Sadly, season four of Insecure is over. The show has given us another season of Black love, Black friendship, and Black stories that's much-needed in the very real world problems of 2020. But of course, the season finale gave us some major relationship themes to unpack, per usual. Last week, we were trying to keep up with Issa's efforts to juggle a rekindled relationship with Lawrence and transition into friend territory with Nathan, but that all went on pause when Condola (or Canola Oil as the internet not-so-lovingly refers to her as) reentered the scene with a more pressing issue.
Here's an in-depth recap of the season finale, but this is the short version…
Issa and Lawrence finally found their groove. All is good… until it isn't. Tiffany goes missing and her disappearance makes the whole crew reevaluate what relationships they're really fighting for. Then Lawrence drops a baby bomb, courtesy of Condola, on Issa and she's faced with the decision of whether she wants to fight for the relationship or not. Decisions, decisions…
"This is too much," was Issa's reaction to the news and the collective reaction of Black Twitter ever since the baby bomb was dropped. I for one, concur. That is TOO much. I can't say whether I'm Team Lawrence or Team Nathan, but I am Team Don't-Throw-A-Baby-In-The-Mix. Issa has just launched a new career and is coming into her own as a woman. Fitting a baby that isn't hers into that is an unnecessary complication. Now, being that I've never personally gone through this myself—being in love with someone who is having a baby with someone else—I'm sure that's a lot easier said than done.
Break babies do happen, and some couples do work things out and go onto to lead fruitful relationships within their new norm. Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Ludacris and his wife, Eudoxie Mbouguiengue, and more stars have been public examples of how having a baby outside of a relationship doesn't have to be the end of said relationship. But the behind-the-scenes work from both parties that it took to achieve this family bliss is not something to take lightly.
While it couldn't be me, it could be for someone else. So, I reached out to Insecure fans to find out this:
Is a break baby a deal breaker? What are some other deal breakers?
Baby? No. Kindergartener? Yes.
"Honestly, kids are not a deal breaker for me, but baby babies are. But it's not what you think.
In my past experiences of dating men with children, I learned that the emotions are super fresh, the younger the child is. And honestly, that is fair. If you are dating a good man (or at least one with a good heart), his feelings for his child(ren) and their best interests will always be top priority. And rightfully so. However, often how he feels about his child, may conflict with how he feels about his child's mother. Sometimes people want to give it one last go to see if they can work things out for the sake of providing the baby a two-parent home. Or sometimes they genuinely realize that their child's mother is in-fact 'the one' (see: Chance The Rapper.) And if you're a half-decent human being and pro-love, you can't knock that.
On the other hand, there are some men who truly know that being with their child's mother is not an option, however, you still have to deal with the woman getting on the same page too. And that can be drama!
That's why, I have a rule that I'd rather date a man with a 'kindergartener' and up. While not always the case, at least the kid's age is an indication of how many years he and his child's mother have gotten adjusted to the dynamics of co-parenting and have already given it a couple shots to see if they work or not beyond that." –Soraya "Sojo," Digital Director + Personality
Not For Me, But Still Rooting For Issa And Lawrence
"I'm biased. Mainly because for me personally a man having a child (with another woman) is a deal breaker. Becoming an instant stepmother isn't the problem (I love kids). The problem is knowing that the baby's mother is always going to be in his life is the deal breaker part for me. It would make me feel like I would be in competition for the number one woman in his life.
However, I'm biased because in the case of Issa and Lawrence, it's tricky. They had a long relationship, and this was not something that was planned and because of the circumstances of their relationship. I think they should give it a shot. I think my general answer would be, it depends on the situation." –India Douglas, Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW)
I Fell More In Love With The Baby Than Her
"Deal breakers are important to have. It helps in the process of developing proper relationships with people. A deal breaker I have before the big one is my partner must believe in God. They don't have to be religious, but they must believe in a higher power. I think faith can destroy a relationship if you and your partner don't share the same beliefs. They have to be funny or have a great sense of humor. I like to laugh and to make others laugh. They must have self-confidence. While I think you can definitely help build someone up to be the best person they can be, no one should have to and that comes of someone being self-confident.
Lastly, a baby is definitely a deal breaker for me. In one of my past relationships, I dated a young lady with a baby, and I ended up falling in love more with the baby than her. At the time I didn't fully realize that had happened and I tried for everyone to make the relationship work. She was a great person that just wasn't the right person for me, but I loved her son. After that, I decided never to date another woman with a baby. It clouds my judgement of the relationship." –Lucas Moore, Writer/Commentator
One Is My Max And None Is Even Better
"Deal breakers: Married or in a relationship, his own place (no roommates), car and a career (TSP, 401K, dental and health insurance). Kids are a deal breaker for me being that I've experienced the divorced man with three kids. One is my max and none is even better. I'm also unmarried without little people."–Sherryll Morton
Featured image by Insecure/HBO