This February, I've experienced my umpteenth fashion week, and I have to say, this season has been my best yet.
New York Fashion Week is like no other in the world. Bishop Carrie Bradshaw once said it's the time of year where we forget about the past and look forward to the future. Well, she's partly correct. In reality, the past helps us make better choices and take more risks in fashion. When I think back to 2018, I was struggling with how I was being seen and it made me doubt myself. The moment I made self-confidence my No. 1 one accessory, I no longer needed validation from anyone else. And just like that, the photographers were swarming me and I got more front row seats.
With my newfound self-confidence in tow, I had to come hard this time because I had a slew of shows, presentations, parties, and meet-ups to attend. Last season was also one for the books, so it was time to level up once again.
The hardest thing about slaying NYFW when you don't live in the city is preparing looks that will stun the onlookers while not paying an arm and a leg for baggage. I think I did just that this go-round. The whole lot of it is all here in my New York Fashion Week Fall 2020 Style Diary:
The Prelude
I started my New York Fashion Week off with Harlem Fashion Row's Prelude event celebrating fashion legends Misa Hylton, Dapper Dan, and April Walker. Sony Hall couldn't have been filled with more love than on this night celebrating the impact these three icons have made in fashion and music. Brandice Daniel, founder of Harlem's Fashion Row, has always been intentional about the events she curates during fashion week as it is one of the few places we can celebrate black culture.
I also wanted to be intentional when choosing my look for the night. That's why I chose to wear a jumpsuit and kimono designed by black designer Rachel Marie Hurst. If I'm going to make a statement, I want to do it by representing people who look like me. I felt so empowered and free as I danced the night away wearing a black designer while vibin' to old-school jams and surrounded by my people. It was a beautiful night.
Day 1
I rolled up to Spring Studios hella comfy for day one. New York City's weather gods were hating so the first day was all about comfort and warmth especially because my day was packed with festivities. I opted for a simple two-piece knit set paired with RAID snakeskin boots and a teddy jacket. I made sure to pack more comfy shoes in my purse so that I could easily chase after a train if need be. You gotta stay ready so you don't have to get ready–that's a fashion week commandment.
Despite the weather, the first day was picture-perfect and filled with eccentric designers like Mukzin x Harbin, the Fashion Hong Kong collective, and Oqliq.
I ended up in a room that changed my life by mistake. NYFW decided to do something different this season by hosting intimate talks in between shows. On day one, the talk was "The Evolving Standard of Beauty" presented by the Miss Universe organization. Here I was in a room with three black beauty queens soaking up all of their magic, and there are no words to explain how blessed I felt.
One of the highlights of NYFW was the Fashion Hong Kong after-party because I met some fellow fashion lovers and lest not forget the endless dranks. As Ice Cube would say, "Today was a good day."
Image Courtesy of The Riviere Agency
Day 2
I knew I would be hopping all over the city running from shows to meet-ups so I just had to wear a showstopper that would turn heads. I'm such a lucky girl to have designer friends on speed dial because they let me wear some of their best pieces whenever I want. This lilac neoprene vest designed by DarkM0th Industry was just what day two needed. When I added the leopard print turtleneck and skinny jeans, I knew it would be fire. Of course, I needed sensible shoes as well so I went with black Chelsea boots with a gold accented heel.
I started my day at the Concept Korea show, then went backstage to interview one of my favorite designers Son Jung Wan. Next, I swung by Vivienne Hu's runway show and hustled my way to the next gallery for Son Jung Wan's show.
The next agenda item was one of the events that leaves my heart so full, The Glow Up link up. Picture a room full of black girl magic toasting to new connections, great vibes, and genuine sisterhood.
Image by Marta Skovro McAdams
I ended the night at Pier59 at the Oxford Fashion Studio where I was blown away by Rene' Tyler's plus-size collection. Sis showed up for the curvy girls, and I lived.
Day 3
What's fashion week without a monochrome moment? I chose a warm but stylish Simply Be cord boiler suit in rust from ASOS, a UO Wide Brim Patent Bucket Hat and rust-colored booties. First up was Hakan Akkaya's edgy collection followed by Rebecca Minkoff's colorful and playful presentation.
By day three, I needed a reboot so I headed to the NYFW Happy Hour at Showfields hosted by The Riviere Agency. The happy hour had dope goodie bags, hair and makeup stylists to glam you up, along with plenty of Instagrammable spaces.
Happy hour led me to the Concept Korea 10th anniversary after-party in collaboration with V Magazine where they had a 20-foot-long table full of delectable bites and a generous open bar. To say I was in heaven would be an understatement.
Day 4
Day four was more chill so I decided to match that same energy with my outfit. Wearing sequin pants, a neon hoodie and custom kimono by C.R.Lee, my goal four days in was to show up in colorful pieces, and this custom kimono was so ideal as it read, "Support Black Designers." It was a great choice for my day as my first show was Romeo Hunte, a black designer enthusiastic about creating space for our culture in fashion.
After Romeo Hunte, I trekked back to the piers for the Global Fashion Collective show, then made my last stop at Dorothee Schumacher x Interview Magazine's party. If you ever need to know how to throw an after-party, give these folks a holler. The DJ played back-to-back hits as the bartenders kept the champagne flowing and the waitresses scoured the room with cheesecake and donuts.
Day 5
The fifth day almost felt like I had been at it for a month but nevertheless I served up an animal print moment featuring a lightweight set by COLLUSION. ASOS may want to sponsor me after this fashion week because many of my lewks were bangers from their site.
Since I had been running around for days, my feet were not so happy with me. During NYFW, a fashion friend told me that rubbing VapoRub on your feet after a shower brings some relief. It actually helped and prepared me for the five shows I was set to attend.
Every season I get to fall in love with emerging designers, and this season one of them was The Arlo Studio. Their pieces were ready-to-wear and had a specific panache that made me a huge fan.
Image Courtesy of Global Fashion Collective
Day 6
With only two shows on the docket, I was grateful I got to sleep in, but I was also super-geeked to show off this fly-ass coat by DarkM0th Industry after another outfit didn't work out. Over the years, I have learned to always pack three additional looks in case of emergency. In this case, my order was delayed.
My first show was Cynthia Rowley but that didn't go as planned due to some personnel issues *coughs.* I took that opportunity to meet up with some friends for dinner and drinks before the Turkish Designers show later that night.
Seeing rapper and snack Dave East strut down the runway in Hakan Akkaya like the original gangster he is made me want to take him home that night.
Day 7
The finale was simply a dream. I was most looking forward to a particular event. From the moment I received the invitation to Serena Williams' S by Serena show, I realized how blessed I was to be able to be me in these spaces. The invitation said that Serena would be interviewed by Vogue's editor-in-chief, Anna Wintour, before the collection presentation, and I damn near pulled my wig off because it just seemed like a dream.
Planning this outfit was not that hard because I had a vision of what I wanted to wear—a cow-printed dress with animal print, knee-high boots. When the day arrived, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. Walking into Spring Place felt like a life-changing moment. I couldn't believe I was sitting among icons like Lindsay Peoples Wagner, André Leon Talley, Julee Wilson, Elaine Welteroth and so many other fashion giants. When Serena and Anna walked onstage, my heart skipped a beat. They spent a couple of minutes talking about Serena's most memorable outfits, her heroes, and her background in fashion, which blew me away.
The rest of the day was just as magnificent, with more black designers like Aliette and Fe Noel's NYFW debut. The last day of fashion week just felt like a large celebration, and it left me invigorated.
And at the end of my night, I got to snap up another black-history-in-the-making moment with some more fashion lovers including Amanda Finesse, Ashley Weddington, Ella Adenaike, Adewunmi Erhabor, and the adorable Aria De Chicchis.
When I say, New York Fashion Week Fall 2020 owes me nothing, I mean it.
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Featured image by Instagram/@joce_blake
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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