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Is A Break Baby A Deal Breaker?: 4 ‘Insecure’ Fans Sound-Off

In the words of Issa, "This is too much."

Culture & Entertainment

Sadly, season four of Insecure is over. The show has given us another season of Black love, Black friendship, and Black stories that's much-needed in the very real world problems of 2020. But of course, the season finale gave us some major relationship themes to unpack, per usual. Last week, we were trying to keep up with Issa's efforts to juggle a rekindled relationship with Lawrence and transition into friend territory with Nathan, but that all went on pause when Condola (or Canola Oil as the internet not-so-lovingly refers to her as) reentered the scene with a more pressing issue.

Here's an in-depth recap of the season finale, but this is the short version…

Issa and Lawrence finally found their groove. All is good… until it isn't. Tiffany goes missing and her disappearance makes the whole crew reevaluate what relationships they're really fighting for. Then Lawrence drops a baby bomb, courtesy of Condola, on Issa and she's faced with the decision of whether she wants to fight for the relationship or not. Decisions, decisions…

"This is too much," was Issa's reaction to the news and the collective reaction of Black Twitter ever since the baby bomb was dropped. I for one, concur. That is TOO much. I can't say whether I'm Team Lawrence or Team Nathan, but I am Team Don't-Throw-A-Baby-In-The-Mix. Issa has just launched a new career and is coming into her own as a woman. Fitting a baby that isn't hers into that is an unnecessary complication. Now, being that I've never personally gone through this myself—being in love with someone who is having a baby with someone else—I'm sure that's a lot easier said than done.

Break babies do happen, and some couples do work things out and go onto to lead fruitful relationships within their new norm. Gabrielle Union and Dwyane Wade, Ludacris and his wife, Eudoxie Mbouguiengue, and more stars have been public examples of how having a baby outside of a relationship doesn't have to be the end of said relationship. But the behind-the-scenes work from both parties that it took to achieve this family bliss is not something to take lightly.

While it couldn't be me, it could be for someone else. So, I reached out to Insecure fans to find out this:

Is a break baby a deal breaker? What are some other deal breakers?

Baby? No. Kindergartener? Yes.

"Honestly, kids are not a deal breaker for me, but baby babies are. But it's not what you think.

In my past experiences of dating men with children, I learned that the emotions are super fresh, the younger the child is. And honestly, that is fair. If you are dating a good man (or at least one with a good heart), his feelings for his child(ren) and their best interests will always be top priority. And rightfully so. However, often how he feels about his child, may conflict with how he feels about his child's mother. Sometimes people want to give it one last go to see if they can work things out for the sake of providing the baby a two-parent home. Or sometimes they genuinely realize that their child's mother is in-fact 'the one' (see: Chance The Rapper.) And if you're a half-decent human being and pro-love, you can't knock that.

On the other hand, there are some men who truly know that being with their child's mother is not an option, however, you still have to deal with the woman getting on the same page too. And that can be drama!

That's why, I have a rule that I'd rather date a man with a 'kindergartener' and up. While not always the case, at least the kid's age is an indication of how many years he and his child's mother have gotten adjusted to the dynamics of co-parenting and have already given it a couple shots to see if they work or not beyond that." –Soraya "Sojo," Digital Director + Personality

Not For Me, But Still Rooting For Issa And Lawrence

"I'm biased. Mainly because for me personally a man having a child (with another woman) is a deal breaker. Becoming an instant stepmother isn't the problem (I love kids). The problem is knowing that the baby's mother is always going to be in his life is the deal breaker part for me. It would make me feel like I would be in competition for the number one woman in his life.

However, I'm biased because in the case of Issa and Lawrence, it's tricky. They had a long relationship, and this was not something that was planned and because of the circumstances of their relationship. I think they should give it a shot. I think my general answer would be, it depends on the situation." –India Douglas, Licensed Master Social Worker (LMSW)

I Fell More In Love With The Baby Than Her 

"Deal breakers are important to have. It helps in the process of developing proper relationships with people. A deal breaker I have before the big one is my partner must believe in God. They don't have to be religious, but they must believe in a higher power. I think faith can destroy a relationship if you and your partner don't share the same beliefs. They have to be funny or have a great sense of humor. I like to laugh and to make others laugh. They must have self-confidence. While I think you can definitely help build someone up to be the best person they can be, no one should have to and that comes of someone being self-confident.

Lastly, a baby is definitely a deal breaker for me. In one of my past relationships, I dated a young lady with a baby, and I ended up falling in love more with the baby than her. At the time I didn't fully realize that had happened and I tried for everyone to make the relationship work. She was a great person that just wasn't the right person for me, but I loved her son. After that, I decided never to date another woman with a baby. It clouds my judgement of the relationship." –Lucas Moore, Writer/Commentator

One Is My Max And None Is Even Better

"Deal breakers: Married or in a relationship, his own place (no roommates), car and a career (TSP, 401K, dental and health insurance). Kids are a deal breaker for me being that I've experienced the divorced man with three kids. One is my max and none is even better. I'm also unmarried without little people."–Sherryll Morton

Featured image by Insecure/HBO

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

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