Elisha & Michael Beach's Love Story Went From 'Friends With Benefits' To Marriage
We love a good love story. And Black Love Doc, a series about the love stories of Black people, famous and not, gives us everything we didn't know we needed about the complexities of life and love. Some of the greatest love stories ever told lie here—from Tamia and Grant Hill, to Viola Davis and her husband, Julius Tennon, and our faves, DeWanda Wise and her husband, Alano Miller—they're all proud to tell their story about their love and how it works for them.
So, when Michael Beach and his wife Elisha decided to tell how their relationship began, we couldn't help but listen. And the best part is the two found their way to each other, after being casual friends with benefits.
"We met through a mutual friend that introduced us, I think really just to have a lil' fun with each other. Like, it was so not serious, I had just broken up with a guy and you were separated at the time, right?"
Michael jumps in:
"Yeah, I was separated from my first marriage, I had four kids already, and I was like 'no way am I doing that again, no way.' And I made it clear! I was like, 'you know if you wanna have fun, let's have fun but uh, I was almost forty and I was like, I already have my responsibilities, I'm taking care of them this and that. I know she's young, so there's no way you would get serious and maybe married to someone that young and without having more kids, there's just no way."
The couple laugh now at the irony, because they've since added four more to the bunch.
Things ultimately took a turn for the two when Michael offered for her to stay at his New York home so she wouldn't have to travel as much while he was away in Los Angeles with his kids.
"There was one night we were in the bed and he says to me, 'I just need you to know, this isn't going to go any further than this.' And I was like, okay...I didn't really ask. [laughs] We openly were not monogamous for a very long time. It changed much quicker for me than him, obviously. I think for me it was the coming to LA with him, it just kind of happened...somewhere in there, he was the only guy I wanted to be with. We can just be with each other and it's enjoyable. Then I was like comparing every guy that I went out on a date with, with him, and they were not living up to it. I caught on to the falling for him, much more quickly than he did."
And 19 years later, the rest is history. Love to see it!
But their lives since their non-traditional start, is also anything but traditional. Michael's ex-wife lives with them as well.
"If you would have 15 years ago—even 10 years ago—I would have been like 'nah." But it runs so smoothly, it's crazy."
Elisha adds:
"It's very odd. But with his work schedule, and never knowing what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, where's he's going to have to be...Davis was born and when Davis hit two months, he was in Australia, France, South Africa, Atlanta...he was gone for like five and a half months. If Tracy hadn't been here, I would have died or killed one of my kids, whichever one came first. There was no way I would have made it through that time without her help. At all. It just would not have happened."
Do what works for you!
Watch the full bonus clip below:
Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!
Featured image by Michael Beach/Instagram
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images