Picture this. It was a beautiful summer night near the water. He held her close as he gazed into her eyes. She stroked his face before leaning into his kiss. That night, they fell in love. Or did they? While the idea that the couple was destined to fall for each other is enchanting, chances are there are other reasons for human attraction (feelings of falling in love). And some are quite interesting.
As it turns out, the reasons people fall for one another may have less to do with destiny and more to do with biological, psychological, and environmental factors such as attraction, timing, and...owning a dog?
1.Ring by spring. Love forecast.
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Is it possible for warm weather (read: springtime) to have an affect on your love life? Some say yes. A recent blog post shared research from neuroscientists who claim that springtime is the best season for a new relationship to bloom. Naturally, as the days get longer, skirts get shorter, meaning not much is left to the imagination in the fashion department. People wear less clothes and thus, sexual attraction/desires increase. Have you ever noticed that more than flowers bloom in the spring? Online dating app, Zoosk, compared data from ten major cities to see how changes in the weather affected their users.
2.Sex, passion, and physical touch.
Listen, you had me at sex. Not that we actually needed science to tell us that sex produces feelings of love, but as it turns out, there actually is science to support this claim. Well, kinda. Our bodies churn out chemical messengers known as pheromones when we are in close proximity to one another. Therefore, physical contact where there is an exchange of bodily fluids such as sweat or saliva is present manufactures these chemicals. Additionally, sex produces oxytocin, commonly referred to as the love hormone during orgasm and replicates feelings of love but is more likely creating an attachment than actual love.
3.Kissing.
While this may seem obvious, there's actually a more biological reason why kissing increases attraction. Male saliva contains trace amounts of testosterone which can boost the sex drive of a woman. Additionally, evolutionary scientists believe women can detect genetic compounds that are essential for the immune system and will increase their chances of having healthy children. Now if that's not a good reason to spark a makeout session, then I don't know what is.
4.Menstrual cycle (for women).
Did you know that changes in your hormonal levels at different points in your menstrual cycle can trigger certain urges/outcomes? For example, women that are ovulating are rated as being more attractive by men. That's certainly an ego-boost if nothing else, especially when we feel anything but attractive while coping with cramps and excessive water retention. But that's not the only weird side effect of menstruation. A 2012 study found another useful occurrence in women who were strongly bonded to their partner and experienced more intimate physical contact with them during high fertility days of their cycle.
5.The Holy Trinity of Intimacy.
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Robert Sternberg's triangular theory of love proposes that love consists of three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment, with commitment as the foundational basis and passion being the most unstable. Intimacy refers to the closeness between partners with regard to emotional connection, while passion is more aligned with feelings gained through a sexual connection.
The element of commitment is when partners make a decision to "stop looking" for other partners and pursue a relationship with each other. While each component is separate, they can influence each other. For example, having greater intimacy can lead to more commitment and vice versa. Sternberg's theory can be summed up with the idea that a relationship can exist with a combination of any two (or less) elements, but for a consummate love, all three aspects are required.
6.Tug of war.
There's a popular saying that opposites attract, but the Bible says you must be equally yoked. So which one is? Actually, it's both. Communication theorists call this interplay relational dialectics. You can email me to learn more about that, if you're interested, but what it primarily focuses on is how individuals deal with contractions in their relationship. Generally speaking, attraction grows when you have something in common with a person. This can be liking the same type of music or eating similar kinds of food, or it could be something more substantial like having the same values or beliefs.
But relationships also benefit when partners are not too much alike and can offer something new to each other. The most common contradictions in relationships are the dynamics between introverts and extroverts, affectionate and non-affectionate, and clingy versus independent individuals. The key to a successful relationship is to find a happy medium.
7.Commitment
People think commitment starts with desire, but it actually begins with necessity. Yes, people commit when you're able to fulfill a need they have. Sometimes it's sexual, emotional, intellectual, even financial. But generally speaking, people stick around when they feel like they have a reason to. I've spoken to hundreds of women who have no problem dating and meeting new men, but when it comes time to take the relationship to the next level and commit to each other, they're left wondering why he walked away.
Experts say there are three things that people consider when deciding to commit to someone: how satisfied they are with their partner or the relationship, the availability of options outside of the relationship, and how much they've already invested into the relationship.
8.Looking like your partner’s parents… Say what, now?
Greek mythology relays the tale of a mythical king, Oedipus, whose tragic demise resulted in him killing his father and marrying his mother. From this tragedy, the world-renown psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud coined "The Oedipus Complex" to describe a child's feelings of desire for his or her opposite-sex parent. Recent studies have latched on to Freud's ideas claiming some folks are attracted to people with similar features as their parents such as skin tone, hair/eye color, and the age range they saw at birth. So if it's any consolation for why your ex's new girlfriend is frumpy-looking like his mom, this might explain why. Sigh.
9.Eye contact.
In 1997, Arthur Aron and a group of psychologists conducted an experiment to see if they could "create" intimacy between couples and ultimately make them fall in love. One study consisted of about 50 strangers, a series of 36 questions followed by a two-minute period of complete silence while looking into each other's eyes. Their experiment resulted in an almost 60 percent success rate with several couples going steady and two successful marriages.
10.If you own a dog.
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Several studies have concluded that dogs contribute to social interaction among strangers. A 1992 study by Kelly Ann Rossbach & John P. Wilson showed that the presence of a dog can make a person appear more likable. Research shows that people are more likely to attribute positive characteristics such as being caring, patient, and nurturing to dog-owners. These qualities are commonly cited as reasons people fall in love, thus making them more desirable to date.
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Also known as The Real Black Carrie Bradshaw for her relentless love of shoes and emotionally unavailable men, DeJa K. Johnson is unapologetic in her pursuits to find love, happiness, and orgasms. A graduate of UA Little Rock, DeJa earned a Master's degree in Applied Communication with an emphasis on Interpersonal & Romantic relationships. She is also the founder of TheBreakupSpace.com, a safe space for men and women who need help getting over the loss of a romantic relationship. To connect, you can find her on all social media @TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw or send her an email to love@TheRealBlackCarrieBradshaw.com.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own
Friends. No matter how many you have (or don’t have), it’s a pretty irrefutable fact that we all need at least one or two of 'em. Why? Well, for starters, there’s all kinds of research out here that says good friends (emphasis on “good”) are great for both your mental as well as your physical health. That’s because friends can help boost your self-esteem, give you solid support, and help reduce your stress levels.
So, with all of this being the case, why does it seem like there are so many articles (like these here, here, here, here, and here) out in cyberspace that talk about us living in a time where we are having less friends than ever? While there are probably dozens of answers to that question, I think one of the main ones is that people tend to take their friendships for granted. Then, as a direct result, they don’t really learn how to properly maintain them and, as we all know, if you don’t water a plant…it dies. And yes, if you don’t nurture your friendships, they can (eventually) too.
As someone who is damn near a research addict, I thought it would be fun for me and possibly insightful to you to learn what science has to say about certain aspects of friendship. With any luck, paying attention to the following 12 points could help you to choose (more or new) friends wisely, take care of your good friends, and also release the friendships that aren’t right for you — not just based on your feelings but some proven facts (which is what science is all about).
Audrey Hepburn once said, “True friends are family that you select.” So true, so true. Let’s see how healthy your friend-family-friendships are, shall we?
1. There Are Friends. Then There Are REAL Friends.
GiphyLast year, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “5 Kinds Of Friends You Need. 3 Kinds Of Friends You Don't.” Apparently, I was confirming something scientific without even really knowing it because, there is research which says that over the course of our lives, we will only have 29 actual friends — six, at the most, will last a lifetime. Intel also states that we will lose touch with somewhere around 50 percent of the friends that we make too.
As I pondered this, I must admit that I would have to agree because, one of my closest friends from my teen years, and I remained close until my early 30s. Then, between her work schedule and my constantly changing my phone number, we just…faded out. There was no fallout. I still adore her. We just…lost touch. Maybe writing this out is a universal cue to try and look her up. Maybe. We’ll see.
2. Friendships Actually Have “Pillars.” Seven of ‘Em.
GiphyOkay, and what makes you keep the six friends that will end up going the distance? Something tells me that the seven pillars that an emeritus professor of evolutionary psychology came up with play a significant role: language, geography, educational experiences, hobbies/interests, moral/spiritual perspectives, political views, and similar senses of humor/same tastes in music.
As I took all of this in, although I have about as many friends out of state as I do in state (which nixes the geography thing), the moral and political views, the same sense of humor (wit), and the music thing? Yeah, that definitely tracks. I went to dinner with a male friend just yesterday and about half of our conversation was about who can sing and who…can’t (in our opinion, of course).
3. Successful Friendships Have a “Formula”
GiphySo, apparently a former FBI agent (who also has his PhD) came up with something called a “friendship formula” that can help you to determine if your friendships are going to truly be successful — or not. There needs to be PROXIMITY which speaks to the distance (literally and metaphorically) that you and someone else have between you, FREQUENCY which speaks to how often the two of you speak/connect, DURATION which speaks to the amount of time you spend with said-friend and INTENSITY which speaks to how well you both are at meeting each other’s innermost needs.
If you actually take this formula seriously, some of y’all will have to “edit” that, “My closest friends, we can go months without speaking and pick right up where we left off.” I mean, perhaps, yet is that friendship or familiarity? Real friendships tend to need a bit more maintenance than mere sporadic catch-up calls. The formula says so.
4. Certain Phrases Are Gaslighting You into a Friendship Break-Up
GiphyRecently, while talking to a little love sister of mine, it was interesting to see her go through the internal growth spurt that I think a lot of people do around the age of 35 (she will be that in November). She was talking about some slick sh-t that she used to tolerate people saying in her life that she doesn’t anymore. It was fascinating how some of those very things are featured in an article that I read on CNBC’s website not too long ago.
Bottom line, according to the article, there are toxic phrases that if your friends (or so-called friends) use, it can be a sign that it’s time to shift them out of your world. The ones that particularly caught my attention are when you’re told that you are too sensitive, that you can’t take a joke, or when your friends don’t give genuine apologies. What this all points to is dismissing your feelings which can make a person unsafe. Friends should always make you feel...safe.
5. If Your Friendships Last This Long, You’ve Got Them for Life
GiphyYeah, this is one that totally gets a very well-earned side-eye from me. According to some psychologists, if you’ve got a friendship that has lasted for seven years or more, you’ve got a friend for life. Uh-huh, well, several years back, I penned an article for the site about a childhood friend of mine who ghosted me when I was in my 40s. Then, just a few years ago, I ended a friendship with a guy who decided that, even after our friendship made it through a fiancée and a wife (twice because he divorced and then married his wife again and I was their marriage life coach through it), his new girlfriend of just a couple of months could dictate how close he and I should be.
Had he not jacked it up, we would’ve made it to 30 years (we met in college). Not to mention the fact that there is other research that says that we actually tend to replace friends every seven years or so. I wrote about that earlier this year. Check out “Lost Some Friends Lately? Welp. Has It Been Seven Years?” to learn more. So, like I said, I’m not sure about this one. I’m just putting it on record as food for thought, though.
6. Want a Healthy Friendship? Mind Your “Cs.”
GiphyA popular research project from the early 1980s came to the conclusion that all healthy relationships need the following “C” things: communication, compatibility, commitment, care, and compromise. When it comes to friendships in particular, I’d venture to say that many of them start due to compatibility and end due to a lack of compromise. Hop in the comments for your thoughts on this one.
7. There Are Eight Main Reasons Why Friendships End
GiphyOn the heels of what I just said, what do you also think about some data that reveals the top reasons why friendships end up…ending: no longer having shared interests; a lack of time to invest in the friendship; not having the same expectations; betrayal; a lack of reciprocity; not knowing how to (properly) handle conflict; becoming more than friends and it not working out, and clashing when it comes to perceptions of a friend’s family or other friends.
Personally, what I was surprised to not see on here is pride. It’s amazing how many relationships, of all kinds, end because people care more about their ego than their connection with another person. Hmph. Maybe that’s just me, though.
8. Friends Are Almost As Genetically Similar As Married Folks
GiphyWhen I first noticed the title “Friends Are More Similar Genetically Than Strangers, Study Says” in a TIME piece, I basically thought, “I mean, is that really news?” Then I decided to check it out more thoroughly and what did catch my attention is the fact that the same article stated that somewhere around two-thirds of friends actually have the same kind of genetic similarities as married people. It’s all due to something called “social homophily” which basically means that folks have the ability to form strong bonds based on similar shared characteristics that can be traced all the way back to genetics. Pretty interesting, huh?
9. Co-Workers Ain’t As Loyal As You Might Think (or Want)
GiphyPersonally, I think that making close friends at work can get dicey on a billion different levels because boundaries can get crossed, issues can affect productivity, and, what if you happen to fall out with a work friend? Talk about AWKWARD. Plus, I once read a TIME article entitled, “Study: Most Millennials Would Dump a Friend to Get Ahead at Work” which pretty much means that, oh, 7 times outta 10, you should probably prepare to be seen as disposable when it comes to a work friend choosing you over a promotion when it comes to loyalty and devotion.
That said, always remember a motto of mine: there is a lot of space between “friend” and “enemy” and so, while being cool and cordial with co-workers is always a wise move, becoming close friends? At the very least, proceed with caution. Extremely so.
10. People Determine Their Friendships Based on How Their Friends Feel About Them
GiphyThere’s a guy I know who used to say all of the time that many people consider him to be their best friend when he wouldn’t put them in that category of his relationships at all. Chile, he’d better not show them this article because there is data to support that one thing social media has revealed is individuals have a tendency to value their friendships based on how others value them. In other words, if you say that someone is extremely close to you and you let the world know that via your IG page, they will probably say that they see you in the same light. On the other hand, if you don’t…they won’t. Sounds a bit high schoolish to me but…whatever. LOL.
11. A Romantic Relationship Will Probably Cost You Some Friends
GiphySomething that I am known for saying is when one of my close friends gets married, I automatically “demote” myself as far as intimacy ranking goes. Why? Because when people gain a spouse, their lives are going to change; that is a given, and friends who think that they should be prioritized over someone’s marriage — whew, are they in for a ride of sheer delusion.
In fact, some research indicates that whenever you get into a romantic relationship, you can pretty much prepare to lose at least two friends. A part of the reason is because science says that most of us tend to have no more than five close friends at a time and since a serious relationship can sometimes require the energy and effort of two people, well, there ya go.
12. Friendship Is What Makes a Marriage Go the Distance
GiphyI’ve been through a couple of friendship break-ups that damn near took my breath away, so I totally get it when I see articles like HuffPost’s “Why Friendship Breakups Can Be More Devastating Than Romantic Ones” and The Conversation’s “Friend breakups: why they can sometimes feel as bad as falling out of love.” Although I must say that what all of this amplifies to me is why people should have friendship at the foundation of their friendship, to begin with. Because, while some folks are out here feeling like their friends are a part of them, Scripture literally says that spouses are to “become one” (Genesis 2:24-25).
Besides…know what else science reveals? The key to a lasting marriage is true friendship anyway. Checkmate.
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So, how do your friendships match up to what science has said? There’s no time like the present to do some (re)evaluating and a bit of inventory (check out “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins”) because, it’s one thing to have friends — it’s a totally different matter to have genuine friendships that bless and benefit your life? Amen? Amen, sis.
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