Valentine’s Day is so interesting, right? While on one hand, we all hear — and perhaps even say — that it’s an overly hyped, commercialized holiday that really shouldn’t conjure up as much (potential) stress (whether you’re in a relationship or not) that it actually does. However, when we do find ourselves in the position of not having a boo — or even a possible one — on February 14th…it can cause a lot of us to feel some type of way. Oftentimes to the point where we want to pretend that the day doesn’t exist at all.
This year, please don’t do that. Even if there are no romantic plans or a Galentine’s Day party on the radar, you can still celebrate — and it can go beyond picking up a rose at your local grocery store and listening to love songs that remind you of an ex (or some bomb sex) from your past.
Below, I’ve got 15 things that you can do to make this Valentine’s Day one that’s worth remembering to the point where it just might rival some of the ones you’ve had when you were actually seeing someone (here’s hoping, anyway).
1. Download the TOBEE App
GiphyIf you’ve never heard of negative bias before, best believe you’ve witnessed it. It’s basically when people lean towards the negative side of things instead of the positive. For instance, say that someone asked you to list five things you like about your body and five things you don’t. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if you started off with the things that you don’t prefer first — and that, my dear, is an example of negative bias.
On days like Valentine’s Day, it can be easy to be a negative bias person if you’re single yet want to be in a relationship. Something that can help you to stay focused on the upswing of having a single status is reading articles like, “10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single” and “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'” and downloading apps like the TOOBEE one.
If you’re unfamiliar with TOOBEE, it’s a mindfulness app filled with positive affirmations, tips to keep you calm, and ways to keep you encouraged in under a minute. Download it today and start making it a part of your morning routine moving forward. For more info on it, click here.
2. Upgrade Your Bedding and Sleepwear
Listen, even if someone won’t be joining you in your bed this year (le sigh), that doesn’t mean that your bedding shouldn’t get an upgrade. Since deep hues and all-white bedding are both big trends this year, why not treat yourself to some new bamboo sheets or a new comforter altogether in one of those styles? While you’re at it, pick up a few down feather pillows. I recently did and have absolutely no regrets (you can never have enough pillows)!
While we’re on the topic of bedding and bedtime, what’s your sleepwear been looking like lately? I recently read somewhere that silk nighties, floral print satin robes, pattern-clashing pajamas, cotton rompers, and huge, satin, button-down pajama tops are all the rage for the rest of the year — so get yourself a few to rotate throughout the week.
Nothing says, “If you build it, they — well, he — will come” quite like getting your sleepwear game together…and there’s no time like the present, chile.
3. Pick a New Lipstick Color
Does it surprise you that many sources say that lipstick started to really evolve in Egypt thanks to royals and even spiritual leaders who lived there? Although I personally don’t wear a lot of make-up, something that I am good for is some waterproof mascara and some lip color.
Over the next few days, treat yourself to a new lipstick shade. I mean, if you’re gonna be focusing on speaking more positivity into your life, your lips might as well look gorgeous as you do it. Straight up.
4. Also, Cop a New Body Scent
GiphyAt this point in the game, I’m not sure if I read and research or write more. I think it’s because I enjoy learning new things. Take Scientific American’s article, “Do scents affect people's moods or work performance?.” Read it when you get a chance. For now, the bottom line is “yes.” Scents that you like will put you in a good mood and scents that you don’t…won’t.
I also once read somewhere that if you constantly wear the same scent over and over, you’ll begin to grow numb to it and that could put you in a state of stagnation. (Wild, right?) That’s why, in the name of self-love and positivity, there really is no time like the present to invest in a new/different scent. If you want to take a quick quiz to help you find one that suits your personality, I located one here and Cosmo has one here.
5. Write Yourself a Love Letter
A deep dive that must be done far more often is the fact that a lot of people fail at relationships because they actually expect someone else to put forth more energy and effort into loving them than they are even willing to do for themselves. Not only does this make absolutely no sense but it can keep them in a pattern of settling because they have not raised the bar via their own actions.
This is a part of the reason why I’m a HUGE fan of women writing themselves love letters. It’s a great way for you to see, in literal black and white, who you are, what you are deserving of (which means qualified for), and why you should wait until those sentiments are reciprocated. For tips on how to write this kind of letter, check out “Every Woman Should Write A Love Letter To Themselves.”
6. Then Write a Letter to Your “Future Wife” Self
If you honestly have no desire to ever marry — because not every woman does — you can totally skip over this one. However, if this is one of the deepest desires of your heart, while you’re in the letter-writing mood, pull out some really nice stationery and pen a letter to your future married self. You can write it from the perspective of things that you want to tell yourself on your wedding day or your first wedding anniversary.
And just what is the point of this kind of "exercise?" In the now, it helps to give you hope. In the future, it helps you to see how far you’ve come. Both are necessary for the journey toward wifedom (ask any healthy wife who you know and she will certainly vouch for that).
7. Use Flowers for All-Natural Beauty/Pampering Purposes
GiphyRed roses symbolize love which is why they’re basically the official flower of Valentine’s Day. And you know what? Even if you don’t have a boo thang this year to receive some from, that doesn’t mean you can’t purchase some for yourself or even have some delivered to your office or home.
If that only made your eyes roll, upcycle a dozen fresh roses by turning them into rose petals for a bathtub soak; making them some homemade rosewater (rosewater is so bomb and it’s good for skin and hair); putting them into a vase, so that they can become some homemade potpourri; putting a few into a spray bottle along with some lavender oil and distilled water and turning the mixture into a fresh mist tonic; crushing some petals into a mason jar along with sweet almond oil, letting the combo sit for 14 days in the sun so that you can have some DIY rose body oil, and/or grinding some almonds and rose petals together into a paste then adding a tablespoon (or two) of manuka honey so that you’ll have a body scrub to exfoliate with.
8. Buy Some (Black-Owned) Self-Love Tees
Even though the first day of spring (this year) is March 20, there’s no time like the present to stock up on some new/more tees, right? As a self-professed T-shirt hound myself, one of my favorite brands is Tahylor Made. And since wearing graphic tees is basically like being a walking billboard, why not affirming yo damn self with messages like their “I’m that song you skipped and found out later it was fire!” one (here)? Or how about this “All Natural Sistah” shirt (here) by High Level GA or maybe this Vivrant Thing sweatshirt (here) from MokaQueenzCreations?
Basically, be intentional about getting some gear that celebrates who you are and how much you dig yourself— at the very core.
9. Plan a Trip and Start a Traveling Fund
In the very near future, we’ll talk about how wanderlust/love is a current dating trend that people can’t seem to stop talking about. Case in point — if any of you watch Kendra G’s online dating show, then you know that if there’s one thing a lot of women say, on loop, that they’re looking for in a man is someone who likes to travel.
There’s no time like the present to get some stamps on that passport of yours (because you DO have your passport…right?). Listen, a little “love” sister of mine divorced a couple of years ago and has seen more of the world than she ever would’ve married. So yeah, get those coins together! A three-week trip to Europe will (currently) run you somewhere around $5,000 which is roughly $420 a month.
Hit some of your girl (or guy) friends up and make a group trip out of it. This is the season of life when you can fully do life on your terms without pausing for other people. Relish in that very fact.
10. Memorize Matthew 7:6 (Whether You Follow the Bible or Not)
GiphyBack when I would do signings for my first book, I would include the verse Matthew 7:6. The New King James Version of it says, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” Listen, whether you’re a Christian, a disciple (John 8:31-32), someone of another religious belief system or you’re not a believer at all, this is a verse that is still awesome when it comes to affirming your level of self-worth.
The reason why I say that is because, while I don’t believe men are dogs (or that women are female dogs), one definition of dogging something/someone out is “to retreat, flee, renege, etc.” and one definition of swine is "a coarse, gross, or brutishly sensual person” while another is “a contemptible person.” Meanwhile, a pearl is a gem that oftentimes went through a lot in order to become of great value (Matthew 13:45).
You see where I’m going with this? I don’t care if an ex pops up out of the blue or you’re horny for some random dude who’s been breadcrumbing you (giving you just enough to keep you hanging on) — if ever there was a time to hold onto a Scripture like your life depended on it, Valentine’s Day would be the day.
Do not give your precious self to someone who has reneged on their words to you or a brutishly sensual or contemptible person, no matter how lonely you feel in the moment.
PERIOD.
11. Get an Anklet (to Put on Your Right One)
One of my favorite quotes is by an international spiritual leader by the name of Thich Nhat Hanh who actually passed away in early January 2022. The quote is, “Walk as if you are kissing the earth with your feet.” That said, ever since I once read that anklets, in part, represent our connection to the water, sky, and earth, I’ve owned a few of them. I just make sure to wear mine on my right foot because the left means that you’re married.
Anyway, it’s a really feminine and even sexy piece of jewelry. You can even take its beauty up a notch by getting one that has the following tip attached to it.
12. Also, Treat Yourself to a Self-Love Crystal
Just about every year, I find myself copping a new crystal that represents where I am in my own life journey. If self-love is something that you want to focus on, especially so, over the next several months, there are stones that can help to pull you into that kind of energy.
- Onyx helps you to tap into your inner child;
- Rose quartz is connected to your heart chakra;
- Peridot is a meditation stone that helps to calm and relax you;
- Sugilite encourages forgiveness and self-satisfaction;
- Pink opal is full of self-love and positivity;
- Citrine increases one’s self-worth;
- Amethyst puts you on a journey toward the spiritual side of developing self-love.
And these are just a few of the many stones and crystals that do so, to tell you the truth.
A great place to find these stones (or jewelry that’s made out of them) is on Etsy’s site. I stay up on there.
13. Try Some Bergamot Essential Oil
GiphyI can’t tell you the last time that I wore perfume. Over here, I’ve been rocking with various blends of essential oils for several years now. I like them because, not only does their scent oftentimes last longer than perfume (or cologne) does, but they also come with a myriad of health benefits too.
That said, if you happen to like sweet and citrusy smells, bergamot is one that you should try. As a bonus, it symbolizes things like self-love, self-worth, healing from emotional pain, happiness, empowerment, and a sense of stability.
So, when are you gonna cop a bottle, sis?
14. Have Your Favorite Dessert Delivered
If there is one day when you should give yourself complete and total permission to forego whatever dietary boundaries you’ve got set into place, it’s when Cupid comes to town. In fact, don’t stress yourself out by standing in long grocery store lines or staring at couples in restaurants. Hop on a delivery app and have your favorite dessert delivered to your front door. In fact, articles like RetailMeNot’s “42 Restaurant Deals for Valentine’s Day” might even point you in the direction of a discount or two (don’t forget to tip the delivery person!).
15. Purchase a (New/Upgraded) Little Black Dress
One more. To be honest, it doesn’t have to be today or even in honor of Valentine’s Day. I’m just planting a seed in your ear that if there’s one thing that every woman needs, it’s a little black dress — preferably three: one for work, one for a date, and one for a formal affair. However, I’m mentioning it today because something that makes ALL women look sexy AF is this kind of outfit. So, buying it on Valentine’s Day seems beyond appropriate.
Anyway, whether you apply one or all of these 15 tips, don’t forget that being single is about being unique, exclusive, and rare — and that is always worth getting excited about.
Valentine’s Day included. #wink
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by heckmannoleg/Getty Images
- A Single Girl's Guide To Getting Through The Holiday Season ›
- How To Have An Absolutely Amazin' Valentine's Day...Alone ›
- Six Single Ladies Share How They’re Spending Their Valentine's Day ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
