
So…apparently, there was once a Parade survey of 1,001 married Americans concerning sex.
Surprisingly (at least, to me), 88 percent of them said that their sex lives made them happy or they were at least “reasonably content” with it. The reason why that surprises me is because 1) I’m aware that somewhere around 15 percent of marriages are currently sexless; 2) only about half of people have sex on a weekly basis, and 3) if that many folks are indeed that satisfied in the bedroom, why do so many of us who work with long-term couples always hear otherwise?
Then, I paused and pondered on the “reasonably content” part. I don’t know about you, but to me, that doesn’t sound like hanging-off-of-the-chandeliers kind of sex. That’s more like, “I’ll take it however and whenever I can get it” sex — and, in my eyes, that’s just not good enough. To me, sex is a beautifully wondrous thing that should reach the peak of pleasure as much as possible.
Fortunately, I do know a few couples who profess to have great (awesome, fabulous, and tremendous) sex pretty much every time that they have it. Even though most of them aren’t familiar with each other, interestingly enough, they all agree that while skill and technique play a role in amazing coitus, there are other factors that can prevent great sex from transpiring, too.
I did some researching, interviewing, and reviewing of past sessions that I’ve had with couples, and here are the 10 things that continue to come up, as far as being barriers to the kind of sex that every single person deserves — sex that doesn’t just leave you feeling “reasonably content” (goodness, let’s raise that bar, please).
1. You’re Not the Best of Friends
GiphyBefore getting into this one, let me just say that I’m not referring to a “friends with benefits” dynamic. Although some of those do end up transitioning from being sex buddies to a full-blown relationship, some studies say that only about 15 percent of them do, and that’s not the greatest odds on the planet (for the record, around 28 percent are able to go back to being just friends as well).
No, what I’m referring to here is it’s wise to experience physical intimacy with someone who has the qualities of being one of your absolute closest friends: they’re honest, supportive, compassionate, loyal, communicate well, and they definitely are someone who you consider to be a safe space. When you’re in a relationship with someone who you also consider to be one of your dearest (if not dearest) friends, there is an incomparable level of trust and peace that makes intimacy that much easier — and special.
2. You Need to Get a Check-Up
GiphyIf you were to ask a group of people if they should get an annual check-up, they would probably say “yes.” Hmph, problem is, only about one-fifth of us actually do it, and when it comes to our libidos, that can be (potentially) problematic as hell. The reason why I say that is sometimes “not being in the mood” has very little to do with anything emotional, psychological, or relational; it’s actually a result of not taking the best care of your health.
Things like obesity, hormonal imbalances (including perimenopause and menopause), certain medications, stress, and good old-fashioned aging can be the underlying culprits, and if that is indeed the issue, as much as you might think that Google can cure everything, you actually need a medical professional to confirm what is going on — and what you need to do in order to rectify the situation.
3. You’re Not Affirming and Affectionate on a Daily Basis
GiphyQuestion: When was the last time that you gave your partner a sincere compliment? Believe it or not, there are studies that support the fact that complimenting others not only boosts their self-esteem and confidence levels but it also creates an atmosphere for clearer communication while motivating and causing the individual on the receiving end to feel valued. Not only that, but the person who gives the compliments ends up feeling happier and more grateful, too.
As far as affection goes, aside from the fact that it helps you to feel emotionally closer to your partner, there are health benefits to consider as well. Kissing, cuddling, and even holding hands can help to decrease stress levels, lower blood pressure, and even strengthen your immune system. The way I like to look at this is affirmations are a verbal form of foreplay, while affection is a PG version of it — and when it comes to experiencing great sex, foreplay should always be in the mix.
4. You Don’t Plan Dates (and Then Actually Go on Them)
GiphyI’ve got a girlfriend who’s been married for several decades and hardly ever gets taken out on dates by her husband. In his mind, it’s kind of a waste of money; he’d rather be a “great provider” than a romantic kind of dude. Problem is, her top love language is quality time, and so, not dating frustrates her more than most. You know what, though? Their story isn’t rare. In fact, some studies indicate that over half of the married couples in this country never go out on dates. SMDH.
There are dozens of reasons why this is not a good idea as far as “divorce-proofing” your marriage goes; however, since this article is about sex, specifically, quality time strengthens emotional intimacy, and emotional intimacy improves the quality of one’s sex life. So, if you’re in a long-term relationship, your sex life is ho-hum, and you can’t remember the last time you and your partner actually went out together — perhaps it’s time to connect those dots.
5. Your Relationship Is Not Your Top Priority
GiphyIf I had to choose one main issue that keeps me in business (as far as marriage life coaching is concerned), it’s that one or both spouses in a marriage “forget” (I put that in quotes because sometimes they literally forget and sometimes it’s more of a passive-aggressive choice) to make their partner their very top priority (under God, that is). When it comes to this particular topic, a priority is defined as being “the right to precede others in order, rank, privilege, etc.; precedence” and when you say “I do” to someone, that is a part of what you are publicly declaring — that they are going to take precedence over everyone else in your world.
And what are some indications that your partner is your top priority? You are proactive rather than reactive when it comes to their needs. You are quick to want to resolve problems while being slow to create them. You consistently want them to feel heard, validated, and safe. You make them aware that they are a part of both your short and long-term plans. Empathy is a foundational part of the relationship. And honey, when two people do this for each other outside of the bedroom, how can there not be fireworks inside of it? Straight up.
6. Your Kids Are Taking Over
GiphyI always find it interesting whenever people get triggered by my saying that children should never come before marriage. For one thing, the marriage existed first. Secondly, kids aren’t adults; they don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to find balance in their needs or demands; adults need to be the ones to regulate both. And third, have you read how divorce affects/impacts kids even well into their adulthood?
At the end of the day, children want happy parents and there’s a greater chance that will happen when husbands and wives put their relationship first. Unfortunately, even with all of the data that supports my points, a lot of people still let their kids take over their entire lives — including their bedroom and that can lead to, not only a “less than” sex life but a completely ruined one, if you’re not careful.
That’s why I think it’s important for parents to read articles like HuffPost’s “We Decided To Tell Our Kids When We’re Having Sex. Here’s Why — And What Happened After.” and also ones that I’ve penned for the platform like, “Married Couples, Here's How To Make (More) Time For Sex,” “How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids” and even “10 New Moms Share What They Wish They Knew About Sex Post-Delivery.” The takeaway here is kids are to be a part of your life — not all of it.
7. The Chemistry Is Off
GiphyChemistry is an interesting thing because, although it is pretty necessary when it comes to having a fulfilling sex life, science is still trying to figure out just how to narrow it down. According to a particular article that I read, a featured sex therapist said that sexual chemistry is a combination of attraction, hormones, and even a combination of pleasant memories and/or nostalgia. Another article said that the level of brain chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine that naturally arise when we’re around certain people (vs. others) cannot be underestimated either.
To me, when it comes to (sexual) chemistry, I think my biggest takeaway is if there is something that you can’t really fake, that would be it, and so, while you shouldn’t rely on chemistry alone when it comes to cultivating a healthy and long-lasting relationship, if, after about three dates or so, there is no “spark,” don’t play that down. Sex is an essential part of a committed relationship, which means that chemistry, on some level, absolutely needs to be present and accounted for.
8. There Is Sexual Frustration
GiphyWhenever I hear someone say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated,” I always appreciate that level of self-awareness because being frustrated isn’t about being resentful so much as it’s about being disappointed — and sexual disappointment can happen in a billion different ways. Maybe the quality of sex has decreased. Perhaps you’re not having as much sex as you would like. Could it be that you want more spontaneity or romance, and your partner rarely, if ever, seems to rise to the occasion? Or shoot, maybe your sexual wants and needs have changed, and your partner doesn’t want to make the necessary adjustments.
A part of the reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like “7 Questions You Should Ask Your Partner Before Giving Them Some” and “9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.” is because the only way that you can ensure that your partner is truly satisfied as far as sex goes is if you ask. When it comes to great sex, there is no room for ego, assumptions, or taking the “if it always worked, it still should” approach. People who move like that? One way or another, they are going to disappoint their bae as far as sexual satisfaction goes (whether their bae actually tells them that or just…fakes through it instead).
9. Or Sexual Repression
GiphyOn the heels of the last point, one of the reasons why sex is considered to be an ultimate form of communication is that when it’s good — and I mean, really, really good — all five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch, and sound) are involved (check out “How To Incorporate All Five Senses To Have The Best Sex Ever”). Another reason is that when you can trust your partner to share your deepest sexual desires and perhaps even a sex-themed bucket list or entries from your sex journal, that can open the door to all types of sexual pleasure…and close the door to what’s known as sexual repression.
Probably the easiest way to define sexual repression is it’s what happens whenever you’re holding back feelings and longings as far as sex is concerned. There are several things that can cause this to transpire. It could be fear of rejection, suppressed childhood or religion-related issues, guilt or shame surrounding certain sex acts, or even physical pain during sex.
For instance, I know a wife who was raped in college and never told her husband. For years, they had sex-related issues because it’s almost as if she was stoic during the act, which led him to not find sex enjoyable at all because he felt like he was unwanted. I also know a wife who, because she is a first lady (you know, a pastor’s wife), has suppressed a lot of her sexual fantasies because she’s afraid that her husband will find them to be “inappropriate.”
In both of these instances, a sex therapist could do a lot of good (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”) because they are professionally trained to deal with all levels of sexual repression — something that is very real, even if it’s not openly discussed very often.
10. Orgasms Consume You
GiphyDo you need to experience orgasms in order to have good sex? No. You don’t. Can it be magnificent whenever you experience them, though? Of course. That said, when it comes to having great sex, although orgasms are literally defined as being the peak of sexual arousal, it is important to take the pressure off of both you and your partner. Contrary to whatever you’ve heard (or told yourself), sex can be pleasurable whether you reach a climax or not, together or not.
However, if you want to have more orgasms, don’t make them the goal so much as heightening your intimacy, taking your time, relishing in each other’s erogenous zones, doing some dirty talking, and being in the moment. When you’re “great” at these things, one way or another, great sex — and possibly a few orgasms along the way — is sure to follow. #wink
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Exclusive: Viral It Girl Kayla Nicole Is Reclaiming The Mic—And The Narrative
It’s nice to have a podcast when you’re constantly trending online. One week after setting timelines ablaze on Halloween, Kayla Nicole released an episode of her Dear Media pop culture podcast, The Pre-Game, where she took listeners behind the scenes of her viral costume.
The 34-year-old had been torn between dressing up as Beyoncé or Toni Braxton, she says in the episode. She couldn’t decide which version of Bey she’d be, though. Two days before the holiday, she locked in her choice, filming a short recreation of Braxton’s “He Wasn’t Man Enough for Me” music video that has since garnered nearly 6.5M views on TikTok.
Kayla Nicole says she wore a dress that was once worn by Braxton herself for the Halloween costume. “It’s not a secret Toni is more on the petite side. I’m obsessed with all 5’2” of her,” she tells xoNecole via email. “But I’m 5’10'' and not missing any meals, honey, so to my surprise, when I got the dress and it actually fit, I knew it was destiny.”
The episode was the perfect way for the multihyphenate to take control of her own narrative. By addressing the viral moment on her own platform, she was able to stir the conversation and keep the focus on her adoration for Braxton, an artist she says she grew up listening to and who still makes her most-played playlist every year. Elsewhere, she likely would’ve received questions about whether or not the costume was a subliminal aimed at her ex-boyfriend and his pop star fiancée. “I think that people will try to project their own narratives, right?” she said, hinting at this in the episode. “But, for me personally – I think it’s very important to say this in this moment – I’m not in the business of tearing other women down. I’m in the business of celebrating them.”
Kayla Nicole is among xoNecole’s It Girl 100 Class of 2025, powered by SheaMoisture, recognized in the Viral Voices category for her work in media and the trends she sets on our timelines, all while prioritizing her own mental and physical health. As she puts it: “Yes, I’m curating conversations on my podcast The Pre-Game, and cultivating community with my wellness brand Tribe Therepē.”
Despite being the frequent topic of conversation online, Kayla Nicole says she’s learning to take advantage of her growing social media platform without becoming consumed by it. “I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out,” she says.
On The Pre-Game, which launched earlier this year, she has positioned herself as listeners “homegirl.” “There’s definitely a delicate dance between being genuine and oversharing, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way. Now I share from a place of reflection, not reaction,” she says. “If it can help someone feel seen or less alone, I’ll talk about it within reason. But I’ve certainly learned to protect parts of my life that I cherish most. I share what serves connection but doesn’t cost me peace.
"I refuse to let the internet consume me. It’s supposed to be a resource and tool for connection, so if it becomes anything beyond that I will log out."

Credit: Malcolm Roberson
Throughout each episode, she sips a cocktail and addresses trending topics (even when they involve herself). It’s a platform the Pepperdine University alumnus has been preparing to have since she graduated with a degree in broadcast journalism, with a concentration in political science.
“I just knew I was going to end up on a local news network at the head anchor table, breaking high speed chases, and tossing it to the weather girl,” she says. Instead, she ended up working as an assistant at TMZ before covering sports as a freelance reporter. (She’s said she didn’t work for ESPN, despite previous reports saying otherwise.) The Pre-Game combines her love for pop culture and sports in a way that once felt inaccessible to her in traditional media.
She’s not just a podcaster, though. When she’s not behind the mic, taking acting classes or making her New York Fashion Week debut, Kayla Nicole is also busy elevating her wellness brand Tribe Therepē, where she shares her workouts and the workout equipment that helps her look chic while staying fit. She says the brand will add apparel to its line up in early 2026.
“Tribe Therepē has evolved into exactly what I have always envisioned. A community of women who care about being fit not just for the aesthetic, but for their mental and emotional well-being too. It’s grounded. It’s feminine. It’s strong,” she says. “And honestly, it's a reflection of where I am in my life right now. I feel so damn good - mentally, emotionally, and physically. And I am grateful to be in a space where I can pour that love and light back into the community that continues to pour into me.”
Tap into the full It Girl 100 Class of 2025 and meet all the women changing game this year and beyond. See the full list here.
Featured image by Malcolm Roberson
More Than Gratitude: 7 Signs You're Struggling With Contentment In Your Life
If Thanksgiving happens to be your favorite holiday — or you just happen to be a longstanding participant of it — then there is one tradition that you are probably familiar with. Usually, before everyone eats, each individual expresses at least one thing that they are grateful for. I actually think that is one of the best things about the holiday because it reminds people to slow down and really reflect on how to be in the moment and think about the blessings that they have. And that, my friend, is what gets folks into the mindset of knowing how to be…content — even if it’s just for a brief moment.
Contentment. By definition, it’s the state of not only being “satisfied with what one is or has” but also “not wanting more or anything else.” And you know what? Although it might not be a popular aspiration of many, it is a sign of spiritual maturity on certain levels. After all, it is the Apostle Paul who once said, “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content…” (Philippians 4:19 — NKJV).
Being content is about not complaining. Being content is about learning to be comfortable in your present circumstances. Being content is about choosing to find joy and fulfillment, on some level, and in some way, on a daily basis.
Personally, I dig all of this so much because when you have mastered true inner contentment, it creates stability, self-awareness, and a type of resilience that makes you…shoot, powerful beyond measure, if you ask me. Because when someone knows how to “find the good” and “make peace,” regardless of what is going on around them, they truly are unstoppable. Yeah, on so many levels, contentment is the ultimate life hack. It’s something that each and every one of us should aspire to become: completely and genuinely content.
Thanksgiving is basically moments away at this point. In preparation for that time of self-reflection, pour yourself a glass of wine, turn on some soft music, sit on your coach, and then ask yourself, “Am I content?” If you’re not sure (or you need the definition unpacked for you just a bit more), here are seven signs that you may not be…and yet, there is no time like the present to do something about it.
1. You’re Super Impatient
GiphyHonestly, putting another Scripture right here could be all that is needed in order to bring this point to a swift and abrupt end. Which one? I Corinthians 13, the Love Chapter, starts off with “Love is patient” (I Corinthians 13:4). Yeah, if you want to know if you love yourself and love yourself well, how patient are you…including with yourself? Throughout the years, I have shared one of my favorite definitions of "patient" in several different articles: “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” For me, it’s a blaring reminder that mastering patience isn’t just about waiting (more on that in a sec); it’s about waiting with grace.
Content people can do this because, on some level, they know how to apply the John Piper quote, "God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them." Another way of looking at this is people who can wait well — without complaining or getting annoyed by delays or challenges in the meantime — get that in order for things to truly come together, there are lots of moving parts…some that they don’t even know about. And so, if they want the best outcome, yes, waiting well is oftentimes not just involved; it is required.
Impatient people don’t get any of this. That’s why they are so stressed out all of the time.
2. You’re Worried About Things You Can’t Control
GiphyThis. Past. Election. Chile. And then the cabinet that that man is putting together as we speak? I don’t even want to get my blood pressure up, expounding on it. Let me just pivot by adding one more Scripture — because it is beyond fitting: “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (Matthew 6:34 — NKJV)
Although worrying is something that pretty much everyone does at one point or another, one of my favorite quotes on it is by an American humorist by the name of Erma Bombeck: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” And really, when you stop to really think about worrying, isn’t that the truth? For one thing, all worrying does, by definition, is cause you to torment yourself by focusing on things that aren’t even going to happen (somewhere between 85-90 percent of the time, in fact; there is actually a science on that) or trying to control things that are beyond your control.
If being a worry wart is your internal struggle, my advice would be to look at life this way: If you’re worried that you’re about to get written up for getting to work late again, leave your house earlier — you can control that. On the other hand, if you’re worried that you’re going to get laid off before the holiday season ends, so long as you’ve been doing your best (which is also something that you can control), please put your energy elsewhere because that is something that you can’t control.
And I promise that when you choose to be calm and confident over worrying yourself to death, that can help you to manage what you can’t control so much easier. Oh, and your health will thank you, too, because worry is attached to things like insomnia, muscle tension, headaches, overeating, and drinking too much. All this over things that probably won’t happen in the first place? Yeah, sis…(choose to) relax.
And by choosing to chill out, there is some contentment that follows because you will see the good as much as, if not more than, the potential bad. Trust me.
3. The Past and/or Future Consume You
GiphyOn the heels of the Scripture that I just provided for the previous point, it also applies to this one. You know, back when I was doing some intentional research on forgiveness, I always appreciated the insight of author Gary Zukav: “Forgiveness is accepting that the past cannot change.” While this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t hold people accountable for what they have done, it does help you to be compassionate with those who are truly sorry (check out “Heads Up: It's NOT An Apology If An Amend Isn't Made”) because, no matter what has transpired between you and them, one thing they can’t do is go back into a time machine and change it.
And you know what? When it comes to the mistakes — or, let’s be real, sometimes they are conscious poor decisions — you have made, you can’t either. So, why let their misdeeds or your own consume you to the point of internally destroying you?
Then there’s the future. What if you get robbed? What if your mom gets cancer? What if your husband files for divorce? Girl, if you are caught up in the future that hasn’t even happened yet, you are definitely gonna drive yourself up the wall! And this is why so many mental health experts and platforms are all about encouraging individuals to live in the moment. You can do this by meditating, taking breaks from social media (and the news), journaling, doing things that you enjoy (instead of waiting to put them off), and resting.
Listen, one of the best things about choosing to only focus on the here and now is you can find little things about it to be content with — and that helps you to be/become more content overall.
4. You Always Think About Wanting More
GiphyAlthough it certainly wasn’t my plan for this piece to be so Scripture-heavy, I’ve got to flow with what immediately comes to mind and, for this point, the verse, “So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It takes away the life of its owners” (Proverbs 1:19 — NKJV) is it. And just what does it mean to be greedy? A greedy individual isn’t just low-key obsessed with getting and having more — please catch it — they are also quite EAGER.
Eager folks also tend to be impatient. Eager folks are perceived by others as being very intense (and not in a good way). More times than not, eager folks haven’t really mastered how to take a moment to appreciate what they do have because all they care about is what’s next. And when you’re in a state of that kind of, well, anxiety…how could it not affect your quality of life? I mean, really.
And what if you read all of that and said, “I’m not greedy; I’m just ambitious” — listen, there is nothing wrong with having goals and wanting to obtain them. However, an ambitious individual knows how to find balance. If they get a promotion, they will schedule a vacation to celebrate it. If they just got a new car, they are not in a rush to get a new house until they can financially afford it. If they were just proposed to with a really nice ring, they aren’t hounding their new fiancé about setting a date within the next two weeks.
People who always want more, without taking the time to enjoy what they already have, are never going to be content. Why? Because there is always something else that you can want…even if you don’t need it or it really isn’t the time for it. Meanwhile, content people get that it’s a good thing to not go after everything all of the time; that it’s far wiser to embrace what is already before them — because some folks don’t even have…that.
5. You Compare Yourself to Others
GiphySomething that I actually get asked fairly often is, do I feel “some type of way” that I do so much work in the realm of marriage when I’ve never been married myself. The short answer is “absolutely not” because I know that I could’ve been married, a few times over, at this point; however, I am just as intentional about not wanting to be divorced as I am about being in a healthy marriage, not just “a marriage.”
I’m grateful to be in that head and heart space too; otherwise, I would be out here comparing myself to other people — and there is nothing good, healthy, wise, profitable, or beneficial about doing that. In fact, science isn’t a fan of playing the “keeping up with the Joneses” game, either.
According to science, that can ultimately do things like lower your self-esteem, cause you to only see the bad/negative things in your world (in comparison to other people), and it can jack up your perception of what’s really going on with other people. For instance, if you’re 33 and comparing yourself to your friends who are already married and parents, you might want to talk to them about what their day-to-day, beyond their IG posts, is like.
Because while prayerfully, their life is filled with many blessings, if they are being totally honest with you, they will also share that you’ve got some “pros” to your life too (honey, there are some real benefits to being single; check out “If You're Not In Love With Being Single, Ask Yourself These 6 Questions.,” “10 Bona Fide Benefits Of Being Single,” and “10 Words That'll Make You Totally Rethink The Word 'Single'”). Content people get that every season does — because it’s true.
6. You Don’t Verbalize Gratitude Often
GiphyThere is someone in my world who I actually try to avoid as much as possible. It’s not that she’s not smart, and honestly, she’s one of the funniest individuals that I’ve ever known (and I’ve known her for most of my adult life). It’s just that…she is always wanting something, and I find that to make her a very draining individual. Lawd, even as I am typing all of this out, I’m trying to recall a time when I’ve heard her say, “thank you” for something (no joke), let alone express any form of genuine gratitude. She’s just got such a sense of entitlement that whatever she does receive, she thinks she’s owed and what she doesn’t have, she believes that something is wrong if it hasn’t arrived yet. Geeze, what a horrible type of existence.
You don’t have to take my word for it either because there is plenty of data out here to support that people who don’t take the time to be grateful for what they have ended up being unhappy, more stressed out, in more physical pain (yes, literally) and definitely more negative than everyone else — which would explain why people don’t like hanging out with them as much.
So, since this is the time when gratitude is the theme of the season, think about what you are grateful for when it comes to what you’ve accomplished this year, then write it down and post it up somewhere. Then, as far as the individuals, for whom you are grateful for — send them a handwritten note, get them a gift card to their favorite coffee shop, or even just call to tell them.
One of the most beautiful things about being in a state of contentment is it reminds you of a lot of what you already have. It really is enough…for now…in this very moment.
7. Being (and Living) Satisfied Is a Foreign Concept to You
Giphy“Tubi movies” really is a complete sentence. LOL. And yes, sometimes, when I’m taking a writing break, I will check out some of the most…I-wouldn’t-normally ones, just to lend my support. In walks Never Satisfied with its own self-explanatory meaning. Y’all, it really is oh so true that there are folks out here dealing with some unpredictable and sometimes even truly dire consequences — and it’s all because they didn’t know how to sit down somewhere and learn how to be satisfied with the people, places, things, and ideas that they already have.
That said, I am indeed a quotes gal, and one of my favorites on the topic of satisfaction is by actor Christopher Reeve: “Success is finding satisfaction in giving a little more than you take,” and although I don’t do what I’m about to do often (because I try to take Matthew 6:1-4 very literally and seriously), I’m going to illustrate what he said about satisfaction by sharing a recent situation.
This past week, a nurse practitioner (I prefer those to doctors) diagnosed me with wrist tendonitis for the first time in my life. If you knew how many keystrokes that I do a day, you’d probably be shocked that it took this long. Anyway, as I was waiting in line to get a prescription, a young Black man was basically freaking out because his insurance was refusing to cover his own meds. According to what he was telling the pharmacist, he always only pays $5; however, this time, they were charging $62, he simply didn’t have it, and the insurance company was not picking up.
As I watched him shaking and sweating while saying that he really needed it today and fretting while talking to his mom on the phone, I offered to cover it — and after going back and forth with him for about three minutes, I did. In my mind, although I didn’t plan on spending about $85 (total) that day, the little inconvenience that it was costing me was nothing in comparison to how much it was going to benefit him — I could tell from how he and his mother reacted (even the pharmacist mouthed “thank you so much”), and that is what made it money well spent.
To help someone who had no way of helping themselves in the moment? That brought me a lot of satisfaction because it’s nice to lighten someone’s load while leaving it to karma to handle it. ALL OF IT.
And that’s why I thought it was best to wrap all of this up with a reminder that being satisfied is being content. And when you can be so satisfied with your life that you want to help others? That is a level of contentment that is truly unmatched because you start looking for ways to bless others simply so that they can feel just as content as you do.
____
Our culture? It really is never satisfied, which explains why a lot of people are so miserable. SMDH. You don’t have to be like the masses, though. This Thanksgiving, please purpose in your mind (and heart) to be(come) more content. It will make you a rare gem that benefits everyone and everything around you.
Including yourself, sis. No doubt about it.
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Originally published on November 28, 2024









