To this day, I cannot for the life of me spot the lie when Biggie said "if the head right" he's there err night. I mean I don't personally know his truth, but I know my own and I know that head is the ultimate fornication foreplay. And if your head game is not in fact on point, then what business do we have?
Conversely, we have nothing to talk about if my eyes roll at the thought of delivering even the lowest quality of oral sex. To clarify, there are men I have a desire to simply f*ck but I don't have an equitable desire to go down on them. At this point, if my panties don't drip at the thought of allllllll the new ways I can show you what this mouth can do – I don't want it and that's just where I'm at with it.
When you get you a man who you love to get off, providing a blow by blow won't feel like a chore but it'll feel like you've reached a duality point in your pleasure. Still, that doesn't mean you can't up the ante and gain direct pleasure in the moment – switch it up, add a toy or two that will focus on you. You'll see, of the 6 positions there are a good amount "come up and f*ck me" positions that won't just do it for him.
So the next time you're going about to give him head, add one of these to your repertoire and make it nasty for everyone.
1.Mexican Halloween Position
Lie on your back and place your feet flat onto the floor. Your partner will sit on your stomach and lie back on your legs, their legs should extend across your face like a bridge while their feet will be planted onto the surface. You can wrap your arms around their waist and show them the time of their lives. Here you can eat everything the grocery store has to offer -- booty, balls, everything -- if you choose.
2.Southern Headrest Position
If you like to suck on the balls, this move will be your bestie -- giving you angles for days. Here's how it needs to go down: Have your partner lie on their side, for comfort they may want to rest their head on their arm. Keeping their bottom leg placed on the bed, they'll slightly bend and raise the other leg, giving you a window to pop your head into. This position provides another way to suck his d*ck from the back as an old friend often and eloquently describes (although I suppose we're past eloquent) but it also gives you the option of showing his g-spot some love.
3.Mirage Position
For this position, lay on your back and place your feet flat on a surface of your choice. On their knees, your partner will straddle your mouth and you will be able to pull them in closer to you as you please. But, this position also provides your partner with easy access to your clitoris and if they've got the length, maybe even g-spot. Give him your favorite vibrator and be prepared to go off!
4.Jack Hammer Position
Sit on your floor and pull your feet into your butt, place your hands behind you to steady yourself, arch your back and tilt your head back. Your partner will stand behind directly over and behind you, straddling his legs for stability. Here you can begin to squat up and down once you've got a grip on your partner's penis. Lift off and be great.
5.Batman Position
There's some general confusion with the naming of this position. I'm thinking it's more-so related to the anatomical positioning of a real-life bat and not Batman himself, as I'm certain from what I have seen in The Dark Knight Trilogy that Batman would never actually pose so awkwardly but I digress, because after reading this, who knows what Batman might do.
To fly high with this move, lie on your back and place your feet flat on the bed. Face-to-face, your partner will straddle your legs placing each knee at the perimeter of your body and hit a cat pose (you know cats, cobras, yoga?). Once the foundation is there, you will lean in and grab your partner's hips. This provides your partner with the ability to dose out more or less d*ck.
6.The Prop Engine Position
This one is simple and delivers double trouble in the best way possible. Have your partner sit on the couch with his legs spread apart. Sitting in front of him on the floor and face-to-face, you can take your vibrator (the Hitachi seems ideal here) and position it to erect between the base of the couch and your vulva, thrusting your pelvis as your thrust your mouth onto your partner.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
___
Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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