Any time I scroll past a social media post that makes fun of men who play video games, I always chuckle. I’m tellin’ y’all — although social media definitely has some pros, the list of cons is pretty endless as well. And one of them that really drives me up the wall is how much misinformation is spoken so boldly…and incorrectly…as if Google is not just one browser away. SMDH.
When it comes to video games, specifically, contrary to popular belief/assumption/opinion, especially among many women, there are several benefits that come from playing them.
Video games boost one’s cognitive abilities. Video games help you to effectively multitask. Video games can bring relief to symptoms that are associated with depression, anxiety, and even PTSD. Video games can also help to improve your memory, make you a better decision maker and problem solver; plus, they can put and keep you in a better mood. Yeah, as I oftentimes tell some of my wife clients, “While you’re complaining about that video game that he’s on, he’s probably trying to figure out the monthly budget while he’s playing. Chill.”
Anyway, I actually thought that sharing that bit of food for thought would be quite fitting since, today, we’re going to touch on a sex technique which uses a word that is oftentimes utilized in video games: a joystick. In fact, as life would have it, Logitech actually makes a joystick (that you can see here) that bears an uncanny resemblance to the male body part that we’re going to focus on (hmm…).
And so, whether you play video games or not, here’s a sex-theme technique that will make you come off like a pro joystick pro…umm, in another non-video-playing-yet-hella-stimulating kind of way. #wink
The Joystick Method: Here’s the Breakdown
GiphyI enjoy watching Black web series on YouTube from time to time. One from back in the day is 2kLifeTV’sDiary of a Cheating Man(which happens to be a series that I believe I’ve shouted out before). Anyway, in episode two (entitled Shaunte), the main character, Corey, runs into a closet after finding out that a woman who he is sleeping with is cheating on her boyfriend, and the guy unexpectedly drops by.
A line that Corey says while hiding off in the closet scene explains perfectly what the Joystick Method is: “I can’t lie, though. I understand why dude is overprotective. It’s hard to find a girl who can do the twisty hand thing when she gives you head.” So true, so true — or at least, that’s what I’ve heard. LOL.
And yes, in a nutshell, that’s what the Joystick Method is all about: it’s about maneuvering your hands, while performing fellatio on your partner, in such a way that you can alter the sensation and level of intensity that he’s experiencing in the process.
And since reportedly, 80 percent of people enjoy oral sex, almost 74 find it to be a fun activity and, on average, people engage in fellatio and/or cunnilingus around five time a month (is that it?!), it can never hurt to bring some new techniques into that particular act.
Although the Joystick Method itself kind of leaves the option open for you and your partner to explore how to “move his joystick” around, experts of the act say that it is a good idea to accompany the movements with eye contact and sound effects. The eye contact is so that the two of you can feel intensely connected; the sound effects can help to stimulate you both on an audible level, since sex has a way of arousing all five senses (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”).
My thoughts? Well, since the main thing — on you, that is — that the Joystick Method hones in on is your hand(s), I wanted to share a few things that you can do with them that will cause your partner to get damn near turned out…just by applying the Joystick Method alone.
1. Gently Squeeze His Shaft
GiphyRemember that when a man becomes sexually aroused, blood will rush down to his penis and cause an erection. And although that makes his penis hard, it can also be quite sensitive to the touch as well. This is why gently gripping his shaft and then squeezing and releasing can provide an amazing sensation, especially while you are giving him head simultaneously.
2. Caress the Underside of His Penis with Your Index Finger
GiphyThe technical term for the tip of a man’s penis is glans or glans penis. Due to all of the nerve endings that are in it, it’s considered to be the most sensitive part of a penis overall. So, just imagine how a man feels when you use your index finger to gently stroke the underside of his shaft as you’re licking or sucking the glans too. I’m sayin’.
3. Massage His Testicles
GiphyAsk any man who’s been hit in his testicles (i.e., balls) before, and he’s going to tell you that it’s one of the worst pains that any guy will feel in his lifetime. The main reason why is because not only do testicles have a ton of nerve endings inside of them, but some of those nerves and tissues are shared between their scrotum (the place that houses testicles) and abdomen (which is why sometimes they can feel the uncomfortable sensation in their stomach).
Oh, but when you take the massage approach to those bad boys, that can stimulate, de-stress, and increase blood flow, which, in turn, can intensify his orgasms. Definitely another awesome fellatio 2.0 tip to keep in mind.
4. Create a “Hot Dog Bun” with ‘Em
GiphySpeaking of testicles — when’s the last time that you’ve caressed your partner’s scrotum in such a way that each one lands on one side of his shaft in order to create what looks a bit like a hot dog in a bun? If you hold his testicles like that and act like you are literally eating a hot dog (sans the teeth)…listen, just do it and then report back. #wink
5. Play Around with Some Cold Therapy Gloves
GiphySomething else that can have your man climbing the walls is bringing temperature play into the mix (check out “Hot Sex: 10 Super Sultry Reasons To Bring Wax Play Into Your Bedroom”). Since, again, what we’re mostly focusing on is the hands, why not invest in a pair of gel hot and cold gloves (like this set here)? You can either toss them into the freezer or microwave to make them the temperature that you want — and that will take the Joystick Method to a whole ‘nother level, chile.
BONUS: If He’s Uncircumcised, Pull the Foreskin Back (a Bit)
GiphyOne day, very soon, I’m going to write an article on uncircumcised/uncut men to address some of the myths and ridiculousness that is centered around them (for instance, your clitoral hood is basically the female version of the foreskin of an uncircumcised man). For now, I’ll just say that if you do have a partner who still has his foreskin intact, give thanks in the sense that those guys reportedly have the ability to give women more orgasms than circumcised/cut men do.
And a way to show your appreciation? GENTLY pull his foreskin back a bit during fellatio; that way, his glans can feel the warmth and sensation of your mouth more easily and better.
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Ah, the Joystick Method. My two cents? If your partner is an avid video game player, put on some lingerie (check out “Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type”) and ask him if you can play with him one night (that’s already gonna be a form of foreplay for him — LOL). Find a game that requires a joystick and slowly and sensually transition from the game to him (if you know what I mean).
He will never see a joystick in the same way again. Perfect. #wink
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These days, it's for a completely different purpose, though. Now that I am in the hopefully latter stages of perimenopause (I’m not sure because my mother had a full hysterectomy at 29, her mother died at 53 and I don’t deal with my paternal grandmother because…chile… ) — although I have always had relatively easy cycles and I could definitely set my watch to them, about two years ago, my periods started to show up whenever they felt like it and it was damn near a crime scene once they did.
It was driving me crazy, and so, my nurse practitioner recommended that I take progestin-only pills to shorten, if not completely stop, my cycle: “After a year or so, we can wean off and see if you are entering into menopause on your own.” (Whew, perimenopause, chile.)
Although the first five months of being on this particular pill made me wonder if it was worth it to take this approach, I actually re-upped for another 12-month cycle because the extra progestin (a synthetic form of progesterone) has benefitted me in other areas as well because I am sleeping more soundly and my weight is more stabilized (by the way, when these things are “off,” they are signs of low progesterone levels). However, I did ask my nurse practitioner if, once I do decide to wean off of the pill, would there be any issues.
Her response is what inspired me to write this article because, until she said “post-birth control syndrome” to me, I had no idea there was such a thing. Anyway, if you give me a sec, I’ll explain to you what it is and why you should care if hormone-related birth control is currently a part of your life.
Yes, Post-Birth Control Syndrome Is a Very Real Thing
GiphyOkay, so it’s important to always remember that the way that birth control works is it “manipulates” your hormones so that you can significantly reduce your chances of conceiving. This means that taking them could result in some side effects including nausea; weight gain; headaches; irregular periods and/or spotting; increased stress; depression; blurry vision; breast tenderness, and/or a lowered libido.
That said, even though birth control pills are basically 99 percent effective (when taken correctly and consistently), if the side effects that you are experiencing are making you close to miserable, you should absolutely share that with your healthcare provider because…what’s the sense in preventing pregnancy when you don’t even feel up to having sex because you don’t feel good or your sex drive is shot? More times than not, your provider can find you another pill brand or option that will help you to feel more like yourself.
With that out of the way, think about it — if going on the pill can produce side effects, why would going off of it…not? And this is where post-birth control syndrome comes in.
For the most part, it’s what can happen to your body once you decide to come off of birth control. Typically, the symptoms will last anywhere between 4-6 months and, although the symptoms seem to present themselves most intensely as it relates to going off of the pill, any hormone-related birth control (like IUDs, injections, patches, the ring or implants) could produce similar outcomes.
Outcomes like what?
- Irregular cycles
- Breakouts
- Excessive gas and/or bloating
- Weight gain
- Anxiety and/or depression
- Fertility issues
- Migraines and/or headaches
- Shifts in your libido
- Sleeplessness/restlessness
- Hair loss
Whoa, right? And if a part of you is wondering, “Okay, if this is indeed the case, why have I not heard of this syndrome before?” It’s because it’s not a term that conventional method uses nearly as much as alternative medicine does. Still, it makes all of the sense in the world that if your body has to adjust to an uptick in hormonal intake, it would also need to adjust to removing those extra doses of hormones from your system as well. COMMON. DAMN. SENSE.
Anyway, if you were thinking about taking a break from birth control and taking all of this in has you feeling a bit…let’s go with the word “trepidatious” about doing so, I totally get it. There are some things that you can do to make experiencing post-birth control syndrome either a non-issue or a far more bearable one, though.
7 Home Remedies That Can Make Coping with Post-Birth Control Syndrome Easier
Giphy1. Take a multivitamin.Something that’s fascinating about what going off of birth control can do is it sometimes has the ability to lower your nutrition levels as it relates to certain vitamins and minerals; this is especially the case when it comes to vitamins B, C, E and minerals like magnesium, selenium and zinc. So, if you don’t currently take a multivitamin, now would be the time to start (along with consuming foods that are particularly high in those nutrients as well).
2. Up your vitamin D intake. Speaking of nutrient levels, a vitamin level that commonly drops after going off of birth control isvitamin D. This is hella critical to keep in mind as a Black woman since many of us tend to be naturally deficient in the vitamin as-is and vitamin D is important when it comes to fighting off diseases, regulating weight and keeping your moods stabilized (for starters). So, make sure that your multivitamin has vitamin D in it. Also make sure to consume vitamin D-enriched foods like fatty fish, eggs, mushrooms, yogurt and fortified orange juice.
3. Drink herbal teas. Since going off of birth control will cause your hormones to be all over the place for a season, consider drinking some herbal teas that will help to stabilize them. Black cohosh contains phytoestrogen properties, Chasteberry can help to level out your prolactin levels and green tea can help your hormones out by helping to balance out your insulin (which can sometimes directly affect them).
4. Keep some ibuprofen nearby. The headaches and migraines? Until those subside, you and ibuprofen are probably going to become really good friends; although I will add that ginger tea and inhaling essential oils like chamomile and lavender can help to ease migraine-related symptoms too.
5. Do some meditating. Waiting for your hormones to get back on track can be stressful as all get out. That said, something that can get your cortisol (stress hormone) levels to chill out is to meditate. If meditation is new for you, check out “7 Meditation Hacks (For People Who Can't Seem To Do It).”
6. Get massages. As if you needed an excuse to get a massage, right (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.”)? However, there is some evidence to back the fact that regular massages (somewhere around once a month) can help to lower your stress, boost your dopamine, increase blood flow and drain your lymphatic system so that you will have more energy.
7. Sleep/rest more. There is plenty of scientific research out here which says that sleep deprivation can throw your hormones out of whack — and since your hormones are already trying to stabilize themselves, you definitely need to get 6-8 hours of sleep and not feel the least bit guilty about taking naps sometimes too.
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Post-birth control syndrome may not be the most pleasant thing about getting off of birth control yet it is manageable. So, now that you know all about it, you can feel more confident about taking a birth control break (or getting off altogether) — without the surprises that can come with doing it. Give thanks.
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