

As you’re in the process of figuring out what you want 2025 to look like, question: have you stopped to consider what your sleep habits should be? It’s kind of wild that although one in three people in this country say that they don’t get enough rest, and even though science continues to tell us that sleep rejuvenates us and even increases our longevity, out of all of the things that we will talk ourselves into not properly prioritizing, getting 6-8 hours a night of zzz’s is oftentimes on the very top of the list.
Why Sleep Should Be a Top Priority in 2025
Now that we’re just moments away from being (whoa) 25 years into 2000, it’s time to change all of that. If you want to look younger, you need to get more sleep. Ready to improve your mental state? Get more sleep. Wish to have a stronger libido? Yep — you already know (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”).
And what if the flesh is willing, but the know-how is weak? No problem. I’ve got 12 sleep practices that you can incorporate, one month at a time, that can have you leaving the upcoming year saying, “This year gave me some of the best rest that I’ve experienced in my entire life!” — which is something that your mind, body, and spirit will be eternally grateful for. Trust me.
12 Monthly Sleep Habits to Transform Your Rest
January: Get a Bedding Makeover
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Aight, so if it’s been 2-3 years since you’ve treated yourself to some new sheets, it’s time to make that move. The main reason is that we shed somewhere around 30,000 dead skin cells an hour, which equates to about 600,000 a day, and no matter how much you wash those sheets of yours, they still have a shelf life on the hygiene and quality of fabric tips.
Plus, it’s a good idea to have some sheet variety too — a set of cotton ones, year-round, flannel for the cooler months (the warmer your bed is, the less you will have to rely on your HVAC to keep you warm), linen when it’s warmer and a polyester blend if you want some super soft sheets and yet you’re on a budget.
While you’re at it, it also can’t hurt to cop yourself a new comforter. Down comforters are always going to be your best bet because their breathability factor will keep you from overheating (although they are great at keeping you warm as well). Some other benefits include being eco-friendly, soft, and super durable.
February: Do Some Deep Breathing Techniques
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If you want to immediately reduce your stress levels after having a long, hard day, get into some deep breathing. By doing so, not only will you feel less anxious and more relaxed, but deep breathing has also been proven to put you into a better mood, lower your heart rate, and help you sleep so much better. As far as which deep breathing techniques are best, the 4-7-8 one is popular.
It consists of breathing in for four counts, holding your breath for seven counts, and then releasing the air for a count of eight, then rinsing and repeating several times. Some other techniques that are pretty effective include diaphragmatic breathing, box breathing, and the Papworth method. You can read about those (and more) here.
March: Incorporate 10 Minutes of Body Stretches Each Evening
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Something that I’m pretty sure not nearly enough of us do before bedtime is stretch our bodies. Stretching is highly beneficial because it helps to loosen your muscles, relax your body, and put your system in the state where it can better rejuvenate itself. Also, if you’re someone who works out and you want to avoid muscle spasms in the middle of the night (because ain’t nothin’ like a charley horse waking you up out of nowhere), stretching before sleeping can significantly decrease your chances of that happening as well. If you’d like to devote a bit of time to stretching out your body before catching some zzz’s, click here and here for some stretch recommendations.
April: Try This: Less Technology. More Reading.
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With 57 percent of Americans admitting that they are addicted to their phones (check out “8 Solid Reasons To Put. Your Phone. Down.”) and 60 percent saying that they sleep with their phones — a month of phone detox at night can’t hurt nobody, especially if you suspect that your phone plays a role in you not sleeping as well as you should. Matter of fact, if you are feeling that way, science can back it. Between the blue light of your screen(s) jacking up your melatonin production to your screens overstimulating and distracting you, it’s no surprise that more people are getting less rest than ever, chile.
And what if you’re someone who needs to "settle" into sleeping? READ.
Research reveals that reading before bedtime helps to put your brain on a sleep schedule, relax your body, calm your mind, and, so long as it’s not content that gets your heart racing (like horror stories or thrillers), it can bring you holistic peace, too. Just make sure that you go with an old-fashioned page-turner and not an e-book. Y’all, electronic reads still produce the blue light that I was just talking about, and so, unless you’re gonna go the audiobook route, an e-book is basically…counterproductive.
May: Take a Magnesium, Calcium and Zinc Supplement
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I don’t know how many times I have recommended taking a magnesium, calcium, and zinc supplement, but consider this to be another one. Specifically, when it comes to resting better, magnesium is good for you because it helps to relax your brain, nerves, and muscles, lower bodily inflammation, reduce PMS, decrease migraine discomfort, and regulate the neurotransmitters that are associated with sleeping.
Calcium is beneficial because it helps to prevent muscle contractions, helps your brain to use tryptophan and it can even help you to sleep straight through the night. And zinc? Zinc is a solid sleep agent because it helps to decrease inflammation, can aid in better regulating your sleep patterns, and improves your sleep quality overall. I’m telling you that I can personally attest to this because, on the nights when I take the supplement, my sleep experience is quite different than when I don’t.
June: Apply Cannabis Oil to Your Pressure Points
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I doubt that it comes as any surprise that weed use is pretty popular during the month of June. And since Cannabidiol (CBD) can be used in a variety of ways, including smoking it, eating it (edibles), capsules, aerosols, and oils, I thought I would use June as the month to provide a pressure point sleep hack. The reality is that CBD is pretty beneficial if you’re someone who deals with insomnia as it directly relates to feelings of anxiety. Some studies also reveal that if you take in CBD with a lower amount of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC which is the ingredient in weed that makes you feel “high”), it can also improve the quality of sleep that you experience.
And so, since parts on your body — like right behind your ear, your ankles and feet, and your wrists — are all considered to be pressure points that can help you to fall asleep quicker whenever pressure is (gently) applied to them, why not rub some cannabis oil on them as you’re winding down? Seems like an ideal combo to me. (If you’d like to give it a shot, Healthline has a list of highly recommended CBD oils right here.)
July: Attempt Some De-Stress Journaling
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If you’re not big on journaling and yet you do want to get more quality sleep in the new year, consider doing some stress journaling. It’s all about taking out some time to jot down the things that may be stressing you out. What purpose does that serve? Well, for one thing, “seeing” what’s going on in black and white can help you to organize your thoughts while writing your feelings about what’s going on can help you to feel validated — and that can reduce your anxiety levels so that you’re able to relax and sleep better.
Also, research indicates that if you make a point to share some “silver linings” or potential solutions to the cause of your stress, that can help calm and center you, which will make getting sound sleep a more realistic goal. Even writing for 10 minutes a night can accomplish all of this, by the way.
August: Play Some Nature Sounds
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I’m the kind of person who prefers to sleep in silence — well, that is until I started to do more research into how ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response), in the form of nature sounds, can do wonders…and they ain’t neva lied. Ever since I’ve been sleeping to rain sounds, I feel so much more rejuvenated when I wake up. From what I’ve read and researched, the reason why this sleep practice is so effective is nature sounds help to soothe our nervous system and reduce our natural inclination to take the “fight-or-flight” route.
Me personally, I really like listening to rain, thunderstorms or a winter blizzard although studies also say that the sounds of birds, running water or the rustling of leaves can significantly relax you too. YouTube has a ton of videos that run for hours, without commercials. Just go to the site and put the sound(s) that you’re after in the search engine. I’d be floored if you regret giving this tip a shot.
September: Implement “The Military Method”
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It actually wasn’t until I did some research for this article that I happened upon what is known as the military sleep method. If you’ve never heard of it before (either), it’s a type of breathing technique that claims that it can cause you to fall asleep in two minutes (I know, right?). Apparently, an Olympic sprint coach by the name of Lloyd “Bud” Winter came up with it, and its initial intention was to help military pilots get some shut-eye even in loud or dangerous environments.
Anyway, the method consists of things like deep breathing, muscle relaxation, and mind clearing — and hey, anything that can help you fall asleep in record time is worth at least trying out. You can learn more about how to try out the military sleep method by going here and here.
October: Sip on Honey Chamomile Lattes
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Although technically, a latte is a coffee that has milk in it, teas with milk are considered to be their own form of a latte these days, too. That said, if you’re someone who likes to sip on something before turning in, the fall season is the ideal time for a honey chamomile latte. For one thing, chamomile has been proven to relax your system, in part, thanks to the antioxidant apigenin which provides a sedative-like effect. And the combo of milk and honey?
Since both milk and honey have tryptophan properties, and those properties help trigger the production of melatonin within your body, a warm cup of honey chamomile latte is a delicious way to lull yourself to sleep. (Just make sure that if you have a hard time falling back to sleep after a bathroom run, don't consume liquids three hours before bedtime.)
November: Experiment with Yoga (Sleep) Positions
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It’s been well documented that yoga can do everything from reduce stress and back pain to make you more flexible and yes, help you to sleep so much better. That’s why you might want to consider getting into a few yoga poses before getting in bed. The butterfly pose (sitting with the soles of your feet together and your knees spread as far apart as possible) can reduce tension, while putting your legs against the wall (why lying on your back) can increase blood circulation.
Oh, and speaking of poses that can help you to sleep better, studies show that sleeping on your left side can reduce snoring, keep acid reflux from being as much of an issue, and it can keep your blood pressure around where it needs to be as well. Some additional yoga poses for sleep can be found here.
December: Massage Yourself
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Professional massages are bomb (check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You”), there’s no doubt about that. However, if your budget is tight or you simply don’t have the time to book an appointment, that doesn’t mean that your body can’t reap the rewards — all you need to do is incorporate some self-massaging.
Yep, even rubbing on yourself will help ease stress and anxiety, bring relief to headaches, reduce muscle strain and tension, and increase blood circulation throughout your system. Tips for how to use a tennis ball to give yourself a massage can be found here. Tips for how to massage yourself with a foam roller can be found here. Tips for how to give yourself a facial massage can be found here.
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Just like your body needs food, water, and air, it needs to rest. It can only serve you well to apply habits that will help you not just to sleep, but to sleep soundly and completely. Here’s to a year of all of that, sis. Indeed.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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7 Sex Resolutions Every Single Woman Should Make For The Rest Of This Year
Where does the damn time go? It literally seems like just yesterday, that “Did We Just Become Best Friends?” Ulta commercial was playing incessantly on the television and now, we’re “looking over the fence” at Valentine’s Day. Goodness.
Anyway, if you took out some time to check out “Resolve To Evolve In 2025. That's It.” which was published earlier this month, you already know what kind of headspace I’m encouraging us all to be on until holiday commercials come back on the tube at the end of this year.
Evolving? It’s all about growing gradually — and if you happen to be a single woman who is also sexually active (or planning to be), I wanted to share some ways that you can “resolve to evolve” in that department from now through another ball dropping as well.
So, before you decide to, as the artist Mya once said/sang it, give the best of you to someone else, please read the seven promises that I think you should make to yourself about your own sex life — so that this year can be one that is filled with as much pleasure and as little regret as possible.
1. I Will Not RELY on Anyone Else to Protect My Physical Health and Well-Being
He got me pregnant. She trapped me. I honestly can’t believe how much I hear both of these things on social media, almost on a daily basis.
And while there is such an evil thing as stealthing (when a man lies about using a condom) and yes, there are also some women who say they are on birth control when they aren’t (and I loathe that lie as well), when you factor in that only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms at all (and even that isn’t consistently — SMDH), those of us with maturity and common sense know that more times than not, folks would rather blame someone else for unprepared consequences of their sex-related actions than take some real personal accountability…and nothing about that is wise, smart or good. Please don’t be one of those individuals.
If you’re not already in this mindset, make 2025 the year when you commit to getting tested twice a year, that you take charge of your own body when it comes to birth control (instead of relying on the declarations of another person) and that you will set firm guidelines and boundaries, BEFOREHAND, of what you expect from your partners when it comes to their own sexual health.
Because sis, even if you’re into casual sex, if you’re not proactive about protecting yourself, sometimes the outcome of copulation is anything BUT…casual. In fact, even as we speak, STIs/STDs, globally, are on the rise.
2. I Will Clearly Convey My Intentions (and Boundaries) on the Front End
Let’s circle back on the boundaries thing for a moment. Boundaries are limits, right? Recently, I was talking to a client, who is currently sleeping with more than one person, about how important it is to communicate with each individual about what her boundaries are: this includes intentions, expectations, and deal-breakers (check out “These Are The Deal-Breakers You Shouldn't Hesitate To Have In The Bedroom”). And y’all, because sex can very easily (and oftentimes does) change the dynamic of a relationship, it is a good idea to talk about all of these things before the act happens — not after.
Before, you tend to be more logical. Before, you also tend to be more practical. Before, there is less of a chance that you will try and see things through rose-colored glasses (if the sex was good, I mean).Case in point. The client who I was just referring to? When I once before advised that she have this very conversation with a particular guy before coitus (because she said that she thought she saw a few red flags), she didn’t.
After everything went down, because he gave her more orgasms than she had experienced in a hot minute, here came all of the “rationalizations” about why he isn’t the best communicator and seems to only want to come to her place to “get up.” SMDH. When I asked her why she has a tendency to operate in this fashion, her exact words were, “I don’t want to put too much pressure on guys before we get involved.” Girl? GIRL.
If you’re not comfortable enough telling a man what your standards and requirements are, you shouldn’t be comfortable letting them enter into your being. A lot of people end up with their feelings super hurt and their health in a lot of jeopardy and it’s all because they didn’t make this vow to themselves. This year, please don’t be one of them.
3. I Will Not Act Like My Needs Are Being Met When They Aren’t
If when you read this one, the first thing that came to your mind is faking orgasms, that’s fair because it’s definitely one of the things that I am referring to (check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP,” “Men Fake Orgasms (And 14 Other Semi-Random Things About Them In Bed)” and “1 In 4 Men And Women Are Faking It—Science Explains How To Change That”). I don’t care how many articles and podcast talking points try and justifying doing it — faking is a form of deception, and it makes absolutely no sense to pretend that you are experiencing the peak points of pleasure during sex when you aren’t.
One way or another, it will lead to some level of resentment on your end and a sense of delusional reality when it comes to your partner. I’ve seen it transpire too much to back down on that.
However, this promise speaks to satisfaction across the board. For instance, I used to date a guy who was a horrible kisser. Just ugh. Unfortunately, I sat up and endured that mess for…a long time because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Then, when I did come up with what I thought was a more “tender” way of rectifying the situation, he got super sensitive: “You’ve been happy with it all of this time. Something else must be going on.” And y’all, that was actually a fair response on his part because if I had been acting like things were good when they weren’t — why am I just now bringing it up?
At the end of the day, needs are things that are deemed to be necessary or essential. When it comes to sex/sexual activity, please don’t be out here acting like “it’s all good” when it actually isn’t. If there is something that is necessary or essential for you to feel (holistically) good about the sex that you are having — SAY IT. It’s silly and counterproductive not to.
4. I Will Become a Student of My Own Sexuality
If you Google what sexuality is, AI is going to probably say something like this: “Sexuality is a person's sexual, emotional, and physical feelings and attractions towards others.” That’s fair. However, when I looked up sexuality on Dictionary’s site, I liked that the first definition was one’s “sexual character” because character is about moral and ethical values. It’s also traits that help to define you and your reputation. Character also plays a role in what makes you…YOU.
And since your sexual being is a very relevant and important part of who you are, then yes, you should make the time to figure out what your own sexuality is all about. Know what else? Since you’re ever-growing and transforming, you’ve got to be willing to accept that, in some ways, your sexuality is as well.
That’s why I say that it is so important to commit to being a student of your own sexuality. When it comes to the feelings that you have about sex, where did they come from? When it comes to what attracts you to certain people, where did that begin? How do you emotionally feel about sex and the people you choose to have sex with? What is your reputation when it comes to sex — how do you know? What are some distinct character traits that you would use to define your sexuality? How has your relationship with sex changed over the years?
Albert Einstein once said, “Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death” and if you think this doesn’t apply to sex, you couldn’t be more wrong. Recent reports reveal that people over 55 still have sex at least once a week and 1 in 6 adults over 70 do as well which means that you’ve got many more years to learn about yourself as far as sex is concerned. Please be open to that.
Trust me, you are doing yourself a huge disservice by not making room to learn, shift, and transform when it comes to sex. So, this year, get into some sex journaling in this department (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). The more that you discover and document about your sexuality, the easier it will be to accept yourself and also articulate who you are, when it comes to this area and aspect of your life, to others.
5. I Will Not Mistake How Sex Makes Me Feel for What the Relationship Actually Is
The reason why I’ve penned articles for the platform like, “14 Lessons I've Learned From 14 Sex Partners,” “What If The Sex Is Great? But The Relationship Sucks.” and “Don't Mistake A Great Sex Partner For A Great Life Partner” is because two things that show up, chemically, during sex (especially orgasm-filled sex) is dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine helps to make you feel good while oxytocin bonds you to the people you have sex with.
This means that even science is all up in your business when it comes to sex — and yes, since coitus tends to feel great and make you feel closer to your partners, it’s pretty easy to understand how and why you could confuse satisfying sex for a genuine long-term connection with someone.
And so, just to make sure you can “see clearly” when it comes to having sex vs. being in a relationship, when you’re in a (healthy) relationship with someone...
- You and your partner agree that you both are on the same page
- Nothing is “complicated” because you want the same things
- There is reciprocity
- There is regular and open communication
- There are clear expectations
- You both know each other’s needs and wants — and enjoy meeting them
- There are mutual and consistent displays of empathy and affection
- You are a part of each other’s worlds (people, places, things and ideas)
- Future plans are made with ease
- Instead of stress and anxiety, there is peace — mutually so
If you can’t say this about who you are having sex with, I don’t care how many orgasms he gives you, while y’all may be in something (like a situationship), you aren’t in a relationship (don’t believe me? Ask him). If you are fine with that, cool. All I’m saying is don’t try to turn sex into something that it’s not. Orgasms are a sign of sexual fulfillment. Those other 10 signs are indications that a real relationship truly exists.
6. I Will Not Sacrifice My Mental and Emotional State for Physical Pleasure
Just this morning, I sent an article to a friend of mine that featured signs that you have a good amount of self-respect. Some of the signs included not tolerating being taken for granted, not allowing emotional manipulation, and not tolerating dishonesty. I sent that to her because she is currently in a situationship where she definitely is allowing a cyclic form of disrespect (inconsistency, gaslighting, etc.) from a guy and that tends to happen when we don’t respect our own selves very much.
Know what else is interesting about ole’ boy? She says that he continues to be the best sex that she has ever had — and here’s the thing about that: when someone makes you feel great on a physical level, it can be easier than you might think to ignore how they make you feel on a mental and emotional one.
If reading what I just said triggered you on some level, that’s a sign that you shouldn’t take it lightly. I have said it before and I’m sure that I will say it a billion times more before I close my eyes for the last time on this planet, that sacrifice means to give up something good for something greater — and you should never EVER think that sacrificing mental and emotional health and stability is a smart move, so long as your sexual needs are being met.
Nor should you lie to yourself and say that if a man makes you feel good, that automatically means that he is good for you. If you’re confused, upset, crying, chasing, or drained with said guy more times than not…you are exactly who I am talking to…too.
7. I Will Choose to Sexually Evolve — Constantly
A few years ago, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “BDE: Please Let The 'It Needs To Be Huge' Myth Go.” To this day, the married couple who are mentioned in the piece? They are struggling in the bedroom department (even after over two decades of marriage) and a big part of it is because the wife has evolved into wanting other things, sexually, while the husband refuses to accept it. It has resulted in a pretty much sexless marriage which is really nothing more than glorified roommates.
This can happen when one or two people refuse to evolve — yes, even sexually. And the sad part is when you don’t opt to grow, even in the sex department, it can prevent you from discovering and experiencing so many other things about sex, you and your partner.
So yes, as I close this out, don’t let 2025 pass you by without also putting forth the concerted effort to (safely, wisely, and purposefully) SEXUALLY EVOLVE. To sexually ADVANCE. To sexually MATURE. To sexually EMERGE. Sex is too big and vast to settle for only what you know about it and you (as it relates to sex) now. Be a student, “graduate” from some things, and evolve into other ones.
Sex can handle it. And so can you.
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