

4 Mental Wellness Books That Aren’t CBT Related
As a person who suffers from anxiety, I am always on the hunt for new ways to deal with unpleasant symptoms. Sure, the traditional routes of speaking with a therapist, contacting a friend, and using CBT workbooks have helped me make great improvements, but it never hurts to expand your toolkit.
This year, one of the goals I set for myself was finding ways to independently conquer my fears. Attempting to self-soothe when I'm alone and don't have the mental energy to complete exercises at home left me yearning for more options.
Naturally, as a writer and avid reader, I set my sights on the bookstore. I've always been wary of self-help books and found that the positive effects wane shortly after reading the last chapter. I had a list of my favorite quotes, affirmations, and inspiring speeches on hand in case of emergencies, but I was in search of something life-changing. I did a deep dive into books on religion, performing arts, spirituality, philosophy, and psychiatry.
A universal truth that was communicated throughout almost all of the works I read was that the person most equipped to guide you towards an anxiety-free future is yourself.
I'll admit that no matter how close I've gotten to my therapist, family, or friends, there are just some things I am taking to the grave! However, being brutally honest with myself has some perks that have allowed me to work towards a better version of myself in the comfort of my own home. I've learned these skills from a few non-traditional self-help books.
These 4 books have stuck with me throughout the years. Words from each chapter have sat in the back of my mind, silently working their magic and allowing me to become a more positive, open-minded individual.
'Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality' by Anthony De Mello
Amazon
I love a sturdy hardcover or paperback edition, but I love this book so much that I also have it in eBook form so I can access it anywhere. The author, Anthony De Mello, was a Jesuit priest with refreshingly progressive views. He believed that the cause of anxiety stemmed from rigid beliefs and the unwillingness to examine them.
"There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them."
Awareness is chock-full of funny anecdotes from De Mello's own life. One common theme throughout the book is that people's interpretations of a situation are a direct result of their conditioning and current disposition.
"If you find me charming, it means that right now you're in a good mood, nothing more."
"We see people and things not as they are, but as we are."
At less than 200 pages, Awareness is a quick and insightful read that can increase self-awareness while providing a few laughs along the way.
‘The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself’ by Michael A. Singer
Amazon
I was sold on this book from the title of the first chapter alone ("The Voice Inside Your Head"). This lighthearted spirituality-based book is paced perfectly which ultimately leads to the shocking revelation that you have complete control of your annoying "inner roommate". Nope, I don't mean the person who you go half on rent and utilities, I'm talking about your constant internal dialogue.
"There is nothing more important to true growth than realizing that you are not the voice of the mind - you are the one who hears it"
It doesn't stop at acquiring self-awareness for Singer, he takes it a step further by showing you how to serve your annoying roommate an eviction notice.
"When a problem is disturbing you, don't ask, 'What should I do about it?' Ask, 'What part of me is being disturbed by this?'
Much like De Mello, Singer wants you to challenge your beliefs instead of suppressing negative feelings. You'll find that approaching problems that way helps resolve minor issues almost instantly. Now that you've shown negativity the door, you can choose which thoughts you want to engage with or let go of because:
"The truth is that most of life will unfold in accordance with forces far outside your control, regardless of what your mind says about it."
‘Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life’ by Anne Lamott
The Good Copy
Although Bird by Bird is partly a book geared toward improving writing skills, Lamott's advice can be used by anyone regardless of their chosen field. Especially because the author believes the best work comes from people who write for themselves. She gives practical advice that is often overlooked in a society that praises ambition at the risk of your mental health. There is absolutely nothing wrong with competing in a race to the top, but enjoying the journey would certainly make it more fulfilling spiritually and financially.
"We are a species that needs and wants to understand who we are. Sheep lice do not seem to share this longing, which is one reason why they write so little. But we do. We have so much we want to say and figure out."
Whether you might be anxious to pick up a new hobby or change careers, Lamott's best advice is simply to get started without worrying about how others might perceive your actions.
"Don't look at your feet to see if you are doing it right. Just dance."
‘Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization’ by Karen Horney, MD
The most badass thing about Karen Horney's studies is that she challenged Sigmund Freud's views on feminine psychology which she criticized for being wide off the mark. She directly responded to some of his most popular theories in her book aptly titled Feminine Psychology.
As a psychoanalyst whose career began in the early 1900s, Horney is not for the faint of heart. However, Neurosis and Human Growth break the human psyche down in layman's terms. This classic self-help book will leave your jaw on the floor.
"The neurotic, as long as he must adhere to his illusions about himself, cannot recognize limitations, the search for glory goes into the unlimited. Because the main goal is the attainment of glory, he becomes uninterested in the process of learning, of doing, or of gaining step by step — indeed, tends to scorn it. He does not want to climb a mountain; he wants to be on the peak. Hence he loses the sense of what evolution or growth means, even though he may talk about it. Because, finally, the creation of the idealized self is possible only at the expense of truth about himself, its actualization requires further distortions of truth, imagination being a willing servant to this end."
At times, some passages hit too close to home but also reminded me that the anxieties we deal with today are far from unique.
"It is naturally a sign of inner liberation when a patient can squarely recognize his difficulties and take them with a grain of humor. But some patients at the beginning of analysis make incessant jokes about themselves or exaggerate their difficulties in so dramatic a way that they will appear funny, while they are at the same time absurdly sensitive to any criticism. In these instances, humor is used to take the sting out of otherwise unbearable shame."
Her scientific but simple approach to self-analysis differs only in delivery from De Mello, Singer, and Lamott's, but the lesson is the same. It's always great to maintain a variety of resources for mental wellness, and self-analysis shouldn't be used in lieu of professional help. But take pride in knowing that you are the most valuable resource when it comes to overcoming any obstacle.
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Chantel Turner is a Los Angeles based writer who's passionate about mental health, philosophy, and pop culture. You can reach me by email at CTTWrites[at]gmail.com or https://chantelturner.contently.com.
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The Return Of The Supper Club Served With A Side Of Black Girl Magic
When Winter Baxter and Kelsey Beckford, co-founders of BeckzBax Supper Club, step into a restaurant, heads turn. It's impossible to miss Winter’s close crop cut and Kelsey’s flowing braids, both with glowing smiles that radiate genuine warmth and confidence. But, it’s not just the two that cause eyes to redirect from glasses of wine and exotic dishes, it's their entire party. The Spelman sisters turned best friends are also flanked by 10 to 15 Black women when they are all escorted to their table.
To many, the concept seems simple- a group of friends out to dinner- but the experiences of the BeckzBax Supper Club are anything but ordinary. This supper club delivers everything from private dining rooms to specialty curated menus with incredible dishes prepared just for them and table visits from the chefs, all in some of New York’s most exclusive and hottest eateries. The New York-based supper club has set its sight on delivering a dining experience that seeks to thrill with its adventurous palette and return to the social aspect of dining. Crafting unabashed moments of sincerity and candidacy with the people seated right beside you and social media posting saved for later.
The founders of the supper club designed by and for Black women dished to xoNecole about the courses they serve before the waiter even places the first dish down.
xoNecole: You are both native New Yorkers, the crossroads of the globe that’s home to a diverse array of cultures and with that, a dining scene that’s unparalleled. How did your childhood fuel your passion for food?
BeckzBax: When you're a city kid in New York, you really learn that going out to dinner or lunch is the thing to do. It's our culture to try out new food in restaurants. So since we were children, we saw how the restaurants and many neighborhoods were changed due to gentrification and how we lost a lot of authentic New York folks, whether they were Senegalese, Italian, Greek, Russian, Ukrainian, [or] African-American. Now a lot of the neighborhoods are just whitewashed and toned down.
So now there are restaurants that are bringing back culture, and we want to experience that.
xoN: How did BeckzBax make it from the group chat to a now highly sought-after event?
BeckzBax: Last summer in 2022, we were out at Moko, which is our favorite Omakase restaurant in the city. We had a 15-course meal, and we loved it. It was such a cool experience. But we looked around and realized we were the only two Black women in the space. We thought it would be more fun and a more fulfilling experience if we can dine in bigger groups.
I feel like a lot of people are trying to rediscover how they want to be social, definitely because of lockdown and just getting older. We have friends who are now sober, friends who don't like going out to clubs, and everybody is doing brunch. So we asked ourselves, “What else is there to do?” We came up with the supper club and focused on dinner because you always need to eat!
xoN: In just a year you have carved out a very unique identity for your supper club. Why do you think so many Black women gravitate toward your events?
BeckzBax: This is not a girl-boss event. This is really just, 'Hey, it's Tuesday night. Are you alone in the city? Do you need company? Do you need a sister? Do you need a friend, even if it’s just for a couple of hours?' We have seen how it really helps people feel like they are safe and supported.
We really appreciate that people give us that honor and privilege of coming to our events by themselves because they feel safe enough that they'll be received and treated with honesty and respect.
xoN: What is it like being a group of Black women occupying restaurant spaces that typically caters to a different crowd?
BeckzBax: We are here to disrupt the hospitality industry in the way that it operates because right now, there are a lot of things that people are not talking about. People are not being transparent about when it comes to having a good time out at dinner at some of these fine dining restaurants.
The treatment from the door is very different. If they don't know that we are the supper club that's booked for the private dinner, they assume that it's not us.
xoN: What ideas are you trying to dismantle with your supper club?
BeckzBax: The gatekeeping! There’s no gatekeeping food. It's food, it's an ingredient whether it's a tomato or a truffle. Everyone deserves to try and have new things.
xoN: What has surprised you the most about the restaurants since you’ve started?
BeckzBax: Our attendees are really shocked to find out that a Black woman is behind the menu and has curated this entire experience in a number of upscale restaurants.
That's what we want to highlight: we are the ones behind the success of a lot of these restaurants. Whether or not we are in the room… we are in the kitchen, and nobody talks about that. We're in the kitchen, so we deserve to be in this space just as much as everybody else does.
xoN: Wow! So how do the chefs react when they see your group in their restaurants, especially when you both don’t reflect the makeup of the restaurants you attend?
BeckzBax: We’ve been told it's liberating for the chefs. They don't often get to flex their own muscles very much. They're restricted to their menu and what their clients want. BeckzBax Supper Club allows them the space and freedom to really show what they're capable of.
Instead of repeatedly making the same ten dishes, they can offer seasonal options, and the chef is really allowed to show the fullness of what they can do.
xoN: What about the people that say, “Hey, I can go out to dinner with friends on my own.” What is it that BeckzBax brings to the table… literally?
BeckzBax: You are not going to have the same experience solo that we are able to curate for you. It’s impossible because we take the time to build relationships with chefs, owners, and general managers to provide a very specific experience for our members.
What sets BeckzBax apart is the point of breaking bread together. We've lost the art of socializing without it being for a reason like a birthday or networking. We’re not about a certain aesthetic. Everyone is there because they actually want to come, sit down, have dinner, and have real conversations. They want to get candid and share their life. Whatever you need, and it happens over food.
xoN: How can xoNecole readers join the supper club? Are you all accepting new members?
BeckzBax: Yes! If you’re interested in joining, email us at beckzbaz@gmail.com. We’ll send you a welcome email and explain the full process of joining, including how the club works and membership fees and dues. If you want to do a trial run before joining, we also have mini-series events that are usually cocktail hours so you can get to know us and meet current members.
xoN: Do you have any plans to expand BeckzBaz outside of New York?
BeckzBax: We’re going international! Japan is at the top of the list, and our goal is to do world tours, with the food being the basis of it all. This summer we’re also expanding domestically, if you’re in D.C., Philly, California, or Atlanta, keep your eyes open!
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Featured image courtesy of BeckzBax Supper Club