Sex fascinates me. I make absolutely no apologies for that fact. We got here because of sex. I'm a marriage life coach and sex is a big—HUGE—part of a marital union.
And, although I sometimes feel like the Church could stand to be reminded of this on the regular, sex is all up in the Bible—"be naked and not ashamed" (Genesis 2:24-25); "drink out of your own cistern" (look up what cistern means sometime—Proverbs 5:15); "Dear lover and friend, you're a secret garden, a private and pure fountain. Body and soul, you are paradise" (cue the song "Secret Garden" right here, y'all—Song of Solomon 4:8-15—Message); "do not withhold from your spouse" (I Corinthians 7:5) and, one of my personal favorites "There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact" (I Corinthians 6:16—Message)—these are all Scriptural references regarding copulation.
Due to all of this, if someone were to ask me what one of my passions were, sex—including sex education—would definitely top the list. And since I can't be good at educating anyone unless I study up on it myself, I try to spend at least a few hours a week seeing what's going on in the world of sex.
What do I have for you today, ladies (and gents who also enjoy the site) are some random and even semi-strange facts about sex. Some will make you laugh. Some will evoke a lift of the brow. Hopefully all will make you think—and then test a few of 'em out.
Ready? Sex ed class is officially in session, y'all.
Eating Apples Can Improve Your Orgasms
Some of you might've read this and thought, "Duh. It was the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden, after all." Yeeeah. I'm not quite sure where we got that from because Scripture doesn't say that (Genesis 3). But what research has revealed is women who consume more than one apple a day do not only increase in lubrication but are able to have more (including more intense) orgasms. Eat up!
Sex Is a Great Cure for the Common Cold
Gargling apple cider vinegar can reduce the duration of a cold. So can having sex. What they both have in common is they help to strengthen your immune system. When it comes to sex specifically, if your partner has the sniffles and you're afraid of getting it on with them, kissing is what will give it do you; sex won't. That's because colds (nor influenza) aren't transmitted via sperm or vaginal fluid.
Oral Sex Lengthens a Man’s Penis
I've penned an article on the site before about just how beneficial consuming sperm is (check that out here). Here's another oral sex gem. When it comes to penises, even though most of our nerve endings are in the first 1-2 inches of our vaginal opening (so no, technically size doesn't matter as much as a lot of us think), if you wish your man was packin' more than he is, fellatio can help him out. Although researchers are still trying to figure out the connection, one study reveals that a man getting oral sex ultimately lengthens his penis size. Hmph.
If You Use Emojis, You Tend to Have More Sex
The next time you send a winky face, some praying hands or, eh hem, an eggplant and whoever you text makes fun of you on using emojis instead of words, school 'em on what it really means. Believe it or not, a few years ago, TIME magazine published an article with this title—"People Who Use Emojis Have More Sex". Yep. You read that right. It even goes so far as to say that women who use kiss emojis have an easier time having an orgasm. Emoji away!
Sex Improves Women’s Memory
Got a test coming up? Something you can do to increase your chances of passing it is to get some the night before. Yep. What one study has revealed is direct penile-vaginal intercourse can significantly increase your memory and verbal recognition. Pretty cool, huh?
The Love of Music Will Help You to Have More Sex
If you love all things music, here's a good reason to listen to it more often. No matter how crazy or random this might seem, it would appear that people who listen to music out loud have sex 67 percent more than individuals who don't. By the way, if you're wondering what genre of music mentions the word "sex" the most, it's hip-hop and then pop with R&B holding (surprisingly) fifth place.
Weekly Sex Will Regulate Your Menstrual Cycle
Is your menstrual cycle all over the place? Something that just might help to regulate it is having sex on a weekly basis. The reason why is because the luteinizing hormone in your system is what helps to keep your period coming on the same day (give or take a couple of day), every month. When you have sex, it helps to balance this hormone out.
Sex Is About as Effective as Aspirin
One time, a husband told me that whenever he wants to have sex and his wife claims to have a headache, he tells her that his penis will do more for her than an aspirin ever will. Turns out that there's some truth to that. How sex works is, whenever you do it, it triggers endorphins into your system which soothes your nervous system and relieves your headache (even your migraines). Hey, don't knock it until you try it!
Women Are More Attractive During Ovulation
Procreation isn't the sole purpose for having sex (not by a long shot), but we all know that sex makes babies. That's why it comes as no shocker to me that women are more attractive to men during their time of ovulation just like women are hornier during that time of the month too. I'm pretty sure this all works hand in hand, actually.
A Top Three Favorite Sex Toy Among Women Is a Candle
Although I like to backlink sources as much as possible, because the sites connected to this random fact are NSFW, you'll just have to take my word for it (or Google it yourself when you get home). Anyway, something else I happened upon is next to vibrators and sex toys, what women enjoy masturbating with most are candles. Unlit ones, of course.
Cold Feet Can Hinder Climaxing
Personally, I hate sleeping—or sexing—with socks on. One reason is because I don't like being hot. Another reason is because I read somewhere that folks who keep socks on during sex have deep-rooted intimacy issues. However, what studies reveal is folks who keep their socks on when they have sex are able to have more orgasms than those who don't. Experts claim it's because it's easier to climax when our feet are warm.
Wyoming, Alaska and Vermont Have the Kinkiest Sex Sessions
Take it for what it's worth, y'all but the states where people have the kinkiest sex are not New York or even California; it's Wyoming, Alaska and Vermont. Maybe because there's not much to do there? If you live there, you tell me (LOL). As far as the places that have the longest sex sessions, that award goes to New Mexico, West Virginia and Idaho. The minute-man states are Vermont, South Dakota and Alaska.
Did you peep how two of the kinkiest states have the shortest sex sessions. Maybe kinky is connected to quickies.
Men with Belly Fat Last Longer
If you've been pressuring your man to get a six-pack, you might wanna pull back on that a bit. The truth of the matter is that men who have a bit of a belly bulge are able to last longer in bed than men who are constantly in the gym all of the time. According to an article I read, oftentimes as much as three times longer. Wow.
Fun fact: If you put on a combination of pumpkin and lavender essential oils, it can increase the blood flow that rushes to your man's penis by as much as 40 percent. (You're welcome.)
Female Night Owls Have Higher Sex Drives
If you're a night owl, you're probably having more sex than earlier risers. You might think it's because most people have sex at night out of convenience, but that's not actually the reason. The scientific reason is the longer a woman stays up, the more that the stress hormone cortisol will increase in her system. Cortisol is directly-connected to arousal and taking risks. Although, to be perfectly fair regarding the study, female night owls also tend to have a harder time getting into and maintaining the relationship. (Don't shoot the messenger!)
There Is No FDA-Approved Condom for Anal Sex
Last but not least, y'all. Last summer, our managing editor penned a beginner's guide to anal sex. Since 21 percent of women between the ages of 25-29 and 22 percent of women between the ages of 30-39, it's a relevant topic. At the same time, I do think it should go on record that there is currently no condom for anal sex that's been FDA-approved. This means, there is no condom that they are willing to, pardon the pun, back up. That's pretty serious when you actually think about what a condom is designed to do (protect you from transmitting and receiving STDs). The more you know, sis. The more you know.
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Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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