By now, we are all well aware of just how much Jada Pinkett Smith is the Queen of Transparency. And if there's one thing about transparency, revelations of your truths aren't always pretty. From vaginal rejuvenations to entanglements, Jada isn't afraid to leave it all on the table for the sake of progressive dialogue. And on a recent episode of her hit Facebook Watch show Red Table Talk, she dug deep to add her two cents to the collection plate about an unhealthy coping mechanism rearing its ugly head this past year: alcohol abuse.
Drinking excessively is something that Jada surprisingly knows a thing or two about, as she revealed to co-hosts mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris and daughter, Willow Smith, that she used to rely heavy on the bottle. She also dabbled in drugs. Both vices were things she indulged in for years, and she even likened her wine fix to "Kool-Aid." Eventually, those indulgences would prove to be the gateway into her misuse and reliance on heavier substances.
Her move to LA marked a change in her and she found herself experimenting with different "cocktails" she created. She often told herself that the things she was doing weren't "hard" drugs, so in her mind, she didn't have a problem.
"Drinking red wine for me was like drinking glasses of water. Because I'm used to that hard hit. I was drinking hard in high school, too, and when I got out here I was doing cocktails. So, ecstasy, alcohol, weed. Let me tell you, I was having myself a little ball. But it was like, 'This is not cocaine. This is not heroin.'
"I wasn't doing things that I thought were addictive. But I would do those three together, that was my cocktail. Your threshold becomes so high that what it takes for you to get to the place you need to get to — it'll take me two bottles to get to … OK, if I do ecstasy, weed and alcohol at the same time, I'm gonna get there faster and I can keep the high going."
The 49-year-old actress/host also noted that her drinking was so bad back in the day that she even used to out-drink her husband, Will. Trading in her wine for hard liquor, she noted:
"I was a–you know, a brown liquor drinker, vodka–like, I was a hard liquor drinker. Like, I could drink almost anybody under the table.Will specifically. Now, Will's a lightweight."
For her lifestyle, the entertainer would wait until the weekend to get her binge on, calling herself a "weekend party girl" who would drink and do drugs from Thursday to Monday. Jada noted that people in her life tried to get her to a place where she stopped her bad habits, but not even Debbie Allen.
She recalled a time during her stint on A Different World in the early 90's where she was vomiting but said it still wasn't enough to lead her down a path she wasn't ready for. Jada had to hit her rock bottom.
For her, that involved some bad ecstasy and passing out in The Nutty Professor trailer while on set.
"I had one incident. That was an eye-opening incident for me as well. I had one incident on 'Nutty Professor.' I passed out. Makeup trailer. I passed out. I went to work high, and it was a bad batch of ecstasy. I passed out. And I told everybody that I had taken – 'I must've had old medication in a vitamin bottle.' That's what I said."
In addition to her addiction to alcohol and drugs, Jada has revealed in the past an addiction to porn and has also dealt with addiction by way of her mom's history with substance abuse and heroin.
Ultimately, her rock bottom moment on The Nutty Professor set would serve as one of the catalysts to make her quit drinking and drugs cold turkey. The other was self-awareness about just how bad her dependence on wine had been becoming.
"I got it quick. Literally, I got it quick. Like, once I was going for that third bottle of wine, I said, 'You've got a problem.' And it was cold turkey that day. That day. I just stopped."
These days, Jada allows herself to have a glass of wine every now and then, but for the most part has stayed true to her cold turkey approach to substance abuse. The star can't touch dark liquor, and notes rum and vodka as triggers that she "cannot touch."
Jada is a reminder that it is not how you begin, it's how you end. And while we all have flaws, it is always possible to write a new story in the life that you lead.
She concludes, "I think back on my life, like, I am a walking miracle, no doubt about that. People will not believe."
Featured image by Jason Koerner/Getty Images
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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