Whether it's an acquaintance, co-worker, new friend, or new date — we have to be open to asking strategic questions to get to know each other a bit more in-depth. Asking the right questions can take you a long way to determine how much of your time and energy do you want to spend with another person. We all can help each other grow, but it starts with being a little vulnerable to see what things you can enjoy together or what might be triggering for that person and may require you to lead with caution.
Here are some questions you should consider asking someone you want to know on a deeper level:
1. What’s your favorite love languages?
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Learning someone's love language allows you to understand how that person prefers to show and receive love. There are even quizzes you can take to discover your love language before you ask others. Created by Gary Chapman, the five love languages are quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch, and gifts. And although they are commonly used to refer to romantic relationships, love languages can be applied to every relationship in your life, including the one you have with yourself.
2. What are your short-term goals?
Asking what someone's short-term goals are allows you to see if they are a person with a plan instead of living life with no direction, and you could see how realistic their goals are based on what they are doing now to achieve them.
3. What are your long-term goals?
Long-term goals are where our dreams live! Hearing a person map out the little steps shows you how strategic and serious they are about accomplishing their objectives. Are they just a dreamer or an active achiever? If they want a family, how are they holding themselves accountable in existing relationships and working things out instead of canceling everyone? Are they securing their financial bag to invest in their dream company, or are they splurging going on ten vacations a year and not saving a dime?
4. What's your relationship with your family like?
Asking questions about family relationships is essential because everyone has a unique connection with their family. For some people, family can be so exhilarating to talk about, and for other people, it could be a nightmare and a huge trigger of emotional distress. Our family has a lot of influence on us, whether we like it or not, so knowing their relationship will help you understand why they haven't called a family member in years and how that reflects in other relationships in their life.
5. What happened in your last relationship that led you to break up?
ShutterstockThis is a great window to see how accountable that person is because even though we all get hurt, we also play a role in every situation. Some situations are toxic, some people grow apart, but overall, there is always a lesson to learn and things to admit we could have done better.
6. What relationship in your life do you find the hardest to navigate in?
Learning what relationship is the hardest to navigate lets you know when you need to give this person a bit more space when he/she interacts with them. There may be a time you're around that person when they answer a call from the person they find the hardest to deal with, and all they need is the "Hey, how'd it go with so and so," "Are you OK," or "I'm here if you want to talk about it."
7. What scenarios in life are you most afraid of?
We all have scenarios we are afraid of but appreciate greatly, like I can't wait to be a mom one day, but I'm nervous about the pregnancy journey because of the high statistics of Black women not being believed when they are in pain or other health complications. So if a friend/your partner knows this, they can help comfort you and advise books, articles, podcasts, other great resources to prep for this stage in your life. And there are some scenarios that a person could never want to encounter, and talking about them can help you acknowledge their boundaries.
8. Do you enjoy reading, and what books do you like reading?
Some people are avid readers, others read a book here and there, and some don't read at all. So if you want to have a little book club to review your favorite novels with this person, it's great to ask them how often do they read and what genre they enjoy reading. Maybe they could be your reading accountability partner to pencil in 30-minute to an hour reading sessions daily or vice versa, but you won't ever know unless you ask.
9. What is your best and worst quality?
listen fox tv GIF by Lethal WeaponGiphyAsking someone their best and worst quality shows you how self-aware and honest they are. I'm sure after they tell you their worst quality, they'll follow up with the list of things they're doing to change that quality. Top tier bonds are rooted in transparency.
10. Are you a messy or neat person? Are you on time or usually late?
Listen, ladies, these may seem like simple questions, but they are critical when you have tickets to a concert, and you end up missing it because this person is three hours late. And then, on top of that, you plan to stay over this person's place after, and it looks like a tornado hit their room.
So asking if someone is messy or clean allows you to initiate the "Hey, since I'm staying over tonight, can you tidy up a bit, so I don't feel so out of place." And some people only know CPT (colored people time), aka late, so you need to know if you need to tell them an earlier time so they can come on time versus two hours late.
11. What type of music genres do you like most, and do you enjoy going to concerts?
Music is the world's universal language; knowing this person's favorite music genres can show you more about their character. Some people are diverse music lovers, and some people only like one or two genres. Either way, you can gauge music review conversations, and it could let you know if you have a potential friend to accompany you at concerts and festivals.
12. Who was your childhood hero?
Our childhood hero holds an extraordinary place in our hearts; mine is my mommy; I was very close to her as a child, and I cherish the relationship we have in adulthood. But learning the inside scoop on this person's childhood hero could let you know why they may have admired that person or even if that person is still around to tend to them.
13. What celebrity do you admire the most and why?
ShutterstockThis is great info to get a hold of because it can show you what characteristic traits people value in others. Mine are J.Cole and Prince because they're both unapologetically authentic, private, and talented, not looking to please the world but be true to their craft and themselves. So asking this question can show you genuine or artificial traits they may value in others.
14. Are you religious or not?
Everyone has a very different experience with religion; some people could have only gone to church because their family demanded them to, and now they are agnostic or are new Christians and are seeking a church home on their own terms. Religion creates structure, and it shows you what people value, so it's essential to know where they stand in this area to have faith-based conversations.
15. How do you deal with finances, do you spend too much or too little?
Managing finances is a prime topic to see if this is a potential roommate, someone you can plan a vacation with or build a family with. Regardless, money matters as we all know as adults, so it's essential to discuss financial goals to respect if someone can't tag along for a vacation because they're saving up to move out of their parent's house and investing in going back to school to earn a higher degree.
16. What political party do you align with and why?
Politics and religion are mandatory to discuss in any or every relationship. People's political views say a lot about their character and what they invest their money in. This is a serious matter you have to be mindful of because the same things you are raising your voice about, they may be indifferent about and vice versa. Are you able to handle that?
17. What past mistakes do you regret the most and why?
lee daniels alex GIF by STARGiphyRegrets are also useful to address because it shows you people's growth. Nobody needs a stagnant person who claims they did their best in everything; we all mess up from time to time, but we learn from those experiences that mold us and allow us to do better.
18. What do you need when you're stressed out? Do you like to talk it out, journal about it, or just want to deal with it alone?
Stress, stress, stress! I know we all hate being in this mindset but discussing what you need in stressful moments (prior to the situation) allows you to respect how that person may process negative emotions, and it shows you how you can support them during that time frame.
19. What's your ideal vacation?
Don't we all love the sound of VACATION? I know that's a yes sis, where we going, and how much do I need to save prior?! Inquiring about how people like to vacation is a mega tip for you; it shows you if that person just wants to sleep all day and party all night or the opposite and plan ahead to do all the sightseeing, visit museums and cute restaurants. It's a plus for you if you think this is a good person to invite on your small friends' trip to Costa Rica or just pass altogether on the invite.
20. What's your biggest fear?
Asking someone their biggest fears lets you know where they're the most vulnerable and may need extra support when they face seasons that trigger their fears.
21. What's your biggest flaw?
I know no one is jumping up right away to say their biggest flaws, but it's great to highlight, it shows us we're self-aware, and it leads to conversing about better ways to overcome those flaws. Who says you can't be flawless in a few months if you have the tools to combat your flaws?
The journey of getting to know someone is a beautiful process, but the older we get, we often seek more meaningful connections than teenagers looking to be friends and accepted by everyone. We can't be afraid to dig a little deeper to see our loved ones' core and vice versa to build more lasting relationships built on sturdy foundations!
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Her captivating command of the pole left many of us intrigued, perhaps even tempted, to explore pole dancing ourselves after witnessing the mesmerizing performances at Mercedes Sunday. But it wasn’t just her physical prowess that kept us hooked. Mercedes is a character of depth—empowering, complex, relatable, and deeply human.
These are qualities that Brandee embodies both on and off the screen.
(L-R) Marque Richardson and Brandee Evans on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
A Memphis native, Brandee is no stranger to dance. She boasts an impressive career as a choreographer, having worked with renowned artists like Katy Perry, Monica, Ke$ha, and Ledisi. But while it has been a significant part of her journey, Brandee has her sights set on more—expanding her acting career beyond dance-inclusive roles. This ambition nearly led her to pass on the opportunity to appear alongside Kerry Washington in Hulu’s UnPrisoned, where she plays Ava, Mal's (Marque Richardson) new girlfriend.
“When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no,” Brandee revealed with a laugh. “She mentioned pole dancing, and I told myself and my team that once I was done with Mercedes, I wasn’t going to do that again.” Fortunately, Washington assured her that the role would be vastly different, leading to what Brandee described as an invaluable masterclass in comedy under the guidance of Washington herself.
“Kerry is a force of nature,” Brandee reflected. “She’s everything you’d hope she’d be—strong, compassionate, and incredibly talented. Working with her was like a masterclass in acting.” This opportunity was no mere stroke of luck; it was something Brandee had manifested years earlier. But make no mistake–she credits her faith and praying hands for her success. “I’m praying, you know what I mean? I’m asking God for what I want and working for it too,” she said.
"When Kerry Washington slid into my DMs, I nearly said no."
(L-R) Brandee Evans, Kerry Washington, and Marque Richardson on 'UnPrisoned' Season 2
Courtesy: Hulu
This role marked Brandee’s first foray into comedy, and while she was eager to embrace the challenge, she found herself in the hands of an incredible mentor. “Kerry was always so kind in her critiques,” Brandee noted. “She’s not a diva by any means. She knows exactly what she wants, but she’s gentle and encouraging in bringing it out of you. That’s something I’ve taken with me to other sets—I want to lead with the same kindness and openness that Kerry showed me. It’s a lesson I’ll carry for the rest of my life.”
Brandee speaks with profound respect and gratitude for her peers and fellow actresses as many have shown her genuine sisterhood and support in an industry often notorious for its competitiveness. “Danielle Brooks sent me a prayer the other day, and I was just so touched. Those are the moments that people don’t see,” she shared. “I call Sheryll Lee Ralph my fairy godmother, and Loretta Devine is like my auntie. Being able to pick up the phone and seek advice from these incredible women is a true blessing.”
And she pays it forward.
Brandee Evans
Courtesy: Hulu
But her commitment to supporting others extends far beyond her career. As an advocate for health and wellness, she empowers women to prioritize their well-being. “Azaria [Carter], who plays my daughter on P-Valley, mentioned wanting to start a weight loss journey and get more fit. I told her, ‘Well, let’s work out together,’” Brandee recounted. But her dedication to healthy living goes beyond physical fitness, encompassing a holistic approach to wellness. “When she came to my house and tried to microwave something in plastic, I said, ‘Let’s use glass instead. At 20, I wasn’t thinking about that, but let me share some tips now so you’re not battling fibroids in your 30s.’”
Because she was.
While filming the first season of P-Valley, Brandee faced enormous stress—not only as a caregiver for her mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, but also due to the physical demands of the role. Yet the impact on her body was far greater than she expected. “I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal,” Brandee revealed. It was Harriet D. Foy, who plays her mother, who urged her to get checked for fibroids.
"I was literally on my cycle every day while playing a stripper, which is far from ideal."
Brandee Evans graces the 2024 ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood Awards Ceremony.
Arnold Turner/Getty Images for ESSENCE
The statistics are staggering—80% of Black women develop abnormal uterine growths by age 50, making them more likely to suffer from fibroids than any other racial group. But like many, Brandee was initially unaware of these growths and their debilitating effects, and the prospect of surgery was daunting. “I was scheduled to have a myomectomy on my birthday, but I thought about what it would mean for my career. How am I going to climb the pole? The healing process is similar to a C-section.” Determined to avoid surgery, she committed to healing herself naturally.
After a deep dive, she sought treatment at The Herb Shop of Vinings in Atlanta, which ultimately led to a remarkable recovery. “This man saves lives. His name is Jeff, and I call him my doctor.” Brandee shared. “I started detoxing my body with herbs and following his program. During my follow-up with the gynecologist, they said, ‘We don’t know what you’re doing, but your fibroids are shrinking.’”
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All episodes of Season 2 of UnPrisoned are now streaming on Hulu.
Featured image courtesy of Hulu
For the record, bowel movements should also have the consistency of toothpaste and resemble the shape of your intestines. Something less frequentor harder (or dryer) can be a sign of constipation.
Ah, yes, constipation. What exactly causes this type of health-related issue that affects roughly four million Americans on an annual basis? Dehydration, a poor diet (including low fiber and/or too much fat or sugar), a lack of exercise, certain medications, and a drastic change in one’s lifestyle due to things like pregnancy or aging can all play a role. That’s why it’s important to pay close attention to the consistency of your own bowel movements along with a shift in your daily habits. If you discover that you are constipated, there are some simple things that should be able to bring you some much-needed relief before relying on a laxative or enema.
If, after trying these 10 suggestions, you don’t see a change within a week or so, make an appointment to see your doctor. Sometimes constipation can be connected to an underlying health condition, and either way, toxins filling up your system is only going to make you feel increasingly — pardon the pun — crappy.
Anyway, here are some natural ways to (hopefully) feel better in no time.
Jeffrey Coolidge
1. Leave Dairy Alone
Did you know that the proteins found in cow’s milk have the ability to literally slow down your bowel movements? Not only that, but since dairy can also cause inflammation in many people, that’s another reason why it can make it difficult for you to poop on a consistent basis. If you add to that the fact that more medical professionals are speaking out about the saturated fats and link to heart disease, acne, and even cancer that dairy can trigger in your system, you are far better off either reducing your dairy intake or (at least) going with a milk alternative from time to time. Oat milk is a personal fave of mine. Ironically, one reason why is because it’s a good source of fiber, something that we all need in order to stay regular.
2. Up Your Probiotic Intake
There are so many reasons why it’s a good idea to take a probiotic on a consistent basis. One of them is it keeps your gut in good condition while your body is processing your foods. Another? It helps to shorten the time that it takes for your colon to do its thing. The end result is you having less of a chance of becoming constipated; especially if you are pregnant or you are currently taking medications that have constipation as a side effect. Again, a probiotic supplement is bomb; however, you can also eat foods that are rich in probiotics too. Some of those include fermented foods like yogurt, pickles, fermented olives, cottage cheese, and pickled onions.
3. Take an Omega Supplement
As someone who has a cocktail of vitamins that I consume on a daily basis, I prefer to take them at night. One reason is so I can sleep through any minor discomfort that the combination may potentially cause my stomach (for instance, I take a gentle iron supplement that likes to show out sometimes). Another is because I can always tell the difference between when I take my evening primrose oil supplement and when I don’t.
Most definitely, when there is an oil that lubricates your system for a few hours, that can help having a number two a lot easier for you. The reason why I shouted out an omega supplement, specifically, for this is because it also contains properties that help to decrease bodily inflammation. A win all the way around.
Creative Photography
4. Drink Some Lemon Water
It honestly can’t be said enough that 75 percent of Americans are chronically dehydrated. That’s problematic as hell because your body needs fluids in order to keep your hormones balanced, give your organs the oxygen that they need, lubricate your joints, moisturize your skin and hair, produce saliva and moisture for your eyes, and so much more — including helping your system to properly digest your food and get rid of waste.
The reason why lemon water is a fan fave for many is because not only does water help keep your intestines in good working order, but lemon juice contains the antioxidant vitamin C; thus lemon water has the ability to actually pull more water into your gut. If the lemon water is hot, that’s even better. Hot water has a reputation for making the digestive process easier on your body (drink this before going to bed in order to get the best results).
5. Sip on Some Slippery Elm Tea
If you’re a fan of herbal teas (check out “10 'Uncommon' Teas You Should Add To Your Stash (& Why)”), you’ve got to add slippery elm tea to your stash. For one thing, it’s great for soothing a sore throat or healing a cough. It also has a solid reputation for working as a mild diuretic and reducing symptoms related to heartburn as well as ones that are associated with irritable bowel disease (IBD). That’s because it contains antioxidants and other properties that coat your intestines, again, making it easier for you to have bowel movements.
6. Or an Apple and Banana Smoothie
If you’ve always heard that fiber helps to keep you regular yet you’ve never really known why, probably the quickest and easiest way to explain it is fiber has a way of increasing both the weight and size of your bowel movements while making them softer (and therefore, easier to pass) too — and hey, the fewer toxins that are in your system, the less of a chance that you will be diagnosed with colon cancer up the road (because fiber has been proven to be a preventative carbohydrate in that lane).
That’s why it can be a good idea to indulge in a homemade smoothie that’s made from a highly fibrous fruit like apples and/or bananas (or berries, avocados, pears, kiwi, or mango) a couple of times a week. Just make sure to not overdo it as far as fiber is concerned. In this case, too much of a good thing can also result in bloating, gas, and yes, constipation. Twenty-five grams a day for women (and 38 grams a day for men) will get you just what you need.
Daniel de la Hoz/Getty Images
7. Do Some Yoga
Aside from some changes that you can make in your diet, there are some lifestyle tips that can be helpful for you as well. For one thing, if you don’t already do yoga yet constipation is an issue for you, so why not give it a shot? Not only does it help to reduce stress, and all of the twists and turns that your body goes through to get into certain positions, it can also help to “manipulate” (in a good way) your intestines so that you can have bowel movements more easily. Ones like the half-spinal twist and cobra pose (which you can see here) are directly attributed to making going to the bathroom a smoother process for you.
8. Give Yourself a Colonic Massage
There is nothing like a good old-fashioned massage. Well, when constipation is an issue, consider giving yourself an abdominal or colonic massage. When it comes to a colonic one, specifically, it’s beneficial because it can help to relieve gas, reduce intestinal blockages, and get rid of the abdominal fluid that could be the underlying cause of why you’re so constipated.
Another tip? If you apply some fennel oil (along with a carrier oil like rosemary) to your abdominal region and massage your lower tummy in circular motions, two or three times a day, that can help to bring constipation relief within a couple of days. You can watch a video on how to properly perform a colonic massage here.
9. Shift Your Posture (on the Toilet)
As a doula, I’ll never understand why (some) doctors will encourage women to try and push out their babies while being on their backs. My running statement for that is, “Who has a bowel movement while lying on their back?”. And that is the main point here. If what you’re experiencing is an occasional bout of constipation, try shifting your posture a bit while you’re on the toilet.Leaning forward, tilting your hips at a 60-degree angle, orputting your feet on a footstool (so that your knees are higher than your hips) are all positions that can help you to poop faster and easier.
10. Chew Some Sugar-Free Gum
If this is your “something new” for the day — hey, I totally get it.Word on the street is that if you chew on some sugar-free gum, it could help to “get things moving” sooner.The method behind the madness is this type of gum contains the ingredient sorbitol which acts as a mild laxative. The main things to keep in mind with this “hack” is 1) you will probably have to chew more than one piece to get results, and 2) you shouldn’t constantly rely on this because too much sorbitol could also cause diarrhea.
But if you like to chew gum and you also apply a few of these other tips at the same time, there’s a pretty good chance that constipation will be a thing of the past. So, get to — again, pardon the pun — moving on them, sis.
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