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Millennial Tings: I Spent $100K In The Pursuit Of Happiness
Graduate school is where you go when you finally have an inkling what career is going to bring you closer to your passion (that spells happiness in a millennial's native tongue). Yeah, that's what they say about undergrad too … except this time it's for real. Though, grad school is also a test of patience and will. I know this now but no one had clued me in prior to beginning three years ago. In discovering this on my own, I built a more intimate relationship with myself, my faith, and learned how to find joy at all costs.
Really this moment in time was 'adapt or die' for me because I had already begun grad school on a shaky foundation--jobless with no savings--I relocated for my dual masters program one semester deep.
And while I did get a job here and there, nothing worked with my schedule. To get a job in my profession, I'd have to attend school part-time. And working as a server quickly began to interfere with my weekend classes which were as often as three times per month. Needless to say, there were sacrifices and tough decisions all throughout! Fully aware that the route I chose was one of privilege, it certainly didn't make it feel any easier. In truth, it was a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation--grad school, that is.
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I witnessed much of my cohort struggle maintaining full-time careers on part-time school schedules or hold down five rinky-dink jobs so that they had time to intern and attend school. There was no sense of normalcy and whatever any of us chose, we were all struggling. This is in part to academia being such a large scam (ethically speaking), especially in human services. It was really eye-opening to watch professors preach self-care and force us to read up on studies pertaining to human nature while they asked us to defy that nature every step of the way. "The human brain doesn't retain info after x hours of reading or class but here's a 10-hour weekend course and 15 hours of reading."
Higher education intentionally and unnecessarily creates obstacles for students and that's the number one issue. That's a hill I'm willing to die on.
Because of this I was met with ridiculous self-negotiations due to regulations that wouldn't allow me to work and intern in the same place, but required 24 hours of field hours per week from grown ass adults with careers, families, etc. I was drowning for three fucking years but by the time year one came to a close, I had learned how to tread water to keep myself from going too deep under -- financially, spiritually, and mentally.
And that sounds wild that I had become content with perpetually drowning, but it's as true as it is a part of the journey.
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In that first year, I was waking up in tears and having panic attacks in DAILY anticipation of my bank account being over drafted at a minimum of $150. I was constantly in fear of the day I wasn't going to make ends meet. My anxiety and stress had piqued and I began manifesting illness and disaster where there weren't any: Hives, spider bites gone bad, severe acid reflux!
My energy was so Debbie Downer that I fully embodied sis.
And it wasn't until I heard this quote, "Worrying means you suffer twice," that the clouds parted. That one quote helped me start to apply manifestation techniques that I had read about in the past, but found it rather hard to apply-- you know? Head under water and all. But that's when it counts, that's when putting into practice matters. So first I had to learn how to stop putting so much fear and anxiety into the situation. I would make a checklist of everything I needed to do/pay/have and ask myself if I'd done everything in my power to secure those things for myself and if the answer was 'yes', then I learned to release it.
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This also required me to unlearn some stubborn behaviors such as asking for help. My mom married into a family that is all about helping one another, but she was raised to do everything independently and thus expected the same from me. So, much of my struggles in that first year were rooted in a lack mindset that I had to do it on my own, even if it killed me but once I got out of that habit...even just a little...my world changed immensely.
Manifestation is equal parts personal effort and the universe or God or Allah or whoever. And personal effort included using all the resources I had readily available -- friends, family, a motherfucking village.
I learned to lean into that and trusted that they genuinely wanted to be there helping me through in any way. Then, believing I was worth the help because I didn't and still have trouble believing, at times. I stopped feeling bad for treating myself to meals or the occasional night out and not just in the name of self-care, but as an act of rebellion. Making these changes required in-depth introspection and brutal honesty from myself and those around me. It truly took the village to get me where I am today.
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And although I took out $100K in student loans to find that truth it brought me so many other truths like better understanding the systems I hope to serve with this pricey degree.
I understand how capitalism works, how systemic racism works, how life works. And because of that, I'll be a better social worker and eventually therapist. But I also learned how to find joy in the most dire situations and sometimes it was a splurge, but other times it was gossiping with my nana or talking big futures with my girlfriend. Sometimes it was treating myself to an Uber ride from the damn grocery store and saying to hell with the $10 if it provides even the slightest bit of solace.
So while I'd never spend another dime on higher education, I don't regret one cent. I'd do it all over again if it meant I'd come out as insightful and aware of both my privilege and my oppression, but better yet how sifting through that provides a better sense of self and happiness.
There's no price I wouldn't pay for that level of inner-standing.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images