Something that’s really cool about having friends for more than a decade of time is you literally get to watch each other grow, shift, and even transform — this includes spiritually, emotionally, professionally, relationally, and yes, physically. When it comes to my male friends, what has been beyond fascinating on the sexual tip (which is pretty much where the relational and physical “meet”) is how horny they seemed to be in their 20s and early to mid-30s vs. how they get once they hit about 36 or 37.
Don’t get me wrong, they still like sex (a lot). It’s just that…many of them start talking about having less energy, not being as consumed by getting some all of the time, and even gaining weight (as some start to lose their hair too).
Hmm…isn’t it interesting that whenever women start going through changes once they reach their mid-30s to early 40s, we automatically tack menopause (or perimenopause) onto them and yet, when men are experiencing their own “modifications,” we don’t quickly associate a word for them — even though there is one? And that word, my friends, is andropause.
If you’ve never heard of andropause before (or you have but you’re not exactly sure what it means), I’m going to do my best to break it down for you over the next few minutes. Because just like menopause is pretty much an unavoidable season of life for us, andropause is the exact same thing for the men in your world. Science has proven it.
So, What Is Andropause All About?
GiphyIf you really paid attention to all that I said in the intro, I’m sure some of you are like, “Okay, so andropause is basically ‘male menopause’” — and to a large extent, you would be correct. Still, probably the best way to explain andropause is it’s the stage in a man’s life when his testosterone levels begin to significantly drop (which is also known as hypogonadism which is why andropause is oftentimes called age-related hypogonadism). Although some health experts say that this begins to happen to men once they hit the age of 50, others say that around 40 is when testosterone begins to decrease on a pretty noticeable level.
The reason why this is super relevant is because a drop in testosterone can impact a man’s health on a myriad of different levels. That’s because testosterone is a hormone that is responsible for things like:
- Developing and maintaining genitalia
- Developing and maintaining muscle mass
- Developing and maintaining bone density
- Keeping one’s sex drive at an optimal level
- Stimulating the production of sperm
Okay, so what are some pretty clear indicators that a man may be producing less testosterone than he has in the past?
- A low(er) libido
- Going through the challenges of maintaining a (strong) erection
- Accumulating more body fat
- Having less bone and muscle mass
- Possibly having a (slightly) smaller penis and/or set of testicles
- Shifts in moods when it comes to handling stress and anxiety
- Hair loss
- Hot flashes (yes, hot flashes)
- Experiencing erratic sleep patterns
- Super dry skin
- Experiencing excessive sweating
- Having a lowered sense of self-esteem
Now, for accuracy’s sake, I think it’s important to share that even though men losing testosterone over time is pretty much inevitable, most lose somewhere around one percent (some experts say it’s more like 1.6 percent) per year between the ages of 30-40 and, by the time they turn 70, they drop is about 30 percent beneath what their hormone levels actually should be.
This is important to put on record because it shows that just like menopause isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” experience for women, andropause isn’t for men — some will go through more drastic changes than others and it may not be until they are much older before the changes are highly significant.
How Is Andropause Diagnosed and Treated?
GiphyOkay, so what if a guy is experiencing a few of the symptoms that I just mentioned? How can he find out if it’s directly connected to andropause? Listen, something that I am a fan of both men and women doing around the age of 40 is getting their hormone levels checked. Similar to how people can find out a lot about how their body responds/reacts to food by taking a food allergy test, to me, a hormone test is similarly beneficial. What I mean by that is, so often, something can be going on with us physically and we’re tempted to slightly freak out when, if we simply took a hormone test, we would get the clarity that we are seeking.
So yeah, if a man in your life doesn’t quite “feel like himself,” an appointment to check his levels would be a really wise move. That usually consists of him discussing his family history and taking a blood test (preferably in the morning when T cells are at their highest). For the record, there are also at-home hormone tests that are available; however, in order to get the most thorough results, a full examination by a physician is best.
What Are Some Home Remedies for Andropause?
GiphyAnd what if “he” does end up being diagnosed with andropause? Are there some all-natural approaches that he can take? Absolutely.
Take certain supplements. If the men in your life aren’t already taking a multivitamin, ASAP would be a great time for them to start. One reason is because three nutrients that are usually in them are zinc, magnesium, and vitamin D and those are really effective when it comes to maintaining testosterone levels. Another supplement that’s also worth considering is DHEA; it helps to increase the production of testosterone.
Tweak the diet (a bit). Thankfully, there are foods that help to increase testosterone levels as well. Some of them include dark leafy greens, fatty fish, ginger, pomegranates, avocados, egg yolks, olive oil, cocoa and even honey. While we’re on the subject, foods that should be consumed in more moderation include processed food (meaning junk food), mint, soy-based foods (because they are a phytoestrogen), dairy, and high carbs like pastries.
Maintain a healthy weight. Something that is pretty irrefutable when it comes to maintaining a healthy level of testosterone is that the larger someone’s waist is, the easier it is for testosterone levels to drop. In fact, some studies reveal that 40 percent of obese nondiabetic men and 50 percent of obese diabetic men have low testosterone levels. Moral to the story: encourage him to keep his weight under control.
Exercise. Aside from eating a healthy diet, definitely the easiest and fastest way to lose weight is to exercise 30-45 minutes at least three days a week. As far as testosterone levels go, research reveals that it’s another way to increase it too (albeit somewhat temporarily). So, you know what that means, right? Working out in the gym and then rewarding that by “working out” in the bedroom can help you to get the most out of a man’s testosterone levels. Hell, come to think of it…yours too.
Take power naps. Sleep deprivation is problematic on so many levels. Not only is it tied to health-related issues like heart disease, strokes, obesity, depression, and depression, but a lack of adequate rest can also throw off hormone levels. One study even said that after a week of only five hours of sleep per night, young men’s testosterone levels decreased by as much as 10-15 percent. So, even if the man in your life can’t get a consistent 6-8 hours of shut-eye in, encourage him to at least take a power nap of 15-20 minutes a day. It can do wonders.
Limit the alcohol intake. Although there are some ways that alcohol can actually benefit your health and well-being (check out “10 Ways Alcohol Can Be Good For You Past A Great Buzz”), it definitely shouldn’t be enjoyed in excess. Also, if the goal is to increase testosterone levels, it might need to be done away with altogether. That’s because research shows that alcohol has the ability to disrupt testosterone production to the point where it can tank testosterone levels, contribute to erectile dysfunction, and lower a man’s sex drive.
Monitor BPA consumption levels too. Bisphenol A (BPA) is a chemical that basically mimics estrogen. Since estrogen is the hormone that we as women naturally process (far more than men just like they produce way more testosterone in their system than we do), it would make sense that BPA would affect things like testosterone production and a man’s sperm count. Since, unfortunately, BPA is featured in some packaging products and plastics, before purchasing items, read the labels to make sure that they specifically say that they are BPA-free.
3 Tips for Supporting Your Man As He Goes Through Andropause
GiphySomething else that isn’t discussed enough: supporting men as they go through andropause, just like they should support us as we go through menopause. As I close this out, I’ve got a few ways to do that.
1. Do your own research on andropause. Just like new intel comes out on menopause, andropause can’t be covered in just one article. So, now that you know that andropause is indeed a thing, help the men in your life out by researching the topic and sharing what you find out. Lowered testosterone isn’t any man’s favorite topic of discussion; however, the more they know, the easier it will be to adjust to their life transitions.
2. Encourage him to get his hormones tested. It can’t be said enough that a guy who is around 40 (or a guy who is experiencing the symptoms that I mentioned, regardless of his age) should check his hormone levels. If the men/man in your life would prefer to do it from the convenience and privacy of his own home, Everlywell is a pretty trusted brand (although the test ain’t cheap). He can purchase their Men’s Health Test here.
3. Remember the Golden Rule (especially now). If the guy who is going through andropause is also the man who you are (currently) sleeping with, please remember the Golden Rule of treating him the way that you would want to be treated. Meaning, you wouldn’t want it constantly pointed out if you were experiencing vaginal dryness, hot flashes, or less of a desire for sex — so, why would he want to have endless conversations about struggling to maintain an erection (sometimes), gaining weight or feeling like his penis is not as big as it once seemed? The reality is that hormonal changes are eventually coming for us all. Having compassion and expressing empathy are effective ways to maintain emotional closeness and trust.
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Andropause. Like I said earlier, although the topic doesn’t come up a ton, I hope you now see why it should. It really is time out for the spotlight to only be on us and what we go through when it comes to time and hormones. Men should be a part of the chat too — since both of those things also affect them…and ultimately us too.
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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