This past December, like many other descendants of the African diaspora hoping to end 2019 with a bang, I went to Accra, Ghana for what the country deemed---in arguably the most successful tourism marketing plan to date---the "Year of the Return". Anchored by the Afrochella festival as well as newcomer, Afronation, the return to Ghana was anticipated to be an opportunity to connect with our roots, party, unwind, and enjoy great food and culture. After securing my *whispers* very affordable flight in November, I was ready. Or so I thought.
Unlike most trips, coordinating all the moving parts in Ghana took a bit more advanced planning, patience, and research than I was used to. But after getting everything in place, I was so excited!
This was being heralded as the place to be for the holidays, where everybody and they mama (or Beyonce's mama) were expected. And Accra delivered! During my three weeks in Ghana, I partied in the jungle in Aburi, crossed the seven bridges in Kukum, visited the Elmina and Cape Coast slave dungeons, ate a traditional Fulani mat dinner, saw the dopest fire-breather performance at Polo Beach Club, ate at the famous Buka restaurant, danced the night away at Bloom Bar, and connected with amazing friends both old and new.
I also encountered a lot of things that, if avoided, would have enhanced my trip that much more. Here are 10 things to keep in mind to optimize your experience if attending "Beyond the Return" this December:
Courtesy of Amanda Gayle
Follow All Medical Precautions, Both Required And Recommended
One of the consequences of my late travel arrangements were the limited remaining options in finding a yellow fever provider within my budget. After finally settling on an office, I paid my whopping $265, and received my yellow fever card and malaria prescription. But to my dismay, when I landed in Ghana, border control could care less about my little yellow fever card and didn't even open it. I must have been so disappointed that I actually lost it and haven't seen it since. Welp. Funny enough though, during my departure, border control insisted on seeing it. But for the gift of gab, I'd likely still be there trying to convince them why I didn't need to receive another shot just to fly home. But I digress.
While experiences varied, most opted to receive the yellow fever shot in the States, despite its availability at the airport for the affordable price of *drumroll* $20.
Did I know that? No. But now you do. You're welcome. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide where you're most comfortable getting the shot, but once you do, keep your card handy.
After filling your recommended malaria prescription, do yourself a favor and actually take them. I avoided them initially after hearing horror stories of people having nightmares and stomach pain, but, take them. You don't want to end up like me in a pharmacy on your way to a friend's fashion show feenin' for malaria pills like Halle Berry in Jungle Fever because a mosquito bit you in Kukum and the "cold" you thought you had sounds more like malaria, according to WebMD. Luckily, the pharmacists in Ghana are fantastic and wonderfully patient. They promptly tested me for it and luckily, it turned out I didn't have malaria---just a bad cold. But I could have had it. Take your pills.
Don't Nickel-And-Dime Your Accommodations
The Kempinski Hotel, a great option for a stay in Ghana.
Image via kempinski.com
As Americans when we think of budget hotels, we think of a no-frills, no-fuss Holiday Inn which at the very least are clean and at best are quite nice. (The Holiday Inn in New Orleans even has a rooftop pool). Even budget or boutique hotels in Europe deliver quality with the occasional luxury surprise. During my layover in Portugal, for example, I stayed at the most amazing boutique hotel for $52 and was wonderfully surprised by how nice it was.
But in Ghana, budget hotels, aka those under $75 a night, take on a different meaning. For brevity's sake I'll spare you the stressful details. Let's just say some of my very worst days were spent making special requests for running water, dealing with hotel managers who didn't understand that it isn't OK for the electricity to disconnect every hour, or canceling confirmed reservations.
Save yourself the hassle. Spring for the nice hotel.
Listen, I get it, traveling can be expensive, especially if you're staying somewhere for an extended period of time. If you can't quite afford the Kempinski, Alisa Hotel is a great affordable choice, but don't nickel-and-dime your experience. It'll cost you more in the end.
Courtesy of Amanda Gayle
Pack Your Patience
As a born-and-bred New Yorker, most would assume that I'm used to a fast-paced, hustle-and-bustle lifestyle, and they're right. New Yorkers tend to move at lightning speed, always running for the train or to work and keeping up with our busy lives. As a New Yorker who also drives, I'm equally accustomed to insane traffic, but Ghana was on a whole other level. I can't count how many times I had to just get out of my Uber and walk the remainder of the way. Not a patient person?
I strongly suggest staying very close to where most of your events and activities will take place to avoid getting stuck.
Courtesy of Amanda Gayle
Consider A Tour Company
As you're planning your trip, you'll quickly see that there are literally hundreds of tour companies ready to take you on every excursion and curate your trip for you.
Usually I would caution visitors against booking tour companies to save a few coins, but in Ghana, a trusted tour company may actually enhance your trip.
Some of my favorite experiences were planned by a tour guide. My friend had used him several times before and not only was he well informed about the estimated travel time and where to go to get the best/safest food on the route, he even knew the manager of the Cape Coast castle who let us in at closing because we were stuck in traffic.
I also really enjoyed some local events planned by TasteMakers including the most beautiful Fulani Christmas dinner hosted at Olma Colonial Suites. The food was delicious, we learned about the Fulani culture and the vibes were perfect. I enjoyed it so much, I ventured to my second Tastemakers event later that week, the Cookout. After being there for an hour I lovingly renamed it Grits in Ghana (Don't try me. My trademark is pending) and deservedly so. The DJ executed dope NYE vibes, the drinks were strong and free, and the space was perfect. In the future, I'd confidently attend any other events they plan. But do your research. Read reviews. Find a company that you trust, think about where you want to go and consider whether a company would enhance your experience.
Choose Your Concert Wisely
So part of the draw to visit Ghana during the holiday season is the festival experience, specifically Afrochella. Known for the opportunity for the flyest and most daring to show up and show out in their best African garb, people come from everywhere to perch up as royalty and be among the lit. However, as a budding festival, Afrochella may need some more time to find their footing, as the actual concert experience was lacking.
Most of the night, in lieu of actual performances, there were DJ sets and well into the early morning hours, a sprinkle of performances from virtually unknown artists. I was really disappointed, after declining friends' invitations to attend Afronation, which by most accounts turned out to be the better concert, bringing out Burna Boy and other fan favorites. I also heard good things about the Detty Rave concert, but unfortunately missed it because of my cold.
Ultimately, even though Afrochella is the original event and may still be worth a visit for vibes, consider your other options.
Prepare For Long Commutes
One of the biggest surprises for me when I got to Ghana was how far away most of the special sites were. Not only was Cape Coast a three-hour ride away, most of the nice beaches (aside from Labadi Beach) including Bojo Beach were at least 90 minutes away from the City Center. The same was true for Aburi Gardens and Aqua Safari, which are definitely must-see destinations. Some places are so far, I highly suggest preparing for a full day trip to each destination and possibly even staying overnight to avoid the traffic. If you opt out of staying overnight, pack on your patience because although traffic in the A.M is bearable, you may not be so chill about it after a day's worth of activity.
Carry Cash
Courtesy of Amanda Gayle
While credit cards are accepted, cash rules everything out in Ghana. From bargaining for souvenirs to getting into parties or a certain Members Only Club (I see you, Front & Back), having Ghana cedis on hand, will definitely yield better results.
Indulge In Local Cuisine But Be Careful
So, in my veiled non-medical medical advice above, I may have left out one of the reasons I got sick during the trip. When I first arrived, I was so excited I opened my mouth while brushing my teeth and ingested some water a la Charlotte in Sex and the City 2. Now, that may not have been the only reason I experienced "the runaways" but many cautioned me against ice in my drinks and indulging in sauces. I didn't listen. You do better.
Decide Between Uber Vs. Private Drivers
Contrary to what most people have heard about Africa---Ghana specifically---it is a well-developed country and they do have Uber. However, be prepared for smaller cars and cash payments. In order for your Uber app to even work in Ghana, you'll need to update your settings to cash payments and use a local Sim card. Bolt is another option which usually offers an introductory promotion for reduced rides.
You can choose to hire a private driver if you need a larger vehicle or if you just want to have someone at your beck and call. Just be sure to estimate the price of rides in advance and get some referrals from friends in travel groups who have gone to Ghana.
Know Your Intentions For Visiting
Courtesy of Amanda Gayle
Most important when traveling to Ghana is knowing why you're going. Most people visit during the holidays to mix and mingle with celebrities, attend the flyest parties, and meet their African prince and princess. If that's you, do you. Live it up. However, if you're visiting to truly immerse yourself in the culture, opt for more of those experiences and be intentional in seeking them out. One of my intentions in visiting Ghana was to volunteer and impact the youth, so I was so excited to volunteer for Afrochella Reads, an opportunity to visit and spend time with Ghanaian orphans during their school day. It was truly one of the top highlights of my trip.
Volunteering not your thing? Take a cooking class and learn how to compete in the jollof wars. Visit the Shea Butter Museum and discover the source of the ultimate ash warrior, the gift of shea butter. Whatever your interests are, Ghana has so much to offer. The opportunities for enriching experiences are numerous. Once you strip away the glitzy appeal, the rooftops, and the mystique about Ghana, remember that there is a rich culture and local experiences that are way more valuable than rubbing elbows with Boris and Nicole. Focus on being present and make the most of your return.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured Image via Amanda Gayle
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
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Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
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And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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