

Recently, while doing a podcast interview on how God, love, and sex all work together, I shared something that I find myself saying quite a bit to church folks (whenever those topics, together, come up): “The main purpose of sex is not procreation, it’s oneness. Adam and Eve did not procreate until after they left the Garden of Eden. They had sex prior to that, though.” (Genesis 2:24-25, Genesis 4:1)
The reason why I think that this is relevant to today’s topic is, as I was doing some research for it, I found myself rolling my eyes quite a bit as I read things like “men need to orgasm in order to release sperm; women don’t need an orgasm to conceive” and “Why do women orgasm? It’s still a mystery.” Umm, is it? Because if you factor in the oneness component that I just mentioned (which more people should take to heart if you ask me) and then add to that the fact that the ONLY purpose of a clitoris is sexual stimulation and satisfaction for a woman — female climaxing and the need for it to happen as much as possible should baffle absolutely no one.
Sex serves a layer of benefits and yes, for both men and women, pleasure should be one of them. And since that is the case, a woman being able to orgasm, as much as she can, should be promoted…in content on a consistent basis.
And that is why I thought some of you might find it interesting that there are certain things about men, specifically, that science says can increase the chances of you climaxing — not only more but more intensely too.
Let’s dive in.
How Masculine a Man Is
I’m gonna be honest: All of the women out here who give pushback on submission and yet want a man to physically look up to (you know, someone who is 6’ or over which is only 15 percent of the male US population, by the way) fascinate me. So, you want a man who towers over you yet you think it is antiquated for a man to lead you? Do tell. Anyway, that is the first thing I thought about when I read that a man’s level of masculinity plays a significant role in how often a woman is able to orgasm and how quickly she is able to do it.
It would appear that some of the backstory on this is, on the physical tip, men with strong jawlines and broad shoulders represent being in good health as well as being able to protect their family while research also reveals that men with beards make many women believe that they would be good fathers. And yes, as much as social media may say — or scream — otherwise, women tend to prefer dominant (exerting authority or influence) men more as well. All of this together, in the bedroom, results in more and faster orgasms for women. Fascinating.
A Man’s Personality
A sense of humor in a man can really take him a long way in life — including when it comes to giving women orgasms. That’s why articles like “Funny Men Give The Best Orgasms, According To Research” exist. Although it’s probably a given that a lot of us are drawn to this character trait because it makes us feel good, research also says that humor taps into our creativity, makes it easier for us to adapt to things, and can help us to be better problem-solvers too.
Sexually, I would think that being funny helps because humor and orgasms both provide dopamine hits which is the feel-good hormone that runs throughout our bodies. While we’re on this topic, other personality traits that will make you cum more when it comes to men include being creative, warm, and faithful — gee, imagine that. #sarcasm
Also, a Man’s Self-Esteem
I’m pretty sure it doesn’t surprise you in the least that the more intense your orgasms are with a guy, the more attractive you’ll find him to be and the more willing you’ll be to have sex with him multiple times a week. Yeah, y’all be careful with this one because something else that science says is whenever a really good orgasm comes your way, as a woman, your brain literally switches all the way off for a moment (which could explain a lot when it comes to who some people choose to deal with out here…just sayin’). Anyway, apparently it would seem that a truly confident man is who’s able to pull all of this off.
That makes sense because confidence is all about having a high sense of self-worth; embracing challenges; not having a lot of self-doubt; listening well to others; standing firm on one’s own beliefs; putting plans into action, and taking control of one’s life. Plus, since a lot of women will admit that they prefer a man to be a provider and protector, which in turn causes them to feel safe, and feeling safe also makes it easier to let go and enjoy sex fully — yes, all of this tracks.
Foreskin
If no one else will say it, I WILL: the double standard on foreskin vs. the extra skin that a lot of women have when it comes to their vulva is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, if you know some things about your clitoris, it’s constructed a lot like a mini-penis in the sense of it experiences an erection of sorts when it’s aroused and the clitoral hood is the clitoris’s “foreskin.” So, to be out here giving the “ick” to men for how they were born when some of us have large or hanging lips — yeah, let’s chill on that.
Besides, according to science, “uncut men” not only have a greater level of sensation during sex, but that extra bit of skin (which isn’t as much as a lot of y’all make it out to be…relax) actually gives women more consistent orgasms too. Don’t believe me? Read this here and this here.
If He Ejaculates
I dunno. If you’re not a selfish partner, this one seems like common sense because, if a man “completes the act”, that means he was able to “get his” and that seems like something any good lover would want for their partner (the only thing better? Experiencing it with him at the same time!). However, what I did find interesting is there’s a greater chance that a woman will orgasm herself if she knows that her partner came.
In fact, one study said that a little over 50 percent of women thought that it was very important that their partner ejaculated during sex while a little over 22 percent said that they experienced more intense orgasms if he came during intercourse.
Some studies say that the sensation of the sperm inside of the vagina may play a role in this; however, since that means that you must engage in unprotected sex (check out “Thinking About Going Condom-Free? Read This Before You Do.”) in order to vouch for this one…I’ll just say to use forethought, wisdom and definitely get tested before attempting it.
BONUS: How Your Friends See Him
The more you learn, boy. Have any of you heard of the sexy son hypothesis before? The gist is this: If you create children with someone who other women find attractive, the belief is that you will end up having sons who have that same quality. And yes, being with someone who you think is appealing to other women — seems to increase the chances of you having an orgasm too (chile).
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Hmph. It’s intel like this that explains why so many think pieces say that the brain is the most powerful sex organ that we have. Anyway, if you’re someone who wants to have more orgasms or more intense orgasms, perhaps take some of this data to heart. For all you know, it might be the blueprint that you’ve been looking for all along.
Thoughts? Comments. Confirmations? LOL.
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On her debut album,CTRL,SZA crooned about her desire to be a “Normal Girl.” Now, nearly eight years since its release, her Not Beauty line represents her commitment to existing outside of traditional beauty norms.
The singer whose real name is Solána Imani Rowe first teased the idea of a lip gloss line during Super Bowl LIX in February, noting that the release would be happening “very shortly.” Not Beauty debuted simultaneously with the Grand National Tour, which she co-headlines with Kendrick Lamar, in Minneapolis on April 19.
Each Not Beauty pop-up would offer fans the opportunity to purchase the glosses, learn more about the brand, and have the opportunity to meet the superstar in the flesh regardless of their ticket status.
During the Los Angeles tour stop, which spanned three dates on May 21, May 23, with the finale on May 24, xoNecole had the opportunity to test out the glosses included in this soft launch, as SZA revealed in a statement that "this is just the start of other lip products, including plans to launch stains, liners, and creams all inspired by SZA's “infamous layered lip combinations.”
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So, what is included in the first Not Beauty launch?
The current Not Beauty products available are lip glosses that come in three shades: In the Flesh, Strawberry Jelly, and Quartz.
During my visit to the first LA Not Beauty pop-up activation, I not only had the chance to purchase all three glosses but also took a peek inside the blow-up log tent. Inside, fans got to experience SZA’s love for nature and her fascination with bugs, which are prominently featured in her performances for this tour. At one point, she even had human preying mantis prancing across the stage y'all.
There were blow-up photos of the beauty that is SZA for fans (myself included) to take photos, but in wooden-like tree trunks were a deeper dive into some of the ingredients featured in her products and their benefits.
For example, the glosses feature Hi-Shine Lip Jelly and Shea Butter as key ingredients and some of the listed benefits included are:
- Shea Butter - “A powerhouse ingredient, offering both functional and nourishing benefits.”
- Hi-Shine Lip Jelly (featured in the In the Flesh shade) - “Formula glides on with perfect adhesion to the lips without stickiness).
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What are in the products?
Featured in an orange package, with images of a bug and flower on the side, the back of the box reads: “It’s NOT BEAUTY, it just works. Developed by Solána “SZA” Rowe.
As someone who never leaves home without a good lip gloss, I loved how compact the wood panel packaging is. Perfect to slip into my purse, or in the case of the show at SoFi Stadium, into my pocket when I’m not carrying a bag.
Because I’m a sucker for a good black and brown lip liner and clear gloss combo, I decided to wear the Quartz flavor on night one of the Grand National Tour LA stop, and it did not disappoint. I’ll admit, it’s light weight feel made me nervous because it felt like there was nothing on my lips. However, when I checked my lips in my compact mirror several times throughout the night, I was shocked to find that my gloss was still intact. I only reapplied once out of the habit of looking cute and applying my gloss, but not necessity.
Here are some of the ingredients featured, but not limited to, in the Quartz flavor.
- Polyisoubutene
- Butyrospermum Parkii (Shea)Butter
- Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil
- Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Oil
- Tocopherol
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Lip prep
I’m a simple girl who loves to stay true to her roots. So ahead of the show, I stopped by a local Inglewood Beauty Supply store and grabbed a Black and Brown shade lip pencil for just under $2 a piece.
Shading the outline of my lips with the black pencil first, I used the brown to lightly fill the inside of my lips before applying my Quartz Not Beauty shade gloss.
How to apply
There’s truly no right or wrong way to apply lip gloss (in my opinion), with this being a brush applicator sort of product, I simply untwisted the top and swiped the gloss around my top and bottom lip generously.
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Results
Again, my Not Beauty Quartz product stayed on my lips from the start of the show, which began with a fire DJ set from LA’s very own, Mustard, to the conclusion when Kendrick and SZA reunited on stage to send us home to their duet, “luther,” featured on the rapper's GNX album.
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Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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