8 Appointments To Book Before 2022 Arrives
While I’m not the biggest fan of New Year’s Resolutions (who needs the extra pressure and stress of telling yourself what you’re going to totally give up or never do again?), something that I do think is a good idea to do, in the final weeks of the year, as you’ve hopefully got a little downtime, is to sit and think of what you need to do in order “restart” or “reset” in your life — you know, things that you can — and should — put on your to-do list that will help you to put your best foot forward into a brand spanking new year.
The following eight items are merely suggestions. What I will say, though, is I came to the conclusion that these are essential after years of working with clients who seemed to struggle the most when these things were not in place. Oh, and while I definitely recommend booking these appointments, this is not something that you have to “check off” before January 1. I’m just saying that you should get these things on the books before December 31, so that you can know how to prioritize your time and invest your money…into something that is so deserving, chile. YOURSELF.
1. A Massage Appointment
I’m weird because while I thoroughly enjoy reflexology, a full-body massage sometimes makes me a bit squeamish. I mean, you’ve really got to trust your massage therapist in order to get all of the benefits of it, right? That doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the many things that come with getting one, though. Massages are able to de-stress you, make you more flexible, detox your system, reduce PMS-related symptoms, improve your quality of sleep, decrease pain-related issues, boost your immunity, and oh so much more.
As far as how often you should get one, believe it or not, a lot of health experts recommend that you do it on a bi-weekly basis. Whether that fits into your budget and schedule or not, if you’ve never gotten a massage before or you can’t recall the last time you’ve gotten on a massage table, book an appointment for the top of the year. It’s one of those things that your mind, body, and spirit will ultimately thank you for. (If you need a little help with figuring out which kind of massage you should get, check out “12 Different Massage Types. How To Know Which Is Right For You.” It can help to point you in the right direction.)
2. A Hairstylist Appointment
One thing that the lockdown of 2020 did was teach us how to “fend for ourselves” when it came to daily beauty maintenance, right? And while, on some levels, learning new hacks was beneficial, what a lot of women have shared with me is that it kind of put them in a bit of a rut in 2021 in the sense that they didn’t really make, what used to be standing appointments, a top priority like they did before the pandemic. Listen, it doesn’t look like COVID is going away any time soon, so if that’s what you’re waiting for before stepping into a salon, you’re probably going to be waiting a really LONG time.
Besides, one of the best things about the coming of a new year is you can feel extra motivated to take a fresh approach to things. So yeah, schedule a professional hair appointment. Whether it’s to get a cut and color, learn how to install a wig or weave, or to get a trendy protective style, it’s always worth it to relax in a chair and let a trained person hook you up from time to time.
3. A Life Coach Appointment
While this might seem like a shameless plug, it’s not. Although I am a marriage life coach, what I’m speaking of, more specifically here, is getting a life coach who can help you to organize your time, goals, and plans better, whether you’re in a relationship or not. There is plenty of data to support the fact that a reputable life coach can help to bring clarity, boost self-confidence, heighten self-awareness, manifest your purpose, get you to better understand your strengths and weaknesses, and significantly increase your communication skills too.
A really cool thing about life coaching is sometimes you can get the answers that you seek after a couple of sessions or, if you realize you need more assistance and accountability, you can go for as long as you need to. That said, if there is one thing that I really think that everyone should try, at least once, it’s talking to a life coach. Even just an hour chat can provide some light bulb moments like a mug.
If you need help with how to even begin searching for one,Life Coach Spotter is a pretty good resource. You can also hit up my friend who was featured in one of my articles earlier this year, “A Male Relationship Coach Shares 7 Questions Women Should Ask Men On The Third Date.” He can help to point you in the right direction too. For general coaching, email him at jay@relationshipstrategiesintl.com.
4. A Nutritionist Appointment
To this day, one of the most common New Year’s Resolutions is to lose weight; it’s also a top one that people break within the first month. And yes, while a licensed nutritionist can certainly assist with weight loss (or weight management) goals, that is not the only thing that they are good for. Nutritionists are beneficial because they can help you to figure out if you have any food sensitivities or allergies; why you may have ongoing fatigue issues; if certain foods are causing underlying health issues to make things worse; what you can do, diet-wise, to increase your chances of fertility and what you can do to eat healthier and have a better relationship with food, in general.
People who have been to a nutritionist (or dietician) oftentimes sing their praises because it has gotten them off of an emotional roller coaster ride when it comes to how they should approach food. If what I just said resonates with you, then you definitely should book an appointment with a nutritionist — sooner than later. NoBidan.org is the site for the National Organization of Black Dietetics and Nutrition. If you need some assistance in looking for a Black nutritionist, they should be able to help you out.
5. A Financial Consultant Appointment
We know that this country is rigged to make things more difficult for us (SMDH). That’s a part of the reason why it’s really important to be vigilant when it comes to getting — and keeping — your finances in order. Shoot, the mere fact that Black women are 22 percent more in debt when it comes to their education than white women are and it’s been cited that we will make around one million dollars less than white men over the course of our lifetime, having a financially savvy person who can help you to budget, plan for retirement, avoid paying more in taxes than you should, learn about investments, prepare for big purchases and save money — there is no “con” when it comes to setting aside some cash to have someone help you out as far as your finances are concerned. The Association of African American Financial Advisors is a good resource. Check it out here.
6. A Travel Agent Appointment
If 2022 is the year that you’re all about earning some miles and getting stamps on your passport, while I know that Google makes us think that we don’t need to hire people for much of anything anymore, that is simply not the truth. If you can get your hands on a really good travel agent, aside from the fact that they can get you some pretty good deals, they’re also able to handle all of the details of your trips and get you access to perks that you probably wouldn’t know about otherwise.
Plus, going with a travel agent is super convenient because they can plan your vacations while you focus on other things. Travel + Leisure published an article last year entitled, “8 Amazing Black-owned Travel Companies to Know and Support”. If they can’t hook you up, they can probably locate someone who can.
7. A Matchmaking Appointment
Are you ready to meet your onethis year? Hey, roll your eyes if you want to, but I actually used to write for a professional matchmaking company and their success rate was close to being off the charts. It’s because the good ones are really serious about properly vetting their clients so that no one is wasting their time (which is a huge risk when it comes to randomly meeting people on your own or trying to online date). As far as costs go, it’s pretty affordable to pay to get your profile into their database. Or, you can pay a few thousand for dates to be scheduled throughout the year.
If you’re down to at least have a conversation with a professional matchmaker, there’s a list of some of the most popular Black ones in the country that you can check out here. I mean, if nothing else has seemed to pan out, what can it hurt to give matchmaking a shot? Plus, you can keep it all pretty private which is more than what you can say for that friend of yours who keeps trying to set you on blind dates with guys whose Instagram profiles are less than impressive.
8. A Bestie Appointment
I’m big on taking relationship inventory (check out “10 Questions To Ask Your Close Friends Before The New Year Begins”); it has proven to work well for me. What I mean by “inventory” is, about once a year, my tribe and I (these are one-on-one chats, by the way) will discuss where we’re at personally and what we need from each other, friendship-wise, as a direct result. Then we’ll touch on some of our favorite things about each other and where we could stand to hold each other accountable a little bit more, moving forward.
Booking a “formal” appointment to have lunch or drinks with your closest friend, just to do this and this alone can help both of you to hear each other out so that you know how to be each other’s best support system in the new year. I’m telling you, when it comes to gearing up, mentally and emotionally for the new year, setting up a bestie appointment is always time well spent. Guaranteed.
Now, where’s your Google Calendar at? You’ve got some work to do, sis.
Featured image by Getty Images
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images