To everything, there is a time and a season. King Solomon once said that — and I appreciate him for it because it’s a reminder that, just like earthly seasons come and go, whether we want them to or not, the same happens for seasons in life. And what this means is, at the end of the day, all we can do is prepare.
What’s wild about this pearl of wisdom as it relates to today’s topic is, several years ago, I literally penned an article for the platform entitled, “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?” And, as life would have it, that same year, I also wrote, “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.” Yes, according to science, when the temperatures drop outside, that is the ideal time to “turn up the heat” indoors.
At the same time, what’s absolutely wild about all of this is, the fall and winter seasons are also when your libido can find itself going through some “not so much in the mood” changes. Yet there goes that seasons thing popping up again because, if after reading this, you can honestly say that you’ve seen yourself in some of these seasonal situations…now you know how to prepare — so that, this year, you can have some of the best sex (in cooler weather) that you’ve ever had.
Let’s get into it.
A Drop in (Natural) Vitamin D Can Lower Your Libido
GiphyEven though vitamins and supplements provide a way for you to get (more) nutrients into your system than what your diet may already be providing you — science definitely believes that the more that you can get nature involved with what you need, the better off you are. That said, it’s no secret that we, as Black folks, have a reputation for being vitamin D deficient and it’s mostly because the natural melanin in our skin makes it harder for us to absorb the vitamin D that comes from sunlight.
Well, since the days are shorter during the fall and winter seasons, what this means is we have to be even more intentional about getting this particular nutrient into our system during that time. And what the heck does any of this have to do with your sex life? Well, vitamin D is a vitamin that actually helps to keep your sex hormones (especially your estrogen and testosterone) levels where they need to be — and so, the less of it that you have in your body, the less of a sex drive you might end up having.
So, if it seems like with cooler weather, you’re not as “in the mood” as you would like, spend more time outdoors when the sun is out, try and keep your window treatments open during the day, take a vitamin D supplement and consume foods like yogurt, tuna, eggs, mushrooms and cheese — they all have plenty of vitamin D in them.
If You’re Less (Physically) Active, It Can Decrease Your Blood’s Circulation
GiphyThe more clothes you have on, typically, the less incentive there is to care about your body looking as in shape as it possibly can. Plus, if you prefer to be outdoors when you do get your exercise in, the bitter cold can make you want to do that less and less often. And that is why, it should come as no surprise that it’s common for individuals to pack on a few pounds during this time of the year.
The reason why this is a sexual cause for alarm is because, the more you work out, the more your blood is able to easily circulate throughout your system. Your partner needs this in order to maintain his erections. You need this because your sexual arousal intensifies, plus, you have a greater chance of experiencing an orgasm when your blood circulation is steadily flowing. So, even if running outside isn’t going to work for you right now, at least make sure to do some workouts at home (some videos that you can check out are located right here).
Fall Weather Can Jack Up Your Sleep Which Can Mess with Your Drive
GiphySomething that you shouldn’t rely on is the belief that if you aren’t getting consistent rest, you can just pick a random day and “catch up” on it. Although more studies are coming out that there may be a bit of truth to that theory, it’s far healthier (and more effective) to intentionally get 6-8 hours of sleep every night and to try and take naps throughout the day, if you can.
The relevance of all of this, as it relates to fall (and winter) weather is, something that time “falling back” can oftentimes do is disrupt your sleeping patterns. In fact, what science reveals is, although in theory it might seem like you are “gaining an hour” when time goes back 60 minutes — all it really means is that days are shorter in the sense of nightfall happening quicker…yet it doesn’t really mean that you will sleep for a longer period of time at all.
If anything, you usually end up having your sleep patterns disrupted which can make you irritable, have low-energy and feeling not as interested in sex as usual (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). A sleep schedule can help with this. Definitely consider creating one for this time of year (if you don’t have one already).
Dehydration (from HVAC Units and Consuming Less Water) Can Make You Lethargic
GiphyNo matter how many warm lattes, hot chocolates and heated up apple ciders you plan on drinking this fall and winter season — you still need to drink some water (or, at the very least, some herbal tea). The reality is that cooler weather has a way of dehydrating people because cold winds are drying and HVAC units (in order to keep you warm) can be as well. One way that you can remedy this from the outside in is to invest in a humidifier; especially for your bedroom (check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”) — and yes, for the sake of your sex life, definitely drink as much water as possible to keep moisture in your system too.
The method to the madness with this one is water not only helps the blood in your body to flow easier (so that your heart doesn’t have to work as hard), it also has oxygen in it which can help you to feel alert and energized. Not to mention the fact that water also helps your system to produce more natural lubrication, can reduce your stress levels and it can help to keep erectile dysfunction from being an issue (or more of an issue) in your partner as well.
You Might Feel More Emotionally/Relationally Detached in the Cooler Months
GiphyAlthough, theoretically, it would seem that the fall and winter seasons would make you want to boo/bae up more than ever — seasonal depression (also known as Seasonal Affective Disorder/SAD) can actually make some people pull in and isolate more than what they typically would. It might be because they are moodier than usual. It might be because they feel lonely and depressed. It could even be that the weather, plus the pressure of the holidays, has them feeling overwhelmed to the point where they simply don’t want to be bothered by too much human interaction.
Whatever the case may be, it’s damn near impossible to have sex with someone if you don’t want them around you — which is why the feelings of emotional and relational detachment during fall and wintertime is something else to take special note of.
Your Diet and Your Libido Tend to Give Each Other Mixed Signals
GiphyCakes. Cookies. Pies. Creamy sauces. Eggnog. Listen, if any time of the year is packed with loads of carbs, it’s the holiday season — not to mention all of the alcohol that’s around. And yes, diet absolutely plays a role in how your libido is gonna act. For one thing, carbs can put your sugar levels on a real roller coaster ride which can have your sex drive all over the place. Then, if you factor in the unhealthy fats that are in a lot of dishes and how fats can lead to bodily inflammation which can, in turn, up your stress levels while decreasing your stress hormones?
Oh, and don’t even get me started on how alcohol can (sometimes) make it challenging for men to keep an erection and men and women to achieve an orgasm. Bottom line here, if you want to have a thriving and fulfilling sex life, there are no seasons to “take off.” Diet is ALWAYS gonna matter.
Holiday Stress Is Well…STRESSFUL
GiphySpending lots of money. Traveling. Preparing for guests in your home. A busier-than-usual schedule. Trying to keep the peace among all of your family members (check out “This Is How To Keep Your Family From Driving You Crazy Over The Holidays”). Even with all of the “holiday cheer” that comes with the holiday season, there is a ton of stress and anxiety that can come with it as well — and when you’re stressed out, this means more cortisol (your body’s stress hormone) is in your system and that less sex hormones are thriving too.
The irony to all of this is sex is a way to reduce stress levels so…even if you’re not feeling like doing it, try a little bit of “faking it until you make it” — it might just be what your body needs to get you through all of the fall and winter season pressure (and sometimes drama).
Cooler Weather Can Decrease a Man’s Testosterone Levels
GiphyAnd finally, something that you might want to tell your man is it's pretty common and normal for men’s testosterone levels to drop a tad during the fall and winter seasons — this is due to much of what I’ve already stated: less exposure to natural vitamin D, a compromised diet, not enough rest, etc. This is actually why, when a man is sexually aroused and he takes a cold shower — it works.
The science behind it is it has a way of temporarily decreasing testosterone levels in a man’s blood. Anyway, in order to keep cool weather from wreaking havoc on his testosterone: lowering stress, taking some zinc, avoiding excessive alcohol consumption, getting plenty of rest and putting some ginger or patchouli essential oil in a diffuser can all help out in this department.
Now that you know how to prepare for the weather that is coming, for the sake of your libido, sis…please do.
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Featured image by Giphy
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023