Victoria Monet Is "Coastin" On Our Playlists: Here's 7 Things You Need To Know
With the world seeming more and more overwhelming, how incredible is it to know that we have music? Music as a means of storytelling has been the way of life for centuries. Lyrics and melodies have a way of elevating the mood, maintaining calm, and keeping us going. And what keeps "Coastin" artist, Victoria Monet, going? Her art imitating life.
She may have been the music industry's best-kept secret but her light is shining so bright that we have no choice but to give her her flowers. Keep scrolling for fun facts about mommy-artist-songwriter-producer, Victoria Monet.
1.Victoria Monet is a Taurus.
Known to be sensual, steadfast, and loyal, Taurean women are true queens. No one has a strong sense of self like the Taurus. Victoria Monet displays her confidence in the words she writes. Her lyrics are candid conversations with the world. Over the years, the entertainer has developed a fearlessness to say what she actually means, regardless of the politics that are supposed to be considered.
2.She grew up in Sacramento.
While she was born in Georgia, Victoria was raised in Sacramento, CA.
Monet told Miss Bish:
"With Sac being so diverse, I got a taste of a lot of different genres. My mom also had a super wide variety of music taste. She would play everything from Sade to Uncle Luke while we cleaned the house, lol. I feel that today, I am a melting pot of a few different feels but my heart is always in the '90s mixed with an indie feel. Sac has a super cool indie, artsy vibe downtown where I used to practice dance with Boogie Monstarz, and I think that's where I met my match and felt right at home."
3.The hitmaker is a new mommy.
Victoria Monet surprised her fans in December 2020 with the most adorable pregnancy announcement. Baby Hazel Monet Gaines was born on February 2, 2021, to Victoria and her boyfriend John Gaines. From the start, she cherished being gifted the title above queen sharing on social media:
"Two hearts beat inside of me now...That's more love. Two brains and two souls...that's so much power. Really been feelin like the ultra super Victoria cause my body is doing such miraculous work. This is absolutely the best thing that has ever happened to me and I can't wait to meet my tiny soul mate earth side!!! I hold my head higher with the confidence you already gift. You are the best of me and I promise to protect you and be the best version of myself for you all ways, always."
4.Victoria Monet identifies as bisexual.
The singer came out on Twitter at the end of 2018 after being tired of hiding her queerness. It was more of a rebellious moment due to some complicated matters of the heart. Victoria Monet told Gay Times:
"I literally fell in love with a girl and I had a boyfriend at the time, and then we broke up. But this woman ended up getting pregnant because she had a boyfriend in a polyamorous relationship. There were a lot of things that I was personally going through that I didn't speak about. But at the time, my boyfriend was still claiming that he was still my boyfriend after we'd broken up, and I decided I was really upset about it, and going through a lot emotionally, so I decided to tweet it."
For Monet, she was simply venting. It wasn't until someone replied, "Did you just come out?" that she realized it was so much more. Her response: "I think so." That tweet made her come into her own and allowed her to authentically live in her truth.
5.You can also call her one of the most successful songwriters of our time.
Monet's first big songwriting credit was on Diddy and Dirty Money's "I Hate That You Love Me" back in 2010. Fun fact: she reached out to legendary hitmaker Rodney "Darkchild" Jerkins on MySpace to shoot her shot. That leap of faith landed her in Darkchild's group, Purple Reign, who was signed to Motown Records. You may be thinking, "Purple Reign? I've never heard of that group!" Well, you're correct because their work was never released. Luckily, Monet's killer writing skills became well-known and her magic pen hasn't stopped ever since.
Essencehighlighted Victoria Monet during Black Music Month and when asked about how being a Black woman uniquely qualified her for her position, she told them:
"It gives me the opportunity to overturn the narrative of Black women being the underdog. Being Black shouldn't be considered unique in music. We exist—and always have—as the foundation of it all as a matter of fact. Our faces just may not be as forward facing as our talent. I will do my part to make sure we are no longer overlooked and underappreciated."
It's safe to say this Sac queen has earned her stripes. Many of the bops we love most were written by Victoria Monet. Some notable songs where Monet has writing credits are Ariana Grande's "7 Rings", "34+35", "Do It" by Chloe x Halle and "On the Way" by Twenty88.
6.Victoria Monet and Ariana Grande are BFFs.
They do more than create music together; they do life together. Since Ariana's Nickelodeon days, she and Victoria have been holding each other down. The new kids say '4 Lifers' when referring to lifetime friendships and that's what we see when we look at A & V. "We've just been friends for so long. It's so easy and it just feels really fun, but also therapeutic, Victoria told NME:
"It's not like when you go to a writing session and you have to ask the writer or the artist: 'What's going on with your life?' We talk all the time, and we both already know what's going on in each other's lives. So whenever we're in the studio, we get straight to the music part."
"I imagine us [in the future] being really old ladies talking about how he used to do it. 'Remember when we did 'Thank U, Next'? Remember when we toured here?' You know, just having discussions over tea. This'll be a forever thing."
7.She has released five EPs.
EPs also known as extended plays are mini-albums with less than seven songs. Victoria Monet's discography:
- Nightmares & Lullabies: Act 1
- Nightmares & Lullabies: Act 2
- Life After Love, Pt. 1
- Life After Love, Pt. 2
- JAGUAR
To keep up with Victoria Monet, follow her on Instagram, Spotify and Apple Music.
To keep up with Victoria Monet, follow her on Instagram, Spotify and Apple Music.
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Featured image via Giphy
- Who Is Victoria Monet? Ariana Grande's 'Monopoly' Duet & Friend ... ›
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- Singer Victoria Monet Reveals She's Pregnant on Instagram | Heavy ... ›
Joce Blake is a womanist who loves fashion, Beyonce and Hot Cheetos. The sophistiratchet enthusiast is based in Brooklyn, NY but has southern belle roots as she was born and raised in Memphis, TN. Keep up with her on Instagram @joce_blake and on Twitter @SaraJessicaBee.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You're Catching Feelings For Your Guy Friend. Now What?
Let me just start this all off by saying that I will never be the kind of person who thinks that men and women can’t be friends (or that single people and married people can’t be friends). Choosing friends is about looking into someone’s character and how they complement your life; it should never be about their gender or relational status. Don’t get it twisted, though — in order to properly navigate the dynamic between a man and a woman, there are some things that should be pondered and then discussed.
For instance, is the relationship truly platonic? Even though our culture has reduced that word to simply mean that two people are friends and nothing more, the actual definition is that BOTH individuals do not have any type of sexual interest or attraction at all; that only a spiritual kind of love exists. Is that possible? I have a few male friends where that word applies. I won’t lie, though — most of my (unmarried) male friends are more in the lane of, “You could get it. We just value the friendship too much to explore it”…and no, it hasn’t been “game” whenever they’ve brought it up.
Contrary to the notoriously toxic belief of so many folks out here, not every man has coochie on the brain 24/7 and/or lacks self-control and/or is willing to risk it all in order to get some. In fact, not one man in my life is even remotely that shallow.
Now, that doesn’t mean that I don’t get that the line between just friends and possibly more isn’t a tightrope for some friendships from time to time. Like, what happens if the person who ends up “with a little extra,” as far as emotions go for a friend, ends up being you? Even further, what if that question isn’t even close to being rhetorical because it’s something that you’re experiencing right at this very moment, and you’re not exactly sure what you should do about it?
If that’s the case, have no fear. I think I might be able to offer up a bit of insight that can get you through the (potential) internal stress of what happens when you look up one day and it really does seem like, out of nowhere, you suddenly want your guy friend to become something…more.
What Kind of Friendship Is It?
GiphySo before we talk about anything else, the first thing that you should get clear on is the type of friendship that you’re in. What I mean by that is, although we tend to use “friend” to cover all of the bases of someone who we’re not romantically involved with (or isn’t a relative or we can’t stand — and chile,don’t even get me started on frenemies), the reality is that friendships definitely have levels to them (check out “Always Remember That Friendships Have 'Levels' To Them”).
Like,is he a work friend? Is he a church friend? Is he someone you’ve recently gotten to know over the past couple of months? Is he an online friend? Or is it deeper, like a guy who you’ve been friends with for a couple of years now or someone who you used to have in the friend zone (check out “Before You 'Friend Zone' Someone, Read This.”)? Or — and lawd have mercy, if so — is he your best friend, and you’re starting to see him in a completely different light?
Do you see how, just breaking down some of these friendship dynamics, the situations are quite different? For instance, if you have feelings for a co-worker friend, you’ve got to take into consideration what your work environment will be like if the two of you date and it ultimately doesn’t work out. If he’s an online friend (especially if he’s in another city, state, or country), the risk of potential rejection probably won’t be as impactful as if you have to see him every weekend at church.
If he’s someone you already put into the friend zone, I’m gonna tell you right now that if he has any sort of self-esteem, you’re gonna have to eat a few slices of humble pie to get him to entertain being more than friends (because guys tend to move on once they find out that they fall into that space). And if he’s your best friend? Well, while it probably won’t cost you your friendship, it could make things awkward for a while at best or shift the relationship a bit at worst.
That’s why I definitely think that getting real about the kind of friendship you have with the guy is what you should get mentally cleared up first. Then, we can move on to the next thing.
What Do You Want to Come from the Matter?
GiphyAnyway, because I do have a nice circle of male friends, many of whom are single or divorced, I get asked often if it’s hard to be just friends with them. It’s not because I really like what we have as being friends only. There is a type of intimacy and balance of energies that come from a male-female friendship that you can never get from same-sex ones. I value it all too much to risk it. What I want from my male friends — a certain level of protection (because I’m single), insight from a male perspective, doing things that my female friends may not want to do, etc. — I get…and that’s worth more than seeing if the sex would be bomb or if we should try something more and it end up being a bad decision that we can’t come back from.
That’s me, though. That doesn’t have to be you and your guy friend. For example, what if what you want is to explore a sexual relationship (check out “5 Things You Should Ask Yourself Before Having Sex with A Friend”) because you can’t seem to get sex with him out of your head? For better or for worse, chile, back when I was out in these sex streets, that was pretty much my pattern: sex with close friends (check out “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners”), and it’s not an impossible feat.
You’ve just got to be real with yourself about whether that’s truly all that you want and if you can handle it gracefully if things don’t go as planned (check out “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”) or the sex is so good that now you can’t decide if you’re into him or just into…it. Oh, and don’t even get me started on if he’s seeing other people (because all you wanted was sex…right?). Yeah, a movie that I like calledSleeping with Other People has a scene where a woman is mad that her casual sex partner is sleeping around. His response was on-point: “Keeping our arrangement doesn’t make me an as-hole, but it does make you a liar.” #checkmate
That’s just one example to emphasize the point that, yes, you need to figure out what you want to come from your more-than-just-friends feelings. Do you just want to get it off of your chest and you’re not sure if you want or need to do anything more than that? Do you want just sex? Would you like to go on a few dates to see ifthe chemistry is mutual? Are you “deeply in” and you’re hoping that he feels the same way so that you two can have a full-blown relationship?
Listen, I have watched enough relationships in my lifetime to know that when it comes to something that needs to be as thoughtfully approached as this, it’s not fair to share your feelings with someone and then expect them to know what you want to come from doing so. You need to know…first. So before bringing it to him, figure it out on your own.
Tell Him the Deal. No Hinting Around.
GiphyAlthough timing and delivery matter, I don’t know one man who isn’t a “straight no-chaser” type of individual. This means no hinting around. No guessing games. No 50 million questions to try and see if he likes you first. I promise you that all of these approaches are off-putting to guys and will get them to mentally and emotionally tap out before you get around to making your point. Besides, if he’s a FRIEND friend, you should be able to express your genuine feelings — and honestly, this is a huge plus to telling him: you will be able to see how mature he is when it comes to handling matters of the heart.
Can there be a reason to not tell your guy friend how you feel? I mean, honestly, if you’re avoiding it, I’m assuming that it’s mostly due to fear, and trying to maintain anything with fear as your “fuel,” ultimately, isn’t going to get you anywhere. Plus, the more that you suppress what is going on inside of you, the more it’s going to alter the energy between the two of you, and that could cause unnecessary stress and strain to where either you start unnecessarily projecting things onto him, or he wants to spend less time around you because you’re making him feel as uncomfortable as you are.
Are there any exceptions to this? Eh. If you’re more like good acquaintances than actual friends, perhaps. Personally, though, I think that solid friendships are rooted in honesty — and how can you claim that you’ve got a healthy friendship with someone if you’re holding something as big back as having feelings for them away from them? Logically, it just doesn’t make much sense.
Prepare Yourself for His Response. And Don’t Penalize the Friendship If He Doesn’t Feel the Same Way.
GiphyOnce you tell him, for the most part, there are three ways that telling him can go: he can like you back, he can want some time and space to consider the possibilities, or he can not be interested. Let’s briefly unpack all three.
Liking you back...
So, what if you tell him how you feel, and he feels the same way (or something close)? My two cents would be for the two of you to still go slowly. Where I’ve seen many mess up is they think that they can go from friend to more-than-friends in two days or less, and that’s super unrealistic. Meaning, someone having feelings for you, too doesn't mean that they can, should, or will automatically stop seeing other people or that you two can or should immediately start becoming intimate.
Take some time to really discuss each other’s feelings, thoughts, and expectations — and what you guys should do trying to move into a different relational space ultimately proves to not be the best thing for one or both of you. If anything should take the “ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” approach, it’s friends who are transitioning into something more — or else.
Wanting time and space...
Going from friends to potentially something different is a lot like shifting gears in a car — and if you move too fast, you can strip them. That said, just because you’ve been sitting with your feelings for a while, it’s not fair to want to rush him after he finds out. Whether he wants time and space to figure out how he feels about your feelings or time and space from you altogether — both are warranted.
Should it be for weeks with no contact? Not if he’s a good friend. On the other hand, should you pressure him into making you feel at ease about what he’s just now learning? Eh. You might want to go to another friend to help you out with that. I mean, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Right…exactly.
He's not interested...
No one likes rejection; that’s real. At the same time, though, it’s not fair to penalize him if he doesn’t feel the same way that you do. Clearly, if he’s your friend (especially a close friend), he adores and values you on some level. However, if that’s not romantically, try and be emotionally mature enough to know and then accept that not wanting all of what you desire from the relationship doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you in his life at all.
At the end of the day, if it’s too hard to be his friend when you want something else, you’ve got to do what’s best for you. Just make sure that you’re not going to lose a great person in your life because your ego got bruised or your pride couldn’t handle him not reciprocating what you were offering. It’s not fair, and it could end up costing you…A LOT. Take the kind of space you need to redirect your focus. If he loves you, he’ll be there when you get…back.
___
I’ve developed feelings for a friend before; more than once. Was it always easy to work through? Not always. My friendships always survived it, though — whether the feelings were reciprocated or not. And it was because we valued the friendship too much to lose it.
And honestly, I think that is one of the best things to come out of having feelings for a friend: you end up finding out just how solid the bond actually is. And in a world where really good friends are hard to come by…that can never not be a good thing.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images