If you're like a lot of women, probably the most thought you give to your breasts is when you're putting your bra on (or when you're taking it off), when you're trying to make the soreness stop while you're PMS'ing, when you're trying to get your partner to give them just the right amount of "attention" during sex and/or when it's time to get a mammogram (by the way, they now say that you should be 45 instead of 40 when it comes to getting them on an annual basis).
But the reality is the more attention we give to our girls, the better our mammary glands—ones that are made up of lobules that produce milk, lymphatic vessels that drain unnecessary fluid and breast tissue—will not only feel but look as well.
If you're wondering about what you can do to get your breasts sundress-, swimsuit- and little black dress-ready, these 10 tips will make you—and them—very happy!
Rinse Your Breasts in Cold Water
I don't know one woman on the planet who doesn't want perky breasts. If this is a personal goal of yours, first it's a good idea to keep in mind what causes breast tissue to sag in the first place—mostly it's genetics, cigarette smoking, drastic weight gain or loss, multiple pregnancies and poor posture.
If you have lost some of your breasts' elasticity, something that you can do is apply some hydrotherapy to them. If you soak them in warm water for about 15 minutes (basically if you take a bath), it will increase blood flow to them. Then, if you rinse them in cold water (basically if you rinse off in a cold shower), that is what will stimulate collagen production so that your breasts look and feel firmer.
Massage Your Breasts with Clove Oil and Olive Oil
Speaking of making your breasts firmer, it can never hurt to massage them for about 10 minutes a couple of times a week. If you do it with a blend of clove oil and olive oil, it can help to (slightly) increase their size and "round out" their shape over time. That's because the warmth of the clove oil also stimulates blood circulation while the properties in olive oil moisturizes the tissues of your breasts, making them supple and soft.
Make sure to warm up the oil combo in your microwave for five seconds or so and massage each breast for 10-15 minutes in a circular motion in order to get the best results.
Soothe Your Nipples with Shea Butter
Unless you're currently breastfeeding, you probably don't give your nipples much thought. But you should. They are a part of your breasts and deserve their fair share of TLC. If lately, you've been noticing that your nipples or your areolas (the ring of skin that surrounds your nipples) are itchy, it could be that they are irritated due to a skin condition like eczema or because your laundry detergent is too strong.
Whether your nipples itch or they are slightly cracked, soothe them by rubbing them down with some shea butter. It's moisturizing, it's healing and it contains anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties too. Also, thanks to the emollient and humectant properties that shea butter contains, it can lock in moisture on your nipples so that they stay hydrated for hours at a time.
Just as a heads up, your best bet would be to get the kind of shea butter that is unrefined. That way, you can get it in its purest form; one that has the most concentrated amounts of vitamins and minerals in it.
Keep Your Weight Stabilized
If your breast size is in direct correlation to your breast tissue, losing and gaining weight won't change it very much. So, if you recently lost 25 pounds and you went down a few cups, that usually means your breasts were made up of fat more than anything else. And since maintaining a healthy weight can reduce your chances of having breast cancer post-menopause, this is a good thing to know.
What can happen with a spike in weight gain or loss is it can alter the shape of your breasts and/or cause them to sag. That's because the change in weight directly affects the collagen and elastin in our bodies (breasts included).
Aside from doing your best to keep your weight off of the up and down roller coaster, from a cosmetic standpoint, the non-cosmetic remedy is to invest in bras that have padding in the lower part of the cup so that your breasts will appear plumper and fuller. Something else that can help (although it has a more subtle effect) is to consume foods that are high in collagen. Some of those include garlic, berries, bone broth, quinoa and white tea.
Something else that can perk your breasts up a bit is to apply a collagen mask on them. Combine a kiwi, a peach, three tablespoons of plain Greek yogurt, two teaspoons of lemon juice and a teaspoon of sweet almond oil. Rub the mixture on your breasts, let it sit for 15 minutes and rinse with warm, then cool water. It's one of the most delicious ways to give your breasts an immediate collagen boost!
Eat Some Sweet Potatoes, Salmon and Red Grapes
We are what we eat. There is certainly a lot of truth to that. The next time you head out to the grocery store, do your breasts a favor and pick up a couple of foods that they will totally thank you for.
For instance, if you have a history of breast cancer in your family, it can't hurt to eat foods that are high in carotenoids. They're the kinds of foods that are loaded with carotene. This is great because studies reveal that the more carotenes that are in our system, the lower risk we have of being diagnosed with breast cancer. Sweet potatoes are one food that fits the bill.
Something else that our breasts need is omega-3 oils. They are responsible for keeping inflammation in the body low; the more omega-3s, the less disease (cancer included). Salmon has plenty of it.
And finally, red grapes. They're the kind of fruit that contains a natural phenol known as resveratrol. What's so good about that is not only does resveratrol have the ability to lower your blood pressure and protect your brain, it also neutralizes free radicals in your system, keeping cancer cells at bay.
Fun fact: Resveratrol is also found in red wine too (woo-hoo)!
Take a Sulforaphane Supplement
GiphyIf you've never heard of sulforaphane, don't feel bad. I'd venture to say that most people haven't. Basically, it's a compound that's found in foods like broccoli, cauliflower, kale, cabbage and collards that not only reverses the signs of aging, but also decreases the progression of cancer cells in the body too. As a bonus, something else that sulforaphane does is decrease how carcinogens impact our system.
If you don't like to eat a ton of veggies, you can also take sulforaphane in supplement form. Speaking of supplements, if you want to take something that will make your breasts appear fuller (or can help your breastmilk to come in easier if you are a new mommy), fenugreek is pretty awesome too.
Do Breast-Firming Exercises
GiphyIf you can't remember the last time you even attempted to do a push-up, maybe your breasts will motivate you to take another crack at it. Truth is, a lot of us have saggy breast tissue simply because the muscles underneath our breasts could stand to get bigger. The remedy? Do the kind of exercises that will expand the mass of your chest muscles.
Push-ups are just one example. If you want more, click here for a way to get your chest (back) into shape.
Wear a Bra That Actually Fits
Breast tissue needs support; that's why we wear bras. You've probably heard somewhere that a whopping 80 percent of women wear the wrong bra size, but what you might secretly wonder is how can you know for sure that your bra fits well. For starters, your bra's band needs to comfortably fit around your torso. The part of your bra that attaches the cups together should lay flat on your body. If you're wearing an underwire bra, the wire should fit right underneath each breast. Also, each of your bra straps should fit comfortably on your shoulders.
If it's been a couple of years since you've been professionally fitted for a bra, I know from personal experience that you should get fitted ASAP. The last time I went (last year), I thought I was a DDD. Nope. Sistah girl is an H. (Chiiiiile.)
Make a DIY Bronzer
If you're planning on wearing something low cut and you want your cleavage to look extra sexy, one of the easiest ways to make that happen is to apply a little bronzer to your breasts. I've done it before and it gives your skin a youthful glow that is, incomparable, really.
You can buy some, but I prefer to make my own. All you need to do is mix a little cocoa powder, ground cinnamon and mica powder if you want a hint of shimmer added in. Use a large make-up brush to dust it onto each breast and, I promise, even you won't get enough of looking at 'em!
Sleep on Your Back
Final one. While sleeping on your back definitely increases the chances of you snoring (more), it's one of the best positions for your breasts. The reason being, whenever you sleep on your side or stomach, it causes your breasts to droop all throughout the night and that can ultimately lead to sagging and wrinkly breast skin.
So, if you wanna know how to improve the appearance of your breasts even while you're asleep, spending more time on your back is the way to do it. Sweet dreams.
Featured image by Getty Images
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That’s part of the reason why the term “casual sex” irks me to the billionth degree (check out “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'”); it’s because, even if you think that sex with someone is next-to-nothing, there is so much going on within you (oxytocin highs, if you’re unprotected, fluid bonding, chemical reactions in your brain, etc.) that doesn’t know if someone is “the one” (in your mind) or not. So, in many ways, it acts like they are (check out this YouTube video from a Catholic woman who studies some unexpected ways that sex affects us physically here; sex goes deep, y’all!).
Yeah, sex is so much more than a notion, and that’s why I’m a firm believer that it is such a barometer for long-term relationships overall — because, as I’ve shared before, I once read that, “Good sex in a relationship is 10 percent of the relationship while bad sex in a relationship is 90 percent of the relationship because sex tends to set the tone for what’s happening in the rest of the house.”
And that’s why I think that there are certain sex-related issues that can not only damage your sex life with your partner but could also end up ruining your relationship if you’re not careful (very careful). Let’s get into seven of them now.
1. Being Unaware of Your “Body Clock”
GiphyI can’t tell you how many clients I’ve had who’ve come to me in some serious trouble, in part due to their flailing (or partly nonexistent) sex life. When I ask them if they went to premarital counseling (if you’re engaged, please do; you have a 33 percent greater chance of avoiding divorce when counseling transpires), many say “no” and the ones who say “yes” usually say that it was no more than 3-5 sessions and the topic of sex barely came up (le sigh). Meanwhile, with my premarital meetings, I try and stick with intimacy for three months if I can because there is a lot to unpack, from what you learned as a child, to your first time (or if you are a virgin), to your needs and fantasies, to how you see it from a spiritual perspective — like I said, there is a lot to unpack there.
Take the mere practicality of sex, for example — and more specifically, your body clock. Do you prefer to have sex at night or in the daytime? A lot of couples struggle with intimacy because one prefers the former while the other likes the latter. Do you keep track of when you’re ovulating? It’s pure science why you are probably hornier during that time of the month (because your body is signaling that it’s time to conceive) vs. the fact that you might not be the most interested in sex when you’re PMS’ing. Are you premenopausal? Hormones shift a lot during that time, and here’s the thing — while menopause only lasts a year, the premenopausal stage (which typically starts between 45-55) can last between 7-14 years. Even paying attention to when you have more energy (some do in the day…morning sex, anyone? While others do early in the evening) can play a role.
So yeah, getting to know your body clock (and discussing your partner’s clock with them) can play a role in how much — or how little — sex you have…and that can add life or drain it from the relationship overall.
2. Comparing Your Present with Your Past
GiphyThere is a wife of almost 20 years I know who, when I asked her if she thought that her husband was good in bed, she paused for a second, shrugged her shoulders, and simply said, “I was a virgin when I got married, so I have nothing to compare him to. I mean, he’s good to me.” On the flip side, there’s a now divorced couple who I also know (who almost made it to 20 years) who had multiple partners before each other while also having a deep interest in porn who once said to me, “Sometimes, there’s as much as 15 people in our bed because of all of the people from our past and the porn that we’ve seen that’s running through our heads.” Yeah, y’all can act like body counts don’t matter, but there is so much evidence out here that says otherwise — that couple just gave one that doesn’t get talked about as much as it should.
You know, one of my favorite throwback shows is King of Queens (Kevin James, Leah Remini). A few weeks ago, I watched a rerun where Doug and Carrie were talking about the images that come up in their minds, sometimes during sex. Neither was too happy about it, and I can totally see why. I mean, if sex was just about “getting off” (and it’s not), then whatever. However, AGAIN, it’s also about connecting with your partner on a mental and emotional level, and that’s hard to do if you’re there with them in the body while you’re fantasizing about a celebrity, a porn actor (porn is usually acting, don’t let it fool you) or an ex (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”).
And what if that is what’s going on? I once spoke with a sex therapist about this very thing. What she said is people should be less concerned about celebs (if it’s on occasion) and more concerned about that ex because rarely is sex with an ex…just about the sex.
And that’s why this point made the list. If you’re physically with your partner and mentally or emotionally with your ex at the same time, please don’t ignore that. There are definitely some unresolved issues there that you need to work through, whether it’s with a therapist, counselor, or coach, a trusted friend (who won’t add fuel to the literal fire), or even with your ex — although you might want to run that by your partner first because…I’m pretty sure you’d want him to do that with/for you. RIGHT?
3. Not Being Clear About Your Sexual Needs
GiphyQuestion — if someone were to walk up to you right now and ask you what your top seven sexual needs are, along with what your top five sexual dealbreakers are, would you be able to answer? It really is kind of wild how many people get upset with their partner for not being able to sexually satisfy them when even they can’t articulate what they need/require in order for that to happen. Yeah, it’s another article for another time about how many people UNREALISTICALLY (and yes, I am yelling it) think that someone loving them well means that they should be able to read their mind. Nope.
It truly can’t be said enough that sex — especially good sex — is about communication. Hmph. It makes me think about a clip that I saw from Tonight’s Conversation podcast (can’t find it at the moment; sorry) where a woman asked how she should tell her partner that he hasn’t been pleasing her, I believe she said for years. My first thought was if he doesn’t know that, she must be faking orgasms (more on that in a bit) which is not only lying — well, it is —, but it’s also pretty counterproductive because while he thinks that he’s “getting the job done,” she’s not fulfilled and resentment is setting in.
Please don’t let rom-coms (fiction) and social media (which is oftentimes fictitious) have you out here thinking that a good lover is someone you automatically gel with who knows exactly what to do; sometimes that is the case, and oftentimes it isn’t.
So, if the sex-related issue that you’re having in your relationship is that your sexual needs aren’t being met, first do you (and your partner) a favor by doing some sex journaling (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”) so that you can tangibly see what those needs are and then plan time within the next week or so to pour a couple of glasses of wine, put on some 90s R&B and discuss with your partner what you need. Because actually, what a good lover is, is someone who listens and retains. This brings me to the next point.
4. Minimizing Your Partner’s Sexual Needs
GiphyA husband once told that when he and his wife were in premarital counseling, something that he mentioned was a bona fide need was fellatio. According to him, his wife told both him and their counselor that she loved giving head. Fast forward to eight years of being in their union, and guess how many times that act went down? A measly four. FOUR TIMES (check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?”).
It’s another message for another time, the amount of people who will “false advertise” during the dating stage in order to get to their goal of marriage. It’s also another message for another time how much that is a form of manipulation that tends to backfire in ways that the manipulator is oftentimes not prepared for.
For now, what I will say, is never think that just because something may not be a need for you that it isn’t a legitimate one for someone else. I mean, how would you feel if that’s how someone treated you? Yeah…exactly.
Yet that is just what happens in a lot of relationships, including when it comes to their bedroom. They will think that their needs should be met, hands down, yet when their partner comes with what’s important to them, all of a sudden, there is dismissiveness, nonchalance, and/or excuses — and how could that not rear its ugly head on so many levels?
Your partner’s sexual needs are essential, even if they are not your own. Never assume that you automatically know everything about them. Also, never assume that what worked two years ago is what will “scratch the itch” now. Hmph. Come to think of it, while you’re sipping on that wine and clearly articulating to him what turns you on, use that as an opportunity to ask him to return the favor. Listen with humility, receptiveness, and intent — the best kind of relationships process their partner’s needs with this kind of vibe…across the board.
5. Taking the “If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It” Approach
GiphyLazy lovers. When you hear that phrase, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? If it’s someone who is just lying there during sex, that would certainly qualify; however, I’m actually speaking of a different kind of laziness here. Believe it or not, some synonyms for lazy include words like apathetic, inattentive, tired, passive (cough, cough), procrastinating, neglectful, and slacking. So yeah, if you and/or your partner can use any of these words to define what sex is consistently like between the two of you — red flag, red flag…RED FREAKIN’ FLAG.
Speaking of being passive, another potentially serious sex-related problem is taking on the attitude that if something ain’t broke, you shouldn’t fix it. What I mean by that is, just because you know that getting on top and riding for exactly six-and-a-half minutes is what will get your partner off, that doesn’t mean that it should be your automatic go-to all of the damn time.
Why? Because. While a part of the fun of having sex is “reaching the peak,” another component that should never be underestimated is discovering new territory: trying new positions, creating a sex bucket list, taking (more) sexcations, playing sex-themed board games (put that phrase in Amazon or on Etsy’s site and go ham!)…you know, doing what will inspire creativity and deter either of you from becoming bored.
That said, a husband of 17 years once told me, “A man can be satisfied with the same woman. We just don’t want the same kind of sex with her.” Words to live by. Yes, indeed.
6. Using Sex as a Deflection or Coping Mechanism
GiphyA few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Make-Up Sex Might Be Doing Your Relationship More Harm Than Good” — and with good cause. Words cannot express how many divorced (or soon-to-be divorced) women have told me that a part of what kept them in their marriage, for as long as they stayed in it, was the fact that the sex with their husband was beyond amazing…even though so much other stuff completely and totally sucked. Hey, good sex isn’t a bad thing (c’mon now); however, if it’s the only real thing that’s keeping you with someone, it can turn out to be a toxic deflector.
The reason why I say that is the purpose of sex isn’t to make love; it’s to celebrate it. And if all you’re doing with your partner is f — king and fighting or avoiding issues by stripping down or thinking that sex will “make it all better,” all the while not really knowing what the problem/issue is or what needs to be done to get down to the root of it, that is using sex as a pacifier and again, that’s not what sex is designed to be. Sex doesn’t deserve the pressure of being the end-all to “fixing” ish.
So, if what’s transpiring in your relationship lately is very little talking and a whole lot of sexing, and then once the sex is over, something still feels “off,” that’s a good indication that you’re misusing sex on some level. Get out of the bed, put on a robe, and do some talking (preferably in a room other than the bedroom; leave that space for sex and sleep only as much as possible). Because remember — as much as the wives that I mentioned said that their husbands once had them climbing the walls, those men are still ex-husbands now. Bottom line, sex is good, yet when it comes to keeping a relationship together, it will never be enough. Again, it was never designed to be.
7. Faking It
GiphyI will never be a fan of faking orgasms. Maybe it’s because I’m a Gemini (we may be a lot of things, but “fake” isn’t really our style). Maybe it’s because I’m a very word-literal individual, and I know that fake means things like “prepare or make (something specious, deceptive, or fraudulent)” and “to conceal the defects of or make appear more attractive, interesting, valuable, etc., usually in order to deceive.” Or perhaps it’s because I don’t get how acting like you’re sexually fulfilled when you actually aren’t is doing anyone any good. Whatever it is, whenever a client (or someone in general because men fakealmost as much as women do) tells me that it’s something they do, I immediately find myself on a mission to shut that mess down (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP”). ALL THE WAY DOWN.
The main reason is that, regardless of if the motive is to hurry things along, not hurt your partner’s feelings, or it’s something more cryptic than that (cough, cough, some form of manipulation tactic), there’s no way around the fact that fakeness is tied to deception and deception is a word that should never be connected to a healthy sexual dynamic.
Besides, one could argue that faking is a form of deflection as well because…wouldn’t it be better to just get it all out in the open WHY you are doing it than to keep pretending when life is too short and great sex is too good to not get the absolute most out of it, as much as possible?
Besides, again, chances are that if you’re faking that you’re sexually pleased, you’re probably faking something else in your relationship (or situation), and how could that possibly be good, right, or beneficial?
Yeah, when it comes to being satisfied across the board, please don’t fake it. State your case in the way that you’d like to hear something said to you, and let the chips fall where they may. If you’ve got a good man, he’s gonna — no pun — rise to the occasion. If his ego can’t handle it, well…that’s something that you should find out sooner than later — when it comes to the bedroom and outside of it? Right? #shoyouright
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Featured image by Giphy
