A few days ago, I was talking to someone who is younger than I am yet has a very old mind when it comes to music (and true music appreciation) about which 90s year had the best R&B (don’t attempt this conversation at home unless you really know what you are talking about, by the way).
Although I have a deep affinity for 1995 (thanks to songs like Groove Theory’s “Tell Me”, Faith Evans’s “Soon As I Get Home”, D’Angelo’s “Lady”, Jon B’s “Someone to Love” and LL Cool J’s “Hey Lover” whether the LP or single dropped that year — don’t play with me — LOL), my friend brought up a valid point about 1997: “Nice & Slow” (Usher), “Butta Love” (Next), "All the Things (Your Man Won't Do)" (Joe), “I Gotta Be” (Jagged Edge) and a song that gets a special shout-out in this piece all came out that year.
What Is a Sneaky Link?
Xscape’s “My Little Secret” gets a true honorable mention here because, when it comes to the topic of sneaky links, it damn near could be the theme song. And I say that because, as pretty much all of us know, a sneaky link is a hook-up and/or romantic relationship that is kept on the extreme low.
Why? There are a billion reasons — today, though, I’m going to share 10. And because I agree with what a wise man once said when he stated that once more than one person knows a particular secret, it ceases to be one, this time, I’m not even using middle names. Nah, I’m going to define these ladies and their “sneaky link stories” another way since they were nice enough to share with the world what their hook-up hush-hush is…and why it happens to be that way for them.
Push play to the Xscape song and dive in.
10 Women Share Their Sneaky Link Stories
1. “Married to One Man. Sprung on Another.” 42.
“I’m going to sound like a hypocrite here but sometimes we go through things to help other people — and if you are going through something with your husband, never forget that you aren’t ‘single’ until you are divorced. Back when my husband and I were having some serious issues, we separated for almost a year and barely even spoke beyond bills. I met a man then who was the best sex that I ever had in my entire life. I didn’t expect my husband and myself to consider reconciling but we’re in counseling now — and I am still sleeping with the other guy. I wish I could tell you that I have intentions of stopping but I can’t.
"One reason is because the sex really is just that good and I didn’t realize how much I had been missing out on. Another reason is because I’m not sure if my husband and I are getting back together; we seem to have the same issues over and over. I do regret being in a commitment with one man and totally strung out on another. I don’t recommend it. It will keep you up at night — one way or another, girl.”
“Broke Up with My Ex. Except Sexually.” 37.
Giphy“My semi-toxic confession is my ex and I don’t get along anywhere else BUT the bedroom. In there? You would think that we were soulmates for life! It’s passionate and nasty and lasts for hours — I’m not exaggerating! The wildest thing about it is, we’ve been having sex, off and on now, since college.
"Even when I’m seeing someone or he’s seeing someone, we find a way to have sex. It would be a lot worse if we lived in the same city but we don’t. All these years later, we still try to see each other 4-7 times a year — pretty much once a season and then for a real long weekend or even a week in the summer if we can pull it off…and I don’t see it ending any time soon.”
3. “I Lost My Virginity Two Years Ago. Only ‘He’ Knows It, Though.” 25.
“My virginity is kind of my ‘brand’. I didn’t mean for that to happen but virgins kind of stick out like a sore thumb these days and since I never kept it a secret — my family, my church and even my friends see me as a Black Mother Teresa. That’s why I haven’t told anyone that I lost my virginity a little over two years ago and I’m still sleeping with that person. It’s not just a ‘sex thing’ but I choose to keep our relationship private because if people knew that I’ve been seeing someone for a long time, either they are going to pressure me into marriage or start asking if I’m a virgin still. Keeping it all a secret just makes my life easier.”
4. “I Shouldn’t Be Sleeping with My Boss…BUT…” 38.
Giphy“I’m sleeping with my boss, so it goes without saying why it’s a secret. Let me explain how it happened: When we first started having sex, we both had the same position. We used to joke at our desks and then meet up for drinks after work. One night, we had dinner and probably too much to drink and that led to us getting a hotel room. Girl, that man. About six months later, he got a promotion and since neither of us wanted to stop having sex with each other…we haven’t. A part of the thrill is the sex. Another part is sneaking around. I think that’s what lures most people into having a sneaky link, if you ask me.”
5. “My Friends Have Been Trying to Set Me Up for Years…” 46.
“I am a very private person; I always have been. There is no one in my life who knows how many people I’ve been with and the partners who they assume about, I’ve never shared any sexual details. My last serious relationship ended when I was about 41 and my friends have been trying to set me up ever since because they don’t want me to be ‘lonely’ or ‘dry.’ Little do they know, I am neither! I’ve been having sex with a friend of mine since the break-up and I don’t see it ending any time soon — mostly because he thinks the same way that I do. Ladies, if you don’t want a relationship, find a monogamous sex partner. It’s one of the best things that has ever happened to me!”
6. “Folks Think I’m Abstinent…but I’m Not.” 26.
Giphy“I made the announcement three years ago that I was going to take a break from sex — and I did…for about 14 months. I’ve been having sex ever since but I haven’t let anyone know that. It hasn’t been just one guy either. I have a ‘steady two’ because they both are good at different things. It’s not like I’m lying about it or anything. Whenever the subject of me and having sex come up, folks say something like, ‘She’s abstinent, she doesn’t count’ — and I just don’t correct them. Private sex is the best sex. I should’ve learned that lesson a long time ago.”
7. “If It’s Mostly Head, Does That Count?” 44.
“My sneaky link situation is a little odd…I guess. It’s a guy who I had sex with a few years ago. The sex was okay but, GIRL, his head game?!
"It’s kind of funny that he feels the same way about me and so, we do have sex sometimes but we mostly meet up for oral purposes. It’s like an addiction at this point because we try to link up no less than a few times a month. It doesn’t matter what else we have going on, we’re going to get that head in. And no, no one knows about it. I don’t see why they ever should.”
8. “My Friend’s Ex Has Been My Next…” 27.
“Shellie, you’d better not say my name. I’m not playing! Yes, I have been having sex with a friend’s ex — but it’s not an ex-husband or fiancé; it’s someone from many years ago and that’s all I’m going to say about that because I don’t want anyone to piece it together. And before anyone reading about this starts, she actually knows — she’s the only one who does, though. She’s married now and couldn’t care less. She said that the sex was her deal-breaker with him and I think the sex is amazing. You know what they say about one man’s junk…”
9. “No Matter What, It Always Comes Back to Him…in the Bedroom.” 33.
“I would think we all get that when a woman says that a man has some good d-ck, she’s not just talking about his penis. The insane thing about my sneaky link is he’s the smallest I’ve been with and still the best sex that I’ve had in my entire life! He takes his time, his dirty talk game is on-point, his stamina is crazy and he’s a master at getting that thing right back up. We started having sex five years ago, been dating for three and have been still gettin’ that thing in since because no man knows me like he does. Keeping it private isn’t behind a scandal or anything. I just think that adds to the allure of it all.”
10. “Why Is My Sex Life ANY of Your Business?” 40.
Giphy“’Sneaky link’. That’s cute. These kids. I never saw it as ‘sneaking’ so much as ‘Why is my sex life anyone’s damn business?’ I guess when you’re in a relationship, people assume that you’re sexually active. For me, a lot of the men I’ve dated, I’ve never had sex with them and some of the people you’d least expect, we have sexual history. So, based on that, I technically have a sneaky link. You never see us out but we spend plenty of quality time together. It’s a sexy secret. I like it that way.”
___
Oh, sneaky links. As someone who has had my fair share of ‘em back in the day, they definitely aren’t a monolith — as you can very well see.
My advice? Secrets are seductive — there is no doubt about that. You’re grown, so just make sure that your why overrides the risks involved. Because a secret exposed can be a secret that costs.
Be safe. Be realistic. Be careful. Rinse and repeat.
If you’re gonna be sneaky, be smart. Amen? Exactly.
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Luckily, there are some things that you can do to either speed up the healing process of a cold or make having one more bearable than usual. Things that are affordable, all-natural, and easy to incorporate into your daily routine.
Are you ready to know how to nip a damn cold in the bud…before you even get one?
Here ya go.
1. Fire Cider
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Two drinks that I am gonna drink all the way down, each and every fall season, are hot chocolate and apple cider (that’s warmed up). So, when I read about something called “fire cider,” it absolutely caught my attention. If you’re not familiar with it, fire cider is a homemade drink that consists of things like apple cider vinegar, herbs and other ingredients that are specifically designed to boost your immune system.
I won’t lie to you — since some of the traditional recipes contain things like onion and garlic (sulfur has potent medicinal properties) and sometimes even hot peppers (which help to clear up congestion) — although fire cider might not be your favorite as far as your palate is concerned, the viruses (because there are reportedly somewhere around 200 of ‘em) that cause colds will lose a lot of their impact if you drink this; and that makes it worth a shot — well, swallow. Some fire cider recipes can be found here, here and here.
2. Probiotics
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “80% Of Your Immunity Is In Your Gut. Take Care Of It Like This.” — and that alone should explain why and how a probiotic can help to prevent colds and make it easier to get over them. The reality is that a healthy gut is what helps to monitor how your immune system reacts and responds to harmful pathogens that may try and get into your system, including ones that cause the common cold.
And since probiotics feed your gut with “good bacteria,” this gives your gut the ability to be better (and quicker) at fighting off the bad. So yeah, take a probiotic — all of the time and definitely while you have a cold. It helps.
3. Peppermint (or Eucalyptus) Oil
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Although I rarely get sick (praise the Lord!), when I do catch a cold, I think what I hate the most is not being able to comfortably breathe. Well, something that is proven to help with that is peppermint essential oil. That’s because it contains properties that act as a natural decongestant as well as a fever reducer. Another essential oil that can hook you up in this department is eucalyptus oil. It’s bomb because it helps to soothe a nagging cough, it can clear up chest congestion and ultimately makes it easier to breathe.
So, before turning in at night, either mix a few drops of one (or both) of these oils with a carrier oil like grapeseed, avocado or jojoba, warm it up for 10 seconds in the microwave and apply it to the sides of your nose or on your best or back. Or put the oil in a diffuser. It can quickly ease cold-related symptoms while also making it so much easier for you to rest (which is something else your body needs to get over a cold; more on that in a sec).
4. Zinc Lozenges
Zinc is a mineral that helps to keep your immune system healthy and strong — and since a weakened immunity is directly connected to having more colds (2-4 a year is considered to be “normal,” by the way), it’s always a good idea to have some zinc in your body. As it relates to colds, specifically, aside from the fact that zinc can help you from catching one to begin with, there are also studies which say that sucking on zinc lozenges can help to shorten the timespan of a cold as well.
To be fair, some people have said that zinc lozenges make them feel nauseated; however, everything has its pros and cons and so, how would you know if you’re one of these folks unless you try it? Oh, and while we are on this topic, there are also zinc supplements and foods that are high in zinc (like red meat, lentils, hemp seeds, cashews and quinoa) if you want to try and get more zinc into your system that way (although lozenges are gonna be your best bet on the shortening tip; just sayin’).
5. Foods Rich in Vitamin C
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Speaking of foods that can fight a cold, out of all of what you’ve read here, probably what you are quite familiar with is the fact that vitamin C and colds are mortal enemies. In fact, one pretty significant study says that by taking one gram of vitamin C a day during a cold, you can reduce the severity of your symptoms by as much as 15 percent.
That’s because vitamin C is packed with antioxidants, it helps to reduce bodily inflammation and it helps to strengthen your immunity too. Foods that are full of vitamin C include chili and yellow peppers, kale, kiwi, papaya, broccoli, kale and citrus fruits.
6. Elderberry Tea
If you’re someone who likes to put preserves on your biscuits or toast, have you ever tried one that is made from elderberries (recipe here)? It’s actually pretty good — and good for you because elderberries are high in vitamin C, fiber and antioxidants. And that is why they are great whenever you are trying to hurry up and get over a cold because they also contain properties that are literally antiviral — and since a cold is a virus…well, there you have it.
One of the best ways to get elderberries into your system? Elderberry tea. If you add honey to it, honey can help to shorten symptoms like a stuffy nose, sore throat and cough by 1-2 days. Very cool.
7. REST
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Did you know that even one day of not getting the sleep that you need to weaken your immune system and increase bodily inflammation at the same time too? That’s because one of the benefits of a good night’s rest is it rejuvenates and recharges your system, so that your immunity can work at its optimal level.
Not only that but, according to science, if you already have a cold, getting plenty of rest can benefit you on a few different levels as well. First, your cytokines (proteins that boost your immunity) are released when you sleep.
Second, your body temperature elevates enough to kill some of the bacteria and viruses that are making you sick. Finally, sleep provides you with the energy that you need in order to get through the day while you are healing from your sickness. So, if you want to get through your cold ASAP, be intentional about getting as much rest as you possibly can.
BONUS: A Humidifier
When you get a chance, please check out “10 Really Good Reasons To Get Yourself A Humidifier This Fall”. There really are all kinds of solid reasons to invest in a humidifier around this time of the year — and one of them is to make getting through the cold (and flu) season so much easier for you. Since humidifiers bring moisture into the air, that can help to loosen up congestion, soothe an irritated throat, decrease coughing, help with the healing process of respiratory infections and it can help you to sleep better — so that you can get past your cold sooner.
So, if you don’t already have a humidifier, cop one ASAP. Your future colds will absolutely hate that you did. LOL. For a list of some highly recommended humidifiers that are currently on the market, click here.
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