Angela Bassett and her husband Courtney B. Vance have one of those timeless love stories that prove an A-list marriage in Hollywood can stand the test of time. They met as classmates at the Yale School of Drama in the '80s and have remained peak relationship goals for each generation they have reintroduced themselves to throughout the years.
Since, the duo has accumulated years of accolades as a team (Vance winning his second Emmy in 2021, and Bassett’s highly-anticipated first Oscar win for Marvel’s Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, which takes place this weekend). We love them because they exemplify Black Love in definitive terms, and they value family and privacy despite starring in blockbuster shows and movies for decades.
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And the best part is that their marriage is a real-life fairytale, complete with making their way back to each other years after initially meeting.
Here's the relationship timeline of Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance’s love over the years:
1980s
Angela and Courtney were first introduced to one another at the Yale School of Drama. Vance had already obtained his BA from Harvard and attended Yale alongside Bassett for their MFAs. Their initial meeting in grad school wasn’t in a romantic capacity, as at the time, each of them was dating other people.
Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance in 1999.
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1990s
Roughly 14 years after meeting, the two had a reunion in LA, which was the first time the two had a budding romance. Bassett told People, “I was single. He was single. And I had such an appreciation for him over those years — of his consistency, how he treated other people, of what a supporter he is, what a connector of people he is, how passionate he is.”
The high-profile romance as we know it today almost didn’t happen, revealing first date details to Oprah, Bassett recalled, “Dare I say, it wasn’t memorable. He just seemed like a really, really nice guy, which translated to kind of boring. That was it. Wasn’t going to give him a second thought.”
The Vances eventually got married in 1997, trading off his and hers box office smashes --he starred in movies such as Dangerous Minds, The Preacher’s Wife, and Space Cowboys, and she, Malcolm X, The Jacksons: An American Dream, Boyz in the Hood, and What’s Love Got to Do With It.
Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance in 2002.
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2000s
After seven years of IVF, the pair’s children, fraternal twins Bronwyn and Slater were born in 2006, via surrogacy. A year later, they co-wrote a book about their relationship titled, Friends: A Love Story, where they opened up about the difficulties they’ve faced in becoming parents, Angela telling Oprah in 2007 after welcoming the twins, "I had a dream about seven years ago that we were going to have twins. I didn't know how it was going to happen. Just standing there together, holding each other with the realization that this is the moment that we've been working toward, praying for … [it's a dream come true]."
Bassett regularly shows off the twins, who are now 16 years old (omg!), on Instagram. Bronwyn reps the 2022 Los Angeles Team Member of the Year title for her work in raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). Slater is a musician, releasing music and even an album in 2021.
Angela Bassett and Courtney B. Vance in 2022.
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Present Day
The Vances celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary with a party, surrounded by family and friends in October of 2022, joining the ‘forever teammates’ class with other long-term couples such as Denzel and Pauletta Washington, Grant Hill and Tamia, and Magic and Cookie Johnson.
And although 2023 may be Auntie Angela’s season as Black Panther: Wakanda Forever is up for a string of awards, Vance is never far away, admiring his wife and filming her speeches on his phone.
“We’ve had successes, we’ve had failures; we’ve had spectacular wins, we’ve had devastating losses … But through it all, there’s been one, beautiful constant: We’ve always had each other!" Angela wrote in an Instagram post celebrating their anniversary.
A 25-year energy I wish on us all.
Happy 25th anniversary to the Vances!
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- Angela Bassett Says Women Should Always Be Optimistic About Love ›
- Angela Bassett On Why She Is Choosing The ‘Soft Life’ With Husband Courtney B. Vance ›
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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