
With Mercury retrograde nearly over, and a new moon in Aries at the beginning of this week, energies that carried over from last week are being forced to switch up for your highest good. There is so much going on energetically, and nobody is safe.
Learn what your sign has in store for you in the week to come in the areas of love and work. Click through the gallery below.
Aries

Last week, the collective Aries sign had some lagging emotional baggage clearing to handle. This week, if you are an Aries in a relationship, it is likely that the equilibrium shared between you and your partner has balanced, and a refocus on where the relationship is, and where it is going, has come into alignment. If you did the work from last week, you should indeed be smooth sailing for the rest of the month, when it comes to matters of the heart.
Keep this progression going by remaining emotionally, spiritually, and physically aligned with bae.
With the new moon in Aries this week, expect to have an explosion of fiery divine feminine energy! If you are single, it is likely that you are back on team #dreamingofyourfutureboo. Last week was full of Mercury retrograde emotional derailments, but this week, your attitude towards future love should be lighter. You will likely want to pump up your Va Va Voom this week, so pop those girls out, put on them pumps, and wear your best popping Fenty lipstick sis!
This week should start out with a bang for Aries, because you will be caught between work and play! New developments in your career or work could pop up out of nowhere that will take all of your attention. Try not to forget to put yourself first when it comes to your health, diet, and appearance. This week, you should be prepared and "camera ready" because you never know what opportunities might come. Time management will be one of your struggles this week, so make sure you have your alarm clock set.
Taurus

Taureans are learning lessons about letting things in their relationships build and grow without force.
There is an energy of being present in the now of the relationship and taking things day-by-day. The energy calls for you to see what you want to see as a future goal, instead of wanting that outcome now. If you were pushing for that ring, or for that move-in date, realize that experiencing the changes of the relationship in the now, will only enrich and better the outcome of each milestone.
If you are single, you might be in a place that you truly are running on your own time, and working on your own inner and outer development, separate from the desire for a potential life partner. At the same time, you will allow yourself to entertain someone who has something to offer, to help elevate your goals and achievements. The feeling of not wanting to align with someone that can't better your life in every way will likely be on the brain this week. Quite frankly, if a person of interest is not an addition to your package, then, you won't be doing the math.
When it comes to career and finances this week for Taurus, there is an energy of coming through a difficult financial or work-related period that possibly put a huge obstacle on our paths but made us stronger in the outcome by learning from the setback, or mistakes made. Due to the fiery new moon in Aries, many of us are now at a new beginning where we are eager and open to move forward. You may find that you become very inspired and come up with new ways to expand and succeed. Go for it sis!
Gemini

Last week, many Gemini signs were emotional roller coasters, or hot and cold when it came to love. This week, it seems that your attention might be totally distracted by something entirely else. It's possible to have feelings of being foggy, or detached from your partnership this week. It's possible that you could have a "Me First" attitude without even realizing it, especially if you're running on autopilot. This might not be a bad thing, as it will give you a chance to work on solo ambitions.
Putting your own 1+1 together might be your first priority in sorting out emotional and energetic changes.
If you are single and casually dating, you might find yourself wanting to be catered to this week. You will be put off by any small talk, low vibes, or simply have a short tolerance for anything that disrupts your flow. Under this fiery Aries new moon, there is a collective feeling of not extending any extra energy to anyone who you don't see as compatible. Don't be surprised if your flirting this week includes a lot of sass! There is an attitude of "either come with it all the way, or don't come at all." You won't be impressed by anything less than extraordinary when it comes to dating and sex.
For Geminis, this week could be hard on you in regards to having to play nice with others, who you don't feel have the same ambition, or drive. At work you may feel that you surpass certain people around you, who might be lazy, or underachieving at the job - but it might go unnoticed to everyone else. Don't allow your frustration about what other people are doing, or not doing, to affect your workflow and your efficiency. If your work ethic speaks for itself, any prosperity and abundance coming to you will be yours.
Cancer

For the Cancer signs in love, it seems that the energy from last week has carried over and there is still a quiet, introverted, and resting phase surrounding your love life. You'll be undergoing a "Love Hangover." For Cancers in a relationship, you might be in a place where things are not the greatest, but not the worst either. Emotionally, your vibrations might tip a bit to the left or tip to the right, but overall there seems to be a very still energy surrounding Cancer signs. It might feel like something is brewing, that is neither great or bad, but a reaction is in the process of happening.
Last week for the single Cancers, the realization of your ideal future with someone starting coming into focus, and this week, some Cancers might be feeling that what they want doesn't exist! Do not beat yourself up for feeling like you can't get what you deserve when it comes to finding a partner. Many Cancers might find that their prospects are either vibrationally underwhelming, or possibly less experienced than them.
You deserve the equivalent of yourself.
And though it might take a few more spins on the dating wheel, you have to trust and believe that ultimately you will find your way to the one that you want.
When it comes to money or career this week, many of you might find that you have lost a spark for something you are doing at work or creatively. If you feel that you have been giving a lot of your time and energy to something that feels routine, underwhelming, or non-reciprocating, it could be time to redirect your focus, or think of ways to pump some life into your coins. Success is not always on the fast lane, so you might have to get through the down time without flatlining.
Leo

For Leos in a relationship, the week might start off a bit tense in the love department, but as the week goes by, don't be surprised if you are unexpectedly delighted by a new development in your relationship. There is a lot of positive vibes surrounding Leos at this time. Something in your relationship might turn around, and that thing that was a problem for a long time might finally fall right into place. Ride this wave of Aries energy, and do your best to enjoy the small things, that make your relationship worth everything.
If you are single, luck is on your side this week! You might find yourself in the right place at the right time around the right people, if you allow yourself to think outside of the box, and try new things when it comes to dating. If you are currently casually dating, you could find yourself on date number #2 or so, with somebody that is engaging, lively, and popular. This time however, you might want to start digging a little deeper, and peeling the next layer of this individual's persona.
This week, when it comes to work and career, you might find yourself feeling behind, or stuck in a rut. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. The importance of relationships when it comes to business is all about building cohesive bonds with others in your network. In whatever industry you work in, you want to be known as someone who is easy to get along with, and can take and give constructive criticism. Maintaining a stellar reputation is key to progressing financially.
Be open and willing to join forces, or at least study someone who has been where you are.
Virgo

Many Virgos have been having a time dealing with the contrast of inner and outer feelings. It seems like half the Virgos are really working with positive thinking and communicating how they are feeling from their hearts, and the other half of some Virgos are still having trouble with any stubborn desires or demands from their partners, and are going through the silent struggle of holding back deep resentments of past issues.
Single or taken, you might find that you're somewhere in between both spectrums, or you fluctuate between the two. With this aggressive and fiery Aries energy, this week could bring everything to a head. Stay grounded. If you are single, fight the urge to rush a budding relationship. You don't want to end up with time and energy dedicated to a dead end.
When it comes to money and finances this week, some Virgos might realize that certain blockages to their coins could be some of their own limiting beliefs, habits, or fears.
The energy is asking you to let go and shed any personal energy blockers, in order to reverse any delays that the retrograde has likely contributed to. There is an energy of showing your own self tough love, and calling yourself out on your own BS. We are not perfect, and we always don't get it right, however, actively making sure that you keep yourself in check and disciplined when it comes to prosperity and personal accountability is something that we should take full responsibility for.
Libra

Last week there was a fast-moving, divine feminine energy that surrounded Libras. That energy moves right on into this week with many Libras wanting to play by their rules in love. If you are in a relationship, you could find yourself giving your partner a short rope about the things you find annoying or your expectations of them. This energy warns you that being controlling in any way could could be a result of something inward that is unsettled. With this fiery Aries energy, be sure to process any swift emotional feelings that come up this week before bringing it to your partner.
If you're single, you might be currently outgrowing old attractions and expectations. You might even surprise yourself by what and who you find yourself into these days when it comes to new prospects. This might start off feeling disorienting, or even hopeless if you realize that you don't know what you want anymore, but if you open up your evolving tastebuds, you might find a whole new sea with lots of new and different types of fish.
When it comes to money and career this week, many signs are going through a transition into new interests and opportunities. For Libras, a shift in focus will be on the brain. Where you have been steady dedicating your time, there is a growing desire to move into uncharted territory. At first, you might feel that you are abandoning ship, but you will likely realize that you are merely evolving into something greater.
Allow the journeys of others before you to clear up some confusion as you find your balance again.
Scorpio

For Scorpios in relationships this week, there is a good energy surrounding the balance and openness of your bond. If there were issues of not being on the same page last week, this week you should find a common ground or completion of a couple goal. You might find that you both are getting better with communicating where you lacked, and understanding where one another are coming from.
The energy here is asking you to strive to maintain a fun and light dynamic in your relationship, no matter how long you have been with your partner.
If you are single, "Why So Serious?" Scorpios are deeply emotionally and spiritually sensual, and sometimes this could cloud your idea of who your perfect match is or should be. Last week, there was a frustrating energy of wanting to find someone who matches you, but this week the universe is asking you to shed any romanticized ideas of who this person will end up being.
When it comes to money and career, many Scorpios are ready to level up! This fiery Aries new moon energy is pushing Scorpios to expand and enterprise. There is an entrepreneurial energy that is coming through this week that will have you ready to get those business plans together, or pursue that new position in your company. Whatever the case, get ready to feel a surge of focused energy that will make you spearhead your glow up.
Sagittarius

Last week was a tough week where conflict popped up for Sagittarius signs in relationships. This week, the energy is balancing and you might not be feeling as anxious or suspicious. Allow yourself to release what patterns don't serve you or your relationship. If you fight the calming inner peace that is overcoming you, you will miss an opportunity to find clarity in letting go of old situations.
Learning how to walk away from your own blockages is the beginning of starting anew.
If you are single, you might get a lot of attention from suitors who you have a wonderful, exciting time with, but the connection might be more about "no strings attached," than it is "happily ever after." If you have the feeling that your recent catch will be no more than a "wyd" type situation-ship, by all means do what you do, but don't get too comfortable with doing "couple-like things" like extended sleep overs, cooking breakfast in the morning, or excessive pillow talking. Guard your feelings by always keeping the dynamic in context.
When it comes to work and career, Sag signs might be undergoing heavy shifts in realizing a deeper purpose, or sense of what they want to contribute to the world. This could be frustrating because on one hand, you stay focused and directed when it comes to your goals, but this new sense of self is throwing a wrench in your operation. The fiery energy of this new moon in Aries is really forcing you to listen to your intuition when it comes to your next steps, even though you are still figuring them out. Give any new developments time to materialize.
Capricorn

This week for Capricorns in relationships, you might find that your relationship will benefit from you taking the time to explore who you are becoming as an individual, and how this is changing the things that you need from your partner. If you are with your soulmate, it is likely that they are mirroring the same energy. What you are struggling with is a reflection of what your partner is going through. Remembering this will help you understand the changes that are happening within yourself.
If you are single, it is likely this week that you are having an imaginary argument with the person yet to come into your life. This internal conflict is more about you and your subconscious frustration with not finding your match. If you find yourself drawn to memes like, "... meanwhile, I can't even get a text back!," or lowkey salty #teamsingle type posts, you might have to step back and realize that feeding into this energy, will only block you from manifesting your soulmate.
What you energetically digest is ultimately what you attract.
When it comes to Capricorns in the money and career department, try to remember that being too serious and forgetting to enjoy life as you work hard to secure the bag can add a lot of anxiety and unnecessary pressure on your spirit. Sometimes the best opportunities come out of fated meetings and taking risks. Capricorns likely push themselves to their limits, but doing so can essentially have the opposite effect.
Aquarius

This week, Aquarians will go hard for their partners. The fiery Aries new moon energy will have you being a complete ride or die for yours. When you are deeply connected to another person, whatever hurts them, hurts you too. Be there to support your baby with whatever they may need to get through a rough patch. Synergy with your boo will be deeply in tune this week, as well as feeling your partner's emotions from afar. Be careful to not be too overprotective over you love, and inadvertently make something worse!
If you are single and have had bad luck in the dating department, it might be time to do something to switch up your routines. Switch up your hairstyle, or treat yourself to a couple of new outfits. Investing in your own upgrade will help raise your morale surrounding your relationship status. If anything, sprucing up your look or doing some spring wardrobe shopping should be for you first.
Splurge a little bit on treating yourself to things that make you feel confident.
The new moon in Aries is really pushing people to transition into new careers or money-making ventures. For Aquarians, you might find yourself interested in acquiring new skills or education in a field of interest. Whether you want to enroll in some community sewing classes or consider going back to school to get your masters, this week will be filled with the desire to step up your game by adding credentials and mastery to your resume. This is not only about institutionalized education. Get on YouTube and research how to get into what has been peaking your interests.
Pisces

This week, there might be an energy of wanting to escape from any existing problems (big or small) in the relationship for some taken Pisces. I don't say this to mean that you don't want to fix any issues in your relationship, but this week you might really be feeling like you just need to set it on pause.
Taking a little time to focus on the brighter side of things will help you recharge and get back to any problems at hand with clearer insights.
If you are single, you will feel as if the universe is actively blocking energies and people that will not serve your greatest good. You will almost have this preemptive knowledge that going down the wrong route with the wrong person will only cause drama that you don't need to associate with. You may also have no time for dealing with "mansplaining," or know-it-alls. Your spirit will repel them like bug spray! Be sure to heed your intuition to avoid having to get somebody all the way together.
This week when it comes to money and career, some Pisces will be eager to get a passion project up and running. This energy is all about gearing up and setting a plan in motion. You may be more determined and motivated at work to grind and push yourself to reach financial goals of not having to feel like you have to "chase the check." No matter what you do to support yourself, the endgame is finding lasting security and upward mobility. Be open to expanding your network by offering your hand or expertise in what you do, or volunteering on a project that can put you in a position of more opportunity. Fostering symbiotic relationships with people in your sphere will eventually lead to you being able to make Boss moves on the daily.
All the astrological Tarotscopes above were channeled via Tarot Cards! For your own Intuitive Channeled Healing Session with me, follow @Melanade_Stand on IG and send an inquiry via DM!
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
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Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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