Thomas Q. Jones may be a relatively new face in Hollywood, but he's undoubtedly already making major waves. Starring across from industry heavy-hitters such as Gabrielle Union, Alfre Woodard, and now Isaiah Washington on BET's Tales, this 40-year-old pro-athlete turned persuasive actor is proving with each project that he can indeed hold his own and that he's ready to continue making a name for himself. Only this time, it's on a different kind of world stage.
Hailing from humble beginnings in Virginia, Jones decided to pivot in 2014 after 12 successful years of playing football. But as he revealed in our chat on an early midweek morning, acting wasn't necessarily the plan, nor was it something he was even seriously considering--at least not initially. "It wasn't until I got the role on Being Mary Jane where I said, 'This could either go really good or really bad depending on how I approach it,'" he tells xoNecole. "But now, especially after my training, I'm able to put my full self into each role that I get. And it's almost like I never played football because nobody really talks about it much or brings it up. And that was my goal."
So whether you know him as an NFL champion, Comanche, or perhaps more intimately as Cuddy Buddy--it's pretty safe to say that for Thomas Q. Jones, capturing the hearts of viewers is a task he is both ready and willing to take and run with.
xoNecole got the chance to chat with the Tales star where we discussed his latest role, personal growth, and why honest women are the keys to his heart.
*Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
You've managed to secure spots in some of the hottest shows and movies seemingly right out the gate: ‘Luke Cage’, ‘Straight Outta Compton’, ‘Being Mary Jane’, and now ‘Tales’ on BET. What has that experience been like for you?
I was excited when I read the script and when they actually brought me in for the role. I went in, looked at it, and really connected to the character and the material. I didn't know about Elijah [Kelly] or Isaiah [Washington] or anyone else, but the next morning after I was cast--Irv [Gotti] called me and was like, "Hey we got Elijah Kelley and Isaiah Washington," and I was like, wow. I've been a fan of Isaiah's for years and Elijah is a great up and coming actor, so it was just great to work with those two.
I think Irv and his production team, the whole crew, post-production, sound--everybody just killed it. It wasn't like I was watching TV. It felt like I was watching a movie. Everyone was very connected to the characters and in tune and we were really like family on set. Irv did a great job directing it. He knew exactly what he wanted to do with the story and the writers knew exactly what they wanted to do. They really pulled those characters out of us.
Photo by 'Tales'/BET
What's been the biggest difference you've found in Thomas the Actor versus Thomas the Professional NFL Star?
Growth. In football, you grow physically, obviously you get bigger and better. But you don't really get a chance to grow as a person. It's a very one-dimensional world, the NFL is. Ultimately, whether it's a home or an away game--you're still playing football. It's still x's and o's. You're still in that world of competition and the only thing that changes is the intensity--based off of whether it's a regular season game or the Super Bowl. Acting is very, very different. You're playing different characters, working with different actors, directors, producers, environments. It's just so much more there. You're working with people who have different backgrounds and life experiences; you have to interpret things differently. And in turn, you grow as a person.
With everything you have going for you, I assume your schedule is jam-packed nowadays. Do you have time to date?
You know what, I'm definitely interested in finding someone I'm compatible with. My Mom wants more grandkids; and it's funny because everybody in my family thought I'd be the one married with kids by now. But it just didn't work out. And it's tough now because of my scheduling and just being able to trust people sometimes. You don't know exactly what people's intentions are, so you have to take the time to figure it out. You can't make hasty decisions. It's a little tricky, but I'm open to it. I'm not actively looking but I am aware. Hopefully soon I can find me a nice, strong Black woman to marry and have kids with, but it's just got to be the right situation.
When you do find that potentially right situation, what qualities does she need to possess in order to make you commit?
Security. Not just financially but within herself. That's sexy to me. She needs to be someone that can teach me things, you know someone I can learn from. Obviously you want to be physically attracted, but there are a lot of things that can be sexy on someone. I don't really have one thing. It could be how she looks at me or how she takes control of a situation, her attitude, the way she carries herself.
I don't think I have a preference, but Black Women are everything to me. They are my type, but they don't have to look a certain way. Short hair, braids, locs, short, tall, caramel, chocolate. All shapes, sizes, colors, complexions, energies. It doesn't matter. I blame y'all for being so dope. Love y'all, I really do.
We definitely love you too.
I'm glad to hear that, I appreciate that.
So when you’re committed, how do you make your woman feel special and important?
I like to do flowers, get her address to wherever she is and send them. I also send them to my Mother and my sisters. I have five sisters, two older and two younger. Of course special dinners, movies, cards. The main thing for me is just to be honest. You have to truly make sure you tell that person how much you love them and care about them. Because the reality is life is short; we take it for granted. I really think it's dope when your significant other is also your friend and not just a placeholder.
Photo by Ian Maddux
"The main thing for me is just to be honest… I really think it's dope when your significant other is also your friend and not just a placeholder."
Okay, now let’s flip it. How would you like a woman to cater to you to make you feel loved and cherished?
She has to tell me the truth at all times, even if I don't want to hear it. I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear, tell me what I need to hear. Because it's ultimately going to make me better in some way. Which is what we're supposed to do. You know, at this point in my life, I'm all about substance. What are we doing for each other? Are we really growing? Are we really becoming better people? What is our end goal? Can you make me laugh? Can we joke around?
So how important is physical attraction and sexual compatibility to you when you're in a relationship?
I think those are two different things. I would consider myself a very sexual person, I think we all are. But some people are more in-tuned. I can see the sexy things in women, but it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with her looks. I'm not big on a woman having to have certain features or anything like that--but if you give me that vibe that makes me feel it: then that's that. If I see it, you got it. Humility also turns me on, I don't like vain women. There are millions of women who have "the look"--what separates you from them?
Photo by Ian Maddux
"I'm not big on a woman having to have certain features or anything like that--but if you give me that vibe that makes me feel it: then that's that. If I see it, you got it."
That makes sense. What about deal-breakers? Where do you draw the line?
I'm very big on hygiene. I definitely like a well-groomed woman. Nails done, hair done. I'm definitely attracted to that. Because I'm not going to be walking around looking any kind of way. I guess those could be my deal-breakers because you don't really have to have money to be clean, know what I'm saying? That's just having some integrity for me.
What do you know now about love that you didn't know before?
Love isn't black and white. And I'm a black and white person, so that's tough. You have to be able to find the silver in it. And that's where I am now; I'm trying to find it. There's going to be moments where it is black and white, but if you can find that middle--then the relationship can work. Because love is very complex, it's not as simple as finding someone, getting married, [and] having kids.
Amen to that. Last thing before you go: what would you say are some of the biggest lessons you've learned thus far throughout your journey?
Hard work pays off--which I already knew. But especially in this industry because there's so much competition. There's a lot of slots, but there are only so many slots based off who's who and where you're trying to go in your career. I'm a very dedicated and ambitious person. I'm kind of a busy-body so being in LA and in this industry is great because I'm a hustler by nature. I like working with people and connecting the dots.
Also, you have to continue to be nice and humble because you never know who's going to become who. So many people have attitudes or they're disrespectful or they're ingenuine. But you just never know who's going to end up being your boss. And you have to strive to get better continuously and be fearless as an actor. A lot of people don't want to get out of their comfort zone--but that's just not me at all.
For more of Thomas, catch him on the BET anthology series Tales on Tuesdays at 9 PM EST. And be sure to follow him on Instagram.
RELATED
Let me start this off by saying that of course, to a certain extent, the answer is subjective because it’s mostly opinion-rather-than-fact driven. However, I personally think that sex is hella impactful, which is why I hope that my personal breakdown will at least cause you to want to think about what you do, who you do it with, and why, more than you may have in the past.
Because although, at the end of the day, the physical aspects of making love, having sex, and f-cking are very similar, you’d be amazed by how drastically different they are in other ways…at the very same time.
Making Love
GiphyBack when I wrote my first book, I wasn’t even 30 at the time and still, one of the things that I said in it is, I pretty much can’t stand the term “make love.” Way back then, I stated that sex between two people who truly love each other and are committed for the long haul, when it comes to what they do in the bedroom, it’s so much more about CELEBRATING love than MAKING it. To make means “to produce” or “to bring into existence;” to celebrate means “to commemorate,” “to perform” or “to have or participate in a party, drinking spree, or uninhibited good time.”
The act of sex, standing alone? It can’t make love happen and honestly, believing otherwise is how a lot of people find themselves getting…got.
What do I mean? Tell me how in the world, you meet a guy, talk to him for a few weeks, don’t even know his middle name or where he was born and yet somehow, you choose to call the first time you have sex with him (under those conditions) “making love.” You don’t love him. You don’t know him well enough to love him. He doesn’t love you either (for the same reason). And yet you’re making love? How sway? Oh, but let that sex be bomb and those oxytocin highs might have you tempted to think that’s what’s happening — and that is emotionally dangerous. And yes, I mean, literally.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times before, that one of the reasons why I like that the Bible defines sex between a husband and his wife is by using the word “know” (Genesis 4:1) is because, well, I think that is what celebrating love is all about — we know each other well enough to know that we love each other, we know each other well enough to know that we aren’t going anywhere, and that knowing is what makes us want to celebrate that union by getting as close to one another and bringing as much physical pleasure to each other as we possibly can…as often as absolutely possible.
To me, that is what the peak of physical intimacy is all about — and the people who choose to use the term “make love,” it should be seen through this type of lens. When this type of mental and emotional bond comes together via each other’s bodies, they are amplifying love, enjoying love, embracing love.
Making it, though? Chile, the love has already been made. Sex is just the icing on the cake.
Having Sex
GiphyA few nights ago, I found myself rewatching this movie called Four of Hearts (which you can currently view on yep, you guessed it: Tubi). It’s about two married couples — one that is in an open marriage and another that isn’t although they somehow thought that sharing a night with the other couple would be a good idea (chile). Anyway, as one of the partners found themselves getting low-key sprung, the one they fell for said in one of the scenes, “It wasn’t a connection. It was just sex.” JUST. SEX.
Listen, when you decide to let a man put an entire part of his body inside of you at the risk of potentially getting an STI/STD or pregnant (because no form of birth control is 100 percent except for abstinence), it can never be “just sex” (somebody really needed to hear that too). At the same time, though, I got the character’s point because, if one or both people do not love each other or even deeply care for one another and/or sex is treated as an activity more than an act to establish a worthwhile connection and/or you and the person you are sleeping with have not really discussed what you are expecting from sex besides the act itself — you’re definitely not making/celebrating love.
Not by a long shot. What can make things get a bit complicated, though, is you’re doing the same act that “love makers” do without the same mental and emotional ties…or (sometimes) expectations.
You know, back when I decided to put all of my business out there via the piece “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” now more than ever, I am quite clear that most of those guys fell into the “having sex” category. I wasn’t in the type of relationship with them where “making love” even made sense; however, because I was friends with most of them, we weren’t exactly f-cking (which I will get to in just a moment) either. We had a connection of some sort for the bedroom yet not enough to be together in the other rooms of the house.
We were really attracted and curious, so we decided to act on that. Oftentimes, the sex was good and so we rationalized that “having sex” was enough because if the friendship was, eh, “sound enough”, that we could justify the physical pleasure.
And y’all, that’s kind of what having sex is — it’s the limbo (or purgatory, depending on your situation) between making love and f-cking. The thing about limbo ish is it’s a lot like something being lukewarm: it’s not really one thing or another which means that it can completely blindside you, if you’re not careful (and totally honest with yourself as well as your partner(s)).
So, if you are contemplating having sex, I really — REALLY — recommend that you figure out how you feel, what you want (outside of the act itself) and if you are prepared for what “not quites” can bring. My mother used to say that the consequences of sex don’t change just because the circumstances do — and there is some solid “wow” to that, if you really stop to think about it.
GiphyAnd finally, f-ck. Although most experts on the word (and yes, there are some) agree that its origin is rooted somewhere within the German language (although some say that it might’ve come from Middle English words like fyke or fike which mean “to move about restlessly” or the Norwegian word fukka which means “to copulate”), you might have also heard that it is an acronym that once stood for “Fornication Under Consent of the King”; and there is actually some data that is connected to that as well.
Legend has it that way back in the day, in order to keep reproduction rates where a particular king wanted them to be, he would instruct his residents to have sex with each other — whether they were married or not (hence, the word “fornication” being in the acronym). However, because sex outside of marriage was taken far more seriously at the time, residents had to apply for a permit to participate so that the king could determine if things like their occupation and lineage would prove to be beneficial for the kingdom overall. F-ck: no love; just necessity. And although some believe this to be more myth than fact, what is certain is it was only over time that f-ck was seen as a profane/swear/cuss word — a word that was perceived to be so offensive, in fact, that between the years 1795-1965, it didn’t even appear in dictionaries.
Personally, when I think of this four-letter word, the first thing that actually comes to my mind is animals. Take a dog being in heat, for instance. That’s basically when a female dog is ovulating and wants to have sex the most. It’s not because they are “in love” with another dog; they are simply doing what instinctively comes to them — and since animals do not reason or feel at the same capacity that humans do, although they science says that many of them do experience pleasure when they engage in their version of sexual activity, it’s not nearly as layered or even profound as what we experience.
Let’s keep going. Another reason why f-cking makes me think of animals is due to the doggy style position. Hear me out. Ain’t it wild how, most of us pretty much know that the term comes from how dogs have sex, even though most animals have sex that same way — and think about it: Doggy style doesn’t consist of making eye contact or kissing while having intercourse. It’s “hitting from behind” without much emotional energy or effort at all. Just how animals do it. And so, yeah, f-cking does seem to be more about pure animal — or in our case, mammal — instinct. I don’t need to feel anything for someone, so long as the sexual desire is there. Hmph.
Something else that I find to be interesting about f-cking is how dictionaries choose to define it. Many of them are going to provide you with two definitions: “to have sexual intercourse with” and “to treat unfairly or harshly (usually followed by over)” and that definitely makes me think of another term — casual sex and words that define casual like apathetic, careless and without serious or definite intention. So, the dictionary says that while f-cking is about having sexual intercourse — just like making love and having sex is — it goes a step further and says that it can include being treated unfairly or harshly.
And although that can make you think of assault on the surface, for sure — sometimes being treated unfairly or harshly is simply feeling like someone had sex AT you and not really WITH you; instinct (i.e., getting off) and that’s about it. Yeah, the way this puzzle is coming together, f-cking seems to be more about lust and self and not much else.
Now That You Know the Difference, What to Keep in Mind
Y’all, this is definitely the kind of topic that I could expound on until each and every cow comes home. That said, here’s hoping that I provided enough perspective on each act to close this out by encouraging you to keep the following three things to keep in mind:
1. Before you engage in copulation, be honest with yourself about what you’re ACTUALLY doing — and that your partner agrees with you. You know, they say that our brain is our biggest sex organ and honestly, breaking down the differences between making love, having sex and f-cking helps to prove that fact. I say that because, although the sex act itself is pretty much the same across the board, you and your partner’s mindset can make the experience completely different. That said, if you think that you are making love and they think y’all are just having sex — stuff can get pretty dicey. Bottom line: communicate in the bedroom before attempting to connect outside of it. It’s always worth it when you do.
2. Yes, you can feel one way and do something else. I can just about guess what some of y’all are on: Shellie, we can love our partner and still just want to f-ck. If what you are saying is you can emotionally love someone and physically lust them and want to act sometimes on the lust without really factoring in the love — yes, I agree. Doggy style continues to be a favorite sex position for people, in general, and I’m more than confident that many of the participants polled are in a serious relationship. However, having lust-filled sex with someone who you know loves you is vastly different than doing it with someone who you have no clue what they think about you or you barely know at all. Y’all, please just make sure that you know…what you should know. Sex is too amazing to have a lot of regret after it.
3. Have realistic expectations about sex. Listen, so much of my life consists of writing and talking about sex that I will be the first one to say that it deserves a ton of props for what it is able to do, in a wonderful way, for people mentally, emotionally and physically. Yet again, I’m not a fan of “make love” because something that feels really good doesn’t always mean that it is good for you. Meaning, you’ve got to be real about what sex with someone will do to your mind and spirit — not just what it will do for your body. An author by the name of Gabriel García Márquez once said, “Sex is the consolation you have when you can't have love.” For no one, should this be a constant norm. Feel me? I hope you do.
____
One act. Three very different experiences.
It’s kind of wild that sex has the ability to create that — and yet, clearly, it does.
Please just make sure that you know which experience you’re signing up for.
So that you’re having sex (you know, in general) instead of sex having you. Real talk.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Giphy