I’ve shared before, throughout the years that, although holidays aren’t exactly my thing, as a marriage life coach of over 20 years at this point, there is a theory about the origin of Valentine’s Day that I can low-key get down with. Legend has it that a priest from way back in the day ultimately became a martyr for marrying couples during a season of war (while Emperor Claudius II was ruling). Since it was believed that husbands didn’t make good soldiers, men weren’t allowed to marry during that time. St. Valentine didn’t care, though and he ultimately lost his life because of it.
Whether folks consciously realize it or not, that’s probably why, whenever the topic of Valentine’s Day comes up, couples immediately come to mind. That’s fair. However — and no, this is not to gaslight you — it can’t be said enough that Valentine’s Day really is (supposed to be) a holiday that celebrates love, in general…not just romantic love. And that’s why I thought that it would be a good idea to provide a quick list of 20 ways that EVERYONE, no matter what their current relational status may be, can embrace and enjoy February 14.
Because love is something that should be acknowledged and amplified whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not. Right? But of course.
Unsplash
1. Book a spa day.
This year, since Valentine’s Day falls on a Friday, why not work half a day and then spend the other half at a local spa? A facial and massage are two great ways to decompress and pamper yourself as you prepare for whatever weekend plans that you may have — date or not.
2. Or cultivate a spa day at home.
Wanna hold on to those coins? Have a spa day at home. If a part of you is thinking, “That just sounds like a lot of work,” if you’re in a relationship, you and your bae can do it together or, if you’re single, invite a girlfriend over. From prepping to “doing” to clean-up, it’ll be a lot more fun if you’ve got some company around.
3. Get some new lingerie.
Personally, I think that Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to get some new lingerie (check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type”). Whether you plan on being in bed all weekend for the purpose of sex, rest, or both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”), you will feel so much more sensual and attractive in a new babydoll, romper or pair of sexy ass panties.
4. Invest in a new sexy scent.
Last week, while in a home improvement store, two women tried to guess what I was wearing. When one flat-out asked and I said, “I never tell,” she said to her associate, “Girl, she just doesn’t want us smelling like her.” EXACTLY. It’s an essential oil blend that I made up and yes, signature scents have a way of making you feel…beautifully distinctive. So, whether you want to seduce your bae or simply boost your own self-confidence, cop a new sexy scent. Since science says that fragrances also calm, soothe, and cultivate fond memories — you’ve got three more reasons why doing so is an absolute must.
Unsplash
5. Book a photoshoot.
It’s kind of a shame that, unless I truly have to, I rarely get pictures (professionally) taken. It’s a wise thing to do, though: to see yourself all dolled up, with good lighting and in poses that commemorate where you are in different stages and seasons of your life. That said, in honor of love (including self-love), book a professional photoshoot for yourself, for you and your partner, or with some of your favorite people. Even if it happens later in the year, at least use Valentine’s Day weekend to get the ball to rolling.
6. Have a meal and/or flowers delivered to work.
If you are going to work on Friday, wouldn’t it be nice if someone else had your favorite meal or flowers delivered to your job? 1000 percent. You shouldn’t let that keep you from doing it, though. Or, if you are single, you and one of your friends can make the mutual decision to send each other a meal and/or a bouquet to each other. The “itch gets scratched” either way.
7. Purchase a stone/crystal that symbolizes (self) love.
I’m a fan of certain stones and crystals, mostly because of what they represent and symbolize. And so, whether you’ve got a man or not, treat yourself to some jewelry that represents self-love; ones like rose quartz, moonstone, rhodonite, amethyst, or citrine (for starters). After all, you can’t love others good, until/unless you love yourself…well. Etsy has some awesome customized pieces, by the way.
8. Recreate a favorite date.
If you do happen to be in a relationship, something that I think is very romantic is to recreate your first or favorite date with your partner. It has a way of bringing back butterflies and also creating really special new memories like nothing else will or can. On the flip side, if you’re someone who dates yourself, recreate a great moment from that. Or, if you’re like me and you and your friends go on dates, recreate a top five of one of those. Research says that nostalgia has a way of making our lives feel more meaningful. What better time to emphasize this fact than on a love celebration day?
Unsplash
9. Or go on a date with friends.
Something that’s pretty awesome about Valentine’s Day is there are restaurant discounts all over the place! And even though a lot of the deals are for two people, if you’re not in a relationship, my advice would be to take some friends and y’all get the “two for” deal(s) that way. A list of some of 2025’s Valentine’s Day restaurant specials is located here.
10. Plan a trip.
Another (potentially) unfortunate thing about Valentine’s Day is far too many people think that they should be “love on steroids” on that day and then it’s okay to half-step on expressing love the rest of the year. NOPE. If anything, Valentine’s Day should remind people to “amplify love” as much as possible. One way of doing that? If you’re in a relationship, plan a romantic vacation together. If you’re single, plan a trip or a girls’ trip. Make a promise that it will happen before the next Valentine’s Day rolls around; then plan (and save) accordingly.
11. Get creative with red wine.
Red is the signature color for Valentine’s Day, mostly because it symbolizes things like love and passion. Since red wine is considered to be an aphrodisiac and it’s great for your health due to all of the antioxidants that are in it, everyone should indulge in a glass while toasting to five things that they love about their partner and/or themselves. After you do that, check out “Why Wine Deserves A Spot In Your Natural Beauty Arsenal” for some other creative ways to implement this popular drink.
12. Have a ball with some dark chocolate.
Speaking of signature stuff, the signature candy for Valentine’s Day? Chocolate. Hands down. That’s why you should get some Hershey’s kisses for yourself, if you do have a bae, get some (eh hem) chocolate paint and, whatever your relational status is, also read, “12 Ways Dark Chocolate Can Benefit Your Body From Head To Toe,” so that you don’t have to feel the least bit guilty for indulging.
Getty Images
13. Design a love-themed vision board.
Vision boards may not be discussed as much as they used to be, oh, say, 10 years ago; however, they still deserve properly placed shout-outs. Because there is data to support that visualization can help people reach their goals, going through the creative process of putting together a vision board can help motivate you, bring forth a sense of clarity, and help to remain focused until your goals are achieved. Does this include when it comes to your love life (or the love life that you wish to have)? Absolutely. Check out “Before You Quit Dating Altogether: Have You Ever Tried 'Vision Board Dating' Before?” for more on that.
14. Make a love-themed playlist.
Something that YouTube does for me that I actually appreciate, is it automatically populates music playlists (based on songs that I select) that I can save and listen to whenever I want. One list, in particular, that I go to often, includes Troop’s “Still in Love;” Cherelle’s “Everything I Miss at Home;” Christopher Williams’s “All I See;” Brandy’s “When You Touch Me;” Force M.D.’s “Tender Love;” Lisa Fischer’s “How Can I Ease the Pain;” and Faith Evans’s “Soon As I Get Home” — and that’s just for starters!
Ain’t nothin’ like listening to an hour’s worth of some of your favorite love jams — either to copulate with (check out “Before You Pull Out Your Playlist, This Is How Music Affects Your Sex Life”) or to fall asleep to on Valentine’s Day. A listening experience that is truly unmatched.
15. Binge-watch romantic movies.
I’m telling y’all — knock Tubi if you want to, but it does have some gems on there from time to time. This past weekend, I checked out The Number (Issa Rae and some of the Black & Sexy gang…if ya know, ya know) and I cracked up a few times. Anyway, whether you’re cozied up with your man on the couch, you and your long-distance boo or friends decide to throw something like a Hulu or Amazon Watch party (read more about how to here), or you and your cable-knit blanket want to snuggle alone, you can almost never go wrong with watching some rom-coms on Valentine’s Day.
16. Enjoy a (romantic dinner) (possibly at home).
If you’re single, you probably won’t care (at least too much) about waiting 30-60 minutes for a table on Valentine’s Day. If you are in a relationship, though, to avoid all of that nonsense, you might want to either have a romantic dinner delivered to you or make something together at home. When it comes to the second option, don’t knock it. Put on something sexy, listen to some seductive music, and then at least skim through “Here’s How To Make Cooking A Meal Together Sexy (When You Hate To Cook)”. There is something very sensual about preparing aphrodisiac-centered foods, scantily-clad, with your man. Always.
Unsplash
17. Indulge in something sweet.
If you don’t partake in any of these other suggestions, at least get yourself a pint of your favorite ice cream, a slice of your favorite cake, a couple of donuts, some strawberries, and whipped topping — hell, SOMETHING that is sweet because it is almost criminal to go through an entire Valentine’s Day and your tastebuds didn’t get a little bit of sugar on them. C’mon now.
18. Soak in a rose petal-filled bathtub.
Most grocery stores have rose petals in their floral section, so get some to put into your bathtub. The scent reduces anxiety, the feel helps to soften your skin and if intimacy is on the agenda for the evening, it is a great way to “pregame” your erogenous zones. Just sayin’.
19. Spend the night at a hotel.
A change of scenery. If you’re in a relationship, it can make sex hotter. If you’re not, it’s a cool way to enjoy some time away from your home without spending the kind of cash that you would if you took an actual vacation. Either way, a (nice) hotel room is gonna be a wise Valentine’s Day investment and a major win.
20. Relax. Relate. Release.
Back when I wrote “What To Do When You Don't Know How To Chill Out” and “How To Stop Having A 'Knee-Jerk Reaction' To Everything,” something that I mentioned was the importance of learning how to relax, relate, and release. That said, as I close this out since Valentine’s Day is all about all things love, please make sure to get into that head and heart space by doing ONLY what will relax you, by entertaining ONLY what your mind, body, and spirit can relate to and by releasing whatever isn’t serving you, well, in the love department — choose to ONLY hold onto what is holding onto you.
Whether you’re in a (romantic) relationship or not, it’s the recipe for having a wonderful Valentine’s Day. Trust me, sis. You’ll adore everything about the day if you do.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Anastasiia Krivenok/Getty Images
RELATED
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
So, what causes us to have moments when we’re not experiencing the sound sleep that we so desire? While I wish that I had a black and white answer for you, the reality is that several different factors (sometimes working together) may be the cause. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that if you check out the 10 leading causes below, by process of elimination, you might be able to get to the root of your own restless evenings — so that you can finally get the kind of quality rest that you well deserve.
1. Eating (Too) Late
GiphyLet’s start off with one that has a couple of layers to it. Although it is a good idea to not have a large meal less than two hours before turning in, some experts do say that a light snack that consists of natural melanin, serotonin or tryptophan could be helpful.
The reason why eating too much before bedtime isn’t a good idea is because the digestive process can be a pretty active one. Plus, it increases your chances of experiencing acid reflux and heartburn. On the other hand, snacking on almonds or tart cherries (melatonin), cheese or pumpkin seeds (serotonin) or yogurt or peanut butter (tryptophan) can be just what you need to lull your system to sleep.
Bottom line here: It’s not if you eat but what you eat…and when.
2. Junk Food
GiphySpeaking of foods, if junk food is totally your thing, first check out “Why You Should Consider Leaving Fast Food Alone” — and then at least try avoiding that stuff if you’re heading off to bed. Fried foods are hard to digest. Sugary foods (and carbs) can raise your blood sugar levels. Processed foods contain a lot of salt and salt can raise your blood pressure which can result in sleep disturbances. So, if you’re in the habit of going through a drive-thru at night, here’s a good reason to rethink doing so in the future.
3. Your Bedroom Is Too Hot
GiphyThis one right here, I can absolutely attest to — because when I am hot in a room, I can pretty much kiss sound sleeping goodbye. SMDH. The problem here is that when your body temperature is high, that can mess with your REM (rapid eye movement) sleep. Not only that but, in order for your system to produce the melatonin that it needs to keep you sleeping soundly, your body needs to be at a cooler temperature. And that is why your room sitting at somewhere around 65 degrees is ideal.
4. Your Bedding
GiphyI have a friend who just bought a house and I’m getting him a comforter for a housewarming present. Listen, don’t sleep on the power of amazing bedding because it, too, plays a role in how well you rest. Of course, you need to invest in a good mattress (you can read more about that here and here); however, when it comes to things like your sheets and your comforter, there are a few things to keep in mind.
Your sheets need to be made out of breathable fabrics like cotton, not ones like nylon, polyester or even silk. The reason why is because the latter traps in heat and we’ve already discussed what an elevated body temperature can do to you. Oh, and if you’re someone who enjoys flannel sheets during the fall and winter season, it’s probably better to get some blankets that you can “layer your bed” with instead; flannel can get mighty hot in the midnight hour too.
It’s also important that your sheets aren’t too small or too big for your mattress because that can make your bed feel uncomfortable. And comforter-wise, try and go with a color that doesn’t overstimulate you — neutrals and shades of blues, greens and yellows can accomplish this for you. And P.S., one of the best comforter brands around? Coma Inducer. I’ve been rocking with them for several years at this point and I don’t have not one regret.
5. Java and/or Alcohol
GiphyI’m not much of a coffee drinker (although I do adore coffee ice cream; go figure). I didn’t grow up with it (tea was in abundance in my home) and so it’s not something that I ever really think about. I do have friends who will drink coffee before bedtime, though, and that baffles me because coffee (due to the caffeine that is in it) is a stimulant — and that for that reason alone, you’d be better off having it in the morning instead of at night.
As far as alcohol goes, although it technically it’s a depressant, for the first couple of hours that it is in your system, it acts like a stimulant — which means that it tends to put your system on quite the roller coaster ride; one that you should want to avoid if you’re trying to get a good night’s rest.
My recommendation? Go the tea route and sip on some chamomile, lavender, ginseng, green or passionflower tea. All contain properties that are proven to relax your mind, body and spirit, so that you can fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer.
6. Stress and Anxiety
GiphyListen, the summer of 2025 for me? Whew, chile (check out “I've Been Estranged From My Mom For Years. She Died Last Week.” and “I Was Hired To Be An Online Life Coach. Then Got Scammed For $4K. Here's How To Avoid This.”). Other than the couple of weeks when my mother was on a swift decline (and I was concerned about her physical suffering), thankfully, I didn’t lose much sleep, though — and praise the Lord for that because stress (and anxiety) definitely have a way of jacking up sleep patterns.
That’s because when you are stressed out, your cortisol (which is your stress hormone) spikes and that can hinder sound sleep — which can result in you feeling fatigued and irritable throughout the day. So, if you are stressed out — exercise, journal, meditate, spend quality time with fun and supportive people…oh, and have sex. All of these things are proven ways to calm and relax you — on a few different levels.
7. Late Day Naps
GiphyI adore sleep — always have. So, I can’t even say that it’s my age that has a sistah out here excited about taking a nap in the middle of the day (I work from home). And what I have to watch is not napping for too long or taking a nap that is too late in the day. Why? Because it can totally jack up my sleep patterns because it ends up throwing off my sleep schedule.
According to sleep experts, the way to avoid this is by scheduling your nap out about eight hours before your bedtime and also making sure that your nap doesn’t last any longer than 30 minutes (set an alarm, if you have to). If you do both of these things, you can get the benefits of a nap and the benefits of 6-8 hours of sleep without having to compromise either one.
8. Not Having a Sleep Schedule
GiphyAs humans, we really are creatures of habit. In fact, if you do something consistently enough, it can become automatic to you — it can end up being something that you do without really thinking about it at all. And that’s why it’s a good idea to at least consider coming up with some sort of a sleep schedule; that way, you can train your mind and body to have a pattern of rest.
The beauty of this is a sleep schedule can help you to reduce your stress levels, strengthen your brain, maintain a healthy weight, put you in a better mood and make you more productive throughout the day. On the other hand, not having a sleep schedule can make it really challenging for you to get quality rest at night. It only takes a few minutes to come up with a schedule and it’s well worth your time.
9. Too Much Stuff on Your Bed
GiphyEver heard that a cluttered desk reveals a cluttered mind? If you believe that, how in the world could this not translate to a bed as well? Hell, I even read an article which said that having a lot of stuff underneath your bed can wreck your sleep because it can trigger feelings of anxiety and restlessness and that’s because clutter can overstimulate you and keep you from being at peace.
Look, there’s no telling how many times I’ve said that bedrooms are for sex and sleep only (many interior designers feel the same way) — which means that your bed shouldn’t look like a makeshift office, it shouldn’t have clothes all over it and, even if you are an avid reader, it shouldn’t look like a horizontal bookshelf (where’s your nightstand at?).
You need to feel free to move comfortably about on your bed throughout the night — which ALSO means that, although I personally call pillows “stuffed animals for adults,” you still don’t need a ton of those on your bed either; two for sleeping and 2-3 more for décor purposes are typically ideal.
10. Your Damn Cell Phone
GiphyYou’ve probably heard this before and yet, since reportedly most of us check our phones somewhere around 205 times a day — I’m willing to bet that at least 10 of those times are while you’re in bed or when you’re up to make a bathroom run in the middle of the night. Yeah, as tempting as that might be, try to break that habit because the blue light that emits from your phone can disrupt how your system processes melatonin — and that is another way that you can find yourself really struggling to fall asleep again.
Whatever is on your phone, it can’t wait. It’s not worth your beauty sleep, chile.
BONUS: Imbalanced Hormones
GiphyHormonal imbalance is absolutely something that can have you tossing and turning all night long. If it’s due to all that is going on with you the week before your period, try exercising earlier in the day in order to help you sleep more soundly at night. If it’s because you are in the latter stages of perimenopause, consuming foods that are rich in phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) could help to level things out. Some of those foods include sesame seeds, garlic, peaches, berries and cabbage.
____
YOU NEED SLEEP. Yes, I am yelling it because nothing is worth compromising it.
So, if you see yourself in anything that I just said, try making some adjustments tonight.
Within a week or so, you should find yourself sleeping more and tossin’ and turnin’ a heck of a lot less.
Beautiful.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by TheVisualsYouNeed/Shutterstock