The Do's & Don'ts Of Having Sex On The Beach
I’ve never actually tasted a 'Sex on the Beach,' but I certainly have imagined doing it. In fact, I’ve had a lot of sex fantasies, but this remains to be one at the top of my list. However, I continue to harbor some fear because it seems that beach sex is no easy feat.
Perhaps I’ve just seen one movie too many where it went awry and felt vicariously traumatized by the outcome. But now, I’ve decided it’s high time to step outside of my comfort zone. I especially feel the urgency to deliver a few tips about beach sex after a friend of mine had sex on a beach in Mexico and got caught. In that instance, it was amazing how fast my thoughts transitioned from Sex Brought Me to the ER to Locked Up Abroad --- and I don’t want that for any of us. When having sex in public spaces, you must consider that public nudity is prohibited in some public spaces no matter how exhilarating the thought of it is.
Regardless of why you’re seeking out a beach sex adventure, I’m here to help you execute it in a way that ensures you have a fun time. Here’s to hoping these six tips will make your sex on the beach as tasty as it sounds.
1. Hide in plain sight.
Please don’t get bust down in the middle of the day in the middle of the beach – unless you’ve found yourself a swinger’s beach. I’m Team Fuck Those Kids just as much as anybody and I can even be Team Fuck The Police, but our goal here is to make sexy memories – not *claps* getting *claps* locked *claps* up *claps* abroad. Hiding in plain sight is probably the best way to make your fantasy come to life. Try having sex in the water, in a cabana, or wait until the sun has set. By then, it’ll be difficult for people to make out your figures and the oceanic movements.
2. Bring protection.
You might think I’m talking about condoms, and while that’s vital I’m actually talking about protection from the good outdoors. You want to be equipped with bug spray and maybe even a blanket. If you’ve seen the way sand spreads, and gets in nooks and crannies you never even knew existed – you know why I’m suggesting a blanket. It won’t completely eliminate the sand but it will help some. This might also add some extra coverage from sand fleas and such.
3. Think bigger than the basics.
You have to be ready for anything. With that in mind, you might want to consider sex outside of penetrative sex. Not only might it be easier to execute without getting caught but it could be easier for your partner if they’re feeling a little anxious about public sex. It can be difficult for us to get aroused when we’re anxious. This can make a penetrative experience go sour if, let’s say, a penis-presenting person is unable to stay erect due to nervousness. In this instance, non-penetrative sex speaks to oral and digital sex or even heavy-heavy petting. Dunno about you but I love a good teenage love affair, makeout sitch.
4. Slide and ride.
Instead of being butt-naked for your beach romp, you might consider sliding your swimwear to the side when trying to access the nookie. You do want to maintain a certain level of stealth on the beach.
5. Respect the local customs.
If you’re out of the country, you may want to exercise greater caution if this is a spontaneous thing. The cultural differences outside the country could get you in big trouble, and most people fail to look into those differences and laws before traveling. If you’re a Sex and the City fan then you remember the turmoil Samantha caused in Abu Dhabi – and none of us want that.
6. 'What's your fantasy?'
If your fantasy is strictly about sex on the beach and not an exhibitionist fantasy, then consider getting an Airbnb near a private beach. Crowds are more limited there and there will be significantly fewer people than if you were to be on a public beach. And quite frankly, I think it would be far more intimate.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
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From Monogamy To Polyamory: 'I'm In An Asexual Poly Marriage With My Husband Of 7 Years'
Have you ever wondered what it's like to be asexual and in an open marriage? Relationship Coach Mikki Bey shared her first-hand experience with us as well as answered some of our burning questions.
Like a lot of people, Mikki met her now husband, Raheem Ali, online. As soon as they met, they instantly fell in love and got engaged on their first date. Just 90 days after they met, the couple tied the knot and have now been married for seven years. Raheem and Mikki aren’t your typical married couple, and despite being married for almost a decade, their marriage is anything but traditional. Mikki and Raheem have what she calls an "asexual polyamorous marriage."
Defining Her Sexuality
It wasn't until last summer that Mikki found the language to define her sexuality. "I didn't have the language for it until last summer," she explained to xoNecole. "Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing.”
Mikki always thought she was broken because she had no interest in sex. Mikki noticed after her friends came to visit and started discussing their sexual fantasies that she realized something was different about her. “At that point, I knew something was definitely different about me since I do not have sexual fantasies at all. It was truly news to me that people are at work thinking about sex! That was not my experience.” This led to Mikki researching asexuality, which she soon realized fit her to a T. “It felt like breathing new air when I was able to call it by name," said Mikki.
"Looking back, I just thought sex wasn't my thing. It was never enjoyable for me, and I'd go years without even noticing it."
Asexuality refers to people who experience little or no sexual attraction, experience attraction without acting on it sexually, or experience sexual attraction differently based on other factors. Like most things, asexuality falls on a spectrum and encompasses many other identities. It's important to remember, however, that attraction and action are not always synonymous: some asexuals may reject the idea of sexual contact, but others may be sex-neutral and engage in sexual activity.
It's possible that some asexuals will have sex with someone else despite not having a libido or masturbating, but others will have sex with a partner because it brings a sense of connection.
From a Traditional Marriage to Kitchen Table Polyamory
Although Mikki never really had a high sex drive, it wasn’t until after the birth of her son, that she noticed her sex drive took a real nosedive. “I never had a high sex drive, but about a year after my son was born, I realized I had zero desire. My husband has a high sex drive, and I knew that it would not be sustainable to not have sex in our marriage at that time.”
She was determined to find an alternative to divorce and stumbled upon a polyamory conversation on Clubhouse. Upon doing her own research, she brought up the idea to their husband, who was receptive. “It’s so interesting to me that people weigh sex so heavily in relationships when even if you are having a ton of sex, it’s still a very small percentage of the relationship activity," Mikki shared.
They chose polyamory because Mikki still wanted to be married, but she also wanted to make sure that Raheem was getting his individual needs and desires met, even if that meant meeting them with someone else. “I think that we have been programmed to think that our spouses need to be our 'everything.' We do not operate like that. There is no one way that fits all when it comes to relationships, despite what society may try to tell you. Their path to doing this thing called life together may be different from yours, but they found what works for them. We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us,” Mikki explained.
"We have chosen to design a marriage that works for us. We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sex partners to lifetime partners if it should go there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it."
She continued, “We both consent to each of us having everything from casual sexual partners to lifetime partners if it should get there. We believe love is abundant and do not limit ourselves or each other on how we express it. Our dynamic is parallel with kitchen table poly aspirations.”
Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) is a polyamorous relationship in which all participants are on friendly terms enough to share a meal at the kitchen table. Basically, it means you have some form of relationship with your partner’s other partner, whether as a group or individually. A lot of times, KTP relationships are highly personal and rooted in mutual respect, communication, and friendship.
Intimacy in an Asexual Polyamorous Marriage
Mikki says she and her husband, Raheem, still share intimate moments despite being in a polyamorous marriage. “Our intimacy is emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical, although non-sexual. We are intentional about date nights weekly, surprising and delighting each other daily, and most of all, we communicate our needs regularly. In my opinion, our intimacy is top-tier! I give my husband full-body massages, mani-pedis and make sure I am giving him small physical touches/kisses throughout the day. He is also very intentional about showing me his love and affection.”
Raheem and Mikki now use their lives as examples for others. On their website, thepolycouplenextdoor.com, they coach people interested in learning how to be consensually non-monogamous. “We are both relationship coaches. I specialized in emotional regulation, and Raheem specializes in communication and conflict resolution. The same tools we use in our marriage help our clients succeed in polyamory."
Mikki advises people who may be asexual or seeking non-monogamy to communicate their needs openly and to consider seeking sex therapy or intimacy coaching. Building a strong relationship with a non-sexual partner requires both empathy and compassion.
For more of Mikki, follow her on Instagram @getmikkibey. Follow the couple's platform on Instagram @thepolycouplenextdoor.
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