Lingerie Hacks: How To Choose The Best Kind For Your Body Type
Ah, lingerie. If there's one thing that I'm a huge fan of women owning, it's exactly that. There are a few reasons why. For starters, I think it's something that all women are able to look really sexy in. When it comes to bringing your "A" game to seduction, you can't miss when you wear it. Plus, I don't know about you but, whenever I put it on, I feel so damn…beautiful.
Sometimes, when I'm in counseling sessions and couples will bring up how their bedroom has become a bit of a yawn fest, it's not uncommon for me to ask what the bedding and the wife's lingerie is looking like. And you know what? More times than not, the response is both could use a bit of sprucing up. Thing is, sometimes wives will then share with me that they don't really enjoy lingerie shopping because they have a hard time figuring out what looks best on them. Because, after all, when it comes to lingerie, it's not really a one-kind-suits-all situation.
That's why I decided to offer up a bit of a cheat sheet. Rather than break lingerie down into specific body types, I thought it would be best to share what pieces complement different parts of the body most. That way, you can go into a store with confidence about what you want and why you need it, so that you can come home and blow you and your partner's mind—in that order too. Ready?
Bustiers Will Draw Attention to Your Breasts
If you're looking to create an hourglass effect with the emphasis being on your breasts, a bustier is the way to go. It's definitely something that will make your waistline appear smaller as your breasts appear bigger—which is why a lot of women with smaller-sized breasts prefer to wear them.
Chemises are Perfect for Long Legs
A chemise is basically a really short dress in lingerie form. It's for a woman who's more on the low-maintenance and playful side of lingerie. What I like about this particular option is if you're someone with legs for days, it can make them look super seductive without a lot of hassle.
Teddies Are Great on Women with Wide Shoulders
What if you're someone with a pair of really wide shoulders? If you want a style that will have you out here looking uber feminine, you can never go wrong with a teddy. The way they are cut can help to actually give your shoulders more of a slim appearance while elongating the rest of your body at the same time.
Corsets Create an Hourglass Silhouette
Something that I think looks unbelievable on pretty much any woman is a corset. It's the kind of garment that starts right underneath a woman's breasts and extends right down to her hips. It helps to create a beautiful silhouette and, when you choose to not wear much else but it, it can be sexy AF times 10.
Rompers Are Nice on Thinner Bodies
Rompers are cute, right? They look like short lil' playsuits. When they're the lingerie version, the shorts are about as high as boy shorts which can make your legs look great. And since it's a one-piece article of clothing, it's ideal if you're on the thinner side but want to give the illusion of being a little curvier without sacrificing comfort in the process.
Baby Dolls Are Amazing for Small Waistlines
Do you not have much of a waistline or you're a little thicker in the middle? Shoot, there's nothing wrong with that, yet if you want something that will camouflage that specific area of your body, go with a baby doll look. It's very romantic and flattering at the same time because it drapes around your hips while pulling the emphasis away from the middle of your body at the same time.
Body Stockings Are Sensual on Athletic Builds
Whether you've got a super athletic body (toned or muscular) or you're thin and your shape is kind of straight up and down, something that would be perfect for you is a body stocking. Although it does cover up your entire body, because it's oftentimes made of sheer lace or fishnet, body stockings can add dimension with very little left to the imagination too.
Thongs Are Perfect for Showing Off Your Assets
If you've got a great ass and you know it, why in the world would you hide it? Put it in the thong and strut your good stuff all over the place. If all goes well, you won't have them on for long, anyway. Right?
V-Shaped Butt Needs Boy Shorts
If you've got a lil' bit of junk in your trunk but you don't have much in the hips department, a pair of panties that would look great on you is the ones that are V-shaped. They help to create the illusion that you've got more curves in that area than you actually do. They feel really good on too.
A Square-Shaped Butt Needs Bikini Cut Panties
A square-shaped butt is basically one that looks like it could be an H-shape from behind. The kind of panties that are flattering for this particular body type are bikinis because they are able to provide full coverage in the back yet the V-cut in the front can offer up a hint of curve.
Garter Belts Are Good for a Long Torso
Do you happen to have a really long torso? If so, something that will look truly breathtaking on you is a garter belt. Since it's a belt that goes around your waist and connects to stockings or knee-high socks, it will put your partner's focus on how your waist and legs seem to never end. In the best way possible.
Black Is Slimming
It's no secret that black is very slimming, so if that's something that you're after, black will never do you wrong. What I like about it in the way of lingerie, though, is it gives a hint of mystery. And when you don't know quite what's to come, the allure of that can be a huge turn-on.
Red Is AMAZING on Black Skin
I think when it comes to lingerie, getting pieces in your man's favorite color is certainly a great way to go. However, hue-wise, a color that can never go wrong for any Black woman is red. It just tends to pop whether you're a caramel, gingerbread or Godiva chocolate kind of girl. And since red symbolizes things like passion, love, desire, confidence and sexuality—how could you possibly go wrong with it? EVER.
Bright Top/Dark Bottom Will Make Your Top Look Bigger
Optical illusions can actually be a lot of fun, even when it comes to lingerie. For instance, if you want the top part of your body to appear larger and the bottom half of you to look smaller, go with a lingerie set that is light on the top and dark on the bottom. If you want the opposite effect, flip it. (The same point goes for patterns vs. solids in lingerie pieces too.)
Satin Gives Good Coverage
One more. Lace. Organza. Polyester blends. Silk. Organic cotton. These are some of the popular fabrics that come to mind when I think of lingerie. Yet if you want something that's really seductive and, at same time is "forgiving" when it comes to hiding things like cellulite, satin is always the way to go. It's smooth to look at, soft to the touch and, at the same time, provides a really good amount of coverage so that you can feel confident in whatever piece of lingerie you decide to buy. Now what are you waiting for? Cop a few pieces and blow someone's mind tonight!
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Listen, You're Totally Missing Out If You've Never Tried 'Yoga Sex' Before
Deflecting. If there’s one thing that irks me to absolutely no end, it’s when someone tries to avoid personal accountability — or even just a direct question — by deflecting. Take some people, who are barely in their 50s, who try to tell me that they are basically in a sexless marriage due to their age.
Chile, please. Reportedly, over 40 percent of people between the ages of 60-85 are sexually active (I personally think it’s much higher than that), and more than half between the ages of 57-75 (and one-third between the ages of 75-85) participate in oral sex. Matter of fact, a great example of all of this is TikTok sensation (and her husband) Rita 'Badgirlriri504' Smith who’s been married 43 years and talks about intimacy with her man every chance she gets. And you know what? I adore seeing it (check out “Marriage Tips with Social Media Creator Rita 'Badgirlriri504' Smith”)!
And just what does all of this have to do with today’s topic? Well, while talking to two of my clients not too long ago — people who are also well into their 60s — about the fact that they try to get it in at least twice a week (see what I mean? And that doesn’t include oral), when I asked them what their secret was, the wife said, without hesitation, “Simple. We do yoga sex.”
It’s pretty redundant for me to say that I write about sex a lot, which means that I research it too; however, I’ve got to admit that although I know that certain positions can make engaging in copulation easier, it never crossed my mind that there was something known as yoga sex. Yet, as the couple broke it down to me, I found myself becoming more and more intrigued. And that caused me to do some looking around so that I could share the wealth.
Because if your sex life is already bomb as hell, things are slowing down a bit, and you need a bit of “oomph” to fuel the fire again or, deep down, you know that you’re deflecting when it comes to your sex life and you want to change that — yoga sex could be the answer to all of your sexual needs. Read on to see what I mean.
Let’s Review Some Overall Benefits of Yoga, in General, First
GiphyThe gym? It’s never been something that has tickled my fancy, not even a little bit. Oh, but as my metabolism is slowing down and I can tell that I’m deep in the throes of perimenopause (CHILE), I’ve accepted that I need to be more intentional about exercise than ever. And since you can find just about anything that you’re looking for on the internet, I’ve found myself taking a real liking to yoga.
As far as health-related and direct physical benefits go, there are many:
- Yoga helps to reduce stress
- Yoga helps to decrease bodily inflammation
- Yoga helps to boost your immunity
- Yoga strengthens your body
- Yoga increases flexibility
- Yoga gives you more balance and improves your posture
- Yoga elevates your mental health
And that really is just the tip of the iceberg! Since you can get all of this from apps that offer classes for free (you can get a list of some of them here, or you can put “yoga classes” in the search field of YouTube as well), which means that you can do yoga from the comfort and convenience of your own home, why wouldn’t you want to at least give it a shot? Especially if, as you’re about to see, you can incorporate sex into yoga too?
So, What’s This “Yoga Sex” Thing All About?
GiphyIf you actually took the list of benefits that I just provided seriously, it should make all the sense in the world why yoga would help to improve people’s sex lives. If you’re less stressed, it’s easier to orgasm. If you have less bodily inflammation, sex is more comfortable. If you have a solid immune system, you’re in a better mood for sex. If your body is stronger, you will have more stamina during sex. The more flexible you are, the more sex positions you can try. The better your posture is, the easier it is to breathe deeply (which also increases your chances of climaxing). And if your mental health is in a great state, the more satisfying sex will be for you overall.
Okay, but there’s more. Some studies actually reveal that women who participate in yoga on a regular basis are more easily aroused, lubricate more, and experience less bodily discomfort — and get this, especially if they are over the age of 45. One study even went so far as to reveal that 75 percent of women who did yoga consistently said that they were more satisfied with their sex life than before yoga became a part of their lifestyle. Impressive…impressive indeed.
So, what makes “yoga sex” a thing? Well, it’s basically when people bring standard yoga positions into their sex life. Meaning, it’s not about learning positions that will make you stronger and more flexible in the bedroom beforehand; no, yoga sex is about literally doing yoga while having sex.
For instance, say that your goal for sex is to experience deeper penetration from your partner. A position that you might want to try is the cobra pose (here) where you first get on your stomach and then lift the upper half of your body with your hands while keeping your arms straight. If your partner straddles you, it frees their body up to penetrate you while also stimulating your neck and shoulders with his hands and mouth.
Or, if you like the missionary position yet you want to give it a bit of an upgrade, the bridge pose (here) can make that happen because it’s all about being on your back and then lifting the lower half of your body while your feet are planted on the ground (or your bed if your core is strong and your partner is helping to hold you up). Word on the street is this is a top-tier cunnilingus position. Report back. #wink
Maybe you’ve always wanted to experience a cervical orgasm. Getting on your back and throwing your legs over your head, and then being penetrated is one of the best ways to achieve this goal; that position is called the plow pose (here).
Now that I’ve broken yoga sex down a bit, do you see the potential that it holds? Do you also see how taking up some yoga, outside of sex, could better prep you for yoga sex?
If all of this has piqued your interest, first let me say that there are other traditional yoga positions that would be great for sex too like the forward bend and reclining butterfly (here) or the happy baby and cat-cow (here) — and honestly, that’s only the beginning because, the more confident you become, the more positions you’ll probably want to experiment with. The really awesome thing is, when it comes to yoga sex, positions aren’t the only thing that you can explore; there are different types of yoga sex too. Let’s touch on that briefly as well.
Did You Know That There Are Different Kinds of Yoga Sex?
GiphySo, what do I mean by different types of yoga sex? Great question.
Tantric yoga: This type of yoga focuses on the more spiritual side of intimacy. It does this by incorporating practices that help with meditation (check out “What Exactly Is 'Orgasmic Meditation'?”), flexibility and deep breathing.
Orgasmic yoga:If you want to control your pelvis more, strengthen your core, and become an expert when it comes to breathwork, then orgasmic yoga will be more your speed (for the record, from what I’ve read, belly dancing actually qualifies as a form of orgasmic yoga. Just an FYI).
Kink yoga: If BDSM is your thing, then this is the kind of yoga that you’ve been looking for. The main aim here is to use yoga to get you to become more flexible and more mindful during sex.
When it comes to all three of these, if you live in a major city, there’s a pretty good chance that you can find a class that specializes in them. Otherwise, YouTube has some introductions to all of these too.
3 Tips for Yoga Sex Beginners
GiphyAnd what if yoga sex is something you’re down with yet you’re not sure how to start? Well, here are a few tips that can make even trying yoga sex tonight a more pleasurable experience.
1. Decide on positions beforehand. Good foreplay isn’t just about what you do 15 minutes before intercourse; it’s about getting each other’s minds “right” long before that. So, put your partner in the mood by emailing or texting pictures of some positions you’d like to try. It will get his mind in the mood and his imagination going; it’ll also give you some time to practice (just sayin’).
2. Create a “yoga-like” atmosphere. Listen, one of the key principles of yoga is cultivating an environment for mindfulness and peace. So, if you’re trying to do this with the television on, the kids yelling downstairs, or with your mind on a billion different things, it’s not going to work. You need quiet. You also need a lot of room. You need scents (like lavender, jasmine, vanilla, neroli, or sandalwood) that make you feel calm and relaxed. And you need soft lighting; it brings about a sense of tranquility. What about sounds? Instrumental or nature ones are probably gonna work best because they won’t break your concentration.
3. Always meditate (together) first. You’re kinda gonna miss the whole point of yoga sex if you just walk into your bedroom and immediately get into the downward dog. Remember that mindfulness, peacefulness, and pacing oneself are all benefits of yoga — and meditation is what achieves all of this. Plus, meditation is proven to control anxiety, bring about self-awareness, and even give you a greater attention space. So, before any foreplay even begins, sit on the floor across from your partner, look into each other’s eyes, and breathe, deeply, in and out together, for at least 3-5 minutes. It will bring forth an energy that will make yoga sex — and orgasming — truly incomparable…that’s what my clients tell me anyway. #wink
____
It really is so time out for bringing ageism into sex. If the body is able and the spirit is willing, you can be out here rivaling the 20-somethings. Yoga sex is just one option that cosigns on this — and has the data to prove it, chile. Enjoy!
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