3 Ways To Avoid Falling For Potential In A Man
Being head-over-heels for a guy during the honeymoon phase can have you feeling like he could really be the one. It's in the early phase of dating or getting in a new relationship where we're focusing on security, intimacy, trust, friendship, and communication--while sometimes ignoring the important signs of bae not really wanting the long-term commitment you're hoping to get.
When we're at a point that we prioritize our partner, we tend to want to focus on the best parts of them. However, this could lead us to immediately ignoring red flags like him being emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or a player. This is known as falling for potential.
Falling in love with potential is seeing the relationship develop into a more committed romance without any real assurance or guarantee that this will eventually happen. Here are some ways to avoid getting wrapped up in who a man can become and accepting the fact that who he is might not be who you need.
Evaluate where the relationship or situation is today.
In my past relationship, I now know that I was falling for a man's future-self instead of his present-self because I kept feeling the need to fix him in order to create the reality I wanted. I wanted my boyfriend to be more affectionate, take me out on dates, and be more committed to me. But when "eventually" came (or when I became fed up), he never came around to doing any of those things. I gave a lot of time and money to my ex, defended his actions to my friends (sorry besties), and became emotionally invested as if every good action I did would get him one step closer to taking our relationship seriously.
Wishing for him to be that future guy I envisioned him to be or that he would change back to the old him made it easier to fall in love with the man he could be instead of accepting him for the boyfriend he currently is.
I once heard a saying, "Men fall in love with who a woman is. Women fall in love with who a man can become," and it really hit me. Once I was able to view the person I was with at that time for who he really was, I realized that this situation was no longer serving me. Ask yourself if where you're currently at in your relationship is still worth the wait based on who he is today.
Avoid making conditional situations.
"If he makes time for me, then I'll give him another chance. If I cut him off too soon, then I might miss out on him wanting to see me. If I entertain him a little longer, then he'll come around into wanting to be with me."
If-then statements keep us thinking about future scenarios that may or may not happen, instead of focusing on what's currently going on. The result of you constantly asking a guy to meet you where you're at emotionally is you become more accustomed to making the most sacrifices in the relationship and putting your feelings second.
Cut the if-then statements and focus on the conversations and actions that's he currently into now. The only if-then that should be weighed is, "If he's not making me a priority, then he's treating me like I'm an option."
Let go of your need to change him.
When you find yourself wanting to change a man into the person you want him to be, it shows that either you're too focused on him instead of yourself or you can't accept him for who he is today. Wanting him to be a better man by constantly asking him to do the same thing over and over again is also indicating that you can't find happiness between the two of you until he can begin doing what was asked of him the first 100 times.
You can learn to deal with things you can't control by letting go of your need to change a man. This was especially difficult for me to understand in my past relationship--I knew that he was capable of being more conversational, outgoing, and family-oriented, but I couldn't stand the thought of him not wanting those things at the same time I wanted them. So I had to learn to let go of my vision of where we could be and fully accept him.
Becoming emotionally invested before understanding his intentions can lead us to be on different pages in our relationships. Truth be told, it's selfish and emotionally harmful to think a guy needs to hurry up and be just as ready as we are if he's clearly not there.
So how can we decipher between someone who's not yet ready and someone who will never be ready? The best way is to have those honest conversations and watch his habits. If you have to nag or plead your man to do certain things, then that's a sign that you both aren't on the same page. If he's able to express how he feels instead of getting frustrated at the thought of getting married, he could be worth your time. A man who wants to be with you in a committed way will voluntarily show it without you forcing him!
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- Don't Fall In Love With Potential - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Why Do I Keep Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Tori Glaude is a relationship coach, author, and blogger on a lifelong mission to empower women so they can achieve their goals. When she's not working, Tori enjoys kickboxing and trying out new restaurants in her hometown, D.C. You can connect with her on Instagram @toriautumncoaching and at tautumncoaching.com.
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
We all have a dream life that we spend our free time daydreaming about. You know, the one with a loving partner, high-rise apartment, thriving career, and endless abundance. But as much as we can dream about it, there has to be a little extra sprinkle of “magic” to make it become a reality, and that’s when manifestation comes in.
The uptick in manifestation techniques is nothing new to the internet. Since The Secret and the Law of Attraction became available on YouTube in the early 2010s and fast forward to today, where #manifestationtok and #spiritualtok surging in popularity, it’s clear that there are a number of different ways to get what you want out of life with the right action, affirmation, and visualization.
Still, with so many ways to manifest, from scripting to the 3-6-9 Method, it can be hard to know which one to lean into. But there’s one new technique that’s promising to yield “instant results,” and we’re curious about it.
The "I Am Sure" Manifestation
Replying to @A I M E E 🖤 lG: hothighpriestess 🤍 this is the “I am sure” method #iamsuremethod
The “I Am Sure” manifestation gained traction this summer by TikTok creator Sara Perl of @hothighpriestess, who initially introduced the method.
In her original video breaking down the concept, she detailed the steps to use the technique for those looking to “manifest overnight.” To do so, start by stating “I am sure,” followed by “your desired manifestation in the present tense.” If there’s a job, promotion, or text from a crush that you want, then you’d say, “I am sure that I got X job,” or “I am sure that I make a $100K salary.” Repeat this out loud 10 times, or for faster results, write them down on a piece of paper and say it back to yourself whenever the desire comes up.
Using your words and speaking in the present tense, affirmatively, “puts you in the frequency that has that desire,” as Perl states. “We know our thoughts create our reality, but our words create our reality even faster.”
No matter how you choose to manifest your dream life, there’s nothing like channeling a powerful affirmation and some faith to get what you desire. In every instance, though, allow yourself to dismiss any doubt that may try to cloud your hopes in good things coming into your life, and don’t hold too tightly onto the “how” or “when.” Trust the process and know that the “thing” that you desire is just waiting for the perfect time to enter your life.
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