Visiting the Bahamas for the first time exceeded my expectations, even in the middle of a pandemic. Between the rich culture, flavorful foods, rhythmic music and beautiful beaches, this Caribbean paradise has so much to offer for all types of travelers. I stayed in Nassau, which is the capital of the Bahamas and one of the most popular island ports for cruises. Tourism accounts for more than 50 percent of the country's gross domestic product (GPD) and employs almost half of the Bahamian workforce, so spending my money directly on the island was important to me.
I felt a warm welcome from every single Bahamian I came across for the entirety of my trip, which made me feel more at home than on vacation. So let's get to where to stay, what to eat, and all the fun things to do in and around Nassau so you can start planning your trip now!
Things To Know About The Bahamas Before You Travel
Traveling during a global pandemic means an added layer of research and additional steps to take in making sure you are prepared to travel to your destination. This destination requires you to apply on their website for a Bahamas Health Travel Visa, and the application takes about 5 minutes to complete. There's also a $40 fee.
According to the most recent regulations, all travelers to the Bahamas must provide proof of a negative COVID-19 test taken no more than 5 days before arrival. I was approved within 24 hours of completing my application and uploading my documents, so it's a super-quick process, but you'll want to get your approval ahead of your trip. (And be sure to check the travel visa website closer to the date of your trip, as regulations are subject to change.)
Once approved, you receive a QR code to present at the airport before passing through security. Try to arrive early to ensure you have enough time to get your documents checked because you don't want to get left behind because you don't have all your ducks in a row.
Where To Stay In The Bahamas
Airbnb: Thirty Six
For some destinations, I prefer to skip the resorts and go for a more local accommodation like an Airbnb. After doing lots of research, I decided to stay at Thirty|Six Condominiums, a luxury condo on Paradise Island.
When I say that it's a newer, luxury condo, I mean it. In the taxi ride from the airport, our driver joked that we must be celebrities because only famous people stay there.
The one-bedroom condo had one full bathroom and one half bathroom, a walk-in closet, a washer and dryer, a large wrap-around balcony, and a completely renovated kitchen. I truly felt like I was living a fabulous life in such a beautiful space.
The property had a 24-hour security booth, parking, a gym, and a beautiful infinity pool where we could lounge all day long. The security guards were great for helping us get a taxi or giving restaurant recommendations. I would for sure stay there again next time.
Hotel: Atlantis Paradise Island
Chances are if you start to research anything related to the Bahamas, you've heard of Atlantis.
Where To Eat
The Bahamas was filled with so many delicious restaurants, it was truly hard to narrow it down to just a few. As with most islands, the seafood was super-fresh and the hospitality was pleasant.
Conch is a true Bahamian specialty, so be sure to try conch fritters and conch salad everywhere. I honestly had conch fritters every day.
And of course, rum is the true star of any island vacation so I recommend a Bahama Mama or rum punch for lunch and dinner. Everywhere that I ate was spectacular, but here are some of my favorite must-try places for good eats.
Viola's Bar and Grill
Multiple people suggested eating at Viola's, and it did not disappoint. Located in walking distance to most hotels on Paradise Island, Viola's is the perfect spot to grab lunch or dinner. Outside of the delicious Bahamian food, Viola's also has great entertainment like karaoke nights. Don't miss trying the conch fritters (duh!) and the shrimp mac-and-cheese which can be made spicy. Also, ask about the super-sized drink upgrades, because why not?
Green Parrot
This spot is located right on the harbor, so it serves up delicious eats with fantastic views. The service was great and the drinks had me whining in my chair to the reggae music.
Sonia's Jerk
If there is just one thing you follow through with after reading this guide, let it be a visit to Sonia's Jerk Hut on the beach. Located right on the beach, this cute little spot serves all of your Caribbean favorites, and the owner Sonia is super sweet. The restaurant prides itself as the "best jerk on the island," and I did not see the lie. The jerk chicken was thebomb.com. Oh, and don't sleep on her spicy sauce because it packs a punch! Another great thing is that the food comes in to-go containers so if her tables are full, just grab your food and eat it right there on the beach.
Latitudes
Latitudes is where you go when you want to dress up and spend a little more for dinner. Their menu is a fusion of different cuisines that includes sushi, pizza, steak, and noodle bowls. Dinner can fill up quickly so be sure to make a reservation.
Arawak Cay Fish Fry
Fish Fry is not a specific restaurant but a designated strip of different restaurants serving up fresh and delicious seafood. There isn't one specific place I can recommend because I tried so many that were good, so I suggest you treat it like a bar-hop. Stop at one place for the conch fritters, then go a few doors down for some fried snapper, and then try the rum punch and shrimp at another spot.
Later in the evening, this area is vibrant, with music playing and lots of locals and tourists wandering around looking for their next spot to eat. I visited twice and had some of the best conch fritters and rum punch at one of the smaller spots.
What To Do In The Bahamas
When on vacation, it's not always necessary to have a full itinerary. Sometimes you just gotta relax and go with the flow. The Bahamas is great for both travelers who want to lounge on the beach with a cocktail all day and those who are looking for adventure. If you want to make the most of your time, here are some suggestions for things to do and places to visit to get the authentic Bahamian experience.
Junkanoo Beach
Located just minutes away from downtown Nassau, Junkanoo Beach was the best beach for hanging out and enjoying the crystal blue water. I found the water to be calmer and more shallow, which is perfect for those who just want to enjoy the water without going out too deep or worrying about large waves. There's also a strip of bars and restaurants right along the beach (including Sonia's Jerk Hut), so you can easily spend a day here just relaxing and catching vibes. Take a walk a little further down and you'll end up right at the start of the Fish Fry. Win-Win!
Snorkeling Boat Cruise
What is vacation if you don't find yourself on a boat at least once? The water surrounding the Bahamas is just too beautiful not to see up-close and personal. There are a number of boat cruises that will take you to different islands and some trips include stops for snorkeling and lunch. The cruise I took included snorkeling near green turtles, bottomless rum punch, and a stop at a restaurant on Rose island, complete with a DJ and time for ordering food. Need I say more?
John Watling Distillery
When in Rome, or in this case the Bahamas, do a rum tasting! This historic distillery has been pushing out hand-crafted Bahamian rum since 1789 and is worth the visit. Stop by for rum tastings or a free daily tour, and grab a bottle (or two) to bring back to the states.
Hideaway Floating Bar
A floating bar in the middle of the ocean with good drinks and vibes? Sign me up! Hideaway is literally a floating bar and grill located in the water near Athol Island, which is just off of Paradise Island. Open on weekends only, catch an hourly speedboat out to the bar and spend the day hanging out by the bar or lounging with your feet in the water as you take in the views. Be sure to go early, because once it fills up, you have to wait until people leave to go over.
Exuma Island
I know everyone has seen the photos of folks visiting the Bahamas and being on an island full of large pigs called Exuma. There you can visit the pigs, swim with sharks, and just enjoy the beautiful views. It's a separate island from the one Nassua is located on, so if you want to swim with the pigs you will have to book a flight which takes about 40 mins or book a boat tour which can be around 3 to 4 hours via speedboat. It's a long journey, but worth the Instagrammable photos with a piglet and his family.
Cacique Bar and Lounge
If you're like me, then you enjoy venturing out to experience nightlife when visiting new places. The Bahamas did not let me down when it came to having fun, and Cacique was one of those places that I wanted to go back to every night if I could. Located not too far from Junkanoo Beach, it's an outdoor spot that has all the vibes. I'm talking about good food, strong and cheap drinks (hello $10 top shelf), hookah, and a DJ playing everything from soca to hip-hop. Do yourself a favor and plan at least one fun night out to dance and have fun at Cacique, and depending on the day you might find yourself enjoying karaoke, paint and sip, or Ladies Night.
For more travel stories, tips and tricks, check out the xoNecole travel section here.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, bringing some earth sign energy into the mix, grounding and nurturing what you are creating in your life right now. On April 27, we have a New Moon in Taurus, and this is an abundant and fruitful New Moon. This is one of the best New Moons of the year for you to set your intentions for your financial world and a time for seeing new opportunities for abundance. On the last day of the month, Venus moves into Aries until June 6th, and love requires a little more passion, independence, and excitement during this time.
Overall, April is a month of feeling things through, taking more intuitive risks, investing in yourself, and balancing your needs with the needs of your relationships.
Read for your sun and rising sign below to see what April has in store for you.
AriesKyra Jay for xoNecoleARIES
April is your month to shine, Aries. With the chaos of March now over, you are starting to see the progress of where life is and how everything has turned out even better than you were expecting. The month begins with the Sun in your 1st house of self, and you are feeling more confident, courageous, and in tune with yourself. With a Full Moon in your sister sign on April 12, relationships are also coming full circle for you now, and you are claiming your peace this month.
Mercury finally goes direct on April 7 and then enters your sign from April 16 to May 10, and this is going to clear up any miscommunications that you have been through. With Mercury now in your sign, your conversations are lively, your mind is inspiring, and you are thinking one step ahead. Before the month ends, Venus enters your sign from April 30 to June 6, and love is also moving forward for you now. Overall, this is a month where you are experiencing some happy outcomes and loyal support.
TaurusKyra Jay for xoNecoleTAURUS
April is a month of passion and purpose, Taurus. You are living in your abundance, and are focused on valuing yourself and the things you are bringing to fruition right now. Venus, your ruling planet, goes direct on March 12 after being retrograde in your financial house since March 1, and you are moving into the month experiencing more opportunities and also feeling more respected in what you are accumulating for yourself and standing your ground on.
Taurus Season officially begins on April 19, and it’s all about you right now. This Taurus Season is smoothing things out for you in love, with new relationship developments unfolding and life flourishing for you. The New Moon this month is in your sign on April 27, it’s time for a new beginning. You are truly embracing your strength in April, making things happen for yourself, and no longer doubting your future and what is possible for you.
GeminiKyra Jay for xoNecoleGEMINI
This month is all about the options becoming available to you now, Gemini. With your ruling planet Mercury going direct at the beginning of the month on April 7, you no longer feel as held back or out of place as you may have in the past weeks. With Mercury now direct, your thinking is clearer, and you are seeing the opportunities in your career and professional world that you may have missed before.
The more you can embrace your authenticity, the less time you will spend doubting how others perceive you, remember that this month.
On April 12, there is a Full Moon in Libra, highlighting the romance in your life and bringing forth understanding and compassion within your close relationships. You are letting go of old attachments or self-doubts that haven’t been serving your love life, and are growing closer to your own heart in the process. Before April comes to an end, Mars enters your 3rd house of communication, and you are overall leaving the month focused on your progress, your vision, and taking up space because you deserve to.
CancerKyra Jay for xoNecoleCANCER
This month is all about balancing your time and energy wisely, Cancer. You are being reminded not to overwork or overwhelm yourself in April, and to focus on doing the things that are within your control right now. The Sun is in your 10th house of career for most of the month so you are feeling really passionate about the things you are developing in your life right now, but it’s all about finding the right balance between your personal goals and your needs in your relationships as well.
The Full Moon in Libra on April 12 will be a time to devote your energy to self-care, close loved ones, and overall getting some time to decompress. You are ready to let go of the things that don’t make you feel safe or nurtured and are receiving an emotional renewal right now. The New Moon in Taurus at the end of the month is a time to focus on your intentions on your community, friendships, and aspirations in life, and to pay attention to where you can create more abundance here.
LeoKyra Jay for xoNecoleLEO
Things are turning around for you for the better, Leo. April is a dynamic month, and you are owning your inner alchemist. With a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication on April 12, you are getting the messages you have been looking for and the mental clarity you have found is bringing closure to some of your close relationships. This month is about being flexible and trusting the changes that are happening for you right now.
On April 18, Mars enters your sign until June 17, and this is huge for you. You began the year with Mars retrograde in your sign, so you are getting the opportunity now, to rewrite some of the things that weren’t working for you at the beginning of the year. You are overcoming previous obstacles, and experiencing a breakthrough in your life this month. Before April ends, there is a New Moon in Taurus, highlighting your career, reputation, and professional life. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for what goals you want to come to fruition for you now.
VirgoKyra Jay for xoNecoleVIRGO
This month is all about building new foundations in your life, Virgo. You are feeling more supported and in tune with your own inner needs and interests, and it’s bringing you closer to people and systems that resonate. Your ruling planet Mercury goes direct this month on April 7 after being retrograde for the past few weeks; bringing more clarity, understanding, and compassion to your partnerships in life. You are focused on love this month and are working together with others to make your dreams come true.
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LibraKyra Jay for xoNecoleLIBRA
This is a big month of closure for you, Libra. The Sun is in your 7th house of love for most of April, and your heart is in the right place. With Venus, your ruling planet, going direct on April 12 after being retrograde since March 1, you are finally able to take a breath. You are not experiencing as many obstacles when it comes to communication matters and you are feeling like you have the tools you need to move forward right now.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on April 12, and you are ready to let go of what isn’t working for you. You have been through a lot recently and have gained the clarity you need to let go of old attachments. Venus moves into your house of love before the month ends, and you are leaving the month feeling more in tune with where things are moving forward for you, rather than what you are leaving behind. Your heart moves through a journey in April, and your emotions are showing you a lot.
ScorpioKyra Jay for xoNecoleSCORPIO
April is a month of success, progress, and dreams coming to fruition, Scorpio. You are focused on your health, your priorities, and creating space for the new beginnings that you are creating in your life right now. The Full Moon mid-month is a big closure moment for you, and you are owning the fact that you have healed and you are no longer the same person you were in the past. This is a month of stepping into your power and feeling supported in doing so.
Mid-month, Mars enters your 10th house of career and public life and you are shining within your purpose. Over the next month and a half, you are going to be gaining some new opportunities that will be serving your professional life and goals. This is the month to show up and to let your skills, talents, and authenticity shine. On April 17, there is a New Moon in your opposite sign, Taurus, and you are leaving the month with some pleasant surprises in store for you in love as well.
SagittariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleSAGITTARIUS
April is a new beginning for you, Sagittarius. You are focused on putting the action and effort behind your goals, and you are being proactive within the opportunities that you are looking for right now. With a Full Moon in your 11th house of aspirations mid-month, you are letting go of the way you thought things would play out for you and are owning a more abundant version of things.
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CapricornKyra Jay for xoNecoleCAPRICORN
April is about putting one step in front of the other with patience and dedication and trusting the decisions you are making for yourself right now, Capricorn. The Sun is in your 4th house for most of the month, and you are yearning for your safe spaces, comfort foods, and loyal people. Giving yourself more time to decompress, take care of yourself, and ground your energy is essential this month.
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AquariusKyra Jay for xoNecoleAQUARIUS
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PiscesKyra Jay for xoNecolePISCES
This is a month where your heart is shining, and you are feeling in tune with the progress you have made in your life and within your relationships, Pisces. You are owning your value, your worth, and the beauty of who you are, and are ready to leave the past behind. With Mercury and Venus both going direct in Pisces this month after being retrograde in your sign for the past few weeks, you are in a better space than you have been, and there are fewer obstacles and miscommunications in your life.
You have been through a journey of understanding yourself better through your goals, perspectives, and interests, and have been committing yourself to your authenticity. On April 27, there is a New Moon in Taurus happening, and this New Moon is a good time for communication matters, getting your message across, and for your creative pursuits. With the clarity you feel within your mind and heart right now, you are making a lot of progress in April and feeling pleased with where life is headed.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
You know, back when I wrote the article, “7 Signs You Have A Toxic Relationship...With Yourself,” one of the things that I said (and wholeheartedly believe) is people who refuse to take accountability for the things that they say and do can be quite dangerous — unhealthy, unsafe, unstable — to be around. Because if you refuse to own your ish, there’s a pretty good chance that you’ll repeat it — and others will have to keep suffering (or enduring or tolerating), one way or another, as a direct result.
A business broker by the name of Steven Denn once said, “You can never make the same mistake twice because the second time you make it, it's not a mistake, it's a choice.” And although we could honestly just take up a collection and end the article there, if you’re someone who has fallen victim to someone who calls choices “mistakes” and/or you’re someone who mixes those two words around and never really realized how problematic doing so can be — let’s discuss what a mistake is, what a choice is and how it does no one any good to not know the difference between the two.
Y’all, This Is What It Means to Make a Mistake
GiphyIf you were to look up the definitions of the word mistake, you’re probably going to find something that says something along the lines of “an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc.” or “a misunderstanding or misconception.” Some synonyms for mistake include words like confusion, miscalculation, omission, delusion, and misinterpretation.
To me, what all of this means is, when someone makes a mistake, there is usually a lot of ignorance involved and ignorance is about not having enough information or the proper training before making a certain decision.
Back when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national nonprofit organization, some of “my daughters” (which is what I would call my assigned students, for a few different reasons) would try and tell — more like attempt to convince — me that getting pregnant was a mistake. Listen, I once had a daughter whose mom shared her boyfriend with her (yes, literally). I had another daughter whose mom would take her to jail to visit the guy who beat up on her. I had another daughter whose mom and aunt once came to the school to fight a girl on her behalf. SMDH.
So, when it comes to being properly taught about their value, the purpose of sex, and why they should choose their partner’s wisely — I absolutely believe that they were ignorant…and in that realm, having sex (prematurely) was probably a mistake. Getting pregnant, though? Most of them admitted that they had some sort of sex education class prior to becoming sexually active, that they were introduced to birth control methods and, when it came to condoms, specifically, they had access to them and knew how to use them. So, going raw? Was that a mistake or a choice?
And since we all know the consequences of going raw — is getting pregnant without using birth control a mistake or a choice? I mean, I guess we could factor in the carelessness part of the definition of mistake; HOWEVER, to be careless is to be reckless and negligent — and honestly, when you have the information about the pros and cons of something and you ignore that information, again…is that a mistake or a choice?
Now watch how counterproductive at best, risky, and unsafe at worst, it is to say that being careless is a mistake — many of my daughters had more than one child, even before graduating from high school. Why? Well, since they determined in their mind that their first pregnancy was a mistake, they didn’t really take accountability for being careless and so, they ended up repeating the acts that caused them to conceive their first child because if they didn’t have to own what they did the first time, why not do it the second, third or fourth? SMDH. Since it’s all a mistake, they decided that they didn’t really play a role in what goes on in their world. To them, things just…happen. Lies. THE LIES YOU TELL.
In this life, are there things that happen that are beyond your control? Absolutely. Don’t get it twisted, though: reportedly, we all make somewhere around 33,000-35,000 choices a day, choices are the power to select from a set of options, and, more times than not, we have enough information to know which option is better than the other ones that are before us.
Take a friend of mine who, at her big age, I can’t believe how often she runs out of gas. I mean, for years, it’s been the case that she will not only drive around with the gas light on, but she will also tell herself that she has enough gas to get home…only to run out miles away from it. Not every once in a while — a few times a year. And what does she call constantly doing that? A mistake.
How in the world could it be when you know, from experience no less, that your options are (for instance) to put gas in the car well before the light comes on (personally, I try to keep mine at no less than half of a tank andcar experts say that it should never be less than a quarter of a tank full — because you never know) because you’ve run out of gas before? You don’t have insufficient knowledge about this. You are not confused. You are being careless yet being negligent is still a conscious choice.
Now if her gas gauge was broken, it hadn’t been over a week since she went to a gas station and she ran out? That is a mistake — because she didn’t have the information that she needed to make a wise decision. She also did the best she could with what she did know.
And that’s what we need to keep in mind.
An unintentional action is a mistake. Doing something that is rooted in ignorance (although some people choose to remain ignorant because the information is quite accessible to them, so they don’t qualify for this particular point) is a mistake. Being confused about something, moving forward, and it going “left” — that could possibly be a mistake (although doing something when you’re confused about it is potentially chaotic within itself). Because, in all of these instances, you didn’t have the intel that you needed to make a more optimal choice.
Here's what’s wild about what I just said though: More times than not, if it is indeed a genuine mistake, because you are treating it as the actual definition of the word, you will typically choose to learn from it and then avoid making the same mistake again — because it was an actual mistake and self-aware and mature individuals don’t want to do something that they learned wasn’t good to or right for them (and/or others) over and over again. The mistake has already cost them enough.
On the other hand, folks who are just reckless and irresponsible out here? They aren’t making mistakes — they just want to call it that to make it sound better than what is really going on: being harmful as hell…to themselves and probably those who are around them…with as little consequences as possible because they want the pity and passes that oftentimes come when people make…mistakes.
Now, This Is What It Means to Make a Choice
GiphyOn the other hand, this is what it means to make a choice — a choice is about choosing, and choosing is about “selecting from a number of possibilities.” Another definition for choosing is to have a particular want or a desire. Now for people who do irresponsible stuff, all the while calling it a mistake, what they are essentially saying is they don’t have a set of options to make a better decision — yet how can that possibly be true?
Take a couple of clients that I used to have. One of the things that we continued to go round and around about is the wife’s horrendous spending habits. Whenever she would disrespect the budget and buy stuff that she didn’t need, she would call doing so a “mistake.” How is it that when you and your husband discussed how money was to be allotted, what each of you could and could not spend money on each month, and what the rules were, should one of you want to get something that wasn’t in the budget for the month?
Nah sis, you decided that you wanted something more than the peace of your household and so you made the choice to disregard the boundaries and commit financial infidelity (which yes, is absolutely a thing). You want to call it a mistake so that you can act like you weren’t making a conscious decision out of a list of options — and this means that you are telling yourself as well as your husband a bold-faced lie. You could’ve called him. You could’ve saved up. You could’ve waited. Instead, you decided to spend — that was a choice; nothing about it was a mistake.
Here's the thing, though — when you start using the word “choice” instead of “mistake,” isn’t it interesting how much it forces you to mature? That’s because you genuinely have to look yourself in the mirror (even if it’s life’s mirror) and own that, when it came to some really poor decisions that you made, you could’ve and should’ve chosen better — and you decided not to.
AND YOU HAVE TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR THAT.
Hmph. This takes me back to the person who I mentioned in the intro. There are so many things that they have done, habitually so, that they keep saying are mistakes. Don’t get me to cussin’ because you’ve done those things so often that you absolutely know that you are dead-ass wrong. Problem is, folks have let you slide so often and so much that you haven’t encountered enough consequences for your actions for you to stop doing the ish that you do and so, as I mentioned earlier, you would rather play the victim and say that you didn’t know any better, over and over again…when what really needs to happen is you need to grow TF up and take some personal accountability.
Which brings me to my next point…
People Who Call “Choices” Mistakes Usually Suck at Taking Personal Accountability
GiphyOver 30,000 choices a day. It really is a wild thing to wrap one’s head around when you really stop to think about it and yet, no wonder so many mental health experts say that our choices make up our reality. It can be something as simple as declaring that you are going to save money and yet you go out to eat for lunch at least three days a week and then DoorDash dinner another two. Now you don’t have enough money to put in your savings account every month. Are you making mistakes or poor choices?
Deciding to drive to a fast food restaurant, driving there, placing an order, pulling out your debit card, paying for the food — right there, you made four choices which gave you four different opportunities to change your mind. Blowing your budget wasn’t a mistake. You chose to do that. If you keep looking at it as a mistake, there’s a pretty good chance that you will never reach your financial goals because you will keep acting like money just keeps disappearing and there isn’t much that you can do about it.
Oh, but as someone who is aggressively saving up this year, take it from me — once you are willing to accept that where you are now is the direct result of your choices, it puts you into a mindset of knowing that you chose to be in your current state; that’s the “bad” news. The good news is you can also choose to get out of it. It will require making some changes, going through some growing pains, and enduring some sacrifices — yet as a wise person once said…in order to have something different, you must do things differently.
Folks who call everything a mistake don’t get this. Folks who grasp that their choices really do alter their lifestyle…they absolutely do. That’s because, rather than trying to avoid accepting that they need to own what they’ve done, they take full accountability — they acknowledge the specific things that they’ve done, they don’t try to deflect or excuse their actions, they don’t shift blame onto other people, they take clear and consistent steps to fix what they messed up and they don’t keep repeating the same actions. Know what else happens to accountable people?
They get that they don’t always get to choose their consequences — and they remain level-headed and gracious about that. They made the choice, they’ve gotta accept what comes with it.
The Role We Play in That Is Providing Consequences for Their So-Called Mistakes
GiphySomething that I mentioned, I believe more than once in the latest book that I wrote, is the fact that sometimes, you have to be willing to be someone’s consequence. What I mean by that is, there are some characters in that offering of mine who are HORRIBLE at taking personal accountability yet, because people never really give them any real consequences for their bad behavior — ones that they like to call mistakes that are actually not just choices but habits at this point — they just keep on doing what they want to do: railroading boundaries, gaslighting, acting like someone did something wrong to them whenever they are told that they are out of line.
And so, since they’ve been arrogantly delusional for so long and called what they are doing mistakes, they don’t really see why they should stop making them — it hasn’t cost them enough to stop making them. And that is why, after a couple of really disrespectful choices that they made at the hands of totally dishonoring my verbalized limits, I decided to be one of their consequences — meaning, if you refuse to make other choices, I refuse to be in your life. You are too unhealthy, unsafe, and unstable to be around for my own sake and, maybe, just maybe, this outcome, at the very least, will teach you to respect other people’s boundaries in the future.
I’ll give you another example. Recently, I saw a T-shirt that made me laugh. It simply said “IDFWPWFWPIDFW.” If you sit with it long enough, I think you’ll be able to figure it out. LOL. And while some folks might think that it’s juvenile to have that mindset, I dunno — I think that there are levels to things like that because, if you’ve got a friend and a person did some really damaging things to them and then you notice some side-eye stuff on your own, I’m not sure why you would want to sit in their lap. At the very least, seems like you’d want to move with some extreme caution. You can be cordial but “f-ck with them”…for what?
And with that, I will wind this down with one more story. I’ve got a friend who, before I even knew her or the guy (a guy who also is a character in my book, by the way), they went out on a date. The date was fine and so they mutually decided to schedule another one. Only, he shot her a blank. No show, no call, plus, he was actually quite flippant when she called him to see what was going on because he shared that he was bowling with some friends and he would talk to her later. Arrogant. Immature. Selfish. Fast forward to years later and — well, just read “The Nice Guy Narcissist” chapter of my book. Chile, as I was living out that chapter, there were times when she was so irritated with him.
When I would tell him, he would say things like, “[Insert name here] loves me. She’s not serious.” Yes, she was. So much in fact that, because she didn’t like how much trauma and drama that he seemed to nonstop cause, when he recently reached out to her on social media, she blocked him. She was fed up. Since knowing him, he had been a reckless person and she was at the point where she wanted him to really get that she didn’t want him in her life. Part of it was because she never really saw how any benefit outweighed the disadvantages in her own world. I’m pretty sure that another part of it is IDFWPWFWPIDFW — and since he had hurt me so much, that was “the icing” of why she was good on him.
Now, if he had treated both of us better — and hell, apologized for not doing so which is also something that he has never done; in fact, he’s someone who likes to play that victim role when his wrongdoings are brought up to him — she probably could help him out in some ways (work-wise). Oh well — that’s one of his consequences for not owning his ish. My moving on is another. Pretty sure karma will have some things in store for him too. Yeah, that’s one thing about seeing conscious choices as mistakes — if you don’t learn, life will make sure that you do…if not immediately, eventually…and oftentimes, life is not very kind.
Yeah, sometimes, the reality is that sometimes, we’ve gotta provide consequences for the people in our lives who are not self-aware enough, self-disciplined enough, self-reflective enough — shoot, HUMBLE ENOUGH to want to own their choices, so that they can make better ones. Sometimes we’ve got to dish out consequences that will cause them to at least pause and ponder over whether not taking accountability is worth the outcome(s) of not doing so.
Consequences are the result of choices — good and bad. Consequences teach us things so that we can (finally) learn.
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A late football player and coach by the name of Paul Bear Bryant once said, “When you make a mistake, there are only three things that you should ever do about it: admit it, learn from it, and don’t repeat it.” If this isn’t what’s going down…your “mistakes” aren’t mistakes — they are poor choices. It’s time to see it for what it is.
No wiggle room. Anymore.
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