What Is a Ruined Orgasm?

In order to break down what a ruined orgasm is, I've got to provide a bit of its origin. Believe it or not, ruined orgasms are pretty common in the BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism) community. If the mere thought of that freaks you out, just keep in mind that when it comes to this type of sex and power role-playing, there are definitely levels. Not everything is super extreme. Matter of fact, this is a great way to intro ruined orgasms because, what typically happens is, someone who's assuming the dominant role in sex will intentionally arouse "their submissive" to the point of wanting to experience an intense orgasm, only for the dominant to stop stimulating their partner, which typically results in a very low-grade — or ruined — orgasm.

A great way to explain this is it's similar to what happens when your partner is doing something that you really like during sex, you're on the brink of climaxing and, for whatever the reason, he stops. Dammit, man. Only with a ruined orgasm, it happens on purpose. WTF, right? Let's keep going.

How Is It Different from Edging?

If you just read what I said and the first thing that comes to your mind is, "Hmm. That sounds a lot like edging", that's the same thing that I initially thought. Until I looked deeper. While they do seem a lot alike on the surface, to a large extent, edging and ruined orgasms couldn't be more different. Mainly because, while they both strive to get people to the brink of an orgasm, edging eventually wants you to have a powerful one. And so, while there might be a couple of rounds of "almost getting you there and stopping", there does come a time when there is no stopping and the orgasm goes to another level. As a direct result. On purpose.

A ruined orgasm, on the other hand, has no desire for you to have a 10 outta 10 experience. If you experience a low-grade orgasm or even not much of one at all, the mission of this particular kind of orgasm has actually been accomplished. And again, WTF? Why would someone find anything sexy, appealing or desirable about taking this approach to sex? Let's go further.

The Benefits of Attempting a Ruined Orgasm

So, here's the deal. With the dominant individual is a woman, oftentimes what she will strive to do is get her partner to the point where he ejaculates without having an orgasm (the day when folks realize that the two are not necessarily one and the same is the day we'll all be free, chile) or not ejaculate at all. On the flip, when the dominant individual is a man, he will seek out to give his partner a very weak orgasm or try and make sure that pleasure is experienced without an orgasm transpiring.

And why — why oh why — would someone subject themselves to this kind of borderline torment? The answer basically lies within that very question. When a sexual submissive person consents to being put into this position, oftentimes the power that they've given to their partner, combined with the teasing and the longing to cum is what eventually turns a weak orgasm into a powerful one — whether it's with their partner or when they are reflecting on the experience when they are alone.

For people who seek out ruined orgasms, it's the build-up-and-let-down that gets them excited. They like thinking that their partner has that much control over their pleasure — that things could be taken to another level…should the dominant partner choose for that to happen. Plus, because a lot of couples perform "the switch" (which is basically going back and forth with who is dominant and who is submissive), sometimes people are also thrilled at the idea of putting their partner in the same vulnerable state that they were in.

I already told y'all that this is an acquired taste kind of orgasm. Still, from what I've read and researched, so long as both people are in agreement (please make sure to discuss it beforehand NOT during sex) and there is a safe word (a word that conveys when the submissive partner thinks things have gone too far) is in place, there can be hours of sexual teasing in store — if you're into that kind of thing.

Oh, there is one more potential bonus from ruined orgasms that definitely should go on record. Some women struggle with climaxing, period. Well, the fascinating thing about ruined orgasms is it removes the expectation of having an orgasm at all, right? With the teasing on and the pressure off, it could actually make it easier to have a "weak orgasm"…and eventually an intense one.

Like I've been saying throughout this entire piece, not everything is for everybody. That said, if you and yours are totally game to give a round of these a shot, please circle back and let me know (in the comment section) how it went and if you would recommend it — if something good can actually come from an orgasm that has been, well, umm, ruined.

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