Willow Smith Reveals Mental Turmoil After "Whip My Hair" Success: "I Was Cutting Myself"
My freshman year of college, I shaved my head bald.
The previous summer had been overwhelming and I was dealing with a lot of loss and repressed feelings that I wanted to be free of; I thought that the first step was shaving my head. I sat in the dorm of my novice barber classmate as I watched my hair fall to the ground with tears in my eyes. The emotional turmoil I attempted to manage had come from years of giving my all to not be enough, and losing my own identity. That day was the start of a downward emotional spiral that would lead to my prescription pill addiction.
Women of color experience depression and mental illness in a way that is unlike our peers in other demographics. We are taught to be independent, self-sufficient, and strong, no matter what the circumstance; leading us to find outward and mostly destructive ways to cope with our vulnerabilities in private. In the latest episode of Red Table Talk, singer Willow Smith got real about how this pressure had an effect on her at a very young age. When she was asked by her mother what she thinks may have been her biggest loss, Willow replied:
"I would have to say, honestly, I feel like I lost my sanity at one point. It was after that whole 'Whip My Hair' thing, and I had just stopped doing singing lessons. And I was kind of like in this gray area of like, 'Who am I? Do I have a purpose? Is there anything I can do besides this?'"
The now 17-year-old was only 9 when she release her platinum-selling debut single, and had embarked on her first tour when by the time she was 10. Her father Will Smith said in an interview that he first noticed the immense pressure that Willow was under when she spontaneously shaved her head after one of the earlier shows on her tour. Willow continued:
"After the tour and the promotion and all of that, it was like, they wanted me to finish my album. I was just like, 'I'm not going to do that.' And after all of that kind of settled down and it was kind of a lull, I was just listening to a lot of dark music and it was just so crazy. I was like plunged into this black hole and I was like cutting myself. Yeah, and doing crazy things."
Aside from confiding in one childhood friend, Willow chose to keep what she was going through from her family. Her mother and grandmother looked genuinely surprised by her admission, but their effort to understand the root of her pain was heartwarming.
"I honestly felt like I was experiencing so much emotional pain, but my physical circumstances weren't reflecting that."
Willow explained that self-harm was a way of making her pain more tangible, rather than feeling like it was all in her head, and I relate to that on a personal level. My addiction to pills, although self-destructive, was the only way I knew how to neutralize my emotions in a way that made me numb. In Willow's case, her self-destructive habit gave her an opportunity to physically experience the pain that she felt internally.
Today, it's been five years since Willow harmed herself and she says that what she went through taught her the importance of aligning her heart and mind.
"It makes me feel like what I need to keep doing is training my heart and my mind to accept and move with loss."
Willow's moment of transparency is a reminder that no matter how strong you are, you can't do it all. Take the initiative to check in with yourself, make sure that your sanity is in check and refresh as necessary. May is Mental Health Month, and Willow's story is a reminder that black women have to find healthy ways to cope with their emotional trauma, too. For ourselves, but also for our children.
If you haven't already, watch the latest episode of Red Table Talk here:
- Willow Smith self-harmed after hit single ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith learns her daughter Willow Smith was self ... ›
- Willow Smith Discusses Self-Harming On 'Red Table Talk' ›
- Jada Pinkett Smith's daughter Willow reveals her struggle with self ... ›
- Willow Smith shocks mom Jada with self-harm admission ›
- Willow Smith Shocks Mom Jada Pinkett: 'I Was Cutting Myself' at 9 ... ›
- Willow Smith Reveals Her History of Self-Harm: 'Totally Lost My ... ›
- Willow Smith Opens About Self-Harm After 'Whip My Hair' Success ... ›
- Willow Smith reveals she self-harmed as a child - BBC News ›
- Willow Smith reveals she self-harmed as a child - BBC News ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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How A Stay At Switzerland's Luxurious 7132 Hotel Reminded Me To Live The Life I Deserve
Sometimes, as women—especially as single Black women—we simply need to be reminded that we are deserving of living a life we dream of. Even if that means creating it for ourselves. I recently set out on a weeklong trip to Switzerland, a trip I’ve been wanting to take for years, and near the end of my visit, I had an epiphany.
“DeAnna, this is the life you deserve,” I thought to myself as I took in the gorgeous bathroom in my suite at the famous 7132 Hotel and Thermal Spa. It was one of the most luxurious hotels (and bathrooms) I had ever stayed in—and that’s saying a lot for someone who often travels for work.
To help you better understand why this was such a mental awakening for me, I first need to give a bit of my backstory. I’m in my late thirties. I’m an attorneyand a journalist. I own a home and have traveled the world extensively. Essentially, I’ve done everything in life I set out to do. However, when it comes to dating, I struggle. Not because there is anything wrong with me per se, but because my career and “lifestyle” often create problems in my romantic relationships.
View from my hotel room
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I’ve been told everything from, ‘I can’t continue to date you because you seem to choose your career over wanting to settle down and have kids’ by a man after only the second date to ‘Maybe if you just sat down somewhere for a while, I’d actually wife you’ by someone who has honestly never proven themselves to be the settle down type. And these are only a handful of the things I’ve been told over the years.
It’s been frustrating, to say the least, and there have even been seasons where I purposely dimmed my light in hopes that my career wouldn’t push away potential suitors. I know what you’re thinking, “Girl, why would you even consider that? If they’re for you, it won’t matter what you do.” Hey, don’t judge me, but also, I one hundred percent agree.
My hotel bathroom
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That’s why this recent moment in Switzerland was right on time. When I first walked into the hotel to check in, I was blown away by the surrounding beauty. It was a five-star property with one of the world’s most famous thermal bathhouses. Yet, it was something about seeing that 90% of the hotel’s guests were couples, that forced me to sit back for a bit of introspection—while soaking in the thermal spa, of course.
As I went through the mental conversation, there was a battle of sorts. On one hand, I knew that being able to partake in experiences like the one I was having at that moment was important to me. I knew that, at times I actually love being able to dabble in the finer things—after all, I’ve worked hard to be able to afford them. On the other hand, and sadly, I knew that sometimes being a single Black woman that publicly showcases her “luxurious” habits can intimidate men and even scare them off from pursuing you under the guise of them feeling like they “can’t do anything for you, because you have everything.”
My hotel room
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So, what is a girl to do?
Do I minimize/hide the life and experiences that I have? Do I play down the hard work I’ve put in to get where I am professionally? Or, do I risk being single in exchange for being able to have said life, without backlash?
Luckily, the joy that I felt while being at this property won. There was something about taking a full day to simply pamper myself at the bathhouse and in my in-room steam shower and soaker tub, indulging in cuisine from a 2-star Michelin restaurant and doing all of this while surrounded by an amazing group of Black women that reminded me—this is certainly the life I was meant to live and that I deserve. Even if it means that right now, I’ll just have to provide it for myself until the right partner comes along. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Restaurant at 7132 hotel
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