Love is patient, love is kind, and love can also get a little complicated. OWN's new summer series Love Is ___ is the true story of the journey that two complex individuals from opposite worlds navigate while falling in love and finding themselves in an even more complicated world; and the trailer will give you all the feels.
Last year, the network called on the creator of Being Mary Jane, Mara Brock Akil and her husband, Salim Akil to executive produce an hour-long romantic dramedy set primarily in the 90's that will depict the narrative of their unconventional love story. The network recently announced the release date for the series, and its honest perspective of relationships in the black community will challenge the lack of authenticity that exists in mainstream media.
The tale will chronicle the lives of the modern-day power-couple and how a relationship that started 20 years ago influenced the lives that they live today. Individually, they are both legends in their own right; but together, the couple have had a hand in writing and/or producing over 350 episodes on prime time TV for shows including The Game, Girlfriends, and Soul Food and have garnered a multitude of respect in the industry from some major players. Oprah said:
"I've dreamed of working with the Akils. I've been a huge fan of their work since first viewing 'Girlfriends.' They know just how to hit the cultural nerve to make you think and laugh at the same time."
Mara and Akil met on the set of Moesha and married in 1999. Despite her issues with abandonment and his battle with depression, the Akils are proof that love really does conquer all. The two seemingly came from different worlds: Mara was privileged with high expectations and wide-eyed for opportunity, and Salim had a tough upbringing and had fathered his first child by age 13. It took Salim a year after meeting his one-day wife to gather up the courage to ask her out, and after their first meal together he asked:
"Can we cut the bullshit and get on about the business of living a life together?"
Later, Mara encouraged Salim to quit his full-time job working with the mentally ill and pursue his writing career and now, they are both industry leaders and recipients of a number of awards and accolades for their work. Their story is a reminder that your wife can determine the trajectory of your life, but the couple's unconventional fairytale didn't come without some bumps along the way.
Love Is ___ will give us the opportunity to experience the magic all over again.
The series chronicles the chaotic romantic and professional life of a character based on a Young Mara named Nuri, played by Michele Weaver, who much like all of us, is just trying to figure it all out. The show is a truthful reminder that love can be complicated, but it's worth it in the end. Cast members said that the show would give an honest look at the challenges and imperfections that it really takes to make this love thing work. Weaver says in the trailer:
"Love is authentic, it's refreshing, and it is passionate. It's taking love between two people, and showing it through tons of different perspectives."
"You're gonna see yourself. You're gonna see your friends. You're gonna see your mom, there's so many voices being heard on one show."
Nuri is literally every woman in her 20- to 30-somethings - ambitious and along for the ride, always willing to accept any bumps and bruises that come with the territory; but not fully understanding that those bumps and bruises can cause pain or happiness for a lifetime. On the show, Nuri plays a sitcom director with big dreams who's seeking a legitimate partnership with men who tend to keep coming up short. She meets Yasir, inspired by Salim Akil, who seems to be a perfect match.
Except for the fact that he's unemployed... and still involved with his on-again-off-again ex-girlfriend.
Yikes.
Just because a relationship is beautiful, doesn't mean it's without imperfection.
The Akils' story gave me some serious nostalgia about falling in love and it made me reminisce about my past lovers, unlike most romantic dramas, it didn't make me sad. The trailer for Love Is ___ reminded me that love doesn't have to be "normal" because it just feels so much better when it's real.
The cast of the show features some familiar faces, including Loretta Devine, Tim Reid, Tammy Townsend, and Vanessa Bell Calloway, and is set to premiere June 19. If you're like me and can't wait to find out more about this dope couple's story: check out Mara's instagram to get a sneak peak into the Akil's imperfectly perfect love story.
Check out the trailer for Love Is ____ here.
- Welcome to the official website of OWN - the Oprah Winfrey Network ... ›
- OWN Orders Mara Brock Akil and Salim Akil Drama Series ... ›
- OWN's New Dramedy 'Love Is ____,' From Mara Brock Akil and ... ›
- Mara Brock Akil and Salim Akil Partner with Oprah for Love Is ›
- OWN Orders Relationship Dramedy Series From Mara Brock Akil ... ›
- Introducing: Love Is ›
- 'Love Is___': OWN Relationship Dramedy Adds Five To Cast ... ›
- Mara Brock Akil, Salim Akil OWN Drama 'Love Is__' Adds Five ... ›
- 'Love Is___': Michele Weaver & Will Catlett To Star In OWN Series ... ›
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A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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