The Year I Worked As A Phone Sex Operator Changed Me
Imagine combining the ability to alter your voice from as low as an alto to as high as a second soprano while using a variety of dialects from all over the world and possessing an overly hyper sexual imagination.
It is the perfect recipe to be a phone actress, a phone sex operator to be exact.
Before the age of 21, I never thought I would have given so many virtual blow jobs and anal penetrations to men. It all started in 2006, when I was cruising through life trying to figure out my next move since I had been kicked out of art school. I’m the type of girl who finds that working a “typical” 9-5 job is not ideal to my lifestyle, so I was intrigued when I came across an advertisement in the back of a random coupon booklet that was in search of Phone Agents and they offered health insurance and 401K plans.
Who would have thought?
I was sheltered during my teen years and discovered “party chat lines” as a form of entertainment. Although dangerous for the naïve girl, chat lines served as a perfect training tool I later discovered. Being a melanated young adult living in an upper-middle-class suburb at the time had deadened my social life, so calling chat lines had become my favorite pastime activity. After learning the logistics of how the whole system worked I was hooked. My eyes were opened to a whole new world of sexual lingo and urban slang which was new territory for me. I became that voice that men would hunt for when they wanted to have phone sex.
[Tweet "I became that voice that men would hunt for when they wanted to have phone sex."]
I asked my fiancé at the time how he felt about me taking on such a non-traditional job. He simply responded, “I expect nothing less from you as you are an unpredictable free-spirited type of girl,” and gave me his blessings.
So later that night, I hesitantly called the number in the advertisement. I was greeted by a real live voice answering on the other end. I guess I expected to encounter some saucy, raunchy recording guiding me to my fate of becoming a phone fantasy girl. After giving some basic information of why I was calling, I was invited to attend an interview/audition located in Philadelphia, PA. I was asked to not wear anything to draw attention to myself, and dress business casual. I arrived to the building which seemed to look like an average office building in the heart of the city tucked next to a trendy restaurant.
Gaining entry to the secure building, I then pressed the elevator button to the third floor as instructed (although 5 other floor options were available which till this day I have no idea what the floors contained), the doors opened and I arrived to a hallway with 3 doors. Restrooms to the right and another secure door on the left that required a badge scan to access. I entered the door on the left leading me to an open floor of individual desks, cubicle walls, and telephones all lined up in rows.
No pussy pink painted walls.
No obscene posters on the walls.
No sign of sex toys laying anywhere because in my mind that’s how I imagined it would be or something similar to the movie Girl 6.
It was clean, brightly lit, and had a water cooler-corporate office environment type of feel. I was then escorted to a group interview of about 25 other ladies of all shapes, colors, religious backgrounds and sexual identities. We were given a brief synopsis of how the business was organized and what was expected of us.
Next, I was given a sheet of paper for role playing purposes to complete the audition. I read the script and quickly prepared myself to finally put those late night phone bone skills I had so finely crafted into full-time paying work. My audition was with a male manager with feminine qualities, a seasoned phone agent who set the bar for agents to attain. He had the ability to charm, libido check (to ascertain how aroused the caller is and to inhibit the ejaculation process), and satisfy the fantasy of any eager caller on the other side of his phone line. Gleefully, I fell into the role of a hot fantasy girl ready for action letting the dirty words flow from my mouth that I learned from party chat lines.
I was surprised by how natural it felt to say such obscene words in a corporate setting without feeling any guilt or shame after. As a young lady I was taught that saying such things or to act on my sexual desires were wrong and if I wanted to be treated respectably and not be viewed as promiscuous I should never display such actions. That quickly went out the window. From everything that I said during the audition I only remember saying, “Do you want to do me doggie-style?” because when I finished I was corrected into saying the more finessed statement of, “Take me from behind”.
During the audition I only remember saying, “Do you want to do me doggie-style?” When I finished I was corrected into saying the more finessed statement of, “Take me from behind”.
As I walked back to the room to await the final decision of my employment, I heard him whisper to another coworker “I like her”. I smiled with reassuring pride that I had the job in the bag. After a short wait it was official that I had been granted the job as a phone sex operator and thrown into the lion’s den on a phone in a cubicle located in the back of office taking my first live call. I answered the ringing phone to hear an automated cue voice letting me know what type of character I was about to become. “Fantasy Girl”, Hi this is Sydney, who’s this?! I asked as bubbly as possible trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach. The caller was hot and ready to go. I said something saucy and the call lasted all of three whole minutes. “Too hot, don’t be so easy”, my mentor said. Excited for my new endeavor over the next few months I endured very detailed training which never really ended. It included studying formulated worksheet guides, writing fantasy scenarios, studying pre-made scripts, botching calls as a newbie, and taking my imagination to limits I never thought possible.
There was truly an art to phone sex.
Someone had actually figured out the art and science behind controlling an aroused man over the phone and making him pay for it with his own hard earned money. To refine the formula in short terms it included voice quality, hot statements, ego-stroking, libido checking, chit-chatting, responding accordingly, and closing which includes making sure the caller is an repeat offender, that’s how I made commissions. We were expected to maintain a quota of calls over 15 minutes. Calls would never last over 30 minutes as a safety precaution for callers who lacked self-control over spending too much money. The callers varied and most were married & lonely, in need of fulfilling a homosexual fantasy complete with feminization, a curious teen boy who had stolen his parent’s credit card or wanting a genuine girlfriend experience complete with worldly conversation. Very few females called the line. Holidays were one of our busiest times. One guy called on Thanksgiving while hiding in a closet and his family was elsewhere in the house.
“Hi this is Sydney, what’s your name baby?”
Sydney was my first given fantasy girl name and later I became Kimmi. My characters varied by what was requested from the caller which I didn’t know until I picked up the phone and heard the cue. I had to morph between being a regular hot fantasy girl, dominatrix, transsexual, transgendered, transvestite, Asian, African-American, teen, and participate in threesomes. Dominatrix was my favorite, but for some reason emulating an African-American was a challenge for me because it was attached to supporting negative stereotypes and being extremely depreciated. I couldn’t separate my true self from this fictitious character. Typically I was 18-20 years of age, blonde hair, blue eyes, 122 lbs., in college studying to be a sex therapist with 34 C tits and cute edible peach-like ass when in reality I was 21 years old, a melanated goddess, 220 lbs, 42 DD tits, not in college, and really good at making the caller believe that I was former description versus the latter. I literally had to function with having multiple personalities while still trying to remember who I was at the end of my shift which was six hours max.
The call center was open twenty-four hours a day, three hundred and sixty five days a year. Being a natural night owl, I worked a shift of 9 PM-3 AM. It paid slightly more at $12.00 per an hour and made my commute easier not having the deal with 9-5 traffic. Working anything over six hours would completely drain me mentally because I wanted to provide a personable quality experience. I connected deeply to my characters and the person on the other end of the phone. Callers would call back and feel comfortable as I related to details of previous calls. Some subjects were deemed as being “taboo” such as bestiality, necrophilia, under 18 sex, and rape. Often times, entering the realm of taboo topics took a harsh toll on me mentally, being that I was a victim of sexual abuse. I could slowly feel myself wearing thin mentally, being over virtually sexed and losing interest in sex in general.
I began to notice that I was having issues functioning with men outside of work including my fiancé.
I feared them, hated them even.
This job had become that pebble in the pond, causing a ripple effect of emotions to erupt. These deep buried emotions revealed my past that I had worked so hard to forget and hide.
I could slowly feel myself wearing thin mentally, being over virtually sexed and losing interest in sex in general.
During this vulnerable time, I had gotten closer to a female friend. I found myself attracted to her androgyny, her words, and her understanding touch. It wasn’t unusual for me to feel attracted to women, as I had recognized these feelings as early as the age of seven. My relationship with my fiancé began to deteriorate, we were growing apart. He was made aware of this female entering my life, I didn’t hide her. She made me feel comfortable again. I owned up to the fact that I had fallen in love with a woman and couldn’t bare hurting him any longer. I reasoned with my thoughts of the magnitude of hurt it would have caused if I continued with the marriage, had his children, and later decided that I preferred women when I had known all along. We mutually agreed that our broken relationship was not mendable and called off the engagement. We remained friends for a few years after until he got married and started his own family. He never blamed the job for us breaking up, but I often wondered if he had the chance to tell me “no” when I asked for his blessing, would his response still be the same.
I had given this company a year of my time. It wasn’t uncommon for girls to burnout and go on extended vacations from the call center environment. Reaching my expected quota became daunting because I could no longer find the words to satisfy the callers. During one of my calls, a supervisor was listening in for quality control purposes. The caller had gotten frustrated in mid scenario as I was describing my moist black lace panties, sliding down my creamy thighs. He wanted me to get to point so he could ejaculate and leave me virtually covered with his guilt-filled semen. I’ll never know if he reached climax, but he hung up abruptly and I muttered “F-ck IT then” and hung up the phone.
The supervisor listening in on the call flagged me for using demeaning language towards the caller stating that my words were “F-ck YOU then”, which wasn’t allowed.
[Tweet "Like used condoms, I was thrown out like trash."]
Like used condoms, I was thrown out like trash. Replacing a phone agent was like changing your panties, everyone likes something new. Ultimately I was fired over a miscommunication which happen to work out in my favor. I viewed it as my time to retire from being a phone whore. I left with a better understanding of self-worth and value.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
My time there was short-lived and I don’t tell many people about that part of my life. It’s entertaining to interact with men in a social setting while thinking in the back of my mind, which type of caller would you have been? I gambled with of idea of reinstating myself back into the phone agent game from the comfort of my home, but realized it wasn't in my best interest.
Anxiety and depression still haunted me from all those calls that left me feeling empty and worthless.
Instead, I decided to collect unemployment while continuing my college education full-time. It took a little under two years to finish my degree but it was important for me to finish what I had started, even if it was on the dime of a company that had foolishly fired me. I became an entrepreneur and started my own ecommerce company selling sex toys and lingerie. I realized that if I wanted to continue to grow, I needed to address the skeletons in my closet. I needed help so I began going to therapy sessions for my abuse as I needed to deal with my past in order to sustain a healthy future.
Have you ever made a risque career choice that helped you learn things about yourself? Share with us below!
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?
Even though it’s my life, sometimes I look at it and totally trip out over certain things.
For instance, even though I am aware that both Hebrew and African cultures put a lot of stock in the name of a child (because they believe it speaks to their purpose; so do I) and I know that my name is pretty much Hebrew for divine covenant, it’s still wild that in a couple of years, I will have been working with married couples for a whopping two decades — and boy, is it an honor when they will say something like, “Shellie, we’ve seen [professionally] multiple people and no one has been nearly as effective as you have been.”
Yep, me. Little ole’ never-been-married-before me. Yeah, y’all better quit letting people tell you what you’re called to do in this world. That is between you and the One who made you.
Okay, but let me stay on track. When it comes to the engaged couples specifically, who have crossed my path, something that I believe I’ve said to each and every one of them (especially the bride-to-be) is — “You better enjoy every single minute of your wedding day because you deserve a big ‘ole party for all of the work that you’re about to do.” And then I look at the woman as intensely as I can and say, “And you? Remember, you are a bride for a day. You are a wife for the rest of your life.”
Why do I emphasize that point so much? It’s because those two things are not one and the same. Hmph. Let me tell it, a huge reason why 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women, however, is because a lot of them think that it is. And so, in the effort to do my part to help make marriages last longer and cause the divorce rate to go down, I think it’s important for more women to ponder if they really want to be a wife — or if they just want to throw a big party (a wedding), go on a trip (a honeymoon) and not much more than that.
Buckle in. This one might be a bit of a ride (for some, at least).
It’s Time to Stop “Living for the Fairy Tale”
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while (and if so, thank you), it will not shock you in the least that I’ve spent many years studying the origins of things as they directly relate to marriage. I know that the engagement ring is not about love but about a jewelry company that was about to go bust. So, they came up with the slogan “A diamond is forever” and then made some serious bank from it (you can read about that here).
I know that white wedding dresses have nothing to do with purity and virtue; in fact, women in the Bible often wore lots of bright colors during their more-than-one-day wedding celebrations. Actually, white comes from Queen Victoria making it famous back in the 1840s. I also know that a lot of people were pretty obsessed with evil spirits back in the day because things like wearing a wedding veil and bridesmaids wearing the same dresses were all about hiding from said spirits. Another pretty popular wedding day tradition? Well, I’ll just let you read Insider’s “Here's the horrifying truth about why grooms carry brides across the threshold,” if you’re interested.
And as far as marriage goes, don’t even get me started on the whole “I’m living for the fairy tale” narrative that gets pushed incessantly. I’ve said in other articles before that "fairy tale" literally means “a story, usually for children, about elves, hobgoblins, dragons, fairies, or other magical creatures” and “an incredible or misleading statement, account, or belief.” Who wants to live for childish stories that are incredibly misleading? And the ones that have a character like Prince Charming in it? The Bible literally says that “charm is deceitful” (Proverbs 31:30).
Know what else the Bible says? It states that death and life are in the power of the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). So, what’s up with all of this wedding/marriage rhetoric that’s so popular and also, so… “silly” is the first word that comes to mind, “unrealistic” is the second and “unnecessary” is the third?
Why are there so many expectations, especially when it comes to the wedding day, that push folks to the point where a whopping 49 percent of couples end up going into debt right after jumping the broom — all because they wanted to live for the fairy tale and throw a big party that they basically couldn’t afford? SMDH.
It really is wild, just how much human nature tends to do things without even really knowing WHY it does it — even when it comes to marriage. And so, if you are someone who desires this type of union, be honest with yourself: what is your “why”?
When it comes to becoming a wife someday, WHY do you want to do that?
A man needing to spend three times his salary on an engagement ring, WHY?
When it comes to having a big traditional wedding, WHY is it necessary?
Marriage is a goal for you (and don’t get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing) — WHY is that the case?
When it comes to being married, WHY do you think it will better serve you than your single state?
Motivational speaker Eric Thomas once said, “When you find your ‘why’, you will find a way to make it happen.” And when it comes to something as big (and supposed to be lifetime lasting) as marriage, perhaps a big part of the reason WHY so many of them do not go the distance is because there aren’t enough “why” questions, on the front end, that are asked (which is why you should partake in premarital counseling before your wedding day). Oh, but there should be.
Because saying “why” you want a huge wedding is nothing more than “because I want to” or “why” you chose the man that you did is simply “I love him” — I’ve been doing this couples work thing long enough to assure you that those answers simply aren’t good enough. You need to know what it means to be a wife and why a marriage and a wedding are not the same thing…not by the longest country mile that you can imagine.
What It Means to Be a Wife
GiphyIf you’ve been reading my content for a while now, you know that I’m good for throwing some Scripture in; it’s a part of my foundation and I make no apologies for it. And so, when it comes to what it means to be a wife, the first word that’s used to define it in the Bible is “helpmate” (Genesis 2:18). A helpmate is a companion, a helper and someone who assists another individual — in this case, a husband.
While we’re here, a helper is not helping unless the help is actually needed and it’s good. Lawd, I can’t tell you how many wife clients I’ve had who have totally missed that part. So, what does “good help” look like?
- A good helper ASKS the person they are assisting what they need.
- A good helper does not try to control another person or make them do what they want.
- A good helper gets that needs can shift based on what is transpiring at any given time.
- A good helper makes things easier and less stressful.
- A good helper learns how to master good listening, effective communication, and wise timing.
And yes, in many ways, this is what it means to be a good wife. So, if you are someone who desires marriage, when it comes to what is required to be not just a wife but a GOOD WIFE, how much have you factored helping your man into the dynamic?
Not mothering him. Not bossing him around. Not trying to manipulate him into being a version of a husband that you would prefer. No, how much thought have you put into “Am I equipped to help another person be their best self? Am I ready to be supportive, encouraging, and nurturing? Was it even modeled to me, while growing up, to know what a proper helpmate looks like? Have I realized how much sacrifice goes into that type of role? Am I even selfless enough to be a consistent helper?”
I know this is probably gonna ruffle some feathers yet, you know something that I’m not big on? Women saying that their man should give them the “princess treatment.” Every time I hear that, the first thought that comes to my mind is “Fathers make their daughters princesses while men make their wives a queen” — and little girls are treated differently than grown women. And to that, Proverbs 12:4(NKJV) says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
My point? There is a MATURITY that is to come from going from princess to queen. A queen does have more privileges, yet, at the same time, she also has way more responsibility. It’s not about sitting around and being catered to all day long. Queens have work to do — and it’s not always comfortable or pretty. Same thing goes for being a wife.
Y’all, I could go on and on (and on and on and on) about what it means to be a wife in a marriage. For now, I’ll just end this part of the article with, “If you’re not ready to help, each and every day of your relationship, you’re not ready to be a wife.” Plain and simple.
Weddings Are Not Marriages (and Vice Versa)
GiphySo, why do so many people jump brooms (I’m writing this with Black folks in mind first; jumping brooms is for us only), only to turn around and get divorced a few years later? Oh, I could go on and on as well about how a lot of people don’t have much integrity when it comes to the promises that they make. Listen singles, when you’re dating someone, pay very close attention to whether the person you’re seeing keeps their word — and if you do the same.
It makes absolutely no sense to keep letting someone slide when it comes to reneging now, only to act shocked when they do the same thing after saying “I do.” And while we’re here, being a man or woman of your word is a character issue. Maybe folks are not strong in character when it comes to this.
Yet another reason why folks will get all dolled up, stand before God, family, and friends, look someone straight in the eye, and promise to never leave, only to do just that, is because many people honestly don’t see past their wedding (and maybe their newlywed years). That is why you will hear so many people describe their perfect wedding day, down to the last detail, and yet, if you ask what their five-year plan for their marriage is, they have absolutely not one clue.
I mean, I get it — to a certain extent. A wedding is a big party where you get to dress to the nines, have people come to celebrate you and you get to have everything go your way — down to the font on the programs and reception napkins. Oh, but what a “trick” that can be if you think that your marriage is going to move like that, all of the time, moving forward. I liken it to The Bachelor franchise. Who wouldn’t feel like they are falling for someone when they’re able to live in a mansion with no bills, have fantasy dates that cost thousands of dollars, and a big ole’ rock that a famed jeweler donates?
Meanwhile, folks should watchUnREAL (the television series from several years back where some former producers of the franchise talk about what really happens behind the scenes) to get a reality check. To a certain extent, the same thing goes for marriage: while weddings produce this belief that marriage will be one big party where everyone focuses on you and everything goes your way, that isn’t even close to being the reality of being married.
Honestly, the real deal is 1) if you don’t want to learn how to love on a supernatural level; 2) if you don’t want your strengths to be refined and your weaknesses to be challenged; 3) if you don’t want to be held accountable in ways that you would never be if you remained single; 4) if you don’t want to compromise on a daily basis and, 5) if you don’t want to be challenged to become a truly selfless individual — marriage isn’t for you.
You’d be far better off just throwing a big ass party for yourself, just because (and no, I don’t mean marry yourself; you are already “one” with you; no need for that), and call it a day. Spare yourself and another person the heartache of divorce because…divorce is A LOT to go through.
Lawd, I can only imagine how much drama could be spared if folks simply took into their spirit that weddings ARE NOT marriages and marriages ARE NOT weddings. Weddings are a party to celebrate your union — yet your union? That requires daily energy, effort, and time. It’s not a party. It’s a relationship. BIG DIFFERENCE.
Please Don’t Get Married Until You’re Sure That You Want…BOTH
GiphyAnd this is why, whenever someone tells me that they are going to get married, I don’t immediately respond with, “Congrats! That’s awesome.” NOPE. The very first thing that comes out of my mouth is something along the lines of, “For real. Why?” WHY? Because, it never fails that, about 7.5 times outta 10, folks will be caught off guard and say, “What do you mean ‘why’?” and then follow that up with, “Because I’m in love” or…they don’t really know what to say at all.
Is being in love a good answer? I mean, it explains why you picked the person that you did; it doesn’t really explain why you are choosing to commit to them for the rest of your life, on a marital level, though. Are you getting married because you know that the two of you will make each other better people? Are you getting married because you want to raise your children in a two-parent dynamic? Are you getting married for biblical reasons like wanting to love like Christ loves his bride (the Church and the Church sent him through A LOT — Ephesians 5)?
Are you getting married because you think you’ve gone as far as you can in your evolution as an individual without the assistance of another? Are you getting married because you want to serve another person as they do the same for you (perhaps not in the same ways because you’re both different people)?
Is that asking the most? Chile, that’s not asking enough. I don’t care how much people mock marriage in the media by changing partners like they change cars or homes. I don’t care how much divorce has been normalized. I don’t care how much folks like to act like a husband is a 2.0 boyfriend (it’s not) and having a wife is a 2.0 girlfriend (it’s not) — marriage is special, sacred, and needs to be honored as such. A wedding should be seen as a happy occasion where two people publicly acknowledge what I just said…not simply a time to get a lot of attention and presents only to come home and go from heaven to hell in six months.
And honestly, that’s a bit part of the reason why I do what I do: it’s because I actually think the covenant of marriage is SO MAGNIFICENT that I want to make sure that people know, as much as possible, what they are signing up for — not an endless wedding; a very real relationship that will challenge them and mature them like nothing else ever will in this lifetime.
____
This was a lot. I already know. Still, it beats spending thousands of dollars on a wedding to stand before a chaplain only to spend thousands of more dollars several years later on a divorce lawyer and therapy while standing before a judge.
Weddings are awesome; you’ll get no argument from me there. Still, I think if I was to narrow all of this down into one statement, it would simply be this: “When it comes to marriage, if the thought of being a wife doesn’t excite you more than being a bride — wait. You’re not ready yet.”
Thank me later, sis. YOU WILL.
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