Optimal positioning is … well… optimal for solo sex. It seems like lying on your back is enough but we deserve so much more than the bare minimum. After all, if we don't make our own pleasure priority, then how will we demand that others? Just like with actual sex, there are some positions that can reach a little bit further than others, and you'd be foolish to rollover without getting the most out of your masturbation time.
Every time I switch it up, I'm amazed at how much more thrilling the intensity and sensation is, and I almost never regret it. The best part about switching it up is that I, personally anyway, feel that I'm able to simulate an intimate type of pleasure derived from partner sex. I can hug breasts while I ride the grooves of my toys. I can speed it up and I can slow it down. I can pretend I'm riding an actual dick, should I be in the mood for the real thing.
There are so many small wins in switching up your positions while you sex yourself and we could talk about those all day. In honor of May being National Masturbation Month, I thought it'd be more interesting if I gave you the 4 positions likely to wear you out as I master the flick of the wrist.
1.The Titty Twist & Armchair Straddle
I stan all standing positions for masturbating, but this one is a real one because it promotes titty play. My breasts are my hotspot, always have been. The only thing that saddens me is that I'm not able to do more for them, but I do what I can making sure that I caress and arouse them as much as a man would (a man without a tongue, of course). Additionally, standing for masturbation is a jackpot position bound to make you light up.
2.The Squat-and-Rock
If you really love girl on top, this one has your name written all over it. You'll feel the burn as you would if you were dropping down and getting your Eagle on and rock while playing with yourself.
3.The Invisible Man
One of my personal favorites. I often use this one to imagine I'm having the most unimaginable, mind-blowing sex with the man I don't have. Sometimes I straddle my knees further apart to expose my uber innie clitoris. I also prefer to use this position when I'm using my rabbit, which allows me to ride, but make no mistake I'll ride the hell out of my bullet too. This or anything semi-doggystyle are some of my most preferred methods of getting off.
4.The One Person Three-Way
When I peeped that was an actual position, some part of me got really hype. I suppose I should know by now that it's all been done before but in the moment that I'm doing it, it feels so odd and creative. Still, it's one of my favorite positions when I lift my legs up in this way.
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'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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