This is one of those times when, if you've got the time, I'd actually prefer for you to read two other articles (from the site) first. One is entitled "These Are The Deal-Breakers You Shouldn't Hesitate To Have In The Bedroom". The other (if you plan on getting married someday) is "Ask These Sex-Related Questions BEFORE You Marry Him". The reason why I'm making this recommendation is this—while in theory, I think we all know that sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, at the same time, I also believe that a lot of us don't make figuring out if we are in "intimacy harmony" with someone a priority until after the deed is done. In other words, a lot of what comes with sexual compatibility can be discovered before hittin' the sheets with someone. It comes through heartfelt communication.
Case in point. I've always liked hearing Meagan Good say that, when she was asked why she didn't want to "test drive her husband" prior to marriage, she didn't because "he is not a car". Yeah, I know that society tries to cram down our throat that you can't find out if you and another individual are sexually in sync without getting naked first, but that's not 100—or even 65—percent true. A lot of sexual compatibility consists of chemistry and connection. And again, a lot of that transpires outside of the bedroom. That's not knocking the fact that sexual compatibility includes the act of sex itself as well, but—I guess what I'm saying is, like most things in life, good sexual energy and interaction comes with many layers. Don't underestimate how far conversations can take you. Then there are six others that we will explore today.
So, how can you know for sure if you and another person are truly sexually compatible? I asked a (totally platonic) male friend of mine to tackle this topic with me. These are the things that we both were able to agree on. How about you?
Sexually Compatible Couples Have Similar Sex Drives
I've got a friend who, ever since I've known him, he's wanted to have sex at least twice a day (his soon-to-be ex-wife can vouch for this, by the way). It really is like he's insatiable. Hmph. If we only went by men like him, it would be easy to see why the society and the media claim that men have higher sex drives than women do. But then, I've also got a girlfriend whose husband has told me, on more than one occasion, that the person who can't get enough rest isn't her, but him; she is the one whose libido is always in overdrive.
My male friend? He's 47. My female friend is 38. So, we can't really put drives on age, gender or anything else, can we? In many ways, a person's sex drive is totally up to the individual—and the relationship that they are in. This is something that I've been trying to get my male friend to accept ever since college. It's not that there aren't women who can't keep up with him; it's just that different people have different approaches to arousal and seduction. Sometimes, approaches and techniques need to switch up as well.
But what I think we all can agree on, is if two people don't have similar sex drives, that can lead to some disappointment, if not all-out frustration, for one or both individuals. Remember how I said that my male friend is going through a divorce? One of the issues in their marriage was the fact that while he wanted sex at least four times a week, his wife was good with 1-2 times a month. It's hard to be compatible when your desires are incongruent. Is it a relationship deal-breaker? Maybe not. But is it something that should be taken seriously? Definitely so.
Sexually Compatible Couples Connect on a Mental and Emotional Level
A cool definition of compatible is "capable of existing or living together in harmony". Harmony is defined as being in "agreement; accord; harmonious relations". Recently, I penned an article on here about how you should never automatically assume that a great sex partner will turn into a great life partner. If you want to know how well you and someone work outside of the bedroom, you need to figure out what you agree on and if you are on the same accord about when it comes to principles, values, life goals and what you want for your futures. When you find someone who can relate to you in these various areas, the sex with them is so much better.
There are studies that support this fact (you can read one of them here). There are articles like "The Differences Between Hook-Up Sex, Marital Sex, and Making Love" that co-sign on it. Shoot, I bet you can look back on your own sex life and vouch for the fact that when you were connected on a deep mental and emotional level, the sex was so much better than when you weren't.
Sexually compatible couples are mature in the sense that they aren't only out to get orgasms; they want to have internal highs that come from really knowing a person and them being known in return. They know that their minds and hearts being in sync also qualifies them for being truly sexually compatible.
Sexually Compatible Couples Are Willing to Explore Sexual Desires and Fantasies
Sometimes couples have a ho-hum sex life but it's not because of the sex itself; it's because they've become bored. That make sense too because most of us have heard that the biggest sex organ we have is our brain. This means that our imagination needs to be stimulated as much as possible. One way to do that is by exploring different types of sexual desires and fantasies.
As far as what some popular publications say—Glamour said that it's sex in public, sex in an usual location and pegging. Everyday Health claims that men enjoy their partner taking charge and engaging in oral and anal sex. Ask Men asked some women and they said, role-playing, domination and voyeurism were some of their favorite fantasies. But all of these findings are based on surveys and polls. The best way to find out what sends your own partner's mind to racing is to ask them. But don't stop there—once they tell you, put your best foot forward to try and make some of their dreams a reality.
A guy once told me that men don't get tired of being with the same woman; they get sick of having the same kind of sex with the same woman. Words to live by, if you ask me.
Sexually Compatible Couples Have Little Stress in Their Dynamic
I thought it was interesting that, when I asked my male friend to share with me a sign of sexual compatibility, one of the things that he listed was the relationship needed to have as little stress in it as possible. But after those words came out of his mouth, I sat and thought about the sessions I've sat in where the husband was like, "I still find my wife attractive but between all of the nagging and complaining, I'd rather just get some quiet and a good night's rest over some sex."
The reason why I think a lot of people underestimate that stress is an enemy of sexual incompatibility is because they are so used to being stressed out that they don't factor in what it is doing to their intimacy. But if all the two of you are doing is arguing, casting blame, giving each other the silent treatment, rationing affection and/or taking shots at each other, really—what in the world is sexy about that?
I totally get where my friend is coming from. Although one of the benefits of sex is it decreases stress, it's hard to even get into the act if your partner already has you turned off because of all of the stress that they are causing.
Sexually Compatible Couples Strongly Desire to Please Their Partner
I make it no secret that there have been a couple of partners in my sex life's past who, while I wasn't all that physically attracted to them, the sex was still pretty damn good. It was because pleasing me was a passion of theirs. At the same time, there were a couple of other men in my life who really needed a mirror on the wall for them to look directly into because, while they were fine, they seemed to get off more on themselves than trying to make me happy.
Whenever I sit down with couples who are totally unsatisfied with their sex lives, something that I usually say is they are making things so much harder than they've got to be. If the guy is totally focused on pleasing his lady and the woman is totally into pleasing her man, it's hard for the sex to not be totally off the charts. Problem is, just like with relationships in general, a lot of people aren't in sync with their partner; they are more concerned about what they should be getting than what they should be giving. Sexual compatibility lacks selfishness. Any couple who is in true harmony in this area can certainly vouch for that.
Sexually Compatible Couples Have a Consistent Sex Life
For some reason, a lot of folks will read the word "consistent" and think that means all day, every day. But actually, consistent simply means to be constant in whatever it is that you are doing (or not doing). As far as sex goes, some of the married couples that I work with consistently have sex 2-3 times a week while others consistently have sex a couple of times a month. Both dynamics seem to be fine with that; things only get "weird" when there is less than what they have grown accustomed to.
If you're curious about what the "general norm" is when it comes to intimacy, one study revealed that the happiest couples are those who have sex no less than once a week. I could see why that is the case. Between work schedules, household responsibilities and everything else on people's to-do list, having sex once a week is something that a lot of couples find to be a realistic amount. At the same time, no matter what is happening in their lives, they make sure that they aren't too busy to engage one another at least once a week. The sexual compatibility here is that sex isn't treated like a "relational perk"; it's a relational need and responsibility. Two people who are on the same page about that are sexually compatible in a way that is truly underrated. A lot of married couples in sexless marriages can certainly vouch for that.
So, there you have it. If you are wondering if you and yours are sexually compatible and your head moved up and down to these points, congrats. You've got something that a lot of people desire—a partner you are sexually in tune with. And that's the makings for some pretty powerful and amazing sex!
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Itunes and Spotify.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
This year's It Girl 100 is a mosaic of brilliance, spotlighting entrepreneurs, cultural disruptors, beauty visionaries, and boundary-pushing creatives who embody the spirit of "Yes, And." This digital celebration honors the women who embrace every facet of themselves, proving you can chase the bag and still honor your desire to live life softly.
The women repping for the Business category are empire builders shaping the next generation of entrepreneurship, as founders, investors, and CEOs, shifting culture while expanding their brands and their net worth.
Here's the roll call for xoNecole's It Girl 100 Class of 2025: Business.
Artist and Founder of GROWN Media Kaya Nova
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Kaya Nova
Her Handle: @thekayanova
Her Title: Artist and Founder, GROWN Media
Who's That It Girl: Kaya Nova is the artist-entrepreneur whose voice bridges melody and empowerment as the founder of GROWN Mag and GROWN Media. We celebrate her for turning her artistry into activism, creating music and experiences that honor womanhood, vulnerability, and the beauty of becoming your full self.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm multitalented and I'm powerful beyond measure."
Founder and CEO of Vineyard Icon Erin Goldson
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Erin Goldson
Her Handle: @eringoldson
Her Title: Founder and CEO of Vineyard Icon
Who's That It Girl: We are inspired by Erin Goldson, brand marketer and founder of Vineyard Icon, a platform celebrating Martha’s Vineyard culture and creativity. She blends strategy and community building with effortless polish to turn ideas into impact.
Founder and CEO, My Happy Flo Necole Kane
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Necole Kane
Her Handle: @hellonecole
Her Title: Founder and CEO, My Happy Flo
Who's That It Girl: Necole Kane is a media mogul and entrepreneur who founded NecoleBitchie.com and xoNecole.com. She now leads feminine wellness brand My Happy Flo, advocating for women's hormonal health through plant-based supplements and holistic solutions.
FORVR MOOD Co-Founder and Content Creator Jackie Aina
Credit: Kirstin Enlow
Jackie Aina
Her Handle: @jackieaina
Her Title: FORVR MOOD Co-Founder and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: A trailblazer who changed the face of beauty forever, Jackie Asamoah built a legacy on authenticity and advocacy. We love her for redefining luxury through inclusion and for reminding women everywhere that self-care is a radical, joyful act.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm owning my power and finding balance in it."
Founder and Investor Shannae Ingleton Smith
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Shannae Ingleton Smith
Her Handle: @torontoshay
Her Title: Founder and Investor
Who's That It Girl: Shannae Ingleton Smith is President and Co-founder of Kensington Grey, an influencer agency representing 200+ creators. A former media sales executive, she now invests in creator-led startups, including 12PM Studios.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m breaking ceilings and expanding the table."
Founder of LORVAE De'arra Taylor
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De'arra Taylor
Her Handle: @dearra
Her Title: Founder of Fashion Brand LORVAE
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate De'arra Taylor as the founder and CEO of LORVAE, an eyewear brand built on reinvention, confidence, and bold individuality. Her creative direction turns sunglasses into statements and community into a lifestyle.
Founder of The Lip Bar Melissa Butler
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Melissa Butler
Her Handle: @melissarbutler
Her Title: Founder of The Lip Bar
Who's That It Girl: Melissa Butler transformed The Lip Bar from a kitchen concept into a multimillion-dollar movement. We honor her for challenging industry norms and proving that boldness, beauty, and business brilliance can coexist unapologetically.
Director of Cultural Strategy & Innovation Denetrias Charlemagne
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Denetrias “Dee” Charlemagne
Her Handle: @dcharlemagne
Her Title: Director of Cultural Strategy & Innovation, Walmart
Who's That It Girl: A powerhouse behind purpose-driven partnerships, Denetrias Charlemagne bridges culture and commerce at Walmart with grace and innovation. We honor her for amplifying representation in retail and using her platform to build spaces where authenticity and excellence thrive.
Chief Brand Officer at Unrivaled Kirby Porter
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Kirby Porter
Her Handle: @kirbyporter
Her Title: Chief Brand Officer, Unrivaled
Who's That It Girl: Strategic, visionary, and driven by impact, Kirby Porter is building the future of athlete branding. We’re inspired by her as the founder of New Game Labs and Chief Brand Officer at Unrivaled, showing that strategy can be soulful and sport can be storytelling.
Founder and CEO of EveryStylishGirl Nana Agyemang
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Nana Agyemang
Her Handle: @itsreallynana
Her Title: Founder and CEO of EveryStylishGirl
Who's That It Girl: A journalist turned founder, Nana Agyemang built EveryStylishGirl to amplify Black women in media. We love her for opening doors, building pipelines of opportunity, and using her voice to change the face of modern storytelling.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm a boss and I'm still soft."
Vice President of Content at ESSENCE Nandi Howard
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Nandi Howard
Her Handle: @itsnandibby
Her Title: Vice President of Content, ESSENCE
Who's That It Girl: We are inspired by Nandi Howard, Vice President of Content and Editorial at ESSENCE. Her leadership elevates Black culture with clarity and celebration and shapes the stories and standards that move audiences.
Founder of Sisters In Media Oladotun Idowu
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Oladotun Idowu
Her Handle: @ola_idowu
Her Title: Founder of Sisters In Media
Who's That It Girl: We celebrate Oladotun Idowu, entertainment marketing leader at Campari Group and founder of Sisters in Media, for bridging brands and culture while championing women of color across media. Strategy and purpose guide her work.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes I'm walking into rooms with boldness and grace knowing that God has way more in stored for me."
Founder of Fortune & Forks Krystal Vega
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Krystal Vega
Her Handle: @krystalvega
Her Title: Founder of Fortune & Forks, Multimedia
Who's That It Girl: Krystal Vega’s work lives at the intersection of innovation and influence. We celebrate her as a next-gen entrepreneur shaping digital spaces where women of color lead confidently, create fearlessly, and build legacies beyond the screen.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I'm that girl and so are you."
Founder of Fortune & Forks Naomi Wright
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Naomi Wright
Her Handle: @naomiwrighttt
Who's That It Girl: Naomi Wright leads with style, purpose, and power. We’re inspired by her for building platforms like Fortune & Forks that merge beauty, business, and bold self-expression, proving that influence can be both impactful and intentional.
Entrepreneur and Podcast Host Emma Grede
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Emma Grede
Her Handle: @emmagrede
Her Title: Entrepreneur and Podcast Host
Who's That It Girl: Emma Grede is CEO and co-founder of Good American, and founding partner of SKIMS. She's a podcast host and the first Black female investor on ABC's Shark Tank.
CEO and Founder of TFNA Entertainment & Sports Management Kia Brooks
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Kia Brooks
Her Handle: @kiajbrooks
Her Title: CEO and Founder of TFNA Entertainment & Sports Management
Who's That It Girl: Entrepreneur and mother, Kia J. Brooks leads TFNA Talent Agency, representing top athletes and creatives. She’s known for breaking barriers, negotiating record NIL deals, and empowering others to build generational wealth.
Sports & Entertainment Brand Manager Des Dickerson
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Des Dickerson
Her Handle: @itsurdestinee
Her Title: Sports & Entertainment Brand Manager and Media Strategist
Who's That It Girl: Des Dickerson is a sports and entertainment brand manager and media strategist who works with top athletes and entertainers to elevate their platforms. She is recognized for creating innovative partnerships and driving visibility in sports and entertainment.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I build opportunities for athletes and entertainers and I transform them into lasting influence."
President of Collective Edge Management Shayla Cowan
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Shayla Cowan
Her Handle: @shayla_pc
Her Title: President, Collective Edge Management
Who's That It Girl: Shayla Cowan is an award-winning producer and President of Collective Edge. She's produced blockbuster films including Girls Trip and Beast, championing boundary-pushing storytellers and innovative artistry in entertainment.
Co-Founder & CEO of Fearless Fund
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Arian Simone
Her Handle: @ariansimone
Her Title: Co-Founder & CEO, Fearless Fund
Who's That It Girl: Arian Simone champions women of color in venture capital. She advocates for economic justice, investing globally in women entrepreneurs and addressing funding disparities rooted in racism and sexism through resilient, purpose-driven leadership.
Founder of Global State of Women and Seed, Valeisha Butterfield
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Valeisha Butterfield
Her Handle: @valeisha
Her Title: Founder of Global State of Women and Seed
Who's That It Girl: Valeisha Butterfield Jones is a globally recognized leader in tech, entertainment, and politics. This year, she created the Global State of Women platform, providing emergency grants to women facing high unemployment rates.
Founder and Content Creator Ava PearlCourtesyAva Pearl
Her Handle: @avapearl
Her Title: Founder and Content Creator
Who's That It Girl: Ava Pearl is the founder of Curly Culture and Curly Con LA, initiatives that champion natural hair and foster community within the beauty industry. As a beauty and lifestyle content creator, she is dedicated to creating impactful content that inspires authenticity, confidence, and self-expression.
Her "Yes, And" Statement: "Yes, I’m rooted in authenticity and rising with purpose."
Now that you've met the ladies about their business, see who else made our list. Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by xoStaff