to living."
That's a Black king right there.
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