This February, I've experienced my umpteenth fashion week, and I have to say, this season has been my best yet.
New York Fashion Week is like no other in the world. Bishop Carrie Bradshaw once said it's the time of year where we forget about the past and look forward to the future. Well, she's partly correct. In reality, the past helps us make better choices and take more risks in fashion. When I think back to 2018, I was struggling with how I was being seen and it made me doubt myself. The moment I made self-confidence my No. 1 one accessory, I no longer needed validation from anyone else. And just like that, the photographers were swarming me and I got more front row seats.
With my newfound self-confidence in tow, I had to come hard this time because I had a slew of shows, presentations, parties, and meet-ups to attend. Last season was also one for the books, so it was time to level up once again.
The hardest thing about slaying NYFW when you don't live in the city is preparing looks that will stun the onlookers while not paying an arm and a leg for baggage. I think I did just that this go-round. The whole lot of it is all here in my New York Fashion Week Fall 2020 Style Diary:
The Prelude
I started my New York Fashion Week off with Harlem Fashion Row's Prelude event celebrating fashion legends Misa Hylton, Dapper Dan, and April Walker. Sony Hall couldn't have been filled with more love than on this night celebrating the impact these three icons have made in fashion and music. Brandice Daniel, founder of Harlem's Fashion Row, has always been intentional about the events she curates during fashion week as it is one of the few places we can celebrate black culture.
I also wanted to be intentional when choosing my look for the night. That's why I chose to wear a jumpsuit and kimono designed by black designer Rachel Marie Hurst. If I'm going to make a statement, I want to do it by representing people who look like me. I felt so empowered and free as I danced the night away wearing a black designer while vibin' to old-school jams and surrounded by my people. It was a beautiful night.
Day 1
I rolled up to Spring Studios hella comfy for day one. New York City's weather gods were hating so the first day was all about comfort and warmth especially because my day was packed with festivities. I opted for a simple two-piece knit set paired with RAID snakeskin boots and a teddy jacket. I made sure to pack more comfy shoes in my purse so that I could easily chase after a train if need be. You gotta stay ready so you don't have to get ready–that's a fashion week commandment.
Despite the weather, the first day was picture-perfect and filled with eccentric designers like Mukzin x Harbin, the Fashion Hong Kong collective, and Oqliq.
I ended up in a room that changed my life by mistake. NYFW decided to do something different this season by hosting intimate talks in between shows. On day one, the talk was "The Evolving Standard of Beauty" presented by the Miss Universe organization. Here I was in a room with three black beauty queens soaking up all of their magic, and there are no words to explain how blessed I felt.
One of the highlights of NYFW was the Fashion Hong Kong after-party because I met some fellow fashion lovers and lest not forget the endless dranks. As Ice Cube would say, "Today was a good day."
Image Courtesy of The Riviere Agency
Day 2
I knew I would be hopping all over the city running from shows to meet-ups so I just had to wear a showstopper that would turn heads. I'm such a lucky girl to have designer friends on speed dial because they let me wear some of their best pieces whenever I want. This lilac neoprene vest designed by DarkM0th Industry was just what day two needed. When I added the leopard print turtleneck and skinny jeans, I knew it would be fire. Of course, I needed sensible shoes as well so I went with black Chelsea boots with a gold accented heel.
I started my day at the Concept Korea show, then went backstage to interview one of my favorite designers Son Jung Wan. Next, I swung by Vivienne Hu's runway show and hustled my way to the next gallery for Son Jung Wan's show.
The next agenda item was one of the events that leaves my heart so full, The Glow Up link up. Picture a room full of black girl magic toasting to new connections, great vibes, and genuine sisterhood.
Image by Marta Skovro McAdams
I ended the night at Pier59 at the Oxford Fashion Studio where I was blown away by Rene' Tyler's plus-size collection. Sis showed up for the curvy girls, and I lived.
Day 3
What's fashion week without a monochrome moment? I chose a warm but stylish Simply Be cord boiler suit in rust from ASOS, a UO Wide Brim Patent Bucket Hat and rust-colored booties. First up was Hakan Akkaya's edgy collection followed by Rebecca Minkoff's colorful and playful presentation.
By day three, I needed a reboot so I headed to the NYFW Happy Hour at Showfields hosted by The Riviere Agency. The happy hour had dope goodie bags, hair and makeup stylists to glam you up, along with plenty of Instagrammable spaces.
Happy hour led me to the Concept Korea 10th anniversary after-party in collaboration with V Magazine where they had a 20-foot-long table full of delectable bites and a generous open bar. To say I was in heaven would be an understatement.
Day 4
Day four was more chill so I decided to match that same energy with my outfit. Wearing sequin pants, a neon hoodie and custom kimono by C.R.Lee, my goal four days in was to show up in colorful pieces, and this custom kimono was so ideal as it read, "Support Black Designers." It was a great choice for my day as my first show was Romeo Hunte, a black designer enthusiastic about creating space for our culture in fashion.
After Romeo Hunte, I trekked back to the piers for the Global Fashion Collective show, then made my last stop at Dorothee Schumacher x Interview Magazine's party. If you ever need to know how to throw an after-party, give these folks a holler. The DJ played back-to-back hits as the bartenders kept the champagne flowing and the waitresses scoured the room with cheesecake and donuts.
Day 5
The fifth day almost felt like I had been at it for a month but nevertheless I served up an animal print moment featuring a lightweight set by COLLUSION. ASOS may want to sponsor me after this fashion week because many of my lewks were bangers from their site.
Since I had been running around for days, my feet were not so happy with me. During NYFW, a fashion friend told me that rubbing VapoRub on your feet after a shower brings some relief. It actually helped and prepared me for the five shows I was set to attend.
Every season I get to fall in love with emerging designers, and this season one of them was The Arlo Studio. Their pieces were ready-to-wear and had a specific panache that made me a huge fan.
Image Courtesy of Global Fashion Collective
Day 6
With only two shows on the docket, I was grateful I got to sleep in, but I was also super-geeked to show off this fly-ass coat by DarkM0th Industry after another outfit didn't work out. Over the years, I have learned to always pack three additional looks in case of emergency. In this case, my order was delayed.
My first show was Cynthia Rowley but that didn't go as planned due to some personnel issues *coughs.* I took that opportunity to meet up with some friends for dinner and drinks before the Turkish Designers show later that night.
Seeing rapper and snack Dave East strut down the runway in Hakan Akkaya like the original gangster he is made me want to take him home that night.
Day 7
The finale was simply a dream. I was most looking forward to a particular event. From the moment I received the invitation to Serena Williams' S by Serena show, I realized how blessed I was to be able to be me in these spaces. The invitation said that Serena would be interviewed by Vogue's editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour, before the collection presentation, and I damn near pulled my wig off because it just seemed like a dream.
Planning this outfit was not that hard because I had a vision of what I wanted to wear—a cow-printed dress with animal print, knee-high boots. When the day arrived, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Walking into Spring Place felt like a life-changing moment. I couldn't believe I was sitting among icons like Lindsay Peoples Wagner, André Leon Talley, Julee Wilson, Elaine Welteroth and so many other fashion giants. When Serena and Anna walked onstage, my heart skipped a beat. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Serena's most memorable outfits, her heroes, and her background in fashion, which blew me away.
The rest of the day was just as magnificent, with more black designers like Aliette and Fe Noel's NYFW debut. The last day of fashion week just felt like a large celebration, and it left me invigorated.
And at the end of my night, I got to snap up another black-history-in-the-making moment with some more fashion lovers including Amanda Finesse, Ashley Weddington, Ella Adenaike, Adewunmi Erhabor, and the adorable Aria De Chicchis.
When I say, New York Fashion Week Fall 2020 owes me nothing, I mean it.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here to receive our latest articles and news straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Instagram/@joce_blake
- The Fashion Week Food Diaries of Two Models, an Editor, and a ... ›
- Watch Diary of a Model | Watch Taylor Hill's New York Fashion ... ›
- New York fashion week diary: rain, trenches and open warfare ... ›
- Watch Sofía's New York Fashion Week Diary Part Two | Condé Nast ... ›
- MY NEW YORK FASHION WEEK TRAVEL DIARY | Heart ... ›
- Nicki Minaj, Ralph Lauren, and More in Derek Blasberg's New York ... ›
- Maria Borges' New York Fashion Week Diary - Into | Into The Gloss ›
- My New York Fashion Week Diary: Carolina, Tommy, Zac, Donna ... ›
- Every Picture From Nick Wolf's New York Fashion Week - Essence ›
- The Fashion Week Diary of Sandy Liang, Fleece Phenom - The New ... ›
RELATED
Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock
We spoke to NYC-based experience curator and owner of POP! by Yaz, Yasmin “Yaz” Quiles, to help guide first-timers. According to Yasmin, an experience curator is “someone who not only focuses on an actual event but the entire experience, and that can mean anything from the first point of contact, things from an invitation, a website, all the way to the end and after effects.”
If you are hosting the holidays in your home, it is important to touch on all of these points so that your guests can have an experience to remember. Here are the steps to successfully host family and friends for the holidays.
1.Plan and Organize:
Before people start showing up to your house, you must plan out what you need and for how many people. It's also a great time to be creative. “The first part is the dream part because it’s the fun part. What do I envision my event to look like? What do I want my people to feel when they come to my space? Ask all of the questions for the first point of contact,” says Yasmin. “What kind of invitation [am I using?] Who am I inviting? What kind of music are we listening to? The food. So, you start thinking about what the vision is, and then after the dreaming, you organize your thoughts.”
That includes putting together a budget. “See what you have access to, what you need help with, and what you may need to outsource,” she advises. Meaning, this is the time to decide if you and your family will be cooking or if everyone will chip in to get dinner catered.
2.Repurpose Your Items:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
As you continue to plan and organize, it's important to take stock of what you already have at home. This can also help you stay within budget. If you have a limited budget then start thinking about how to utilize what you already have in a innovative way.
“I also like to start with inventory. What [are] items in your house that you can use? That way you can determine what it is that you have to get,” she suggests. “I feel like a lot of people always put together a list and it's always 'buy, buy, buy, buy,' versus ‘oh, wait a minute, I actually do have some things that I can utilize and I can just use it in a different way.’”
For example, “Utilizing a console as a small bar area or creating fake fireplaces. I think there are ways to use items in your space so that you don’t have to continue to fill it up with new things.”
3.Make Your Guests Feel Like They Are at Home:
Ever heard the saying, "mi casa es su casa?" You want your space to make guests feel like a home away from home and having a cozy place to sleep plays a major part in that. Be realistic about how many people you can fit comfortably in your home. “Figure out how much space you have in your house and how many people you can truly accommodate,” she says. “What that means is even if you have a two-bedroom apartment, what are some creative ways you can create some space for them? Is it an air mattress or is it getting a hotel that is close to you; Airbnb's?”
You also want to provide your guests with the necessary accouterments and the gift of convenience. If you have certain rituals in your home, you want to make sure your guests can also participate in them. “What I love to do with my guests, I always love to make them feel like they're at home even when they are not, so I like to replicate the things I love in a hotel room. In our house we take off our shoes so we always have disposable slippers here that people can slide on or brand new socks in a basket,” she explains. “That way they can feel immediately comfortable the moment they pass the threshold in your house."
"And in the bathroom or if there’s a powder room, I like to put together a little welcome basket and it can be something as simple as here’s your towel, here’s your washcloth, all the little toiletries you may need," she adds. "I give them their own little stash, that way they don’t feel like they’re burdening me by asking, 'oh, do you have q-tips' or whatever it is. It’s all already set up there for them and it makes them feel so welcome and thought of.”
4.Food and Entertainment:
Photo courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Along with welcome baskets, the Afro-Latina entrepreneur also enjoys putting lists together with a few of her recommendations. Think, welcome lists you receive at hotels and Airbnb. “I’ll put together a short list of my favorite restaurants, my favorite channels or shows to watch that way they can be entertained while I’m doing other things,” she says.
The holidays involve a lot of cooking and so going out to eat may not be an option. But neither is eating mac and cheese, collard greens, and ham all day, every day. So, it's best to provide options for your guests. “When people go to other people’s homes, they really want the house experience so eating out is great, it’s fine, but I think it really makes people happy when immediately there at home at your house," explains Yasmin.
"What I like to do is immediately have an assortment of snacks available and that means everything from the folks that are on a diet to folks who want to indulge and have a little bit of everything. That way we have a good selection. And [I like to have] things that can be left out for a couple of days as well so I’m thinking pre-packaged items that way [they can] 'grab and go.'”
5.Activities:
When having guests stay over for a few days, you should want to do more than just stay in and look at each other the whole time. Similarly to the way Yasmin advises providing a list of recommendations for eating out and indoor entertainment for guests, she suggests providing guests with a list of favorite stores or favorite markets with recommendations of what to buy.
This can also be a great time to show your guests where you live by going on walks or a scenic drive. "A lot of times these holiday celebrations happen when we are in the midst of planning and doing things and doing all the last-minute errands. Another thing I like to do is photo albums, people love photo albums.”
Yasmin recommends having a physical photo album that you and your guests can look through or a digital frame such as Aura Frames that holds photos online that you can continue to add to.
6.Music:
What’s left is providing the ambiance. One of the many ways that people do this is by having a playlist. Creating a playlist is fun but can also be time-consuming. Not only do you have to add your auntie's favorite Christmas song to the playlist but you may also want to take a trip down memory lane with your siblings and jam to a throwback from your childhood. Yasmin reveals a solution, which she refers to as an “elevated” experience.
“You can hire a DJ. They can do a set on Twitch,” Yasmin says. “There’s a chatroom function so you can put it on your TV, so all the guests who are there can listen to the music live but if there are guests who can’t make it for whatever reason, they can tune in and participate via the chat.”
The experience curator also suggests having a quiet space for those who are more introverted or need a break from the loud music and crowd.
7.The Breakdown:
Whether you and your family decide to cook together or hire a caterer, cleaning up after a big event is always a buzz kill. Yasmin recommends outsourcing help as a way to enjoy yourself and not worry about the aftermath. “Clean up can be a big hassle. It is okay to get a cleaning team. It is okay to hire a bartender. It is okay to hire anybody who can make your job easier,” she assures.
“The point of these events really is to connect and I feel we get so caught up in the doing that we forget that and the party ends and we’re like, ‘Dang, I didn’t get to have a conversation with my best girlfriend who I haven’t seen in six months.’ Give yourself permission to outsource so that you can have a good time.”
For more information about Yasmin, you can visit her website at yazquiles.com and follow her on Instagram @popbyyaz.
Feature image courtesy of Yasmin Quiles
Originally published on December 13, 2022