

We Talked To 9 Men About When They Know They’re Ready For Love
Have you ever wanted to know if your man really loves you? I mean really, REALLY loves you. Have you ever found yourself asking: 'How will I know if he really loves me?' Well, I have some comforting news: you're in good company.
The truth of the matter is: so have I. So has my best friend, probably your best friend; so have many other women. And believe it or not, so has Whitney Houston. So much so, that she wrote a whole song about it. And it's in that vein that I'll let you in on a little hard truth: we won't ever know. Our feelings can be misleading, our blinding love can be deceitful. We can say a prayer with every heartbeat but the fact of the matter is until that man backs up with actions what he says with his lips, women will never (and I mean never) know if a man really loves them. Or if they're even ready to love in the first place.
Courtesy of OWN
But, fortunately, all hope is not lost. Our favorite love show where black people get to meet and potentially find love in a hopeless place (known as Atlanta) is back for another season! The series, produced by Will Packer and hosted by Thomas "Nephew Tommy" Miles, has a new roster of highly sought after singles and has once again solidified a spot in our Saturday nights.
I got the chance recently to talk with 9 bachelors from the second season of the OWN Network show Ready to Love (airing Saturdays at 10/9c), where they let me in on their thoughts about love, commitment, and everything else in between and they did not disappoint.
Here's what they had to say:
On the concept of courtship...
"Courtship is primarily on the man, however, I feel as if some women nowadays demand courtship and aren't worthy of courtship. And by that, I mean this: just because you're a woman, it doesn't mean you possess the qualities that a man is looking for in the 'woman for him.'''
On finding a compatible partner at this stage...
"Finding a partner at this particular stage in my life is easier for me. I know what I want, what I'm willing to tolerate, I'm financially stable, very aware of the red flags. I still leave room for mistakes or for things taken out of context. But I also know who I am and what I bring to OUR table."
On the things to know from the first date...
"Some things I'd like to know on the first date: are you separated or divorced? Where do you see yourself in two years? How ambitious are you? Do you have kids or do you want kids? Do you have a job or a career? On a scale of 1-10, how supportive are you—1 being horrible and 10 being superb."
On catering to the needs of your partner...
"I had the pleasure of growing up with sisters older and younger, with me as a middle child. I am very emotionally aware when it comes to expressing my needs but it becomes an awesome challenge to wake up and think, 'What can be done to add to my partner's happiness?'''
On how to revive courtship...
"The microwave mentality of dating has to change. Courtship is a true art of showing your partner creative romantic ways of how special they are. Courtship ultimately is a preview of what is to come, which is marriage."
On evolving to meet the needs of your partner...
"When in a committed relationship, I no longer live for myself but [for] us. Living for us will create change of old habits and create new ones. Selflessness is evolving one's mindset."
On how his outlook on love has changed...
"I make better choices on who I decide to spend my time with. I secretly place them in top picks and bottom picks. A woman who I get to know will move to bottom pick in the event we just aren't vibing. I also spend more time on the phone now with who I really vibe with because I feel like a woman really doesn't vibe with you unless she gives you phone time. That texting mess is all smoke and mirrors."
On making your partner feel loved in a new relationship...
"I think public displays of affection are necessary when it's someone you really like. Holding hands, dancing together, and occasional kissing is dope. It usually makes her feel special."
On what the last relationship taught him...
"I've learned to love myself more, love taking care of me first, and that peace of mind starts with self-care."
On how to impress a woman on the first date...
"I would advise not trying to impress a potential mate. Be yourself and take them to a place you enjoy or ask them what they enjoy doing!"
On making your partner feel secure in a new relationship...
"No one can make anyone feel any way at all. True happiness and love come from within. I would advise being secure with and loving yourself before dating anyone!"
On his love languages...
"My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch."
On what he looks for on the first date...
"Good vibes, energy, and chemistry."
On being vulnerable with your partner...
"I'm ready to get outside my comfort zone."
On what his love languages are...
"My love language is quality time."
On being vulnerable with your partner...
"Vulnerability for me happens when I feel I can trust someone who I [feel] genuinely cares about me as a person and future mate."
On what’s missing in today’s conversation of courtship...
"Belief systems, sharing clear expectations and boundaries, timelines, and shared goals for the relationship."
On what will sustain a relationship...
"It is the compatibility piece that sustains the relationship. I realize how easy it is to have quick surface connections with people who also have connections with other people as well."
On being emotionally aware with your partner...
"I am very in-tune when it comes to catering to my partner. Communication is key when it comes to being open to their needs as well expressing my own. Closed mouths don't get fed."
On his love languages...
"My love language is acts of service."
On changing for love’s sake…
"Changing traits about myself will most definitely depend on who I'm changing those traits for and if I care to change those traits."
On positive indicators on the first date...
"What I look out for is for her to not be so serious. I don't want our date to feel like it's an interview. Let's laugh a little bit let's joke some, I'm sure we'll get to the serious conversation when we were talking on the phone."
On what he’s learned from his last relationship...
"I learned how to not be so closed-off. I need to open up more when it comes to talking instead of walking away all the time."
On where to take a woman on the first date...
"I want to do what's going to make her happy, so I would ask her what's her favorite restaurant and start there."
On what he looks for before committing...
"I look for a woman who makes it easy to trust her. She's open and honest about her past and her shortcomings. I also like a woman that's thoughtful and doesn't mind showing you how important you are to her life."
On the indicators of a compatible partner...
"I can't be with anyone who doesn't have a spiritual foundation or who doesn't believe in the economic empowerment of Black people in America."
On what to do to get to know a woman on the first date...
"I like taking a woman to the gym and putting her through one of my workouts. I want to see her effort, her drive, or if she'll complain or persevere. I'm big on fitness and a woman that can keep up with me and pushes past her own limitations is definitely a turn-on."
Be sure to catch Ready to Love every Saturday at 10/9c. And if you haven't already, watch the first full episode here.
Featured image courtesy of Instagram/@sellyourhomejimmyjones.
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Writer. Empath. Escapist. Young, gifted, and Black. Shanelle Genai is a proud Southern girl in a serious relationship with celebrity interviews, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and long walks down Sephora aisles. Keep up with her on IG @shanellegenai.
How Content Creators Hey Fran Hey And Shameless Maya Embraced The Pivot
This article is in partnership with Meta Elevate.
If you’ve been on the internet at all within the past decade, chances are the names Hey Fran Hey and Shameless Maya (aka Maya Washington) have come across your screen. These content creators have touched every platform on the web, spreading joy to help women everywhere live their best lives. From Fran’s healing natural remedies to Maya’s words of wisdom, both of these content creators have built a loyal following by sharing honest, useful, and vulnerable content. But in search of a life that lends to more creativity, freedom, and space, these digital mavens have moved from their bustling big cities (New York City and Los Angeles respectively) to more remote locations, taking their popular digital brands with them.
Content Creators Hey Fran Hey and Maya Washington Talk "Embracing The Pivot"www.youtube.com
In partnership with Meta Elevate — an online learning platform that provides Black, Hispanic, and Latinx-owned businesses access to 1:1 mentoring, digital skills training, and community — xoNecole teamed up with Franscheska Medina and Maya Washington on IG live recently for a candid conversation about how they’ve embraced the pivot by changing their surroundings to ultimately bring out the best in themselves and their work. Fran, a New York City native, moved from the Big Apple to Portland, Oregon a year ago. Feeling overstimulated by the hustle and bustle of city life, Fran headed to the Pacific Northwest in search of a more easeful life.
Her cross-country move is the backdrop for her new campaign with Meta Elevate— a perfectly-timed commercial that shows how you can level up from wherever you land with the support of free resources like Meta Elevate. Similarly, Maya packed up her life in Los Angeles and moved to Sweden, where she now resides with her husband and adorable daughter. Maya’s life is much more rural and farm-like than it had been in California, but she is thriving in this peaceful new setting while finding her groove as a new mom.
While Maya is steadily building and growing her digital brand as a self-proclaimed “mom coming out of early retirement,” Fran is redefining her own professional grind. “It’s been a year since I moved from New York City to Portland, Oregon,” says Fran. “I think the season I’m in is figuring out how to stay successful while also slowing down.” A slower-paced life has unlocked so many creative possibilities and opportunities for these ladies, and our conversation with them is a well-needed reminder that your success is not tied to your location…especially with the internet at your fingertips. Tapping into a community like Meta Elevate can help Black, Hispanic, and Latinx entrepreneurs and content creators stay connected to like minds and educated on new digital skills and tools that can help scale their businesses.
During a beautiful moment in the conversation, Fran gives Maya her flowers for being an innovator in the digital space. Back when “influencing” was in its infancy and creators were just trying to find their way, Fran says Maya was way ahead of her time. “I give Maya credit for being one of the pioneers in the digital space,” Fran said. “Maya is a one-person machine, and I always tell her she really changed the game on what ads, campaigns, and videos, in general, should look like.”
When asked what advice she’d give content creators, Maya says the key is having faith even when you don’t see the results just yet. “It’s so easy to look at what is, despite you pouring your heart into this thing that may not be giving you the returns that you thought,” she says. “Still operate from a place of love and authenticity. Have faith and do the work. A lot of people are positive thinkers, but that’s the thinking part. You also have to put your faith into work and do the work.”
Fran ultimately encourages content creators and budding entrepreneurs to take full advantage of Meta Elevate’s vast offerings to educate themselves on how to build and grow their businesses online. “It took me ten years to get to the point where I’m making ads at this level,” she says. “I didn’t have those resources in 2010. I love the partnership with Meta Elevate because they’re providing these resources for free. I just think of the people that wouldn’t be able to afford that education and information otherwise. So to amplify a company like this just feels right.”
Watch the full conversation with the link above, and join the Meta Elevate community to connect with fellow businesses and creatives that are #OnTheRiseTogether.
Featured image courtesy of Shameless Maya and Hey Fran Hey
Teyana Taylor Says Husband Iman Shumpert Pursued Her For 3 Years Before She Was Open To Dating Him
Teyana Taylor is the culture's BFF. She has built a platform from simply knowing and being herself, a rarity in the entertainment industry, and we eat it up. We met her in 2007 when she appeared on the fourth season of My Super Sweet Sixteen, the popular MTV reality series which focused on the lavish birthday parties of affluent teenagers. She was signed to Pharrell at the time, which eventually ended after she asked to be released to be an independent artist.
Since, she has made moves across the entertainment industry, whether showing the world that we all need to go to the gym in Kanye's "Fade" video or winning Season 7's The Masked Singer.
She even welcomed a new love, husband Iman Shumpert, but even that came in the most Teyana Taylor fashion.
On a recent visit to Jimmy Kimmel Live! to promote her new movie,A Thousand and One, she discussed how the two met, ultimately revealing that sis was not into a quick hookup. After Kimmel showed her a photo from a celebrity basketball game, she said, "That was the very picture and the very moment that my husband fell in love with me. He [was] like, 'who is that girl, her defense is on point,'--you know he was a defensive player. And he fell in love with the kid."
Kimmel asked her if the falling was mutual, to which she responded, "You know what's crazy? It took me like three years to even like, finally give in. So even though he was feeling me this day, he didn't get me that day. I was actually in a relationship at the time and it was Luda Day weekend and he walked up to me and was like, 'You should eff with me, you need me in your life.' And he just kept trying and trying and trying."
And listen ladies, I know we've all seen Iman so I know you guys are wondering why she may have been on one that day, but we also know that doesn't mean there is never a possibility. Eventually, he wore her down after the two went through their own breakups.
"Later down the line, I was dealing with a breakup, he was dealing with a breakup...we just kind of became friends, BUT--see there's always a 'but,' guys -- I had a styling company and I wanted to shoot him, and he was like my first client and he gave me my first chance or whatever, and there was this one time where he had to take off his shirt...GIRL."
And as they say, the rest is sis-make-him-court-you history.
The pair began dating in 2013, and Shumpert popped the question in 2015 during their baby shower at the Museum of Contemporary Art in Cleveland, Ohio. They officially tied the knot in 2016 and have since welcomed two daughters, Junie (whose real name is Iman Shumpert Jr.) and Rue Rose.
They landed their own reality TV series in 2018 Teyana & Iman, which they then followed up with their E! show, We Got Love Teyana & Iman, in 2021. Taylor told VH1 in 2018, "When a female catches butterflies, you know it's real. Because up to that moment, I didn't like him on that level. When you catch butterflies, it's almost like do you run away from it and get scared and miss out on love? Or do you just follow your gut?"
Well, it's clear what her answer is. But what about you: do you believe in love's timing?
Watch the full clip below:
Teyana Taylor on Teaching Beyoncé the Chicken Noodle Soup Dance & Falling in Love with Iman Shumpert
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Featured image by Robin Marchant/Getty Images for Roger Dubuis