After stepping through the doors of a new gym, you cautiously eye the bulky machines feeling awkward, lost, and shy in a room full of people. While you think of a game plan for your sweat sesh, you silently pray that everyone in the room is minding their muscles and paying no attention to yours.
The beginning of your fitness journey can be intimidating, as are most things when they are new to you. A survey of over 3,000 people conducted by My Protein found that almost 90% are worried about how others perceive them at the gym, and over 30% experience performance or appearance-based anxiety.
The first step to overcoming your fear of judgment is knowing that everybody belongs at the gym. Never allow anyone to make you feel otherwise. Next, understand that most people at the gym are there for a self-serving reason: to get fit, improve their mental health, find a community, or have other health and wellbeing-related intentions. They are primarily focused on themselves, not you.
Anxiety caused by working out in public can derail your goals, leaving you with an inconsistent stop-and-go routine and no progress. Here are our tips for overcoming gym shyness to help you stay centered and be a self-assured fitness baddie.
Research and create a plan you can stick with.
Thanks to the internet, there is a vast library of fitness information. Search for professional and science-based articles and videos on why and how to do different exercises and safely use machines. Then plan a personal program and save it as an easy-to-access list on your phone. Your programming should include specific exercises, how many reps and rounds of each, and which days you'll do them.
With a plan, you'll feel more at ease and won't have to figure it out on the fly. If you're still feeling queasy at the thought of working out in front of others, start at home to practice the movements.
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Get familiar with your gym's layout and policies.
Learn the lay of the land and find which spots in the gym help you stay in a flow, whether that's a quiet corner or a row of equipment that isn't front and center. Learning your gym's policies and general gym etiquette will also help you feel like a regular. If possible, train during off-peak hours when the gym is less crowded.
Wear an outfit you feel comfortable and confident in.
Don't break your budget, especially in this economy, but having a few cute, buttery soft, and nonrestrictive workout leggings and tops can boost your confidence and allow you to move freely.
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Listen to music or a podcast to stay in the zone.
Create a playlist of songs that keep you moving and make you feel powerful. Or throw on one of your favorite podcasts or an audiobook, and use that time to fire up your body and stimulate your mind.
Start with a personal trainer, gym buddy, or group class.
If going to the gym solo makes you uncomfortable, other options exist, such as teaming up with a friend or family member or working with a personal trainer to teach you exercises and correct your form. You can also sign up for a small beginner's class to level the playing field and maybe even make a new gym friend.
Taking various classes can also help you discover which activities you like best, whether Pilates, strength training, yoga, cycling, dance, boxing, or something else.
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Go at your own pace.
You're in the gym to create a sustainable fitness practice tailored for you, not to keep up with everyone else. If you're new to working out, avoid going from zero to 100 because you’ll risk getting burnt out or injured. Challenge yourself, but go at your own pace.
Remember your "why" and focus on your goals.
Folks at the gym were once beginners too. Instead of comparing yourself to people around you, use the presence of others to serve as motivation and turn that into discipline. Being consistent is a result of discipline, more so than unreliable motivation. Focus on your why to give you the strength to stay on track. The more you show up for yourself at the gym, the less daunting it will feel.
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The seeds for these entrepreneurs were planted during their time as students at schools like Spelman, North Carolina A&T, and more, which is why xoNecole caught up with Look Good Live Well’s Ariane Turner, HBCU Buzz’s Luke Lawal and Morehouse Senior Director of Marketing and Comms and Press Secretary Jasmine Gurley to highlight the role their HBCU roots play in their work as entrepreneurs, the legacy they aim to leave behind through the work that they do, and more as a part of Hyundai’s Best In Class initiative.
On Honoring HBCU Roots To Create Something That Is For Us, By Us
Ariane Turner
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When Ariane Turner launched Look Good, Live Well, she created it with Black and brown people in mind, especially those with sensitive skin more prone to dryness and skin conditions like acne and eczema.
The Florida A&M University graduate launched her business to create something that addressed topical skin care needs and was intentional about its approach without negative terminology.
Turner shared that it is important to steer clear of language often adopted by more prominent brands, such as “banishing breakouts” or “correcting the skin,” because, in reality, Turner says there is nothing wrong with the way that our skin and bodies react to various life changes.
“I think what I have taken with me regarding my HBCU experience and translated to my entrepreneurial experience is the importance of not just networking,” Turner, the founder and CEO of Look Good, Live Well, tellls xoNecole.
“We hear that in business all the time, your network is your net worth, but family, there’s a thing at FAMU that we call FAMU-lee instead of family, and it’s very much a thing. What that taught me is the importance of not just making relationships and not just making that connection, but truly working on deepening them, and so being intentional about connecting with people initially, but staying connected and building and deepening those relationships, and that has served me tremendously in business, whether it’s being able to reach back to other classmates who I went to school with, or just networking in general.”
She adds, “I don’t come from a business background. As soon as I finished school, I continued with my entrepreneurial journey, and so there’s a lot of that traditional business act and the networking, those soft skills that I just don’t have, but I will say that just understanding how to leverage and network community and to build intentional relationships is something that has taken me far and I definitely got those roots while attending FAMU.”
On Solving A Very Specific Need For The Community
Luke Lawal Jr.
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When Luke Lawal Jr. launched HBCU Buzz, his main focus was to represent his community, using the platform to lift as they climbed by creating an outlet dedicated to celebrating the achievements and positive news affecting the 107 historically HBCUs nationwide.
By spotlighting the wonderful things that come from the HBCU community and coupling it with what he learned during his time at Bowie State University, Lawal used that knowledge to propel himself as an entrepreneur while also providing his people with accurate representation across the internet.
“The specific problem in 2011 when I started HBCU Buzz was more so around the fact that mainstream media always depict HBCUs as negative,” Lawal says. “You would only see HBCUs in the mainstream media when someone died, or the university president or someone was stepping down. It was always bad news, but they never shed light on all the wonderful things from our community."
So, I started HBCU Buzz to ensure the world saw the good things that come from our space. And they knew that HBCUs grew some of the brightest people in the world, and just trying to figure out ways to make sure our platform was a pedestal for all the students that come through our institutions.”
“The biggest goal is to continue to solve problems, continue to create brands that solve the problems of our communities, and make sure that our products, our brands, our companies, and institutions are of value and they’re helping our community,” he continues. “That they’re solving problems that propel our space forward.”
On How Being An HBCU Alum Impacts The Way One Shows Up In The World
Jasmine Gurley
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Jasmine Gurley is a proud North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University alum. She is even more delighted with her current role, which enables her to give back to current HBCU students as the Senior Director of Brand Marketing and Communications and official press secretary at Morehouse College.
“It was a formative experience where I really was able to come into my own and say yes to all the opportunities that were presented to me, and because of that, it’s been able to open the doors later in life too,” says Gurley of her experience at North Carolina A&T. “One thing I love about many HBCUs is that we are required to learn way more about African American history than you do in your typical K through 12 or even at the higher ed level."
She adds, “It allowed us to have a better understanding of where we came from, and so for me, because I’m a storyteller, I’m a history person, I’m very sensitive to life in general, being able to listen to the stories and the trials that our ancestors overcame, put the battery pack in my back to say, ‘Oh nothing can stop me. Absolutely nothing can stop me. I know where I came from, so I can overcome something and try anything. And I have an obligation to be my ancestors’ wildest dreams. Simultaneously, I also have a responsibility to help others realize that greatness.
Gurley does not take her position at an HBCU, now as a leader, lightly.
“People think I’m joking when I say I’m living the dream, but I really am,” she notes. “So I wake up every day and know that the work that I do matters, no matter how hard it might be, how frustrating it may be, and challenging it. I know the ripple effect of my work, my team, and what this institution does also matter. The trajectory of Black male experiences, community, history, and then just American advancement just in general.”
On the other hand, through her business, Sankofa Public Relations, Gurley is also on a mission to uplift brands in their quest to help their respective communities. Since its inception in 2017, Sankofa PR has been on a mission to “reach back and reclaim local, national, and global communities by helping those actively working to move” various areas of the world, focusing on pushing things forward for the better.
“Through Sankofa, we’ve worked with all different types of organizational brands and individuals in several different industries, but I would think of them as mission-based,” says Gurley.
“So with that, it’s an opportunity to help people who are trying to do good in the world, and they are passionate about what they’re doing. They just need help with marketing issues, storytelling, and branding, and that’s when my expertise can come into play. Help them get to that moment where they can tell their story through me or another platform, and that’s been super fulfilling.”
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
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Hmph. I’m actually surprised that there aren’t far more articles out in cyberspace surrounding this topic. The reason why I say that is because, when it comes to HSV-2, specifically, reportedly one in five women between the ages of 14 and 49 currently have it and, within our own community, one in two Black women within the same demographic do — that is the virus that causes genital herpes (you can read an NPR piece from several years back entitled, “CDC: Genital Herpes Among Black Women High” for more info on that).
And so, since herpes is just this common, I thought it was extremely important that we dive into what herpes is, what you should do if you have it, how you can prevent it if you don’t, and, just what your approach to sex should be if you do have herpes and you’re considering becoming intimate with a new partner.
Herpes. Explained. A Bit Better.
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First, because there still tends to be such a stigma surrounding herpes, let’s talk about the layers that surround it. For instance, did you know that there are actually over 100 different versions of the herpes virus, that only eight directly affect humans directly, and out of those two, it’s the herpes simplex viruses (HSV-1 and HSV-2) that can lead to genital warts (the other six impact other parts of your system such as your immunity and skin)?
HSV-1 is what causes oral herpes (cold sores via your mouth) while HSV-2 is what causes genital herpes. Both are infections that currently have no cure (although they can be managed with medication).
What Is HSV-1?
Now, if one of the main things that you’re wondering is if HSV-1 and HSV-2 are both considered to be STI/STDs, the answer isn’t exactly black and white. Since HSV-1 (which is super contagious during an outbreak, by the way) tends to be spread through saliva or sores in the mouth (or using folks’ cups and utensils when they have an outbreak), it can’t be automatically classified as an STI/STD. However, since HSV-1 can also be transmitted via oral sex, this means that it potentially can be an STI/STD.
It also should go on record that if you happen to be diagnosed with HSV-1, you can’t be reinfected with it; at the same time, you are at risk (some say a higher risk) to contract HSV-2. When it comes to HSV-1, it’s also important to keep in mind that it’s common to contract it as a child and it’s also hella common to be asymptomatic. That said, if you do happen to end up with cold sores in or around your mouth, they typically will go away within two weeks — although before that two-week window is up, that is the time when sexual contact should be avoided.
Usually, the treatment for oral herpes is antiviral medications and/or antiviral ointments and/or over-the-counter anti-inflammatory meds. And again, although cold sores do happen to go away on their own, medical research does reveal that proper treatment can help to reduce the frequency and intensity of outbreaks whenever they do occur.
What About HSV-2?
Since it is a type of herpes virus that is spread through vaginal, oral, and/or anal sex, it is definitely classified as being an STI/STD. Some other ways that it can be spread is by touching someone’s genitals whenever they have an outbreak, a baby being vaginally birthed, and even via breastfeeding if the mom happens to have an open sore in that area at the time.
Symptoms
As far as symptoms go, it truly can’t be said enough that many people don’t even know that they have genital herpes and so, sometimes what could seem like a yeast infection or UTI could actually be genital herpes. So, if you happen to have pain in your or around your genitalia, yellow discharge, and/or pain when you urinate and either a standard yeast infection or UTI treatment doesn’t help or the infection keeps returning, you really need to make an appointment with your doctor.
Some other symptoms to look out for: red, blister-like bumps, fever, headaches, pain in your joints, and/or lesions (or ulcers) on your vulva, in your vagina, in your anus, or even on your buttocks, and/or thighs.
Treatment & Outbreaks
Treatment for HSV-2 includes various antiviral medications and/or episodic therapy (a one-time treatment that specifically targets a particular outbreak) and chronic suppressive therapy for individuals who have frequent outbreaks. It’s also important to keep in mind that things like your menstrual cycle and bouts of stress can trigger an outbreak. As far as how long a genital outbreak lasts, research reveals that the first one is typically the longest; it can last anywhere from 2 to 4 weeks.
Oh, and one more thing before we continue: genital herpes cannot spread to other parts of your body. So, if you’ve got an unexplainable sore on, say, your arm or your leg, speak with your doctor. Don’t assume that it has anything to do with the herpes virus.
Herpes & Relationships: How Sex Should Be Approached
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Okay, so now that, hopefully, herpes has been explained in a way where it makes more sense (en masse), let’s get into how sex should be approached/handled if you happen to have HSV-1 or HSV-2. Well, for starters, let me reiterate that ORAL SEX IS SEX, and again, both forms of the herpes virus can be spread that way — this is especially the case if you or your partner has an outbreak, although studies say that herpes can be transmitted even if there are no symptoms, which is why sexually-active people really need to get tested for STI/STDs every 6-12 months without fail.
Now after reading that, you might think that having herpes means that oral sex (giving or receiving) is pretty much a thing of the past. Eh, not exactly. It’s important to keep in mind that while participating in the act with someone who has the virus does make you more vulnerable to getting it, it’s been reported that getting HSV-2 through oral activity is pretty rare. Still, if you want to take extra precautions, you can always have oral sex while using a condom or a dental dam.
And what about sexual intercourse? Pretty much any medical professional that you speak to is going to recommend that you use a condom while having sex, whether you have an outbreak, or symptoms or not. And listen, while we’re here, I know a guy, who has HSV-2, who is SUPER SELFISH AND IRRESPONSIBLE because he only uses condoms if he happens to have an outbreak going on and he doesn’t always notify his partners that he even has genital herpes (UGH).
Unfortunately, he’s not alone either.
Several years back, the Guttmacher Institute published, “Many People Who Have Herpes Use Condoms Only During Symptomatic Outbreaks” — and when you stop to consider that only one-third of men and one-fourth of women use condoms anyway (and even that isn’t consistently)…SMDH. Yeah, don’t even get me started on how that could be a huge part of the reason why herpes is such a widespread virus.
Anyway, condoms at all times, not having sex if you have symptoms related to an outbreak, and definitely no sex if there are sores/lesions/ulcers present need to be the rule of thumb. And what if you happen to be in a long-term exclusive situation and you don’t want to use condoms forever? An option to consider is taking what is known as a serological test; it’s a type of blood test that can reveal if antibodies of the virus are present in you and/or your partner’s system to help you determine if it’s “worth the risk” to engage in unprotected sex.
And what should you do when it comes to considering “taking it there” with a new potential partner? That is an excellent question. Excellent, indeed.
3 Things to Consider When It Comes to Talking to a Prospective Partner About Herpes
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The video above (via@bianca.ordonez_on TikTok)? I mean, talk about a roller coaster of emotions while listening to her, right? There are three main reasons why I thought it was important to share it, though. For one thing, pretty much every article that I read on how to act responsibly when it comes to having herpes (as it relates to being sexually involved, that is), said that you absolutely should disclose that you have it and so, I’ll say this: an apathetic partner, only any level, isn’t someone you should be sleeping with.
Two, one day, I may pen a piece on the stigma that continues regarding HIV. For now, I will say that I thought it was important to share what Bianca had to say because havingherpes increases your chances of becoming diagnosed with HIV (during an outbreak most of all). And three, although jarring, Bianca makes a valid point about not making assumptions and your health needing to be your own top priority.
It’s time out for someone not “looking like” they have an STI/STD. If you’re not willing to have some grown folks conversations before engaging in sexual activity, then you need to wait until you are.
Keeping all of this in mind and circling all the way back to the woman in the intro of this article, how should you approach bringing herpes into the discourse when you’re seeing someone new?
1. Intimate conversations are for intimate situations. As much as social media wants to depict otherwise (SMDH), sex, even in this day and age, should be seen as an intimate act — and words that define intimate include “very private,” “warm friendship” and “close personal relations." So, unless nothing but casual sex is what you’re after (and if so, you definitely need to let your partner know that you have herpes ASAP), there’s no reason to lead with your health diagnosis, right off the bat.
I mean, how do you even know if they are someone who you want to be sexually involved with? And so, to disclose something that private? It could be way premature. Besides, if it gets to that point, some STI/STD testing needs to be transpiring, in both directions, anyway. So, if it looks like things are getting to where sex (any kind of sex) is going to go down, that is a good time to bring up testing as well as your health issue. Based on how they handle it, that can reveal a lot about whether or not they are someone who you should be “engaging” with, anyway. Real talk.
2. If you don’t trust them enough to talk about it, why trust them with your body in the first place? If you read what I just said and are like, “I hear you but…I’m still really uncomfortable” — that’s normal and human. Really, though, sis — if you can’t trust him enough to talk about having herpes, do you really trust him at all? And if you don’t, why is sleeping with him even on the table (right now) in the first place? Not only that but, although it is certainly everyone’s right to think and feel whatever they do about herpes, oftentimes sharing can be a teachable moment.
What I mean by that is, anyone who stares in disgust or tries to make you feel bad, it’s evident how ignorant they are about it. If anything, it could be a good time to educate them on HSV-1 and HSV-2 because, with the statistics revealing just how widespread herpes is, should they choose to remain sexually active with multiple partners, there’s a good chance that this exact conversation will come up…again.
3. Apply the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. I’ll close out with this one. Now that you know what you do about herpes, if you were newly dating someone who had it, when would you like to know? Also, does oral herpes vs. genital herpes make any difference as far as when you prefer to have the intel revealed? I don’t have HSV-1 or HSV-2. I have thought about how I would handle this type of situation, though. For me, if we’re going to kiss, we should talk about HSV-1.
On the other hand, if you have HSV-2 and there is absolutely no oral and intercourse going on, it can wait until we’re at the point of entertaining it. Again, I get that it’s personal information and so, unless it will affect/impact me directly, I respect it remaining as such. Everyone is different, though, so think about how you would want things to be handled if the shoe was on the other foot. If you’re being honest and not shirking responsibility, that oftentimes will reveal the best route to take.
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Herpes has no cure, so yes, it’s serious. Yet you know what, y’all? Sex can create babies. Sex can give you other infections. Sex can potentially break your heart. That means that sex, period, is serious. And serious actions need to have serious conversations — before engaging in them.
Let that be the greatest takeaway of all — whether you have herpes…or not.
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