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National Girls’ Night In Day Is This Sunday. Here’s How To Kick It This Weekend.
Raise your hand if you already know that September 22 is National Girls' Night In Day! And really, how cute is it that this year, it happens to fall on the eve of what I personally consider to be the best season of all—autumn? But before we get into some of the cool ways that you and some of your girls can celebrate it together, first a little history lesson.
My 'something new' for the day is the fact that the vodka company Ketel One is the one who is responsible for this truly awesome day of kickin' it with our female friends. Last year, they came up with the idea because they thought it would be great for ladies to have an official day, each year, to stay in, chill out, enjoy a drink or two and enjoy one another's company. Affirmative. The xoTribe could not agree more.
I will give this heads up, though. This year the holiday falls on a Sunday. This means that y'all might want to hang out on Saturday night until past midnight (you know so that you can say that you observed the actual day), meet up around brunch time on Sunday, or take it easy on any wine—or shots—that you'd like to take on Sunday evening. That said, if National Girls' Night In Day is something that you are totally down for, here are some of the ways to make it fun, memorable, and definitely worth marking down on your calendar every year.
1. Have a “Favorite Foods” Potluck
I don't know anyone who wants to do a night in and there not be any food around. But if you're the one hosting and money is tight, ask everyone to cook a dish that they are best at making. Also, ask them to bring along the recipe and a paragraph explanation of when they made it for the first time and their favorite memory surrounding the dish. You can compile all of the recipes and send them out to your friends later in the week so that everyone can learn how to make each other's best homemade meals.
2. Play the Online Version of Truth or Dare
C'mon. Does a round of Truth or Dare (or Never Have I Ever) ever get old? Especially when it's with some of your female homies? If you're not exactly sure what questions to ask, there's an online version of the game that lets you pick a category (such as "party" or "hot"); then it offers up questions (and dares) within that theme. If you want to take the dares up a notch, require that they be things that have to be done online like trolling an ex or posting a crazy statement on a Twitter account. Just remember that once it's on the 'net, it's documented somewhere forever, even if you do delete it. So yes, y'all, "dare" with wisdom—and foresight.
3. Hold a Dance Contest
Not too long ago, I was listening to Tha Dogg Pound'sNew York, New York on loop. What it did was two things. One, it reminded me that when everyone was making their top rappers list a few weeks ago, Kurupt should've definitely been on everyone's list. Second, it reminded me that a good song is timeless.
In honor of good jams, have everyone pull up their Spotify and share their favorite three songs, either from a particular year and era (y'all pick the year or era beforehand). Then have everyone try and find the dance that was big when those songs were out. Make sure some sort of prize goes to the one who remembered the dance without having to look it up first. Another prize goes to who could do the dance best. (If you need a 90s cheat sheet, you can find one here and also here. You can see some popular dances from the 2000s here.)
4. Bring Favorite Pics. Share Memories Connected to Them.
A lot of my besties, we've known each other for years now. But oftentimes, it's not until I see a picture of them that I've never seen before, and I get the backstory on it, that I end up learning something that I never knew. So yeah, another cool idea is to ask everyone to bring a baby picture, a picture from high school, and a college shot. Then have them share what was going on in their lives at the time. You can even make things interesting by coming up with a theme word and then have everyone take a shot for each time the word is said while everyone is in the midst of telling their tales.
5. Do an Affirmations Exchange
Several years ago, I was a bridesmaid at a wedding where the wife gave the sweetest bridal party presents. Instead of a piece of jewelry or paying for our shoes, she wrote and framed something that each of us taught her. Mine is hanging up on one of my bedroom walls; hands down, it's one of the best things that I've ever received.
Aside from the value of the affirmation, something else that I really like about her gift is it's a reminder that you don't need a load of dough to give a great gift to someone that you care about.
So, something else that might be cool to do is have everyone to write down something that they appreciate or admire about each individual, put it into a hat, draw them out, and share them. I guarantee that there will be lots of warm fuzzies shared by the time everyone is done.
6. Or Do a Clothing/Shoes/Jewelry Exchange
I don't know about you, but pretty much every friend that I have owns something that I wish was mine. Since the seasons are about to officially shift, something else you could do is have everyone bring the summer or fall pieces from last year that they don't want anymore—clothes, shoes, and jewelry included. Then, everyone can go through the stuff to see if there is anything that they want before you all donate them or give them to someone who might not be nearly as appreciative if they had it in their personal possession.
7. Teach Each Other Make-Up Hacks
There is not nearly enough time to get into all of the fly chicks who have online make-up tutorials. Today, though, I am going to shout out a channel that does do them but also has all kinds of other insightful and oftentimes very witty commentaries—nappyheadedjojoba.
You can connect YouTube to your television monitor and try and copy some tips from make-up experts like her and others (you can find more by putting "make-up tutorial for Black women" in the search field). Or, you can send out an email to your friends, asking them to bring some of their own make-up so that each of you can show one another a great tip, trick or hack. (You can even give out a prize to the best one.)
8. Watch a Favorite Movie. Then Have a Q&A Afterwards.
I really enjoy reading, so I fully support book clubs. But if you'd rather chill out than be all deep and philosophical, ask everyone to text their top five favorite movies of all time and show the top 1-2 of them once everyone arrives. Then afterward, just as you would in a book club meeting, go around and have everyone share what they loved about the movie, what stage of life they were in at the time, what the movie taught them, what they would do differently if they were the screenwriter or director—you know, stuff that encourages a stroll down memory lane and also sparks lots of conversation and laughter.
9. How About a Round (or Two) of 'Pick Your Poison'?
I've shared before that I'm a fan of Black web series. One that I checked out sometime last year that I really enjoyed wasDiary of a Cheating Man. Interestingly enough, my favorite episode was one entitled "Naomi". The reason why I say that is because, recently, a podcast popped up in my YouTube suggestion feed that featured the lead character from the web series and the girl who played Naomi. They currently have a show called Shots of Honesty and the episode that I watched featured the game Pick Your Poison (at least, that's what they call it).
I'm not on social media, but according to Julian (the male host), a variation of this game has been circulating for a while. Basically, what you do is compile a list of really great and really bad traits for a hypothetical person. Then you do this for 4-5 other imaginary individuals and ask your friends which guy they would choose. Other than it being able to give you insight into what your standards and deal-breakers are, it's also a reminder that no one is perfect; that, to a large extent, long-term relationships are all about figuring out what you can tolerate, what you can't, and what good things about a person can make you endure the not-so-good parts of them. If you want to take some shots in between like Julian and his co-host Starr did, please feel free.
10. Participate in a DIY Spa Session
Listen, just because it's about that time to pull out your ankle boots and close-toed pumps, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't give your feet some attention. And a facial mask? This is the perfect time of year to give your face some extra moisture as well. That's why, as far as a girls' night in event goes, you can never go wrong with having a DIY spa session.
Think about what you'd like to focus on most—hands, face, feet, etc.—look up the ingredients that you'll need and ask everyone to bring one of the items in the recipe. For instance, if you're gonna do foot soaks, ask someone to bring a big bag of Epsom salt and someone else to bring a large jar of coconut oil. Or, if it's a facial, ask one person to bring a couple of cartons of eggs and someone else to bring a couple of containers of honey. That way, everyone can get pampered without breaking their budgets in the process. (Click here for some foot soak recipes, here for some hand cream and lotion ones, and here for some DIY facial recipes.)
Oh, and while everyone is getting the DIY star treatment, serve a signature fall cocktail or mocktail that will forever commemorate 2019 Girls' Night In Day!
Enjoy every single moment of it, y'all! You and your girls definitely deserve it.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
How This New Bond Repair Line Transformed One Mother's Postpartum Shedding Into The Ultimate Curl Comeback
This article is in partnership with SheaMoisture
For Crystal Obasanya, her wash day woes came shortly after her son did. The beauty and lifestyle content creator had been natural for years, but during postpartum, she quickly learned about one reality many mothers can relate to experiencing: postpartum hair loss. “Sis had thinning hair. Sis had split ends,” she shared about her hair changes in a Reel via xoNecole.
Over a year into her postpartum journey, Crystal explained she also had dry, brittle hair, noting that keeping it hydrated before pregnancy had already been “a task.” The 4C natural recalled going from thick hair during pregnancy to a thin hairline due to postpartum shedding as “devastating.” When it came to strengthening and revitalizing her hair, the new SheaMoisture Bond Repair Collection was just the thing she needed to elevate her damaged coils to revive and thrive status and get them poppin' again.
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Featured image courtesy
Ever Wonder What Your Vagina Needs Before You Go On Vacation?
I recently read that around 118 million Americans plan on going on summer vacation. For a billion different reasons, that’s good to know because vacations help to reduce stress, improve one’s quality of sleep, give folks the opportunity to spend quality time with loved ones, put people in better moods, and, ultimately, make them more protective and happier once they return home as well.
If you happen to be one of the millions who have at least one vacation planned over the next several weeks, as you’re putting your list together of all of the things that you need to do and get— question: have you thought about a plan for your vagina and vulva (the outer part of your vagina)?
No? Yeah, that’s not good becauseit’s actually more common for women to experience yeast infections and UTIs when it’s super hot outside. That’s the bad news. The good news is there are things that you can do to “prep” your vagina/vulva, on a few different levels, before you leave for your trip. That way, “she” can end up having just as much fun as you plan to the entire time you are gone.
Behold, 10 hella effective tips.
1. A Wax
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Personally, I’ve been getting waxed for several years now, and for the most part, I have no regrets. I only say “for the most part” because I won’t lie — sometimes the temperature of the wax can alter the tackiness of it, which can make the hair-pulling process a bit uncomfortable (applying some oil to your skin before heading off to your wax appointment is a great hack for that). Still, when you consider the fact that waxing not only removes unwanted body hair for longer periods of time than shaving, it also exfoliates and softens the skin around the inner part of your vulva (which is the outer part of your vagina), reduces ingrown hairs, helps to prevent body odor (because the less hair you have, the less sweat and bacteria that can get trapped around that part of your body) and that it keeps your bikini line looking pretty amazing (check out “Yes, There Are Things That You Can Do To Get A Smooth Bikini Line”) — it absolutely makes all of the sense in the world to get waxed before going on a vacation.
2. A Menstrual Cup
Listen, sometimes periods don’t want to cooperate with your vacation schedule — and yes, that sucks times a billion. Just in case your cycle is a bit unpredictable (for instance, if you know that you’re on the later side of perimenopause — check out “Perimenopause Has Your Period Being All Over The Place? Here's What To Do.”), make sure to have a menstrual cup in tow. It’s less bulky than a pad and tends to be more comfortable than a tampon.
Plus, thanks to the silicone that most of them are made from and how well they fit inside of your vagina, you can swim, do cartwheels on the beach, wear the sexiest dress, and damn near forget that you even have one inside of you (by the way, if you want to have sex that’s as messy-less as possible, some women do this with the help of amenstrual disc).
3. (Maybe) a Prescription
Technology has caused virtually (no pun intended) everything to change with the times; including how people do prescriptions. These days, there are companies like Wisp and Nurx that let you get certain prescriptions from their online medical team. As far as your vaginal health goes, this can be super helpful if you’ve got a recurring yeast infection and you don’t have time to make a doctor’s appointment or if you want to do something like delay your cycle for a few days.
When it comes to the latter point, in walks a drug known as Norethindrone Acetate; it’s basically a progestin-only pill that can either stop your period altogether or significantly slow down your blood flow if you’d prefer to be as period-free as possible.
Now, it is a drug and drugs can potentially come with side effects. So, it’s wise to run your thought process by your own healthcare professional and you definitely need to be totally honest while the online team is doing their initial assessment. I’m just putting the option out there…so that you know you have it.
4. A Probiotic
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Something that your vagina contains is good bacteria and bad bacteria. When the bad happens to outweigh the good, that’s how irritation and infections start. One way to get a lead on this transpiring is toget some probiotics into your system. If you’ve never shopped for probiotics (especially for your vagina) before, reportedly, the strains that you should look for (most) are Lactobacillus crispatus and Lactobacillus rhamnosus; that’s because they are high-effective at giving your vagina the good bacteria that it needs.For the record, foods that are also high in probiotics include fermented ones like yogurt and kombucha along with green peas, apples, bananas, asparagus, and garlic.
5. A Mesh Laundry Bag
Iffecal matter can get stuck in your own washing machine (and it does, which is why you should give it a good bleach or white vinegar rinseon a monthly basis), imagine what it’s like at a hotel, resort, or laundry mat (lawd!). So, if you’re needing to wash some of your stuff while you’re away and, when it comes to your panties and bathing suit(s) specifically, you don’t want to wash them by hand, at least put them into a mesh laundry bag. Not only does the bag help to protect your delicates from the damage that a washing machine could cause them, but it also can help to reduce the amount of bacteria that could cling onto them — even after you consider your clothes to be clean.
6. A Moisture-Wicking Bathing Suit
Here’s something that you may not know: If you’re planning onswimming in saltwater or chlorinated water, it’s best that you wash your bathing suit after every use; that way, sweat, and bacteria won’t get locked into the fabric and end up irritating your vulva/vagina. Another swimsuit tip? Get one that is moisture-wicking. That way, any moisture in your swimsuit will dry faster, which can ultimately help prevent a nasty yeast infection from occurring. Just go to your favorite store or site and request moisture-wicking suits or put “moisture-wicking” in the search field.
7. A Cover-Up
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Listen, even though a lot of our people don’t tend to be as intentional about tanning as other (eh hem) demographics, let’s not act like we don’t like taking in some rays.
And when you find yourself lying on your stomach and basking in the sun by the beach, whether you realize it or not, there’s a term for that: it’s called “perineum sunning” — and just like the rest of your body can experience damaging UV rays, so can your va-jay-jay (and the area that’s in between your anus and your vaginal opening which is your perineum), if you’re not careful.
However, unlike the rest of your body, being able to use sunscreen to shield it from the sun because your vagina, vulva, and perineum are far more fragile; help them out by putting on a cover-up if you plan on being out in the heat for more than 30 minutes at a time. Cover-ups are a really cute way to reduce heat exposure, as it protects your perineum in the most subtle way possible.
8. A Proactive UTI Plan
Did you know thatas temperatures increase, you up your chances of experiencing a UTI (urinary tract infection)? A big part of the reason is that the less hydrated you are, the easier it is for bacteria to post up somewhere inyour urinary system. One way to stay on top of this is to, of course, drink lots of water. Also, urinate regularly (especially before and after sex), and yes,take cranberry supplements or drink pure cranberry juice (not the cocktail stuff; that has loads of sugar in it). Studies reveal that the properties in cranberries help to fight off the bacteria that lead to UTIs. So no, it’s not a myth; cranberries are the absolute truth as far as maintaining vaginal health is concerned.
9. A pH Balance Plan Too
Your period can throw offyour vagina’s pH balance. If you recently did a round of antibiotics, they can throw off your vagina’s pH balance.Stress can throw off your vagina’s pH balance.Hormonal fluctuations can throw off your vagina’s pH balance. Know what else can? Sex with a new partner (due to their bodily fluids coming into contact with your body for the first time) can throw off your vagina’s pH balance. And when your pH is not where it should be, it’s a pretty fair bet that your vagina and vulva are not going to be very happy with you. That’s why you should also have a pH balance plan in place.
Some of the things that you should do are againdrink lots of water (to keep your vagina’s ecosystem balanced), meditate (to keep your stress levels down), consume less sugar (yeast thrives in sugar), wear breathable panties (check out “These Are The Kinds Of Panties Your Vagina Actually Prefers”) and use condoms (again, sperm/semen can throw your vagina’s pH off). If you do this before you leave and while you’re on vacation as well, your vagina and vulva should remain chill while you’re trying to enjoy yourself.
10. A Pretty Ass Muumuu
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If sleeping naked is healthy for your vagina when you’re at home (and it is), it also is when you’re on vacation. Honestly, between all of the sweating, swimming, and whatever other moisture that your vulva and vagina are about to encounter, the less time “they” spend trapped up in moisture and fabrics like nylon, spandex, and polyester blends, the better. A remedy? A muumuu. Yep, you heard me. LOL. Get you a semi-sexy one that is made out of organic cotton, so that your body can breathe, it’s not see-through and you can comfortably be naked (underneath) as you’re enjoying drinks on your resort deck or taking a stroll on a cruise ship. You’ll thank me later. Trust me.
___
Yep. Follow these tips and I can almost guarantee that your vagina/vulva will treat you right. And since the last thing that I think you want to deal with is pissing her off…now you can focus on other things. Now “she” should be good.
Enjoy your time! “Both” of you. LOL.
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