This Is How To Keep Your Goals From Overwhelming You (So Much)

Put a Mission Statement on Your Goals

Something that can totally blindside you while you’re in the process of reaching your goals is being so caught up in the work that comes with manifesting them that you forget (at least momentarily) why you are doing so much in the first place.

Take a (current) client that I have. When I tell you that almost every time we speak, they’ve got a new set of goals that they want to achieve — and because of this, they rarely get anything done. SMDH. A big part of the reason why is because they refuse to put together a mission statement that will help to keep them focused and committed; not only that but a mission statement can help them to come up with plans and ideas that are logical instead of emotional — ones that actually cause dots to connect, so that their goals can be properly streamlined.

A mission statement doesn’t have to be long. A solid paragraph of 3-5 sentences will do. At the end of the day, it’s simply a summary of why you set the goals that you did and what you hope to achieve with them. Post ‘em somewhere that will keep you inspired until they are achieved. This one hack alone is a total game-changer. Promise you that.

Set Goals for Yourself. Not to Keep Up with Other People.

One more thing about a particular client of mine (and then I’m gonna get up off of their neck — LOL) — one reason why they switch up their goals so much is because they are constantly looking around at what other people are doing (or not doing). For instance, if there is something that they want to do professionally yet it will take a bit more time than some of their friends who are already financially where they want to be, they will talk themselves out of that goal in order to try and find a way to make money quicker. Ugh.

Author Betty Jamie Chung once said, “Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.” Author Bangambiki Habyarimana once said, “You are not required to perform like them, you are required to perform like you.” And author Eleanor Brown once said, “Stop thinking you’re doing it all wrong. Your path doesn’t look like anybody else’s because it can’t, it shouldn’t, and it won’t.” All of these things are very true.

When it comes to this particular topic, one of my favorite Scriptures is “He fashions their hearts individually; He considers all their works.” (Psalm 33:15 — AMPC) And, to this, I will add one of my favorite quotes of all-time: “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name of Larry Dixon is credited for saying that.)

Y’all, that client of mine is wasting a ton of time and insulting their own individuality by constantly comparing themselves to other people. Their goals, your goals, my goals — all of them are individual ones that have their own lane, purpose and timing. Please don’t spend — or is it waste? — a ton of moments paying attention to what others are doing. You can’t fully concentrate on your own self and your own life that way.

Have Weekly, Bi-Weekly, Monthly and Seasonal Goals

Sometimes goals are hella overwhelming because you will state a huge one to the world and then…that’s it. For instance, if you want to leave your job and start your own business within a year, that can seem semi-daunting unless you have smaller goals that can help you to reach your biggest one. And that’s why it’s always a good idea to come up with weekly, bi-weekly, monthly and seasonal (once a season) goals as well.

For this particular hypothetical — for the weekly goals, write down 3-5 things that you can do each week to shift you from your current job to your own business. For bi-weekly goals, 1-2 things. A monthly goal can be one thing (like putting money into your savings or business account) and your seasonal goals should be something that “puts a bow” on your weekly and bi-weekly ones.

Like if your weekly goals were about designing a website and your bi-weekly goals are about meeting with a life coach or someone who can help you to put your business together, your seasonal goals can be making sure that the site is done and that you have enough money saved up if you realize that you need to leave your job before the 12 months are up.

“Breaking up goals” will always make the process of accomplishing big things so much easier on your mind, body and spirit. Try it. I think that you will like it.

Get Yourself Some Accountability

Even though I am a marriage life coach, ask my clients and they will tell you that I think that the quote, “The excess of a virtue is a vice” even applies to seeing a therapist/counselor/coach. Meaning, even though meeting with a mental health professional is a STELLAR idea (and everyone should do it at some point in their life), if you’re not careful, you can find yourself in a codependent (if not completely dependent) relationship with your therapist/counselor/coach — and because they are making money off of your sessions, many won’t bring this possibility up.

That said, some experts say that when it comes to using professional support for specific issues, 10-20 sessions will probably suffice and, depending how long those are spaced out, that could equate to spending 1-2 years of time with them. As for my clients, some have been with me for years simply because we continue to roll over into new topics or goals to tackle. Either way, I recommend you reading articles like Open Counseling’s “5 Signs It’s Time to End Therapy (Plus a Huge Mistake to Avoid)” and The Atlantic’s “Plenty of People Could Quit Therapy Right Now” just to see if any of what is shared personally resonates.

And if you do sense that it’s time to shift, I personally think that it’s a good idea to schedule some, what I call, “oil change visits” (meaning, see your support every 3-6 months or so). Also, get yourself an accountability partner — because, at the end of the day, that’s a huge part of what a therapist/counselor/coach does for people: hold them accountable.

And yes, in order to stick to your goals, so that you are able to reach them, you need someone who will hold you accountable to what you said that you were going to do. My two cents would be to pick someone who is excited about what you want to do, is completely trustworthy and also an individual who you can hear and receive the good and challenging stuff — both about yourself and what you are doing — from. Also go with someone who is going to celebrate with you once your check-off list is complete…and won’t let up until it is.

A revolutionary by the name of Thomas Paine once said, “A body of men holding themselves accountable to nobody ought not to be trusted by anybody.” You wanna be truly great? Hold yourself accountable and do that, in part, by getting someone to help you to do that — someone who will do it both effectively and well.

Develop Your Strengths More than Your Weaknesses

My friendship circle is dope. I mean, really dope. Since a lot of them are creatives, many will say some truly profound things that they think is the basic equivalent of saying “What’s up?” LOL. Take, my friend, Shannon (who can BLOW blow — check him here). Years ago, I heard him speak at the college I once attended (one that DEI is trying to remove my late fiancé’s scholarship for minorities as we speak — whew, that orange man…). Something he said that stood out to me is, “If you spend time developing your weaknesses, you will be mediocre. If you spend time developing your strengths, you will become supernatural.” LISTEN.

A compliment this same friend has given me (and because he’s got GRAMMYs, Emmys and a Dove Award, I am humbled) is he thinks that I can sing. He was actually caught off guard the first time he heard me because I’m pretty much only known for writing (and public speaking). Y’all don’t have enough time for a part of this being that I was never encouraged in my home to develop that talent. Another reason, though, is because singing, for me, is just that — a talent (a skill that takes some work).

Writing, for me, is a gift (an ability given by God that requires very little effort on my part). So, although I maybe could’ve done some background vocal sessions if I had focused on singing more, to get really, REALLY good at it would’ve taken a lot more work than where I’ve landed as a writer and author because my writing gift comes very naturally to me.

My (ultimate) point? When it comes to reaching your goals, gifts, talents and skill sets are going to have to come into play. And while you should definitely discipline your weaknesses (like say, your weakness is marketing), you’d be better off getting someone who is solid in that area to help you out, so that your energy and effort can go into what you know you are naturally strong at. Not only will that keep you motivated, it will make getting through your goals so much easier as well.

Revisit Your Goals Once a Month

Even though I’ve known it for quite some time, it’s still semi-difficult for me to comprehend that research says that each of us make somewhere around a whopping 35,000 decisions on a daily basis. And if that is indeed the case, since decisions find ways to alter who we are and how our lives play out, you should never just assume that a goal that you set three months ago, you will see the exact same way by this coming weekend.

Moral to the story here — make it a point and practice to revisit your goals on a monthly basis. The reason why is to make sure that you still feel the same way about each goal as you did…when you first set it or even four weeks ago. Not so much so that you will totally change it (a fickle goal is a never accomplished one); it’s more so you will do some editing, so that what you are trying to achieve makes the most sense to you.

Case in point: When I was in the process of writing my latest book, my initial goal was to have it come out in June — just like my first book did 20 years prior. However, because so much about me has evolved since then, it seemed to be a better fit to release it right after the new year that I observe (Rosh Hashanah) and close to the birthdays of two of my favorite men: my father and fiancé who are both gone now. The book still was written and released in 2024…I just tweaked the plan a bit, so that I could feel more at peace about my approach.

Write the goal. Edit as needed. It’s a great hack.

Honor ALL of Your Efforts

I try to toast myself, especially at the end of every week. I also am a huge fan of celebrating my achievements (big or small; it doesn’t matter). As I’ve gotten older (and hopefully wiser), though, I am really getting into the word “honor”. Honor is about respect, esteem and giving credit where credit is due. And if you have goals that you are genuinely and consistently striving for, you should honor the blood, sweat and tears that you put into them as well as honor yourself — because, unfortunately, many people will never see just how big and rich their life could’ve been if they had simply done the same.

THAT SAID — no, DO NOT WAIT until all of your goals are reached to honor what you’ve accomplished. For every weekly, bi-weekly, monthly and seasonal goal that you have hit, HONOR IT whether it’s by praising what you’ve done in a journal, setting an appointment to pamper yourself (which is a form of rejuvenation) or doing something that you know will give your self-esteem levels an extra boost. Doing this will help to keep you from feeling overwhelmed. It will give you something to look forward to. It will also keep your confidence levels where they need to be.

Remain (Semi) Flexible

Author and life coach Tony Robbins once said, “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach” — and he’s spot-on. So many relationships end because people are stubborn. So many people self-sabotage plans because they are too rigid. And yes, many goals do not get accomplished because folks are too freakin’ inflexible.

• Got a budget for a goal and an unexpected expense comes up? Push the goal back a month; don’t quit altogether (don’t super procrastinate either).
• Had a big meeting with a potential investor that fell through? Find someone else.
• Got some things that came up that conflict with your goal-setting schedule? Cut down that social media or TV time to get the goals done.

Point is: Learn to bend and adjust because ish happens; that’s just how life is. Oh, but if you master what is probably my favorite Bruce Lee quote, you’d be amazed how little “life shifts” really will rattle you:

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” (Bruce Lee)

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It’s the Canadian hockey player, Maxime Lagacé who once said, “It’s not the goal that will make you successful. It’s what you do daily.” And indeed, if you do, even just a little bit, goal-wise, on a daily basis — what once seemed really large and maybe even a bit intimidating, it will be closer to being accomplished than you realize.

So…feeling overwhelmed about a goal right now? Congrats. It must be pretty damn amazing.

And now that you know how to reach you…all you’ve got to do is…do that.

One tip — then step — at a time.

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