In a world full of uncertainties, the one thing that rarely fails the female or male anatomy when put to the test is a handy-dandy vibrator–I think we can all attest to that. Perhaps the low failure rate has something to do with our playthings being made to specifically target certain areas or the fact that we usually know our bodies and what we derive pleasure from more than others – at least as it pertains to the more vanilla spectrum of things. Nevertheless, it’s the perfect time to mention the lesser-known fact that different vibrators can stimulate different parts of your anatomy. Some are meant for your g-spot while others focus on the clitoris.
Your g-spot can be found a couple of notches into the vagina and is formally known as the Gräfenberg spot. If you’re someone who prefers your toys to penetrate you, this may be one pleasure point that keeps you yearning for more. As an FYI, the g-spot is typically (based on anatomy at birth) located in the anal cavity and known as the prostate for cis-men. With that in mind, you would look for prostate toys to engage this erogenous zone.
The experts below provided us with a list of toys that hit all the spots, namely the g-spot. But I noticed a pattern of many of the experts enjoying toys that were multifaceted. Not only does this give you more bang for your bang, but it also gives you more bang for your buck.
If toys-r-us, then these 5 vibrators are the ones you must add to your wishlist.
Danielle Simpson-Baker, MA, RMFTI
"My favorite g-spot vibrator is a Rabbit, especially one with a curved head/top portion crafted especially for g-spot stimulation. The Love to Love Hello Rabbit by Spectrum Boutique is my absolute favorite and it made me love Rabbits again after not using them for a while. It’s the best kind of silicone so it’s a good material, the shape targets the g-spot directly and they somehow got the rabbit ears in the perfect spot."
Kiarra Sylvester, MSW, M.Ed
"Currently, my favorite g-spot vibrator is the AirVibe by Bellasa. It’s multifunctional, with the touch and power of a bullet while also providing the relatively 'new' suction option that creates an oral sex-like sensation. Personally, the suction function alone is never enough for me and I prefer the duality that is created with this Bellasa option. But, it also has the ability to stimulate the clitoris!"
Kaci Mial, M.Ed., CSC (she/her), Sex Educator and Certified Sex Coach
"My favorite g-spot vibrator is the LeWand with curve attachment! The LeWand Curve Attachment and Vibrator is my favorite because I love pleasure tools that serve multiple purposes. The long handle of the wand makes reaching the g-spot more accessible during pregnancy or for people with a variety of body types, and it can be used by yourself or with a partner to stimulate the g-spot. Decide you’re over g-spot stimulation? Pop the attachment back off and the wand can provide other types of pleasure on the clitoris and body."
Ashley Cobb, Sex Blogger and Writer
"My favorite g-spot sex toy is the Womanizer InsideOut. It is the best of both worlds! The InsideOut uses air technology to caress the clitoris and deep, rumbly vibrations focus on the g-spot. As someone who likes dual stimulation to climax, InsideOut is an automatic winner in my book."
Luna Matatas, Sex Educator and Host of Anal Sex Podcast: The Plug
In the previously published xoNecole article "Your Guide To The Wonderful World Of Butt Plugs," Matatas recommends the Vibrating Snug Plug for anal play. I added this as a bonus because it came highly recommended, and hits that sweet spot like the rest of the recommendations on this list. Perfect for prostate people!
Whether you choose your latest gift to yourself from this list or not, you will want to make sure any vibrator you purchase meets the basic body qualifications such as being labeled as "body safe" and made with non-porous materials.
Outside of that basic guideline, have fun with it and explore what brings you true satisfaction. Different angles, add some pillows, and apply extra pressure! The sky's the limit!
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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