I like the word strange. Hell, I even like the throwback Cameo joint, “She’s Strange” (my dad used to play the entire hell out of that bassline back in the day). Strange doesn’t just mean “odd,” it also means things like unusual, extraordinary, and curious. Strange is also defined as being “outside of one’s previous experience” and “unacquainted.” In the right context with the proper understanding, there is nothing wrong with being strange — and wanting to know about things that are oftentimes considered to be strange as well.
And that’s why I gave this article the title that it has. After you check out these 12 fascinating facts about sex, I’m pretty sure that you will find at least five of them to be pretty damn strange…and honestly, when it’s all said and done, how cool is that?
1. “Having a Headache” Is the Worst Excuse Ever to Not Have Sex
GiphyImagine if you were in a long-term committed relationship, where monogamy (marriage) or exclusivity (dating) was expected, and every time you wanted to have sex, your partner claimed that they had a — le sigh — headache. Yeah, don’t even get me started on if your partner pulled the same stunt about going to work to get the bills paid, how you would really get just how annoying the “I have a headache” thing can be… I digress. Anyway, I don’t know who came up with that piss-poor excuse; however, if that’s your go-to, science says to find something else.
As wild as it may sound, it appears that the same brain chemical that triggers sexual desire is the one that can cause a migraine. If you add to that the fact that endorphins from sex can actually reduce the tension of a headache — it really does look like the jig is totally up as far as that popular excuse is concerned. #Elmoshrug
2. If You Suck at Work, Umm…Suck at Home (Kinda)
GiphyIf you want a promotion at work, you might want to engage in some morning sex before you leave the house. Research indicates that having a healthy and fulfilling sex life can ultimately result in more productivity, engagement, and overall job satisfaction at the office. A part of the reason why is sex reduces stress. Another is that it causes endorphins (“feel good” chemicals) to kick in. Another is that sex helps to boost your creativity levels. So, if it’s been a while since you’ve indulged and your professional performance has dropped…there may be some dots to connect there.
3. Masturbation May Not Be Helping Your Sex Life As Much As You Think, Chile
GiphyI went to a Christian high school, and although I could write an entire book about so much of the BS that went on up in there (especially on the racist tip), there were some silver linings, too. One was the Bible teacher that I had during my last two years: Chuck Stanford. He was raw and researched and that combo made him a blessing. Anyway, I remember him saying that when you get caught up in the cycle of doing “everything but” (you know, intercourse), it could cause issues in your sex life up the road because you have put yourself in the habit of stopping at a certain point.
Guess what? Masturbation can potentially share in this — in a bit of a different way.
Although it has been proven that masturbation can improve the quality of orgasms, “sex with yourself” could also cause you to become sexually selfish and disconnected from your partner if you’re so used to “gettin’ yours” on your own that you no longer want to share the experience with them. Not only that, but it could also reduce the sensation of pleasure (if you’re a chronic masturbator), or it could lead to idiosyncratic masturbation style, which is what transpires when you have gotten so caught up in what you can accomplish alone that you struggle with replicating it — whatever “it” — may be with an actual partner.
Yes, “too much of a good thing” is, indeed, a thing.
4. As Much As Sex Is Crammed Down American’s Throats, Guess What?
GiphySex may sell; that doesn’t mean that it’s automatically a fulfilling experience, though — at least in the United States. I prefaced this fact this way by design because, as much as we see (and hear) sex in this country, it’s interesting that India currently holds the title for being the most sexually-satisfied country (guess the Kama Sutra really ain’t nothin’ to play with) with The Philippines, Mexico, Columbia, and South Africa not being too far behind. As far as who has the most exciting sex, Mexico and Nigeria get top ranking — meanwhile, who don’t you see up in this? Yeah…EXACTLY.
5. Bet You Don’t Know What “Gymnophoria” Means
GiphyChile, now, if you knew that the word “gymnasium” ultimately comes from a Greek word that means nakedness, hop in the comments and tell me how you found that out. Anyway, if you factor that in, I guess it makes sense that someone who deals with gymnophobia may fear nudity, or if they struggle with gymnophoria, they might be consumed with believing that people are mentally undressing them whenever they are in their presence.
6. A Man’s Hands Actually Prove Something
GiphyBack in my — eh hem — heyday, I had enough sex to know that the myth that never seems to die about being able to tell a man’s penis size based on his shoe size is just that: A MYTH. At the same time, what I will tell you that you should hone in on is a guy’s fingers. Word on the (science) street is if a man’s ring finger is longer than his index one, not only will his penis be longer, his testosterone levels will be stronger too. Do with that what you will.
7. According to Science, Seniors Have Top-Tier Sex
GiphyLess distractions. More privacy. Not having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. Practice making perfect with the same partner. A keen awareness of one’s body. These are just some of the reasons why many seniors end up having better sex than when they were younger (and more than those who are younger than they are). Hmph.
And when you stop to consider the fact that many of our elders are running circles around folks half their age when it comes to sexual consistency and satisfaction — you might wanna watch less TikTok and go talk to your grandma if you’ve got some questions about how to enjoy coitus more. Dead serious.
8. Republicans Cheat the Most
GiphyAlthough I have plenty of thoughts about this upcoming election (and again, I digress), I’ll just put this out here, and y’all can also do with it what you will. When it comes to the party who is inclined to commit the most infidelity, it’s not “the donkeys” (some of y’all will catch that later). Moving on.
9. Some People’s Orgasms Can Last Longer than Commercial Breaks
GiphyListen, I’m all for a good orgasm; I don’t know if I’m down for one that lasts longer than six hours, though. Yep, apparently, the longest recorded orgasm for a woman is 6 hours and 30 minutes, and 8 hours and 30 minutes for a man. So, how long do climaxes last for the rest of us? Somewhere between 10-60 seconds — although if you’re someone who can go two minutes, that is considered “normal” too.
And if you are, personally, I’m pretty impressed because that is the length of four average commercials (which is a pretty long time if you really stop to think about it).
10. Men’s Sperm Is Actually Pretty Damn Brilliant
GiphyI’m a fan of sperm. A huge part of the reason is that it played a pivotal role in what got me here (some folks need to remember that). Another is I continue to learn so many fascinating things about it (check out “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm”). Like did you know that a single sperm holds somewhere around 37.5MB worth of data?
Something else that’s a trip is a man can produce enough sperm in two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet. The more you know, chile. The more you freakin’ know.
11. An STI/STD Can Be in You for Years…and You Not Even Know It
GiphyThis one right here is something that I can personally cosign on. Many years ago, after coming down with a bout of both mono and strep throat, I also found out that I had chlamydia. At the time, I wasn’t sexually active, so I couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. What my doctor told me was that it had been lying dormant in my system for what seemed to be a couple of years, and my other illnesses “activated” it.
If you add that to the fact that literally thousands of people have an STI/STD right now with no symptoms — moral to the story? Get tested every six months, y’all, and wear condoms. NO EXCUSES.
12. Yes, Sex Can Literally “Blow Your Mind”
GiphyOn this platform, I use the term “mind-blowing” when it comes to sex fairly often. And while it might seem like an exaggeration, there is scientific proof that says otherwise. Long story short, some activities (including sex and especially once you reach your 50s and 60s) can put the kind of pressure on certain parts of your body that can throw you into what is known as transient global amnesia (TGA) which is a form of memory loss that can last for up to 24 hours.
Although it can be frightening, it’s typically nothing to worry about, although if you can pull that off on your partner — talk about some serious bragging rights!
___
Now tell me that those sex-themed facts weren’t, oh so very literally, STRANGE.
Uh-huh. What are you gonna do with all of this intel is my question? (Hmm…)
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Featured image by Giphy
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So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023